So...it's been a while huh? To be fair, a lot of crap happened over the last couple of months and I was either tapped for ideas or just not in the mood to write. However, with the season finale dlc coming out, I decided to not only reboot this bad boy, but add three chapters over the next couple of days to boot! Plus the first two chapters are getting a major overhaul. Am I crazy to do this all now? Nipple Salads!

With that out of the way, onto the main attraction!

As the six vault hunters looked around, it was obvious that they were the only attendies of Clap Traps birthday party.

"This is kinda sad amigos." Salvador whispered to his friends as Clap Trap and Krieg danced to the music on the radio.

"Yeah, but what can we do? He's not exactly the most, 'tolerable' company to keep." Maya said, chewing on the ice cold pizza.

"A party of five, a really sad affair but, what can we all do?" Zero asked, keeping to his Haiku speech patterns.

"Hmm...I think I got an idea. Huddle people" Gaige said as the group discussed their plan of action.

"Hehe, that's bueno. Muy bueno." Salvador chuckled as they broke to commence the plan.

-BL2-

A minute later, Clap Trap sighed and turned off the radio. "Okay, parties over. Thanks for sticking around guys but...where'd Sal, Axton and Krieg go?" he asked Maya and Zero, who were the only two standing.

"They went to get you a birthday surprise. We honestly felt bad about you not having anyone come to your party." Maya explained, smiling earnestly.

"Really!? That's great! I mean, you didn't have to, six people are the most to ever come to one of my parties. Usually it's just me, one time I hung out with Zed in Fire Stone, but he said if I bothered him like that again he'd toss me to the Skags."

Zero held up his hand and a good sized rock from near by. "Still you are our friend, so you deserve a present, happy birthday dude." he said, putting the rock down and with a few swipes of his katana, made a miniature Clap Trap.

"Wow! Thanks Zero! That was deadly and thoughtful!" Clap Trap beamed as he put the statuette on a shelf with his other knickknacks.

"Well, I got something for you too, chico." Sal said, walking over with a paint gun.

"Really? Whats that?" Clap Trap asked eagerly.

"Well, every birthday, my brothers and I would go out and get me a tattoo. So I thought it'd be nice if you got one too. Pick a pattern." Sal said, holding out a couple of different decals Scooter used on his cars.

"Really? Awesome! Uh...that one!" the robot said eagerly, pointing to a design.

"Nice choice hombre." Sal said, putting the pad on Clap Traps back.

"Oh yeah! I'm gonna get some ink done! The ladies will be all over me!" Clap Trap cheered, bouncing up and down.

"Well, paint but neither here or there. Now hold still!" he said, forcing the robot back onto the ground. After a minute, he pulled the gun back to reveal a vault symbol on Clap Trap.

"Sweeet, now everyone's gonna know not to mess with tattooed bad ass Clap Trap!" Clap Trap said, striking karate poses.

"Or that he won't mind if they paint stuff on him" Maya whispered, getting a snicker out of Salvador.

"Honey, I'm home!" A booming voice shouts. The four turn to see Krieg carrying a dead skag by the throat.

"Oh! A dead Skag! You shouldn't have...no seriously, those things smell like hot garbage." Claptrap said eyeing the carcass.

"Ah but remember little Susan, it's what's on the inside that counts!" the psycho said, taking his other hand and grabbing the corpse by the tail, he stretched it, causing a spray of bile, followed by a pearl.

"Oh! Nice one!" Clap Trap said, placing the pearl near the statue. "Thanks Krieg!"

'Now, like we practiced. Say, your welcome.' Kriegs sanity coached, hoping he wouldn't yell about bodily excretions or meat.

"I hear with my my eyeballs!" Krieg shouted happily.

Maya giggled and Sal shook his head.

'Close enough. Least it wasn't poop train.' the voice sighed.

"Aaannnddd...done! Here dude!" Gaige said, sticking a microchip into Claptrap

"What was huh?" Claptrap asked before hearing the booming beats of dubstep coming from his back up speakers "Oh! I can play music! Now I can stop making music for these unappreciative jack-holes!" he cheered.

"The ears of Sanctuary owe you big time." Maya whispered to the teenage savant, who grinned in response.

"Sorry I'm late little guy, but those Bonerfarts can be mean suckers." Axton said, coming up to the group with a large wad of Bullymong fur in his hands

"How long are you gonna keep calling them that? Hammerlock said he changed it back." Maya said shortly over a giggling Salvador and Gaige.

"Till it stops being funny." Axton replied, giving the fur to Clap Trap the fur.

"Thanks Axton. Haha!" he said, putting it on top of his 'head' making it look like he was sporting a Mohawk. "Yeah, fur Mohawk for the win! How do I look minions?"

The group were to busy trying not to laugh to answer. Finally, Maya collected herself enough to say "Um, awesome. Now, my present might not be much, but I think the birthday boy deserves a birthday kiss." she said, leaning down and pecking Clap Trap on the cheek (near his eyeball).

"Wow! If I had reproductive organs, my ovaries would be totally erect right now. That's what it's called right? Ovaries?"

The giggling trio were now doubled over with laughter, while Maya just blushed and sighed "I'll tell you next birthday okay?"

Clap Trap shrugged "What ever. You know what? For showing me such kindness, I've decided to reward you all!"

Salvador cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? And what's that? Guns? Money? Shields? Please say it's the first one!" he beamed, hoping to get his hands on a new piece of weaponry.

"Didn't you just get a new gun from Marcus?" Maya asked curiously

"Yeah, but I already shot someone in the face with it!" Salvador whined, causing Zero to shake his head.

Clap Trap was oblivious to their conversation, and stood in front of his house proudly "Nope! Well, maybe guns, but for the most part you are now promoted from minions to to minions first class! This means you'll be assigned new and exciting missions and I wont fire you by shooting you all in the face!"

Axton opened his mouth but decided to save it and just say thanks, while the rest just took their weapons and left.

On the way back, the six looked at one another

"So, I think I'm gonna head to Moxie's and tie one on, anybody care to join me?" Axton asked, popping his neck to Maya's annoyance.

"You know me bro. Guns, booze and babes are what I live for." Salvador said, exchanging a fist bump with Axton.

"I'll go with you two to make sure nothing fun happens without me." Gaige said with a grin.

"While you two get drunk, I'll be honing my skills, so I am ready." Zero said simply, turning towards the fast travel hub.

Maya nods "I'll take Krieg home, in case he tries to 'kill' another vending machine."

"White whale! Holy grail!" Krieg shouted at the sky.

"What ever dude, see you guys back at the safe house." Axton said with a chuckle as he, Gaige and Salvador went to Moxie's bar.

As Maya and Krieg walked out of earshot, Maya smirked and whispered "You back in control?"

Krieg paused for a moment and sighed "Yeah. Sorry, He gets worked up in combat, almost impossible to fight him back."

Maya smiled "Well, I'm glad to know there's a sane man under that cute psycho."

Kreig chuckled "I don't know about cute, but thanks."

Maya smiled "Well, let's take our walk then. You owe me a date after the other guy attracted that pack of Bullymongs." she said. giving him a peck on his vent.

Krieg nods "Sure thing Maya." following the siren out into the wastes.

And that was the first chapter. Did you like it? Hate it? Think it was meh? Let me know in a review!