Hello readers, I know this is not very original and I am well aware that I am not that skilled to write this kind of story but I would appreciate that you read this, and if you do I love you. I know I am writing one story already but I really had this idea for a long time, so please bear with me.
READ THE DISCLAIMER: I don´t own anything.
Wanderlust
Chapter 1:
Shinji Ikari knew nothing of his position.
The moment he emerged from the crimson sea before him he found himself staring at everything, as he was never a part of this world at first place.
"Apparently I can swim now…" Shinji thought as he coughed LCL from his lungs.
He was soaked with LCL and his clothes were practically glued on his skin. Moment later he glanced at the giant face that was set on a nearby island, not much of a sight it missed half of it. He just stared at it trying to recognize what it was; it all came back at him.
"Rei you look so different." He thought as he glanced at decomposed face of what could be his ex-sister.
After a few moments of staring he decided something, his first decision in a long time.
"I am probably not very sane…"
He knew that this sight should probably make him loose his stomach content or at least damage his nerves, but for his surprise he felt too much relaxed, even happy. The words came back, the words he was told by his mother. Words of hope that made him decide to come back, he lived in false heaven for far too long, never once happy. Then he remembered his sister, she was hope in his heart…
"Hate to look at you like this but I thank you for everything you said and did for me. Ayanami Rei you have my deepest gratitude, my sister." Shinji said and bowed to the cleft face in the distance.
Once again he averted his gaze to the same unmoving crimson ocean before him, the primordial sea of LCL.
"So this is what remains of humanity, huh?" Shinji thought to himself. "One giant ugly face and me…" He mentally slapped himself upon his realization. "I´m sorry, Rei. I am so stupid."
The more he thought the more it came back to him. He remembered everything and everyone.
"I wonder if they are happy in there?" He asked himself staring at the crimson ocean of Instrumentality, remembering Asuka and Misato, two most important women of his life.
He could remember living through more than billion lives at the same time, though he could hardly remember two of them now. As much as he tried to remember he got nowhere, only thing he knew that in both of them he lived a long unhappy life being an unhappy father and unhappy husband. He couldn't remember his wives or even his children.
He remembered few more lives in which he was constantly rejected by Asuka, Misato and other women he knew, as much as he wanted to be hurt by that he wasn´t even the slightest. After all Instrumentality was a world without sadness.
Instrumentality sucked, mostly because it was sinless place. "The world without pain was also the world without happiness. " He could remember that line from somewhere. Even though Shinji wasn't sad in it he was also never happy. And that disgusted him; he knew what he wanted in life so he diced to go for it.
"My happiness lies somewhere here I guess." He said looking at the wastes around him.
"Well I have to decide if speaking to myself is a good thing or bad? Hmmm? Well considering I am doing it now and that I am probably the only man alive I really doubt that anyone would mind. Minding that I am everyone…. Whoa."
Shinji looked at his right hand and he noticed that he still had the cross Misato left him on the day she died.
"One more of sad stories…" He said suddenly feeling down a bit.
He decided to put is somewhere as a symbol of humanity and grave of Misato and all of his past friends. Misato wanted him to keep it but truth was that it reminded him too much of a painful past he previously lived in.
"I am moving forward Misato, hope you would understand." Shinji spoke to the cross in his hand. "I will impale you to that tree."
He suddenly realized that he would need a nail and a hammer for that. He looked behind himself.
"Fuck…."
The moment he turned he noticed that he was looking at a desert storm that flew far away from him.
"How come I didn´t notice you before? Well I guess I could stay on this beach a day or two..."
Shinji turned and started to stroll down the beach, not very happy. He could find everything there; it was polluted by all kinds of trash. After few hours of walking and thinking Shinji found a crashed VLC that for his fortune had a toolbox in its back container.
"I am really lucky; this will come in handy in future."
He searched a bit more and found a black backpack with a lot of equipment for mountaineering. He put his newly found toolbox in there and went back to the place he came from.
"Well what to do after this? I guess the whole world is mine now and I am completely clueless. Some adventurer I am…"
It just suddenly hit him.
"Yes that is it! I am an adventurer. Well not yet, I will be. Come to think of it I never left Japan in my life. I could go to America…. Europe and others… Wow! Why not, it´s not like I came here just to die on some beach. There is no happiness on a lonely beach. "
Words from his mother came. "Everyone must find their own happiness."
"Thanks mom… Well how can I leave Japan? I will need a boat… I don´t know how to drive a bat. How do I even go to harbor… I will need a car. I can´t even drive a car."
Shinji was depressed now his first dreams were crushed by a cold slap of reality. He was after all just a fifteen year old teenage boy. His voice just recently matured and he was not in driving age…
Soon after he returned to his destination and got to work. It wasn´t so hard, after he was done he looked at it. Cross was perfectly put and best of all it looked good.
