Let Me Go
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A/N: Hey guys! This is one of my other oneshots. Someone told me that I said I wouldn't be making anymore but that's not true. I had no idea why I typed that in. Anyway, I'll still be continuing oneshots as long as I have an idea to make one. 'Kay? Anyway, this is also kind of a song fic so it'll be kind of shorter than the rest. The song called 'Leave the pieces' is by the Wreckers, not me. I think this song really explained how Kagome feels. And the series Inuyasha doesn't belong to my either. With all that said, I hope you enjoy this story! Oh and don't forget to review! Thanks!
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You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round.
-
Kagome sat on the edge of the stream, listening in content as the bird's chirped and the trees rustled like silk in the wind. The day was lovely, perfect for a picnic. The skies were a clear blue but clouds strolled by, creating shade from the slightly intense sun. Her feet were pleasurably skidding across the water's surface, her shoes and socks neatly beside her. She hummed a soft tune, absently twirling her finger around her hair. Yeah. It was a great day. If only Inuyasha would let her relax.
"Oi, wench. Get your lazy butt over here! There's hardly any time to be lounging around." His ill-tempered voice was heard from behind the modern schoolgirl. He advanced her non-too silently and crossed his arms just behind her. "Did you hear me?" he asked gruffly with growing anger. When Kagome had yet to respond he yelled again. "Oi! Are you deaf or something?" he growled.
Sighing, Kagome lifted herself off the ground and dusted the back of her skirt. Leave it to Inuyasha to ruin her day. Ignoring his glare, Kagome knelt down and slid her feet into her socks before she put on her rubber shoes. She frowned slightly at their condition. Maybe she should buy another one.
Still ignoring the hanyou, Kagome strode past him and towards her other friends that were up and ready to go, reluctantly. "Oh, come on, Inuyasha!" Shippo whined when Kagome and said hanyou entered the already packed camp. "Can't we just have today off? It looks really nice out!" he said. For emphasis, he directed his gaze up to the sky and spread out his arms. "See?" he asked, believing that his little action had proven a point.
But Inuyasha's motive was never faltered. Especially not by Shippo. "Nope." He said plainly. "You lazy people are always finding ways to take a break. Heck, Kagome just got back here four days ago!" he argued. "Surely you've had enough rest since then!"
Sango glared at the ground. "We would have if you stopped pestering us." She muttered under her breath darkly.
With Inuyasha's superior hearing, he heard her comment. He shot her a glare. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" he asked with growing fury. He didn't remember doing anything wrong!
Miroku sighed beside Sango. "If I recall correctly." He started. "You still kept us awake and traveling, trying to find some rumours of a Shikon shard." He said plainly. It was true. Ever since Kagome left, they had to endure his sulk for a day before he suddenly ordered them to go about and search. 'Couldn't waste any time' was what he said. Along with 'We don't need that wench to keep looking for shards! Stop wasting time, you slackers!' As Miroku remembered, he was deeply offended by that.
"Give us a break, Inuyasha." Kagome suddenly piped in, slightly agitated by the hanyou for his recent interruption by the stream. "You've been nagging us for so long. Can't we just take a break for today?" she paused for a moment. "And it's only a few hours until sundown anyway." She informed him.
"Which means that we have to hurry!" Inuyasha countered. "If we stop now, we'll lose a few hours of traveling!"
"What is his obsession with traveling?" Sango once again mumbled under her breath. Really, the hanyou was getting on her nerves lately. 'Hard to imagine what Kagome puts up with.' She added silently.
Outnumbered, Inuyasha grew frustrated with them all. "Okay! Fine! We'll take a break." He said angrily. "But by morning, I expect no more whining!" he looked sharply to Shippo. "Break that condition and you won't have any free days while I'm around." He said threateningly.
Kagome rolled her eyes but she smiled sweetly at the hanyou, although he was practically fuming. "That's fine!" she said excitedly as she headed her way back to the stream. "Thanks so much!" she called behind her back before she sat on her precious position on the water's edge.
