Even after being expelled unceremoniously from the Metaverse, the explosion still rang in Akira's ears.

He would have nightmares for weeks about the creeping fear that he had doomed them all to death as the palace crumbled around them, threatening to sink them all into the sea, but the explosion – Ryuji there and grinning triumphantly and then, suddenly, gone – that would haunt him forever.

He didn't open his eyes again until he heard the mumbled voice from the nav announcing the destruction of Shido's palace. If he just didn't look, if he just hoped hard enough, maybe it would all turn out to have been a trick of the eye, and Ryuji would be right there with them complaining about the rough landing outside the Diet building without a care in the world.

His eyes opened to Ann's teary eyes and trembling lips and he knew pretending was hopeless. Still, he glanced about fruitless, gaze darting from face to face, hoping that someone would contradict her. Makoto was the only one who would meet his desperate gaze, but she only shook her head, one arm wrapped tightly around her middle as she pressed a hand to her mouth.

It felt like all the strength in his body had abandoned him. Akira's knees shook. He cleared his throat, opened his mouth – to say what, he didn't know – but his voice had fled too. Perhaps he'd left it behind in the Metaverse with his heart. Maybe he would never speak again, having inadvertently caused the death of the person he cared for most.

Tears burned his eyes. He sunk to the ground, uncaring of the fact that they should move, that he couldn't afford to be seen by police, that they were probably making a scene.

Morgana rubbed up against his shin but for once stayed quiet. Ann knelt next to him as the tears broke free and wrapped her arms around his neck, her own tears warm and heart-breaking on his shoulder. She was murmuring something into his skin, but he couldn't parse the words. Everything was just… wrong.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. No one was supposed to die. They were all aware there was that risk, of course, but even then they thought it would be at the hands of a shadow, not some fucking explosion.

Why had he let Ryuji run off like that? Yes, he was the fastest runner in the team, hands down, no objections, but Akira was the leader. If anyone was going to do something stupid and self-sacrificing, it should have been him. That was his responsibility.

"What do I do?" Akira whispered brokenly, barely loud enough for Ann to hear. She squeezed him tighter, shaking her head and choking back a sob.

From somewhere to the side, Makoto cleared her throat.

"We should… we should go. Drawing attention would be unwise."

Akira wanted to yell at her for even suggesting it, but he knew that she was right, and also that she was hurting too. They all were. They would not recover swiftly from this.

"Ann, could you…"

"Yeah."

Ann slowly stood up, taking Akira's hands and bodily dragging him up with her. Her eyes were red and her face was streaked with tears – Akira knew he probably looked worse.

"I'll go back to Leblanc with you, yeah?"

Akira cringed. Ann had known Ryuji the longest after all, but here she was trying to be strong for his sake. He nodded slowly, but made no move to leave. Neither did anyone else.

Everything was a bit of a blur after that.

Akira spotted a head of blond hair over Ann's shoulder. (It was Tokyo, Ryuji wasn't the only person in the city who could dye his hair.)

A familiar voice broke uncaringly through their mournful silence.

There was some hushed shouting. Akira thought he heard something about the explosion and also grass? But he was too consumed by the physical evidence before him that Ryuji wasn't dead to pay much attention to anything else. Until the girls launched their attack, that is.

As the leader, he sort of wanted to scold them for attacking a teammate like that, but in his heart he too wanted to bodily shake Ryuji until he realised just how much he had terrified the lot of them. Ann's hand connecting with Ryuji's face felt like retribution for the panic he'd just faced.

It was only then, Ryuji sitting dazed and confused on the ground, that they truly started to disperse.

Ann hugged him again, shooting daggers at Ryuji all the while. Makoto rested a hand momentarily on his arm as she passed. Futaba mumbled unintelligible but undoubtedly scathing things to herself as she stomped off towards the station. (Akira wouldn't be surprised if she was waiting for him when he made it back to Leblanc.) The others dispersed in silence, offering small waves but no words.

Finally it was just Akira and Ryuji.

"You're an asshole," are the words that break the silence. Akira was almost surprised that they came from him.

Ryuji smiled weakly at that and patted the ground next to him. Although he still didn't know whether to laugh or cry, to hug or hit, he went without protest. He needed the confirmation of a warm body pressed against his to make sure it was all real.

"I might be lacking details here but can I assume I effed up big time?"

Akira laughed, wet and broken, and shook his head.

"It wasn't your fault." He could admit that. Ryuji hadn't known there would be an explosion, or that he would get bodily thrown from the Metaverse, or that they would get separated. Still. "I was scared."

"Shit."

Ryuji dragged him into an awkward side-hug, holding him tight.

With the adrenaline fading, Akira found himself trembling. Everyone thought he was this strong and stoic and fearless guy who charged into palaces with a grin on his face and courage for days but he'd been scared out of his god damn mind.

Ryuji was the only one who really got that, and he'd almost lost him forever.

Footsteps passed by a little too close for comfort. Ryuji sighed.

"Do you want to go back?"

Akira wanted to say no. He didn't want to move – wasn't sure if his legs would even carry him to the station, let alone to Leblanc. But it was dangerous to stay.

"Come with me?" he asked instead. Ryuji gave him a look – the one he always gave him when he thought Akira was being particularly obtuse.

"Obviously. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you alone after something like that?"

Akira laughed softly, letting Ryuji manhandle him to his feet. He hovered close the entire way back to Yogen-jaya, and Ryuji, not one for overly public displays of affection, didn't complain even once.

Futaba was not waiting for them at Leblanc. She had, however, left a scathing letter for Ryuji tearing into him for worrying everyone, but especially for worrying Akira. It was almost impressive that she'd been angry enough to hand-write it instead of just spamming the group chat. Watching Ryuji's face as he read it made everything feel a little lighter.

With the fear of death fresh in his mind, that night settled a firm resolve in Akira. Shido had been their last target – hopefully that would remain true – but if they had to go to battle again, he would do everything in his power to prevent something like this happening ever again. He would keep them safe, no matter what.

End.

A/N: Sorry for that crappy ending I couldn't think of what to write XD That whole post-Shido scene really got to me so here I am.