Until you are freed from them.
I sat in the darkness of a basement, almost completely alone. I was cold, I was hungry, I was tired.. I couldn't sleep though.
In the opposite corner from me was a fully grown, male polar bear, sleeping soundly as if to mock me. It would stay there, just as chained up as I was, but be fed meals instead of scraps, receive affection instead of lust, and get full rest instead of insomnia as I was prone to.
It wasn't fair really.
Kaoru was sure the bear even had a family somewhere, little polar bear cubs or a polar bear wife somewhere, even brothers and sisters somewhere near-by, outside of this basement. Except the bear didn't care about them like Kaoru cared about his family. And it hurt more to know they were out there, knowing exactly where he was and what was being done to him, but being powerless to help.
After Yao had been freed some time ago, I still remained in here - locked away and used as leverage for peace. I was only an island after all, Yao owned me - was my rightful parent - though now Ivan, Russia, the slightly Soviet Union, was using me as a.. port. Inside and out of his home. It was humiliating.
I couldn't try to run either. If I got up, let alone moved, the polar bear across from me would wake up and tear me to shreds if it didn't alert Ivan to do the same things. The clothes on my body were already in rags from times I'd tried to escape before Yao had even left. That never helped on the winter nights that had crept in lately. I'd been brought in here sometime during the summer, making the nights harsh and unwelcome - but now with it being cold nearly every moment, it was nearly unbearable.
It was humiliating as well. I didn't have pants or anything to cover my bottom except that Ivan had been kind enough to give me one of his old shirts, which was big enough to cover my more vulnerable areas to about an inch more than needed. That's a plus, I suppose..
Since I've been in here I've gotten much thinner, which probably isn't good for my health since I was thin to begin with. Ivan would usually eat his meals, the Baltics making it for him, and then come down to give the polar bear it's meal, along with throwing a plate of scraps beside me to finish them. He'd watch while I ate it slowly, wanting to savor what I'd gotten - then take the plate, pat me on the head, coo something in Russian that made me dread for that night or the night after, then leave and shut the door.
I had no idea what he always said to me, but whenever he said it, usually that night or the night after those words I would brought up to his room and made to "become one" with him. Even though I've been here for months - how long exactly I'm no longer sure, but quite a long time since Yao was even let out - I've never once cried. I'm still proud of myself for that. I've yelled and screamed and fought, even when I knew it was entirely futile, but I never once cried.
I felt like I needed to a few times - when we were first brought here and Yao begged for Ivan to let me go and allow him to stay in my place, when Ivan eventually got tired of Yao and forced me to stay instead, dragging the taller Chinese man out of the basement and away from my sight, when that damn bear of his got out of it's own chains and nearly ate me as an appetizer one night. All of those merited for me wanting to cry, but I never did.
Some tears would gather in my eyes from the pain of it, but I blinked them away and shook my head. I never showed a lot of emotion, these past months being the only exception from all of the rage and sorrow, and I won't let Ivan be the one to break me. Never once have I cried and I wish to keep it that way until the day I can finally be out of this damned basement, and back to my city and my people.
On that day, I will cry. Because I'll finally be free again and my family will be proud that I survive all of this and stayed strong. On that day I'll be proud of myself and remember my reason for coming here in the first place.
On that day, or maybe once I'm at my full strength once more, I'll come back here to finish my purpose. The only reason I came here was to tell Ivan my feelings, and after all of this, somehow they still haven't changed. I can scream and fight and deny any and all advances from him, but my heart still says that - if it weren't for the situation and the conditions brought with it - I could be happy here.
And someday, when I'm free, I hope to be happy here.