Everyone nodded in agreement and went to do their own business for such a fine day, leaving Inuyasha all alone in the center of the field with Kagome's overly large yellow backpack. He groaned dramatically. Now what would he do for the remainder of the day?
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You say you don't want to hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown?
-
This morning, when Kagome woke up, she didn't really feel right. That was why she wanted this day to be free, she guessed. When she woke up, she had this queasy feeling in her stomach and she couldn't get the relationship between her and Inuyasha out of her mind. She sighed. Monthlies…
The only time when she felt like she was free from her thoughts was when her feet touched the cool, calm waters of the stream. But when she returned to it, it was like the magical spell was broken and she thought about it once more.
She loved Inuyasha. That she knew. But she also knew deep in her heart that she could never have Inuyasha. He was from a different time, a different world even. There was the past, the present and the future. She was his future, he was her past. Nothing would ever change that. There wasn't a now for them. There wasn't a present for them. Just a rift that aged for five hundred years, rendering their future together hopeless.
But that wasn't the only thing that she knew would come between them. There was also the matter of her past life to deal with, Kikyo. And yet, her past life and Inuyasha couldn't be together either. Not in the living world anyway. Sure, Kikyo was there with Inuyasha before he got sealed onto the tree. They both lived in each other's present but she had died, making her the past. And yet, she's still alive, walking on the earth wrongly, making her seem as if she belonged in this present time. She didn't though but the two seemed to overlook that.
So Kagome had reached a conclusion. She had to let Inuyasha go. She had tried to, so many times, but something always happened for her to fall in love with him once more. Whenever she got distant, Inuyasha would pull her close again. When she tried not to care, Inuyasha would do something to make her worry. When she tried to see Inuyasha in a different light, he would always close that light off.
It wasn't right to say that Inuyasha didn't care about her because she knew he did. It's just that, it was like Inuyasha didn't want her to let go, even though he knew it was the right thing. It was like, whenever she tried to look away, he would force her to look back at him again. He wasn't sure if he loved her and yet he still didn't want to let her go. It tore her up inside.
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And it's all right, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
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Inuyasha watched from a distance as Kagome thought to herself, a dazed look in her eye. He had that same feeling too but that was only when she started to act oddly around him. He wasn't blind; there was something wrong with that girl that he couldn't fix. Something she wouldn't let him help with. Something that she was dealing with in the inside. Something he was just didn't know how to mend.
Acting on impulse, Inuyasha stalked towards the girl. He too knew that it was almost impossible for them to end up together. She belonged in the future, not here. And if he tried to follow her to the future, then it'll end up as a disaster. For the few days he's spent his time there, he knew he couldn't live there forever. It just wasn't… home.
Even so, he refused to let Kagome go. He'd be damned if he did. She was his light, his sun, his purpose in life. Without her, he just wouldn't be. Kikyo was a different story. She was his shadow, his moon, his will through life. Without her, he just shouldn't be. When Kagome was his light, she would make even the glummest days seem nice. When Kikyo was his shadow, she would make the most frustrating day seem pleasurable. When Kagome was his sun, he had a reason to smile, a reason to live. And when Kikyo was his moon, he had a reason to stay awake during the night, to marvel at the beauty within the shadows.
He knew he wasn't being fair. He knew he was being selfish, trying to keep both his sun and moon when he should only have one. But he didn't want to let either of them go. He just couldn't. If one went away, it's like the balance would be tipped. Despite popular belief, he liked balance.
Walking quietly, feeling the luscious green grass beneath his toes, he stood beside Kagome, standing.
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There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
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The schoolgirl turned and smiled softly up at the newly arrived company. She patted the ground beside her, inviting him to take a seat by her side. He obliged wordlessly and they sat in silence together, watching the ripples created by Kagome's feet. He forgot how angry and irritated he was about the agreement only moments before.
