Moon Spirit
Don't you take chances, might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain, cause love won't set you free...
I can't stand by the side and watch this life pass me by
So unhappy... but safe as could be
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy...
- Happy - Leona Lewis
"It's just that, at times, I don't even think you're even trying."
Tarrlok scoffed. "Me, trying?"
Korra turned to look at her boyfriend. "You said that you'll always be there for me, that you'll always have my back. Lately, you haven't been doing that at all."
The politician mused. "I… haven't been doing that?"
"Tarrlok, I care about you, I do… I just don't know which direction our relationship is heading to."
"Which direction, Korra, I thought we were in this together."
"In this together-, Tarrlok, which planet have you been on?!" Now Korra was beginning to loose her temper. "Every time I want you in my corner, you're never there for me. Lately, I feel like I'm not your top priority anymore. I'm not number one, I'm number five, maybe even further down the list."
He could see that tears were beginning to form in her eyes. He reached out to hold her. Korra raised her hand.
"Sorry, I just… I need to be alone."
Each footstep as she walked away broke the strings in his heart. Spirits, why on Earth did he shut Korra out? He loved Korra… more than he can say. But why did he shut her out in the first place?
He didn't mean to hurt her that way.
He walked along the shores of his house that evening. The sun was about to set into the horizon, and he just had dinner. A lovely way to end the day. Once tomorrow came around, he'd have to face Korra. If they broke up… he would be upset, but if it was what Korra wanted he'd give that to her.
But Korra knew him better than anyone else in the world. Anyone else he's ever been with in his life. If Korra left him… It would be the first time in his life that he went after somebody.
The moon was now in the sky.
How did he end up here in his life? Youngest chairman on the United Republic Council, representing the Northern Water Tribe. All that time, trying to gain power. With Korra, he managed to fully stray away from the shady side of politics and be a better man than his father ever was. With her, he could be the man he always wanted to be.
But did trying to get power make him happy?
No.
At the end of the day, he still felt empty.
He had two choices. He'd either pick his position as Councilman, or Korra. He couldn't have both.
He'd be empty without both.
A glowing light shone brightly in front of him. Looking up, his eyes widen. He kneeled on the soft grass in front of him.
"Yue, oh, Great Moon Spirit… I am forever humbled."
The young girl spirit chuckled. "Rise, Tarrlok…"
"What brings you here, Yue?"
"Oh, nothing too much… It's just I heard that there's a lot going on in your personal life."
Tarrlok's eyebrow raised. "And what would spirits want any business in my personal life?"
"You are dating Avatar Korra, am I right? The spirits love to gossip. After all, she is the bridge between this world and our world."
Tarrlok froze. And he thought the paparazzi in their world was bad. That's what you get for being an important figurehead, but Korra's title was far greater than his. That was one of the perks with being with one of the most important people in the world.
"it seems Korra has been in disarray, because of you."
His eyes widen. "Because of me? I didn't mean to hurt her, alright…! Look, I love her. I love her… so much. I want to get close to her, I do, but…"
"But what, Tarrlok?" The moon spirit asked.
Tears were in his eyes. "I don't know how to let her in."
"You spent all your life, trying to gain power, being in control. You want to be in control, just like how your father was in the crime ring."
Tarrrlok looked up.
Yakone.
He wanted to stray far away from his father's criminal past, yet he just about almost did the exact thing behind closed doors. It wasn't just about getting power. Ever since birth, Tarrlok bred him and Noatak to be bloodbenders of the highest order. Rigorous training in a twisted art instead of a normal childhood.
Why couldn't Yakone be the dad that he always wanted?
"You want power, Tarrlok. You want power, but you also want love. You can't have both."
When Korra began to have feelings for him, he was even surprised that someone like her would want anything to do with him. Even fall for him in that way…
But Yakone turned him into a monster. His father made him a bloodbender. A sick, twisted art that could control the will of others, and twisted the bender itself into a path of darkness that no one could get out of.
How could Korra love something like that?
"Are you here just to scold me, Moon Spirit? If so, then you should just leave."
"Is it possible to love again after loosing someone close to you?"
More tears began to well in his eyes.
Noatak.
The brother he failed to save that night when Yakone tried to make them bloodbend each other.
"Let's go. We can run away from him. Forever."
"Run away? But what about Mom? We can't just leave her."
"He was right about you. You are a weakling."
"Noatak! Don't leave! Please…! Noatak!"
"Yes, it does hurt when the people we love leave us, but it doesn't mean we can't go on without them." Yue began. "You have indeed felt a great loss, but love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. Noatak's love for you has not left this world. It is still inside of your heart, and is reborn in the form of new love."
"I'm sorry about Noatak… I truly am."
In a way, Yue was right. When Tarrlok first met Korra, he couldn't believe how much she reminded him of Noatak. Their hairstyles, their personalities. It was like Noatak came back to him through her. Before they got together, even before they were friends, he was partially distant to her because the reminder of Noatak was too painful to be around her.
"I wanted you to see that your darkness lies not only dwelling in your past, but in fearing the future."
The future?
He was thirty seven, and was still single before he met Korra. Most of his friends were married and started families of their own, but Tarrlok didn't see a domestic life for him. His own domestic childhood wasn't exactly an ideal one.
A father who kept secrets from his mother as they practiced a taboo art?
Yakone wasn't exactly the perfect role model to be a father. What if he got married down the road… had children and ended up repeating his whole childhood all over again?
As Yakone said, they came from a strong line of great bloodbenders. That evil was passed down from Yakone to him. What if that evil went from him to the next generation?
What if he had a son who hated him as much as Tarrlok hated Yakone?
It was one of the reasons why he ended so many relationships, why he wasn't so serious about settling down, but with Korra… he knew that that darkness would never come to him and it was one of the reasons why he loved her.
"I guess you're right…" began Tarrlok. "I've been so buried by the mistakes of my past and so worried about the responsibilities of the future, I lost sight of the present."
"Your life's journey has been marred by despair and anger," said the Moon Spirit. "Hope can help with that. Hope in a new path that will lead you to love once again."
Tarrlok thought he would have a life of emptiness and loneliness. With Korra, he knew that it would never happen. All that time, he thought he saw a future that had no love… All that time, he was deserving of it.
"Happiness is made in the moment, not from questioning the past or fearing what's to come. Just remember that, Tarrlok."
Tarrlok swallowed. "Thank you, Yue… for everything."
A smile was on the spirits face. She began to fade away into the night sky.
"Want to live a full life, a life better than your father's? Don't be afraid to let in those who love you and take care of them."
"Hello…?" Korra was on the other end of the phone.
"Hey, it's me."
"Oh, hey Tarrlok."
"You doing alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Hey, about what you said earlier, you're right. I haven't exactly been there for you, and I'm sorry."
"You better be."
"Hey, let me make this up to you. How about a trip to Ember Island this weekend. Just you and me?"
"Ember Island? I'll have to check my schedule, but I'll let you know."
Tarrlok turned his gaze down to the betrothal necklace in his hands. "Please say yes."
Korra chuckled. "As I said… I'll let you know."
"Korra?"
"Hm…?"
"I love you."
"… I love you, too."