"Well at least something is right…"
He suddenly felt hungry, like he didn´t eat for ages. His stomach was pleading for some food. He checked his backpack, nothing. He returned the same path he previously walked through. He found nothing so he just sat on a rock and tried to think this through.
"Well I circled the whole beach and there is nothing to eat. There is no way I can survive in a desert storm… I doubt there is any fish in that sea. God, what should I do?"
Shinji felt helpless.
"What to eat, there must be something. I can´t die like this, I didn´t come here just to die of starvation. I will survive no matter what, I won´t surrender that easily!"
Shinji violently stood up clutching his fists. He felt determined to his cause, survive at all cost.
Then he saw it and he suddenly got an idea, though he wished he didn´t. Reis face was not that far away, and he could easily swim there in few hours. After all that was meat.
Shinji gulped, he was not fine with his thoughts. He was not going to eat the remaining of his sister, which was completely immoral. Even in death she deserves his respect and he was definitely not going to defile her resting place. His stomach thought differently.
"It hurts…"
Shinji bowed his head and started to think. It took him 30 minutes to make up his mind.
"Survival at all cost, at least until I find my happiness. I won´t die here!"
He thought he sounded brave but deep down he really wanted to die. He came to the sea and put his right leg into the water just to feel the temperature. The moment he did it his mind exploded. Next moment he was born, after that he went to school, after that he went to college, he met his future wife Saya, they got married and had three children and they died after fifty years of marriage. THE END
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shinji screamed as he pulled his leg out of the crimson sea.
He fell on the ground and started to pant heavily. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" He could hold the memories only for ten minutes; after they disappeared Shinji finally came to his senses.
"I am never setting foot in that sea AGAIN, EVER!"
But then he realized what it all meant, he was going to starve to death. It was all for nothing, he might as well jump there and join others. He felt completely helpless, like the time he watched Asuka being eaten alive, he couldn´t do anything.
Shinji cried for a long time.
"Why? WHY? WHY DID I COME HERE?"
His voice cracked.
He wanted to escape, but only way he could go is Instrumentality or a desert storm, he was cornered. He thought about it for a while, there was no food on a beach and he doubted he would find anything in the desert during a storm. Life sucked right now.
Shinji cried all the tears he had. He felt pathetic for it but it helped. Some sense finally returned.
"Well… I decided something, might as well try to fight instead of crying. God is my witness that it goes nowhere, STAND UP SHINJI!"
So he did, he stood up and raised his fists.
"I am going to make a boat, WITH THIS HANDS!" He declared as he felt some sort of spine inside of him.
He just realized how dumb he was, he had all he needed. He could find wood anywhere he looked, beach was full of it. He recently found toolbox and most important he had imagination.
"This will work. I don't know how to drive a boat… fuck, I should just use a paddle like a pirate, I am so dumb sometimes."
Shinji had one more realization, however this one stranger than other ones.
"A pirate?"
He didn´t notice it but he grinned like a complete fool.
"I am a pirate… I will drive a raft like a pirate. I will be captain, Captain Shinji Ikari the mighty captain of a pirate ship! Only pirate in the whole world, which makes me… HOLLY SHIT I AM KING OF PIRATES!"
His eyes sparked as he looked at the blood read skies.
"Let s get to work, captain."
It was not easy, it took almost whole day to make but after a long effort Shinji Ikari made a raft. He felt overjoyed, he actually decided to fight and he made it. Sea no longer looked like the primordial soup of Instrumentality, now it was just a sea that needed to be conquered.
Adrenaline pumped all over him. He completely dived into a role of pirate. This was maybe the strangest thing he ever thought to himself, but now there was a thing that Shinji Ikari wanted most in the world. Something that would mark him as a new man, shield him from coldness and cover his shadow everywhere he went. Ikari Shinji wanted a cape…
He rushed to the other side of the beach; he knew he saw a trunk full of clothes somewhere. When he found it he opened it as fast as he could, he was too excited to wait a single moment, not to mention hungry. He found jeans and a black shirt his size; it was perfect replacement for his LCL soaked uniform. He quickly dressed and continued to search, and then he pulled it out. Black blanket for one person, it was a perfect cape. It took him a long time but he managed to put it on as a cape. He started to walk back as he felt the wind in his face and his cape just moved together with the wind, he felt invincible.
As soon as he arrived he got ready to set sales. He pushed his raft into the water and quickly jumped into it, took his paddle and started to swing it. He was getting closer to the island with Reis face and he wasn´t feeling that good about it. As he got closer face looked bigger, it was the biggest thing he ever saw in his life.
He tried to think of something else…
"… and after that I will get a bike, bike is easier to drive than a car I guess. I will color it purple, green and black just like my Eva was. I will take a real boat and drive to China, then drive my bike to Africa then Europe, and then I would defeat Pacific and finally arrive in America. Hmmm what then?"