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You can drag out the heartache
Baby, you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
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"I've been thinking a lot, lately." Kagome suddenly said quietly, gaining Inuyasha's full attention. Her tone was soft, so gentle and warm but her words were so fearful and suspicious. Inuyasha gulped, hoping that it wasn't what he thought. She turned to him and he saw her beautiful chocolate eyes that he fell in love with. "About you. About us. About Kikyo." she smiled softly and, to his surprise, it reached her eyes although they were also sad.
Inuyasha managed to pull a face that betrayed the anxious now within his stomach. "Yeah?" he said quietly, not really wanting to know. Although, he guessed he already knew but he still didn't want to hear it. He was being selfish, he knew, but he couldn't bare it if Kagome uttered those words. It would feel as if it were final. For he knew, once words were uttered, they could not be taken back.
She looked away then, gazing out into the clear blue sky, her wavy tresses swaying softly behind her. "I know you love her, really I do." She said truthfully, her face saddening slightly. But then it lifted up, much to Inuyasha's surprise. "But it isn't a bad thing." she said gently. "Because that way, it's easier for me to let you go."
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Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
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Inuyasha's eyes widened exceptionally as he stumbled back a little. Not from surprise but from fear. He knew it. "W-What are you talking about?" he asked although he knew perfectly well. Kagome was going to leave him. Not in the physical sense and not in the spiritually one either. It was deeper than that and it made his chest clench.
She didn't look at him when she answered. She feared if she did, then she would start crying and lose her resolution. "I know you love her." she repeated once more, her voice soft yet slightly cracking. It was breaking her heart, saying those words, but it had to be done. If she did it any later, then it would just hurt more and become harder to say. She should've done this ages ago then. "And I know that we live in separate lives, in separate times, in separate worlds." She said in almost a whisper. "And that's enough for me to clearly see," she breathed in, feeling her heart crack with every word. "That we can't be together. I'm going to let you go."
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And it's all right, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
-
Before he could stop it, Inuyasha gasped in a quick intake of breath, literally feeling his heart cracking with every word she uttered. No. He didn't want her to let go. He wanted her to keep loving him the way she did. He never, ever, wanted her to go away although it did hurt her tremendously inside. That was just how selfish he was.
He reached out and grasped her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were hard, cold, while hers were soft and a tiny bit surprised. He felt displeasure rumble in his chest when he saw how relieved she looked. Relieved that she actually said it at last. "What makes you think you can do that?" he asked her gruffly. "You can't just let go. I still need you." He whispered to her.
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There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
-
She didn't mean for it to happen. She didn't mean to start silently crying as she stared into his molten eyes. He was doing it again. Here she was, trying to do what was right, and he was just pulling her back, making her love him once more. Giving her a reason to stay, to keep feeling what she's been harbouring for so long. "Inuyasha…" she started desperately. She wanted to let go. But she wanted him to let go even more. "You need to let go too." she said quietly. "You know that." she whispered. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And it was absolutely true.
But ignorance was bliss, right? Before he could say anything, Kagome continued, in a more pleading voice. "Please, Inuyasha." She started. "What you're doing, it's hurting me." she said. "You keep both of us, not willing to let go of either. It hurts, Inuyasha. It hurts." She sobbed.
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You not making up your mind
It killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
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Her words and her tears gave a jolt to his chest. And yet he still didn't let go of her shoulders. He didn't want to. "I'm not going to let you go, Kagome." he said softly yet in conviction. "I will never stop loving you." He confessed, his grip softening.
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And it's all right, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
-
Kagome's tears fell more rapidly. He was going it again! He knows that if this kind of relationship continued, it would end up in ruins. Why can't he acknowledge that? Why couldn't he just let her be? "Stop it." Kagome ordered weakly. "You're breaking me, Inuyasha," she said softly, voicing out the feelings she was keeping inside. "You're tearing me up in pieces inside. Just please. Please just let me go. Whatever you say, whatever you do, I know that it'll end up in heartache." She told him, the pain in her heart increasing. "Just don't say those words, Inuyasha. Just please go away." She sobbed.
