Everything changed for me on that day. The whole group dynamic shifted. What was once a quirky foursome transformed into a group of seven (well, eight, if you count Robbie Shapiro's weird ass puppet). The admission of Tori Vega to my school changed everything, possibly forever. Beck and I were doing great, I had a best friend in Cat, even though she's my complete opposite — and then Tori came and interrupted the balance of things. Everything was so easy for her straight away. The teachers adored her, Cat adored her, even Beck adored her. At first I hated her, but in time, I've grown to adore her too, not that I would ever admit it out loud to anyone.
I'm not sure when exactly my feelings for Tori changed, but I guess it must have been gradual. Although I still treat her like I always have (pretty rudely), what I feel for Tori has grown to be so much more complex than run of the mill hatred. Sure, they are a hell of a lot of things she does that irk me, but what irks me the most is how impossible it is not to like her. I try my best not to, yet I still find myself glancing at her from time to time, an unwelcome fluttering sensation in my stomach.
Tori isn't the first girl I've liked, and to be honest, I doubt she'll be the last. These feelings are driving me CRAZY — crazier than I normally am — because I don't really want to tell anyone. Beck and I haven't been so close since our recent breakup, Robbie is a loser and Andre doesn't know I'm bisexual. There IS Cat, but telling her would make it so…real. She knows I like girls. In fact, we've made out a few times, but I don't know what she would say if I told her I had a thing for Tori. I don't like not knowing things.
Tonight is a big night. It's my birthday party. It's supposed to be a surprise, but Cat totally sucks at being secretive, and even though I hate getting older and I usually don't celebrate my birthday, I'm actually excited about tonight. I've never had a party at my house before. Cat is here for a "sleepover," but she's been missing for twenty minutes now and I definitely heard Trina Vega's big mouth a minute or two ago. I'm wondering if I'm supposed to wait for Cat or if I'm supposed to check on what's going on, but I don't have to wonder much longer because the redhead appears in my bedroom doorway.
"Jade!" She yells my name breathlessly. "I, um, need help with the—" She obviously hasn't thought this through. She grabs my hand and pulls me upstairs, not bothering to finish her sentence. I pretend to be clueless as she leads me to the dark living room. After all, I am a great actress.
"Why are all the lights off?" I feign innocence before leaning over and switching on the lights. Suddenly, a group of people pop up from behind my couch, including Tori, Robbie, Trina, Andre…and Beck, who is giving me a strange look. Sinjin's there, even though I don't really like him, and even Sikowitz is standing there grinning at me.
"I'm not staying," my teacher assures me. It would be a little weird if he did, but Sikowitz is always weird. He sips at his coconut water before continuing. "I brought you a gift and I thought I'd lead a few party games." He offers.
"We're not doing acting exercises, Sikowitz. This is Jade's birthday party, not your classroom." Tori reminds him. I crack a smile.
Stepping forward, he hands me a badly wrapped baseball bat. "I know how much you like to hurt people." He explains and I chuckle as I tear off the paper. He's right, I do like hurting people, and this metal bat looks like something I might actually use someday.
"Thanks." I manage, leaning the bat against the wall nearby. "Anyone else get me anything?" My question sounds rude but truthfully, I just want to get this part over with. I hate getting gifts. People generally have bad taste, I don't like them spending money on me and if anything I prefer getting money over things.
At my question, Cat squeals and shoves an oddly papered object toward me. "Mine now! Open mine!" She insists. With a roll of my eyes, I take a seat on the floor and glance down at the box, which is wrapped in pink paper with strawberries all over. The strange part is the strawberries have faces and arms and legs, a few even have top hats, and they look like they're dancing. I almost don't want to rip the paper, it's so amusing, but after a moment I comply, ripping off the paper to reveal a giant stuffed animal within the box.
"What kind of animal is that even supposed to be?" Robbie wonders aloud.
"I don't know, but it's CUTE! And cuddly." Cat offers with a grin. I thank her.
Beck silently steps forward with a gift bag and sits it in front of me. I open it slowly and see a weird arrangement of things—black nail polish, Addams Family on DVD, The Cure's Greatest Hits on CD, and one of those badass Living Dead Dolls. Despite our now strained friendship, Beck knows me pretty well. I smile and give him my thanks, getting anxious about the presents from everyone else. Especially Tori's. What would she get me for my birthday? I'm pretty sure she hates me just as much as I pretend to hate her.
The curly haired Robbie thrusts a card in my face. "There's a gift card inside. You can get whatever you want." He says awkwardly. I open the card to reveal a gift card to the most random place ever.
"Quiche world?" I ask dubiously. He shrugs.
Rex is holding a card in his hand (well, it is propped up on him) and Robbie hands it over as well. I look at it with curiosity. What could this puppet have gotten for me? "My gift card is for somewhere you'll actually go. Victoria's Secret. Buy yourself something nice." The puppet quips. A chorus of groans can be heard from behind me.
I exchange bemused glances with Andre, who hands me a small box. Opening it up, I spy a gorgeous silver necklace with a spindly metal spider hanging from the chain.
"It reminded me of you." He tells me and I pull it out of the box and start to put it on, fiddling with the clasp. My fingers are sweaty and I'm having trouble and before I know it, I feel warm hands at my neck.
"Let me do it." Tori's mouth is close to my ear. I shudder and hope no one sees. After getting the necklace on, she walks in front of me and sits down, pushing a box toward me with a smile on her face. Nervously, I tear at the paper—which was, perfectly, solid black—and then open the box. Nestled in red tissue paper is the most glorious pair of scissors I've ever seen.