At that point Shinji would successfully make a circle around the world, he never thought of what to do after.
"Guess I would die then… I don´t mind if I die on a journey. After all that is a point, I am happy when I travel. Dam it I could do anything while traveling. I could visit most famous places, eat foreign food… maybe not. I could also collect most valuable objects ever…. I could get drunk… try drugs…"
Shinji felt little silly at the last part but he was pumped none the less. The more he thought of his journey better he felt, death here was not an option. If he was to die it would be anywhere but Japan.
"There is something I wanted to do when I was younger…. Here I come! "
"YARRRRR"
Shinji felt good even though it sounded terrible.
"Mental note, practice the sounds that pirates make."
Shinji decided to rest for a while so he looked at his backpack for something. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. He decided to write a story of his travels, who knows maybe he would need it sometimes, and to be honest he really wanted that someone knew what he was doing, mostly because he felt so proud about it.
"What will be the name? Why am I even writing this, again? I am not very sane I guess… That's it!"
Shinji wrote the fist letters: The madman's stories.
Shinji wrote for a while and then he resumed his paddling. He reached his destination and looked at Reis decomposed face before him.
"So huge…"
Shinji already left all doubts behind him, he was definitely doing this. He came closer and touched the skin, normal as any other. He took a deep breath and stabbed it with his pocket knife. Blood dripped a little, not very pleasant but he knew what had to be done. He felt a small tear left his eye as he circled with his knife. After he was done a big chunk of mean fell before his feet, blood poured from the cut and ended below his feet.
He made his choice but he was still Shinji, he started to cry again. He took his knife and cut a small bit that was barely the size of his fist, still crying. He held it firmly in his hand and looked at it, his stomach was raging more and more.
"I mustn't run away now." Shinji said as he took a bite. He felt his nerves breaking.
He could feel his stomach rise but he ignored it, he started to chew by instinct. Blood slid alongside his lips but he ignored it.
It tasted horribly, few more days and it would rot. Once again Shinji cried all his tears by the time he was finished with his small meal.
He just stared at his bloody arms for a while until he decided to snap out of it and move the chunk onto his raft. There was no going back now, he did what he thought had to be done.
His thoughts were silent the whole way back. His mind was devastated and he couldn´t determine how he felt. At the same moment he felt absolute victory over Mother Nature and complete defeat over his own humanity.
"Finally back…" Shinji announced as he moved his pray from his well made raft.
He looked up and wondered. He knew was ready to face a desert tomorrow, he would finally leave this place; he wanted it more than anything. He felt that storm was slowly going away so he should probably go to sleep or something.
"I am going now my faithful raft, you were my first ship and I am proud that you had me. I never gave you a name, I am sorry. I will name you "Conqueror". It suits you my friend. Well I said my goodbyes to you maybe I should say goodbye to them." He said as he looked at the crimson sea once more.
He wanted to say goodbye but this wasn´t the right place. He turned around and his cape flaunted, he was returning to little shrine of humanity that he made. There by Misatos cross he would tell his final goodbyes.
After a painful walk he was on a hill which was right above the place. Sudden beam of light slammed into his face. Shinji stepped back; there was a small opening in the crimson clouds above him.
"Things are going for the best." He decided. After a longer period Shiinji finally smiled.
"I am finally free; I am Captain Ikari Shinji of the raft Conqueror the mighty pirate and conqueror of sea of LCL!" He announced to the wind that lifted his cape behind him. He closed his eyes and melted with the moment.
After a few seconds he decided to open his eyes and say his goodbyes. The moment he opened his eyes he found himself looking at the most shocking sight up to now… more precisely someone…
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO…" He constantly repeated in his head. "It can´t be, how? He asked himself in panic. Moment later he gathered his composure and rushed down.
The moment he came down he fell on his knees. He completely broke into a panic as he started to cry for a third time today.
"Please don´t be dead. YOU ARE BLEEDING! No…"
"PLEASE DON´T DIE!" He shouted at the lifeless body before he knelt.
He quickly took his backpack off and pulled emergency medic kit he found in that crashed VCL. He stated to bandage her arm, right leg, chest and her eye. After a while he managed to clean the blood and bandage all open wounds. There was nothing more he could do…
He sat back and stared at the girls' lifeless pupil. His palms were covering his face.
"Why did this happen? She could die any moment. I am not a doctor…" Shinji thought. He didn´t know what to do next, he was never this scared before. She was still alive but can he really take care of her, last time he saw her she was in comatose. What did it meant for his future, he now realized that he was stuck, no more travelling. All of his dreams shattered in a single moment.
"Asuka…." Shinji whispered to a person in a red plug suit.
There was no response.
Did he really wanted to see her awake? He just realized with what he would have to feed her, sole thought of putting Reis rotting flesh into Asukas mouth almost killed him. What could she drink; only thing he drank lately was blood. He felt helpless once more.
