DEVIL MAY CRY: BIRTHDAY BASH

Notes: This story is not related to or connected with any of my previous DMC works. It contains some minor spoilers for the Devil May Cry Animated Series. It is Patty x Dante, but not in the way you might think (read chapter 2 to see why).

Chapter 1: Make a Wish

Trish shoved Dante's feet off the desk for the fifth time, treating him to a stern look that was disconcertingly maternal.

"Cut that out, will ya? I'm trying to relax here," he said.

"You're supposed to be helping. Remember Dante? When you said 'sure, I'll help out' half an hour ago?"

Dante squinted with the effort of recollection. "I may have said something to that effect. Still, you hardly need my help, you're finished now, right?"

"No thanks to you," Lady scowled from across the office floor. Dante ignored her. It was a good way to avoid getting stressed, he'd learnt. He was in fact supposed to be helping decorate his office for a surprise birthday party. Patty Lowell had just turned 13. Consequently, Lady and Trish had bugged him all day long until he finally gave in and agreed, and now his office looked ... well, like a kids birthday party. Streamers, plates of junk food, irritating music, a huge big cake that had given Dante a sore hand (on account of Trish slapping it whenever it went near said cake), even a big 'Happy Birthday' sign on the wall behind his desk where he normally hung some of his swords. All of his weapons had in fact been removed, much to his dismay.

"Geez, this place is so girly," Dante moaned, stubbing a finger onto the frilly pink tablecloth that covered his desk.

"Don't know why you're complaining so much Dante," said Lady, who was herself leaning back against his food-laden pool table, "You get to spend the entire evening in a room full of beautiful women. I can't see how that's so bad."

"Oh, sure," he muttered, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms with a sigh, "I mean we've got someone who's the spitting image of my mother, a thirteen year old jailbait girl and her mother, and of course you; who I've no doubt would shove a grenade down my throat if I made a pass at you. Seriously, what's not to love about that crowd?"

Lady smirked. "Well, I'd definitely shove a grenade somewhere, but it wouldn't be down your throat."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Trish sighed. "Can you at least pretend to be having a good time? For her sake?"

Before he could answer, Lady spoke first; "Of course he can - pretending to have fun for the ladies? Does it all the time."

"Hey! For your information, I haven't even-" he paused for a split second before trailing off, "-never mind."

The eyebrows of both ladies shot up a notch. Lady pushed away from the pool table, giving Trish a conspiratorial look before advancing towards Dante with a sway in her stride. "You're not telling us that the great and legendary Dante hasn't had any action in a long time?"

"Action is my business," Dante countered, trying to sound his usual cocky self.

"I meant of the horizontal kind," she purred, leaning her hands onto his desk and peering over her expensive shades at him. Dante rubbed the back of his neck and tried to avoid staring at what was staring him in the face. Lady frowned, an amused smile showing on her face. "You ... have been with a woman, right Dante?" She waited a moment, before tilting her head slightly, "A man?"

"I've been kinda busy, what with saving the world and all," he said, meeting her gaze, "Several times. Not to mention the whole demon killing business."

"Dante, you are the poster child for boredom," Trish cut in, placing her hands on her hips and giving him another one of her looks, "If you're not fighting demons then you're moping around being lazy all day long."

"I think what she's saying Dante, is that you've had more than enough time," said Lady. "I mean you're, what, thirty something now? You can't still be a-"

"Woh there, time out ladies," Dante said making the time out sign with his hands, "We are not discussing my love life, okay?"

"Or lack thereof."

"Yes. No. Just ... drop it."

It was no good, Trish and Lady were standing together giggling their heads off. He got up and scowled at them. "Look, it took my old man two millennia before he got lucky, cut me some slack, will yah?"

At this they stared at him and then burst into a fit of laughter. Dante sagged, both physically and mentally. "I think I'm going to go stab myself with my sword," he said, "It'll make me feel better."

For some inexplicable reason this only produced a renewed wave of laughter from them. Lady actually fell to her knees and clutched her side. Dante shook his head and disappeared into the back.

