Hey Everyone! Well, I decided to try my hand at a little humor! I hope
you like it! This is going to be a series of short stories about Spike and
his battles with the Ultimate Valley Girl Super Heroes.
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own Spike (insert sobbing here) or any of the other Buffy characters. I just manipulate them for my joy.
Disclaimer, the Sequel: This is an A/U fic, set in the future. Buffy breaks Spikes cold, dead little heart, and he moves to a rich neighborhood near L.A. Afterall, Spike's all about being 'posh'. (Or whatever the hell British people call it!) ;)
Now on with the story...
Story One: Spike vs. The Ultimate Valley Girl Super Heroes
The sound of stiletto heels clicking loudly on the cobblestone path around Spike's new crypt was unmistakeable. It was enough to make even the most level headed vampire scream.
He'd only recently moved to L.A., and was just putting the finishing touches on his new "bachelor pad". Despite the work Spike put into it, his new crypt was only slightly classier than the settings used in B-movie pornography: red satin sheets, black comforter, and eerie candles. The room had a very masculine feel, or a very kinky feel, however you choose to look at it.
Relaxation in his new abode of the damned, however, seemed imposible. The clicking stiletto heels had turned into the tinkling sounds of girlish giggles.
"Like, oh my gosh!" said one voice loudly. "I SO can't believe we're in this grave yard and junk. Look, Jessica! There are like, dead people here and stuff!"
"Yeah, Cayci!" another voice, which Spike assumed was Jessica, agreed. "We're like, so totally gonna die here and stuff!"
"Like girls," a third voice chimed in. "We are SO not going to die here. All we like, have to do, is like take a picture by the big scary looking crypt thing over there, and leave! That's like, it! We'll be like, so popular if we live! People say there are like, vampires and stuff in here. Yeah, right! That's SO 17th Century!"
"Totally, Jennifer!"
Inwardly, Spike groaned. He assumed the big, scary crypt these English-abusing Valley girls were speaking of was his new crypt.
Since that damned chip was gone and he could cause chaos without any side effects, Spike decided to have some fun with the little creatures.
Grinning, he swept on his black leather duster, which matched his black leather pants perfectly, and swept up to the ground above his new home.
______________
Jennifer, Cayci, and Jessica were nearly to their destination. Heels clicking in determination, the pastel and plaid clad girls chattered happily, not paying any attention to the darkness swirling around them.
"Like, girls," Jennifer said, giggling as she blew a large, pink gum bubble. "How are we totally going to pose in front of the crypt thing! I mean, it's like SO important that we look good in those pictures!"
"For sure," Cayci chimed in, straightening the pale blue ribbon that held her dark hair in a perfectly curled pony tail. "I mean, it's like TOTALLY going to be the talk of the school."
Jessica, her curls bobbing up and down in agreement, giggled. "Maybe we'll like, get hot prom dates!"
"Totally!" agreed both Jennifer and Cayci.
Suddenly, a voice interrupted the chattering teenagers. "Ladies," said the masculine, accented voice. "Are you going somewhere, pets?"
"OH MY GOSH!" Cayci said, eyes wide. "He's totally got that English accent! That's totally SO sexy!"
Spike, watching the girls from behind in a menacing, arms crossed over his chest, way, nearly gagged. Why did everyone like the accent so much? If he didn't have his vampiric charm, he could get plenty of women with his voice, or so he liked to think.
Warily, Jennifer warned. "Like, Cayci, you little horn dog! You so totally haven't even seen the dude. What if he's like old and bald."
By now, Spike was enjoying himself. Playing with his food was always fun.
"Yeah, let's take a look at him. He may totally be like Heath Ledger drool worthy!"
The girls, turning carefully on their high, high heels were face to face with a platinum blonde man in black leather.
"Oh my gosh, the accent is totally sexy," Jennifer agreed. "But look, Sis, he's wearing black leather pants, and that bleached look is SO last summer...."
Not liking the criticism his food was dishing out, Spike raised a brow. "Is there a point to this, pet?"
"Totally!" Jennifer piped up, grinning. "He's like, totally Gay! You're so gay, aren't you? It's like, okay and stuff. We're totally accepting!"
The other girls nodded in whole agreement. Spike simply gaped at them. For the first time in his long, long life, he was shocked.
"Yah, he like, MUST be! I mean, like, what straight guy wears black leather?" Jessica asked.
"Like, dude, it's cool. You can tell us that you're like, gay." Cayci said, a look of sympathy in her brown eyes.
"I'm not gay, pets," the man said, a look of feirce anger on his features. How dare these little creatures say such a thing!
"I'm not gay you ignorant little twits. I'm what's called a vampire..."
