Inspired by one of the flashbacks from Rehabklok and a conversation on CAPSLOKDETHKLOK. Characters belong to Small and Blacha.
It had been Skwisgaar's idea, though the others had joined in readily enough. They were all a little buzzed already — none of them liked wasting an evening sitting through an awards show, and alcohol made it go a little faster — but Toki, the dumb dildo, was already a sloppy mess.
"Hey, Toki, guess whats?" Skwisgaar said, as the rest of the band held back laughter.
Toki swayed on the couch, a stupid smile on his face. "Whats?"
"We am skipping this stupids awards and going to the strips club," he said.
"Oh, wowee!" Toki staggered to his feet. "Right now?"
"Ja, but you has to go gets dressed first," Skwisgaar told him. "All thems beautiful ladies wants you to be the strippers, too."
Murderface almost lost it then, but he turned it into a cough and Toki was too drunk to notice, anyway.
"Oh, wowee!" he repeated. "I ... ams be ... the strips." He stumbled out of the room, hanging onto the wall for balance, and Skwisgaar smirked.
"I tolds you I could gets him to does it," he said, and poured himself another shot.
It took Toki a while to get changed, that drunk, and by the time he came back and the four of them got him into the limo, even Pickles was starting to feel a little buzzed. The rest of them were three sheets to the wind.
Toki was first out of the limo when they reached the red carpet, nearly falling as he got out of the car.
The rest stayed inside, choking on laughter, as camera flashes exploded outside the limo. "Hey, this ain'ts no strips club," Toki slurred from outside.
It was hilarious, for a few seconds, but then the cameras kept going off, and reporters started shouting questions to Toki, even after the four of them got out of the car. The satisfied smirk left Skwisgaar's face as he realized the rest of them were being completely ignored, and from the disgruntled looks Nathan and Murderface wore, they didn't like it any more than he did.
They managed to herd the drunk rhythm guitarist down the carpet a little way before one of the reporters made the mistake of asking if he had any dance moves.
"Oh yeah, I knows lots!" he said, and began to shake his ass, grabbing onto Pickles when it looked like he might fall, and the cameras started going off again.
Skwisgaar had had enough. "What ams that little dildo doing?"
"I dunno. But it's kind of pissing me off. I think," Nathan said, taking a pull from the bottle he was holding.
"Maybe if we take our shirtsh off too, they'll take shome picturesh of ush," Murderface said, and to their drunk logic, it sounded like good idea. Nathan handed Skwisgaar his booze, and pulled his shirt off.
But by that point, Toki had started using the drummer as an impromptu stripper pole, and the photographers were documenting every second as Pickles tried to push him away. Nathan stood with his shirt in his hand, and Murderface was too drunk to even remember to take his vest off first.
Skwisgaar chugged a few gulps of his vodka, then put the bottles down. "Fine, I takes care of this, likes always," he said, and he stripped, then picked the bottles back up and stepped out in front of the media.
For a moment, there was dead silence. Then the flashes started going off again, and Toki started yelling something about never getting solos, and Skwisgaar held the bottles above his head triumphantly as he finally got the attention that should have been his from the start.
All Skwisgaar knew, once they were back in the limo a few hours later, was that he was going to have a pounding headache soon, and it was even harder to concentrate on whatever the butler was saying drunk than it was sober.
The holographic version of Charles had been waiting for them when they got into the car, Pickles dragging Toki, who had finally passed out after throwing up on Christina Aguilera. None of the rest of them were in any shape to help.
The butler didn't even say hello or ask how they were feeling or anything, just started right in. "What have I told you boys about getting drunk at awards shows?"
"Uhhhh." Nathan said, and the rest of them waited for him to complete the thought.
When it was clear he wasn't going to, the butler started in about how they needed to be more careful about drinking in front of the media and some other stuff. Skwisgaar tuned him out, wishing he had his guitar. He didn't care about public relations disasters or nude calendars or anything else the manager was talking about. Wait, what?
"And none of you are listening, are you?" Charles sighed. "Never mind, we'll talk about it when you're sober." And the transmission cut off.
"Dids he says calens-dars?" Skwisgaar asked Nathan.
"I want to be Mishter July!" Murderface yelled, and then the three of them were squabbling over who got to be October. This woke Toki up enough for him to groan and vomit again, before he passed out once more.
"You guys need t'learn to hold your booze, seriously," Pickles said.