Five minutes later Patty and her mother Nina arrived. Although they did their best to surprise the birthday girl, it was obvious she was expecting them, though was no less thrilled for that.

"Oh it's so wonderful!" She gushed, clapping her hands together and looking around at the decorated office. "Oh, and I love this song!"

Trish sidled over to Nina, who was looking somewhat guilty. "She knew?" Trish asked quietly. Nina nodded.

"She tricked it out of me. She's getting smarter as she's getting older."

"They usually do," Trish said, smiling.

"Where's Dante?" asked Patty.

"He's in the back," answered Lady, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder, "Between you and me, he's been missing you a lot."

"Really?"

Lady nodded. "I think you should give him an extra big hug when he comes in."

As if on cue, the devil in red emerged from the back and was immediately accosted by a high-speed teenage girl in pink, who slammed into him and wrapped her hands about him, knocking the breath from him. It had been a while since he had last seen Patty, and she had been a good deal shorter and smaller then. Across the room Lady managed to catch his eye and blew him a mischievous kiss.

"Okay, great to see you too kid, you can let go now. No, really," Dante tried to pry her off, yet somehow failed to budge her an inch. Finally an idea occurred to him and he pointed at a table to his left, "Hey, don't you want to open your presents?"

He had said the magic word, and Patty finally released him. She clapped her hands again and stared at the neat pile of wrapped shapes with wide eyes, while Dante breathed sigh of relief. He watched her open her gifts and make appropriate noises, 'oohing' and 'ahhing' as the wrapping was torn away. From Lady she received an i-pod, with a collection of her favourite songs already stored on it. Trish had given her some new clothes, which was to her as a years supply of strawberry sundae was to Dante.

Patty grasped the present from Dante and grinned at him. "You got me something!"

"Well, yeah," Dante scratched the back of his head, uncomfortable. The girl gasped as the paper fell away.

"The entire DVD set of Ah, My Goddess!" The excited look on her little face soon faded, replaced with a shrewd expression. She pointed the DVD's at Dante accusingly. "Did you really get me this?"

"He paid for it, yes," said Lady, "But I got it for him after I saw what he was going to give you."

"What was he going to give me?"

"A stack of girly mags."

Patty was puzzled. "That doesn't sound so bad."

"The wrong kind of girly mags, Patty."

"Huh?" Then a light bulb went off in her head. "Oh. Ohhh! Dante!" She rounded on him, hands on hips and treating him to a full power guilt trip glare.

"What?" said Dante, vaguely aware that he'd done something wrong but not sure what. "You're into that romantic stuff, right? It's all the same thing."

Lady rolled her eyes and Trish crossed her arms and shook her head, while Patty stamped her foot indignantly. "It is not the same thing! Romance, things like this-" she waved the DVD's, "-are all about love and kindness and ... and emotions! It's not smut!"

Dante shrugged. "If you say so kid."

Patty fumed. "I do say so, and I'm not a kid!"

"Patty, why don't you cut the cake now?" said Nina, trying to defuse the situation. Still angry at Dante, Patty put her present down and strode towards the pool table where the cake lay. It was spectacular, a large circular sponge with pink icing, whipped cream and strawberries. And of course, thirteen burning candles.

"Oh yes, you have to make a wish first, isn't that right?" said Lady. "Just remember not to tell us what it is or it wont come true."

Patty thought that was all nonsense. She didn't believe in wishes, or Father Christmas, or even the tooth fairy. Personal experience had taught her that what you really got were demons, evil spirits and humans that murder one another. Romance, true love though ... those things were real weren't they? They had to be, or else what was the point?

Everyone was standing around expectantly. In Dante's case it was the expectation of cake, as he had an empty plate in one hand. Patty glanced at him and then back at the candles. Well, she thought sullenly, it couldn't hurt to try could it? She leaned over, made a wish and blew out the candles.

Then she vanished.

There was a shocked silence. Slowly, Dante reached out and plucked one of the candles from the top of the cake, its tip still streaming with smoke. He examined it for a moment and then held it before the others.

"Trick candles?"