"Ummm, dude." Jennifer pointed out, a serious expression on her face. "Having some strange delusion is like, no excuse for being out of style..."
Spike was growing quite frustrated with his prey. The girl, the leader of the group, this Jennifer, would have been attractive had she not been so utterly brainless. The other two were younger, and they all seemed to be related. A bunch of curly haired bimbos, really, Spike mused.
"Pets, let me explain what doesn't seem to have gotten past your dye- soaked skulls. I'm going to kill you."
It was the girls' turn to giggle now. All three of them, lashing out into fits of high pitched, girly laughter.
"Oh, dude, you've like totally done it now. You think YOU have room to talk about hair dye? Sure....see you in reality. See, we like want this picture by that crypt over there, and we're like, so totally going to get it," Jennifer said.
"I beg to differ, pet. I think what is more likely to happen is that I will bite you."
"Like, dude, you aren't even going to touch me, or my sisters for that matter," Jennifer said. "Valley Girl Power!"
Suddenly, in a whirlwind of pastel colors, lights, and a sound track by 'N Sync, the pastel clad valley girls were dressed in pink, blue and green leather.
"Isn't this just the bomb?" Jessica said. "We're like, so totally super heroes!"
Spike's mouth hung open. Great, super heroes that listen to pop music. What was the world coming to? These teenyboppers were almost worse than that damned slayer.
Like any adequte vampire, Spike simply played it off. "Is there a point to this, pets?" His voice sounded rather bored.
"Like, oh my gosh! That accent really IS sexy!" said Jessica.
"So, totally!" Cayci agreed.
Suddenly, the super heroes conversation tuned into an amazingly fast paced rant on the sexiness of a British accent, complete with the usual "oh my goshes" and "totally's".
That was their gift. Whenever they became super heroes, the valley girls did everything they usually did, only it was slightly more annoying than it normally would be.
It was enough to make even the most calm vampire insane. Spike, knowing when he had met his match, simply turned to leave.
"You, pets, haven't seen the last of me."
"I like, so TOTALLY hope you mean that!" Jennifer called after him.
With that, Spike turned and walked down the stairs to his crypt.
Indeed, he had finally met someone more annoying than the damned Scooby Gang. In fact, he had a feeling they would become his greatests enemies here in L.A.
No, Spike decided as he lowered himself onto his pimping bed, the valley girls hadn't seen the last of him.
_____________
Wasn't that a nice beginning! Please r/r! Remember, this is supposed to be FUNNY! :)
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own Spike (insert sobbing here) or any of the other Buffy characters. I just manipulate them for my joy.
Disclaimer, the Sequel: This is an A/U fic, set in the future. Buffy breaks Spikes cold, dead little heart, and he moves to a rich neighborhood near L.A. Afterall, Spike's all about being 'posh'. (Or whatever the hell British people call it!) ;)
Now on with the story...
Story One: Spike vs. The Ultimate Valley Girl Super Heroes
The sound of stiletto heels clicking loudly on the cobblestone path around Spike's new crypt was unmistakeable. It was enough to make even the most level headed vampire scream.
He'd only recently moved to L.A., and was just putting the finishing touches on his new "bachelor pad". Despite the work Spike put into it, his new crypt was only slightly classier than the settings used in B-movie pornography: red satin sheets, black comforter, and eerie candles. The room had a very masculine feel, or a very kinky feel, however you choose to look at it.
Relaxation in his new abode of the damned, however, seemed imposible. The clicking stiletto heels had turned into the tinkling sounds of girlish giggles.
"Like, oh my gosh!" said one voice loudly. "I SO can't believe we're in this grave yard and junk. Look, Jessica! There are like, dead people here and stuff!"
"Yeah, Cayci!" another voice, which Spike assumed was Jessica, agreed. "We're like, so totally gonna die here and stuff!"
"Like girls," a third voice chimed in. "We are SO not going to die here. All we like, have to do, is like take a picture by the big scary looking crypt thing over there, and leave! That's like, it! We'll be like, so popular if we live! People say there are like, vampires and stuff in here. Yeah, right! That's SO 17th Century!"
"Totally, Jennifer!"
Inwardly, Spike groaned. He assumed the big, scary crypt these English-abusing Valley girls were speaking of was his new crypt.
Since that damned chip was gone and he could cause chaos without any side effects, Spike decided to have some fun with the little creatures.
Grinning, he swept on his black leather duster, which matched his black leather pants perfectly, and swept up to the ground above his new home.
______________
Jennifer, Cayci, and Jessica were nearly to their destination. Heels clicking in determination, the pastel and plaid clad girls chattered happily, not paying any attention to the darkness swirling around them.
