Heartstrings

Well this is a bit new to me; I'm not used to writing such raw what's the word heartbreak? Which is why I've had some trouble updating CR and Annabel Lee. Hope you guys like it. I tend to write things according to my mood, as it is I'm kind of in an unusual funk. I'll be editing my other stories before I update them; cuz the grammar was driving me insane. Lol. I'm ridiculously happy that my grammar has improved, no more typos, hopefully.

Disclaimer: Nope I do not own Teen Titans; if I did I'd be too busy using my money as firewood as opposed to writing this.

And most importantly yes this indeed IS a RaexRob fick so again if you don't like it don't read it, and yes this will feature and incredibly 'innocent' Starfire who will undergo all the character development as I see fit, ranging from jealousy to spite and anything in-between, and I will definitely mold her to my choosing to fit my plot. Yes I am aware of the fact that she might not be that way in the comics/cartoons do I care? Not in the slightest.

I hope I don't offend anyone with the God reference at the end, its not meant to be overly religious.

And of course what kind of writer would I be if I didn't encourage some reviews? We authors feed of them, it's our nectar of life, what keeps us going, or motivations, and our muse…you guys get it lol. Enjoy!

Prologue: Harmful Emotions

"It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling. When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more. It is the end of happiness…"

-George Bernard Shaw(1856-1950)

The human cannot fathom a pain worse than heart ache. Not only is it seemingly unbearable but also because heart ache irrevocably triggers a myriad of harmful emotions. The first one to sprout its ugly emerald head is envy, which is always felt. Envy because he can only see one girl out of the turbulent seas of friends, the same girl that glazes his eyes over when they talk quietly to each other. Envy because you see a beautiful ridiculously content smile light his features when he in turn makes her smile. Or perhaps you might feel envy for the best friend whom he will spend hours upon hours with.

Friends so close that they would give their lives for each other without a second though. One whose company he will never tire of and who knows his deepest darkest secrets, the one closest to his heart. Whom you know he holds a deep affection towards. One who he can hug and banter with without any reserve on either part. It comes as a sudden flash of pain in your chest that after years of knowing a person you're no closer to him than a stranger, and as much as it pains you to admit even to yourself you know that a stranger would have had a better chance to break through those well guarded walls around him than you. As if he is immune to your presence and that it isn't felt at all. He can go on without you as well as if you were there all along whereas you are traitorously aware of him… seemingly needing to drink in his presence to be able to exist. Like a shadow. A being that cannot exist without having another corporeal entity to feed off of.

Yes, green envy.

But if it only ended there, you delude yourself to thinking that such a petty emotion might have been fought off. Except frustration creeps deep into your bones. Your thoughts are hazed and the only coherent thing you can think of is how this is all unbelievably unjust. This girl is not who he sees. She has him so wrapped up in her… his eyes are not only closed they're blindfolded as well, because to him she's an angel, perfection incarnate.

But it's so maddening because you see. Perhaps because to your eyes he could do so much better. How can he envision a girl who loves everyone and tries with all her might to help them when in reality she is capable of picking some of them apart behind his back viciously as well as ridicule them for the most minor of imperfections? Someone who fears the dark with such an amazing intensity she has started to loath it? How can he not see the line between caring advice and iniquitous judgment? How can he confuse such hypocrisy for possible martyrdom? It makes you sick.

Yes, sickening frustration.

Triggering in its wake hot bubbling anger. You feel anger at everything, starting at just how you could have possibly fallen for him. Then anger at your self because you have sunk so low as to feel these raging bitter emotions toward the object of his affections when you have absolutely no right to, when in fact she is your friend. You know her, her strengths as well as her deficiencies, and you love her still, because deep down despite her manor, she cares for not only me but you as well. But you simply cannot help the way you feel and you are left bereft. And that anger poisons your soul, spreading, coiling…slithering until total consumption.

Yes, overflowing anger.

And as that anger reaches a demented crescendo as hot salty tears overcome your eyes in a river of sadness and pain. It spreads like a tornado destroying everything in its wake as it gains speed and momentum. Sobs rake your body as you ask God why this is happening. Why you couldn't fall for someone who would return such strong affections. But you know that still even he, the supreme being of the universe, cannot go against something he himself granted all mankind, something he created so all beings could decide freely and we wouldn't all be mindless zombies inhabiting a beautiful wondrous nirvana that in change we wouldn't notice because we could not think for ourselves, free will. And as those thoughts echo in your head you get a taste of the underlying guilt coiling in the pit of your stomach, because you know you should be supportive and happy for your friends, and yet your unable to do so.

Yes, and you feel it, maddening, blistering, pain.

(TBC)

Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review praises as well as any constructive criticism is welcome! -