New thoughts appeared in his head, they were only humans on this planet, one male one female. "We could … NO… too much incest for my own sanity… "
"I could never do that to her. It is not her responsibility."
He suddenly felt angry with the redhead.
"What of my dreams, what of my happiness, you are really selfish Asuka…" He said sadly. "It´s not fair."
But then he remembered the exact way she was put in that condition, eaten alive by nine sadistic angels. And all he did was watch; he left her to be eaten alive.
Thought of him calling her selfish started to devour him.
"I am so, so, so sorry…." She apologized to lifeless Asuka.
She gave no response, Shinji didn´t like it.
"What to do?"
He thought about putting her back in the LCL Sea, she would probably sink right in and she would survive.
"NO!" He interrupted his thought.
He realized that she came out by herself, she was probably the same as him, and she probably detested the false happiness as much as he did. If she decided to go back and live in reality Shinji would respect that decision. He was definitely not throwing her into the sea.
"It has to be done. I am sorry." Shinji announced as he stood up and cleaned his tears with his cape.
Shinji knelt on top of her but not directly on her, his knees were on the ground. He placed his hands on her throat. When he did so he remembered the last words he and Asuka shared on this planet:" I wouldn´t be with you even if you were the last man alive, you hear me I would rather die!" Second later he remembered few lives in the LCL Sea where he got constantly rejected by her.
"Let's just stay friends."
"This is not working."
"I got someone else."
"I am already seeing someone."
"Kaji is the only man for me."
It didn´t hurt then, but it did now. He started to squeeze.
"I am sorry Asuka, this is for the best. I can´t wake you up and I can´t let you destroy me like this. I am so sorry. You must understand that I am fulfilling your wish, I am not the bad guy, you don´t deserve this, you didn´t deserve anything that happened, I´m sorry." Shinji thought as he closed his eyes and hardened his grab, he was squeezing his hardest.
Moment later one tear fell on her cheek, Shinji was crying for a fifth time.
"NO, THIS IS WRONG. I mustn´t run away from my responsibility, you are in this state because I was too weak. I don´t want to be weak anymore, I want to be strong, I will become strong and you will watch it happen. I want to see you on your feet strong as you were before, this is not like you. I never understood you and I still don´t but I don´t want to see you dead. Please wake up, if you don´t I won´t be able to live with myself, please If you wake up I promise that I won´t travel I will do whatever you want." Shinji thought as he released her neck.
Moment later she felt her arms on his cheek, he opened his eyes automatically.
"She is alive… thank you Asuka." Shinji thought as he stood up from her slowly.
His face was completely pale, his eyes were sore and they looked deader than Reis face was. He was so happy he wanted to cry but his eyes no longer contained a single drop of tears. He already cried himself for a whole next week.
"How disgusting…" She mumbled.
Asuka looked at her arms, one of them was completely bandaged and they were both shaking. She realized that Shinji found her and saved her, her prayers were answered.
"I am not dead."
She looked up and saw him standing above her. He was wearing a black outfit, his face was completely pale and expressionless. His eyes were completely dead and blood was all over his mouth, jaw and clothes. Asuka felt scared.
"WHY DID YOU CHOKE ME?" She cried out. Tears started to slide along her cheek.
He gave no response, nor did his expression changed. There was a short silence; Asuka was gathering courage to continue.
"Why did you do that? Do you hate me? Please don´t hate me. I am scared. Don´t look at me like that… please." She thought.
"WHY! Answer me!" She demanded as more tears ran across right side of her face, she started to sob.
"What did I do to you? Do you hate me that much? Why is that blood on your face? ANSWER ME!"
No response came. As much as Shinji wanted to response he couldn´t find a single word, he already sad everything he had already. He didn´t understand her first words but they somehow hurt him too much, he couldn´t even move.
"You make no sense baka." She whispered. "Make up your mind already, are you going to kill me or will you help me get up, either way do it fast?" Asuka asked lauder.
"…"
There was no response and no movement from Shini. Asuka gave up; she put her palms across her face and started to cry uncontrollably. They spent ten minutes like that, Shinji was standing motionless, like he wasn´t even breathing. Asuka finished with crying so she cleaned her face with her bandaged arm and slowly stood up.
They looked each other eye to eyes for a while until Asuka managed to gather some courage for a one last question.
"Why are you wearing that blanket on your back?"
Shinji finally regained his will; small blush appeared on his left cheek as he turned his head away.
"It´s a cape."
A/N: Well there you have it, I will probably upload second chapter tomorrow. So how did you like it, any concerns, ADVICES, suggestions… that kind of stuff… if not it´s fine? I would really appreciate some comments, you know just for sake of motivation. Kidding I demand some comments, bad or not I need them like drugs. ;D
Have a nice day reader.
Cotillon.