"Like, girls," Jennifer said, giggling as she blew a large, pink gum bubble. "How are we totally going to pose in front of the crypt thing! I mean, it's like SO important that we look good in those pictures!"
"For sure," Cayci chimed in, straightening the pale blue ribbon that held her dark hair in a perfectly curled pony tail. "I mean, it's like TOTALLY going to be the talk of the school."
Jessica, her curls bobbing up and down in agreement, giggled. "Maybe we'll like, get hot prom dates!"
"Totally!" agreed both Jennifer and Cayci.
Suddenly, a voice interrupted the chattering teenagers. "Ladies," said the masculine, accented voice. "Are you going somewhere, pets?"
"OH MY GOSH!" Cayci said, eyes wide. "He's totally got that English accent! That's totally SO sexy!"
Spike, watching the girls from behind in a menacing, arms crossed over his chest, way, nearly gagged. Why did everyone like the accent so much? If he didn't have his vampiric charm, he could get plenty of women with his voice, or so he liked to think.
Warily, Jennifer warned. "Like, Cayci, you little horn dog! You so totally haven't even seen the dude. What if he's like old and bald."
By now, Spike was enjoying himself. Playing with his food was always fun.
"Yeah, let's take a look at him. He may totally be like Heath Ledger drool worthy!"
The girls, turning carefully on their high, high heels were face to face with a platinum blonde man in black leather.
"Oh my gosh, the accent is totally sexy," Jennifer agreed. "But look, Sis, he's wearing black leather pants, and that bleached look is SO last summer...."
Not liking the criticism his food was dishing out, Spike raised a brow. "Is there a point to this, pet?"
"Totally!" Jennifer piped up, grinning. "He's like, totally Gay! You're so gay, aren't you? It's like, okay and stuff. We're totally accepting!"
The other girls nodded in whole agreement. Spike simply gaped at them. For the first time in his long, long life, he was shocked.
"Yah, he like, MUST be! I mean, like, what straight guy wears black leather?" Jessica asked.
"Like, dude, it's cool. You can tell us that you're like, gay." Cayci said, a look of sympathy in her brown eyes.
"I'm not gay, pets," the man said, a look of feirce anger on his features. How dare these little creatures say such a thing!
"I'm not gay you ignorant little twits. I'm what's called a vampire..."
"Ummm, dude." Jennifer pointed out, a serious expression on her face. "Having some strange delusion is like, no excuse for being out of style..."
Spike was growing quite frustrated with his prey. The girl, the leader of the group, this Jennifer, would have been attractive had she not been so utterly brainless. The other two were younger, and they all seemed to be related. A bunch of curly haired bimbos, really, Spike mused.
"Pets, let me explain what doesn't seem to have gotten past your dye- soaked skulls. I'm going to kill you."
It was the girls' turn to giggle now. All three of them, lashing out into fits of high pitched, girly laughter.
"Oh, dude, you've like totally done it now. You think YOU have room to talk about hair dye? Sure....see you in reality. See, we like want this picture by that crypt over there, and we're like, so totally going to get it," Jennifer said.
"I beg to differ, pet. I think what is more likely to happen is that I will bite you."
"Like, dude, you aren't even going to touch me, or my sisters for that matter," Jennifer said. "Valley Girl Power!"
Suddenly, in a whirlwind of pastel colors, lights, and a sound track by 'N Sync, the pastel clad valley girls were dressed in pink, blue and green leather.
"Isn't this just the bomb?" Jessica said. "We're like, so totally super heroes!"
Spike's mouth hung open. Great, super heroes that listen to pop music. What was the world coming to? These teenyboppers were almost worse than that damned slayer.
Like any adequte vampire, Spike simply played it off. "Is there a point to this, pets?" His voice sounded rather bored.
"Like, oh my gosh! That accent really IS sexy!" said Jessica.
"So, totally!" Cayci agreed.
Suddenly, the super heroes conversation tuned into an amazingly fast paced rant on the sexiness of a British accent, complete with the usual "oh my goshes" and "totally's".
That was their gift. Whenever they became super heroes, the valley girls did everything they usually did, only it was slightly more annoying than it normally would be.
It was enough to make even the most calm vampire insane. Spike, knowing when he had met his match, simply turned to leave.
"You, pets, haven't seen the last of me."
"I like, so TOTALLY hope you mean that!" Jennifer called after him.
With that, Spike turned and walked down the stairs to his crypt.
Indeed, he had finally met someone more annoying than the damned Scooby Gang. In fact, he had a feeling they would become his greatests enemies here in L.A.
No, Spike decided as he lowered himself onto his pimping bed, the valley girls hadn't seen the last of him.
_____________
Wasn't that a nice beginning! Please r/r! Remember, this is supposed to be FUNNY! :)