Hi guys...this is it! My first fanfic EVER! This is for everyone who helped me gain confidence to write and were kind enough to overlook my flaws. Thank You rachelandthecupcakecrusades, stupid shiny volvo driver, Shujouteki Kumo, YoolieYick, and mYBlOoYcRySTalHeaRt!! Thank you guys!! Please be kind. Arigatou.
Disclaimer: Me? Own Twilight? Yeah, when pigs fly.
Prologue: Pain
"You're not good for me, Bella." My heart throbbed agonizingly in my chest, my lungs seemed as thought they were drained of all air. Tears streamed down my face, like small drops of rain sliding down a window. I could only repeat those excruciating words in my head, over and over, a steady rhythm wreaking havoc with my heart. I gasped for air as I processed those words…he never loved me? Never? Of course not, I was a painfully plain human with ordinary qualities. He, other the other hand, was an exquisitely beautiful being with an extraordinary personality. I never deserved him, I was nothing compared to him. He deserved better, he was right to do this. But does that mean he had the right to pretend he loved me all this time? A charade? An elaborate façade that complicated his entire family? Why? I guess I was a shiny new toy that had dulled, no longer fit to hold the attention of its master, or masters in this case. No, the rest of the Cullens could not be blamed, nor could Edward. It's me, isn't it? I was the one who had failed him. Maybe if I was more beautiful, more like…Rosalie. He would never be able to leave if only I was not this pitiful human. The sharp pains in my chest ebbed to a muffled throb, yes, it was true then. I was the one to blame, not Edward, nor his beautiful family. Me. My breathing returned, no longer a laborious task. My epiphany was proving itself correct, I was no longer consumed by pain that slowly wasted away at my heart. Surprised, I put my hand on my chest, expecting the ache to return at my touch, but it did not. I couldn't feel anything. That can't be normal. Why can't I feel anything? I called up my memories, hoping my sadness would return. I felt…nothing. Not the fresh pain, the ancient sadness or the fierce anger…nothing. Happiness? Would I feel happy? I recalled a memory with Renee when we both lived in Phoenix. I was nine, Renee decided it was a beautiful day to go to the zoo and I agreed. We laughed at the silly antics of the baby chimps and joked when one threw a peanut at my mother's head. I told her that maybe perhaps the chimp thought that Renee was the mother chimp and expected her to clean up. That day was filled with childish wonder and happiness for me. But…I still could not feel anything. I was numb. I jumped off my bed and made my way to the bag of toiletries that I left in a corner of my room. As I passed the rocking chair, I avoided making eye contact with the piece of furniture. I picked up the bag and rummaged through its contents for a few seconds. There, at the very bottom of the bag, I found what I needed. My razor. I slowly worked the razor out of the handle, avoiding the sharp edges. It lay innocently on my palm, an object that would have seemed menacing to the clumsy Bella, only caused me to chuckle silently. I picked it up carefully, using my thumb and pointer finger, and pressed it against my wrist. It did not draw blood. I tilted the razor blade a bit, tilting it on an angle and applied pressure against the blade. Suddenly, I saw drops of crimson squeezing around the silver edge. Despite my usual repugnance towards blood, I could not help but marvel at the sight. The drops of dark red contrasted beautifully against my albino-like skin. A feeling of euphoria passed though me before a sharp sting took over. How ironic, the only way I could feel anything, any emotion, any pain, was when I cut myself.
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Bear with me here, this might be a little unclear, but that's what Prologues are there for! Edward does leave Bella for the same reasons as he does in New Moon, BUT he does not leave Forks, the Cullens will also be in Forks. This will all be explained in the next chapter. However, I'm going on a week long vacation tomorrow, and I won't be able to update in a while. My sincerest apologies.