She turned her head the other way, not looking him in the eye anymore. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to just cry with his arms around her but she knew it wasn't right. It just wasn't right.
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There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
-
Inuyasha forced her to look at him and her broken expression made his heart break. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her frail body and whispered in her ear. "I'm a selfish person, Kagome." he told her truthfully. "You mean more to me than you realize. And I guess you also know that Kikyo does as well."
He felt her stiffen but he held tight. He wasn't going to let her go. "But, Kagome, I want you to know that I will never let go." He said in determination. "If you push me away, I'll only try harder. If you keep yourself distant, I'll only want to be closer. I won't leave you. I won't let you go."
Leave the pieces when you go
That night, Kagome slept soundly in her sleeping bag. Inuyasha stared down at her with soft eyes from an upper branch. She had cried so much after his last statement and it was only then did she embrace him back. It was so timid and gentle that he had almost crushed her with his.
And yet, he still didn't know whether or not Kagome still loved him. He knew he was being selfish but he didn't want her to let go. That was why he always pulled her back in. He couldn't let go because he loved her.
Some deep part of him regretted what he did. Kagome was only trying to help, to make the pain more bearable when she went back to her era for the final time. But he didn't let her do that. He didn't want it to be over between them.
He looked up to the sky, to the moon, and during times like this, he would feel at peace with himself. Except, he wasn't. Not tonight. There was a war going on inside his heart, between his conscience. He replayed their conversation within his head and he felt worse with every playback. Why was he so stubborn?
He sighed and finally closed his eyes. So be it. If Kagome wouldn't love him like he did, then… she'd let him go. He couldn't force her into anything else. She could let go if she wanted but he would never. He had promised her that. He loved her too much. It was only reasonable that Kagome wanted to move on. It didn't mean that she didn't love him as strongly. It was that she was more realistic, more thoughtful and more pained with it. Plus she was headstrong, not drifting into hopeless fantasies that would hurt her even more. It was understandable. And it was hard to believe that he was the one fantasizing for the impossible.
'By tomorrow, Kagome.' he thought as he began to doze off. 'You will have to make your choice. Either way, I will not leave you.'
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
"Come on! We don't have all day you know!" Inuyasha growled at them. "What's the matter with you guys? You had extra rest yesterday!" he yelled.
The others sighed and rolled their eyes as they finally set off. Kagome walked quickly, managing to catch up to the hanyou, walking by his side. He turned to her slowly, still walking, his heart beating within his chest madly. Her eyes would tell the answer. Her eyes would be the one who told him what she chose. And when their eyes connected, his breath hitched in his throat, his heart almost stopping.
Her eyes were smiling, along with her soft, gentle face. Although beneath the surface was a fresh sadness and loss, she was still smiling, fighting it off. She knew the wounds would heal in time. Everything did. Her expression was brighter, lighter, than he'd ever seen it, her smile the most sincere in the world. It was as if she had emerged from her shell and become something more pleasant than life, much more meaningful than beauty. Her eyes shone just like the sun, her joy radiating off her, making him smile in return. She was definitely like the sun. Beautiful and radiant, bright and determined, pained yet continuing. She had transformed into something much more.
And it was then that Inuyasha got her answer. His eyes saddened and his heart broke but lightened up at her unwavering smile. She was his sun. She was his light. She was his purpose in his void life. For that, he could never leave her. Could never let her go. She was his world.
Leave the pieces when you go…
The End
KazunaPikachu
Song by the Wreckers: Leave the pieces:
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round.
You say you don't want to hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown?
[chorus
And it's all right, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
You can drag out the heartache
Baby, you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
[chorus
You not making up your mind
It killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[chorus
Leave the pieces when you go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go