My eyes widen as I take in the gift, gazing over at Tori. I pick them up, my finger running over the sharp edge. I am speechless. This is the best gift by far, and it's from the girl I've been having dirty dreams about for months. The chrome blades are sharp and shiny and the handle, also chrome, is engraved and embossed with my name. Reluctantly sliding the scissors back into their box, I quickly hug Tori before I lose my nerve. She lets out a light yelp, a bit surprised at my positive reaction.
"These are AWESOME. Thanks." I admit as I pull away. I can feel everyone's eyes on me and my face turns warm. Breaking the silence, Cat runs back from the kitchen with a box of cupcakes. She starts handing them out to people and I take one, licking the icing off the top as I watch everyone associate with each other.
I push my presents off to the side with my free hand and then pull off the paper from the cupcake, eating it quickly and licking the icing from my fingertips. "The cupcakes taste great, Cat." I tell my friend and she beams.
"I'm glad you like them! Do you like the party, Jade?" She asks, narrowing her eyes as if she hopes I'll tell her this is the best party I've ever been to. When she gets like this I can't help but say what she wants to hear. She has those puppy dog eyes, it's so annoying.
I nod. "I love the party, it's the best party I've ever been to. The company could be better…" I lie, my eyes flicking over to Tori. Cat follows my gaze and lets out a small yelp.
"I'm sorry I invited Tori. I know you don't like her very much. But she considers you a friend, and she'd already bought you a present and I didn't want to make her sad…" Cat trails off pathetically.
I pat her on the knee, giving her a rare smile. "No, no. I was kidding."
"Oh, good!" Cat exclaims, hugging me suddenly. I pull away pretty quickly as Tori heads toward me. She's giving me this look I can't decipher.
"Why don't we play a game?" She asks, worried about the guest's entertainment, just as she always does. I shrug. I don't really care what we do and I tell her that. Happily she returns to the clump of people she was standing with before, chattering loudly and trying to decide what game to play.
Sikowitz comes over and tells me goodbye, offering me his coconut water. I shake my head and bid him adeiu, turning my attention to the group sitting down in a circle. Andre gestures for me to join and and I get up, joining the circle between Andre and Trina, who none of us really like. I look curiously at their faces, finally settling onto Tori's, as I know this is her idea.
"We're going to play truth or dare!" I hate this game. Why people insist on playing this horrible game at every team party I don't know, but I hate being forced to do stupid things or be honest. I shrug defeatedly.
As Rex makes a comment about his preference for seven minutes in heaven, we all roll our eyes. Anxiously Robbie looks to Tori. "Since it was your idea you get to go first, ask someone truth or dare." He tells her. Her eyes find mine and she's smirking.
"Birthday girl." Her voice sings and I have trouble looking away. Everyone is staring at me, waiting to see what I'll be forced to do or say. "Truth or dare?"
I weigh the options in my mind. Truth could be really bad, I'd rather do something than have to talk about my feelings. I clear my throat. "Dare." A few people gasp dramatically. Beck looks bored. Tori thinks for a minute, trying to figure out what she wants me to do.
"Lick someone, somewhere awkward." She demands. My mind runs, thinking of all the places I could lick Tori. I don't want my feelings to be obvious. I've done a good job hiding them so far. I look over the group of people and make my way across the circle, approaching Cat. Her innocent eyes widen in fear.
"J-Jade?" She stammers, her face reddening. It isn't like this is anything new. We've done things privately, but everyone's watching and as I see her reaction I realize maybe she likes me more than as a best friend. I feel horrible for putting her in this situation. Wanting to make the whole thing funny and not sexual, I opt for her elbow. Grabbing Cat's right arm, I hoist it into the air. She makes a squeaking noise as my tongue slides across her elbow, and then she giggles. "That felt funny." She tells me as I drop her arm and start back across the circle.
I can hear my heart beating in my ears. I ask Trina truth or dare, not really caring which she chooses. I'm thirsty and I wait for her answer so that I can go grab a soda. She chooses truth and I try to think of something interesting. Finally I ask her who she would most like to kiss in this room, even though I know what she's going to say. She admits openly that it's Beck and I sigh, getting up from the circle and heading to the kitchen.
I hear her ask Robbie and I go to the fridge, taking out a can of Diet Coke and opening it. I take a sip and look up at Cat, who is entering the kitchen. She seems nervous as she steps toward me. Her hand finds mine and she looks more serious than I've ever seen her.
"Can we talk?" She asks me. I tell her that we can and offer that we go to my bedroom. She agrees and we go back to the basement where my room is, closing the door behind us. I take a seat on my bed and so does she, sitting across from me. "There's something I need to tell you." This feels like the scene out of a movie. My stomach is in knots. I must be right about my suspicions.
"I like you Jade. As more than a friend. As a girlfriend." She lets out her breath and waits for me to say something. I just look at her helplessly, not knowing quite what to say. "We've done stuff, and that means something, and you're not with Beck anymore so there's no reason for you to say no. So do you want to try to date? I mean, I don't want to mess up our friendship but I like you a lot. Tell me you like me too." She looks desperate and my heart is beating too quickly.
I can't break her heart. I do have feelings for her, but I have feelings for Tori too. This is too confusing. I don't know what to do or say. My silence causes Cat considerable discomfort and she scrunches her face up, scrambling off the bed. I stand up and grab her arm, taking a chance as I wrap my arms around her and bring my lips to hers. She gasps at the contact but immediately begins kissing me back eagerly. Neither of us notice Beck in the doorway.