Lean On Me

by misslucy21

Anniversaries of bad things are easier with people you love.

Chapter 1

Matt looked around the club wide-eyed. He'd known that his life in Syracuse had been somewhat sheltered, but he really thought that this place was beyond normal. Even for a big city like Miami. He watched queasily as a woman wearing a leather corset poured something that looked like blood over another person of indeterminate gender.

"Here," Dale, his roommate said, putting a drink in front of him.

He looked at the glass in front of him, unsure of what to do next. A thousand warnings screamed across his nerve endings. Don't ever drink something you didn't order, don't ever put your glass down, don't drink something you don't recognize. It smelled like a Bloody Mary (how appropriate, he thought), but he hadn't heard his roommate give the order and even so, there was no way to be sure what he'd been handed. "No thanks," he said, weakly.

"You're such a pussy," Dale said, rolling his eyes.

Matt didn't reply. He really did not like Dale. He'd been trying for more than a month to like the guy, because he thought that liking your roommate was only polite, but there was very little about the boy that was likeable. He listened to truly awful death-metal music at deafening volumes and tended not to shower. If he studied at all, Matt had never seen it. Matt suspected he was into questionable substances, too, although he'd at least never done or left anything out in the room. Their neighbors across the hall were much the same, and the three of them tended to gang up on Matt. All Matt knew about bullies was that ignoring them was supposed to help, but giving in seemed easier sometimes. Like tonight.

"Dude," Brandon, one of guys from across the hall said. "Come on, Justin's scored some sweet shit."

"Awesome," Dale said, punching Matt. "Now's your chance to be a real man," he said to Matt.

Matt chewed his bottom lip as he followed Brandon and Dale to a dark corner. The pounding bass music was giving him a headache, and the heavy scent of clove cigarettes mixed with sweat and other unidentifiable substances hung in the humid air. He shivered despite the heat as he saw the table where Justin had laid out some sort of powder.

"You know what," Matt said, suddenly. "I'm out." He held up his hands and backed away. That was the last straw.

"Pussy!" he heard Dale yell back at him as he pushed through the dancers and emerged out on the street.

It was still hot. So, so hot. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, outside, with no jacket, and it was the end of September. It added to his disorientation. He had no idea where they were- Dale had driven them. And he didn't know Miami nearly well enough yet to figure out how to get back to the dorm. He really didn't want to go back there yet, anyway. Someone was sure to be getting drunk and loud in their room and someone would inevitably vomit either in the hallway or in one of the bathroom sinks. His head ached. He just wanted to curl up and be still. But it was Friday night, and quiet and stillness seemed to be qualities that Miami just didn't have on a sultry Friday night.

He walked aimlessly up the street, shying away from the clumps of people on the sidewalk, waiting to enter the various clubs and bars that lined the street. Eventually, he came to a quieter part of the street and the lack of noise washed over him with something like relief. He still didn't know where he was, but he could almost think again. But the dimly lit street and lack of people made him a bit nervous. There was something bright up ahead, and he hurried toward it, hoping that maybe there would be something he recognized. Or at least a reasonable place to ask directions. He had no idea where he was going to ask directions for, but he couldn't just keep wandering the streets not knowing where he was.

It was a movie theater, he saw with some relief. Movie theaters were familiar and safe, in his mind. He hurried towards the theater, dodging groups of high school kids laughing and talking as they waited for rides or decided where to get coffee or a snack. He was envious. Two months ago, he would have been outside a movie theater in Syracuse on a Friday night in a similar group of people. Raina and Mark and Stephanie and Amanda and Randy. He missed his friends. He missed his cousins. He missed his family. Suddenly unable to bear it any longer, he sat down on a ledge and contemplated what to do next.

Two police officers leaning against a patrol car caught his eye. You are seriously the stupidest person on two feet, Matthew, he thought. If he didn't want to go back to the dorm, he could surely go to Tim's house for a little while. He was pretty sure Tim and Calleigh wouldn't mind him showing up unannounced. It was Friday night, they were probably still up. And maybe they'd give him a ride back to the dorm later on. At the very least, they'd know how to get back to his dorm. Right, then, he thought. It was a good plan, except for one thing: He had no idea how to get to Tim's house. Every time he'd been there since school started, Tim had picked him up from school. And Matt didn't have a cell phone, and he didn't have Tim's phone number memorized yet. He sat back down with a thump. Now what? He thought for a moment. Maybe those cops know Tim. Or at least how to get to his neighborhood. He screwed up his courage and walked over to them.

"Um, hi," he said, uncertainly as he approached the patrol car.

"Hello, there," one of the cops said. He was an older man. The other cop was a younger woman. Matt bit his lip and forged on.

"Um, well, do you happen to know a guy named Tim Speedle? He's a CSI," he asked, hopefully.

The older cop frowned and looked at Matt. "I don't know him personally, but I know his name. Is there a problem?"

"No. Yes. No. I don't know," Matt admitted. This was not going as planned…

"What's your name, kid," the cop asked.

"Matt Speedle," he said in a small voice.

"Ah," the cop said. "I take it you're related?"

"He's my brother," Matt said, nodding.

"Are you visiting him?" the woman asked.

"No, not…not exactly. I go to school. Here, in Miami, I mean. At the university?" he said. "But, I kinda wanted to go to his house, but I don't know how to get there. And I kinda don't remember his phone number."

"How old are you, kid?" the older cop asked.

"Eighteen," Matt sighed.

"Freshman?" the older cop asked again.

"Yeah," Matt sighed again.

The older cop nodded and exchanged a quick look with his partner. "Wait here a minute," he said, walking around to get into the car.

Matt stood in front of the woman, shifting his weight back and forth. She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble," she said.

"Ok," he said, nodding. "I just…"

"I understand," she said. "It's ok."

They stood without talking until the older cop came back around to the sidewalk. "All right. Anda, you take the kid here out to his brother. I'll wait here. Max and Ramsey will be here within five minutes to take over here. The address is on the GPS," he said.

"Sure thing," Anda said, smiling brightly at Matt. "Come on," she said, opening the passenger door. "You can ride up front if you don't touch anything."

"Yes ma'am, no ma'am," he said, nodding quickly. "Thank you," he said, to the older cop.

"Call it professional courtesy," the cop said, winking at him. "You be safe, now."

"Yes, sir, thank you," he said, again, getting in the car. If he could get himself out of tonight's situation, maybe Tim would know how to take care of the rest. He really did hope Tim and Calleigh didn't mind him dropping in like this….

He thanked Anda politely as he got out of the car in front of Tim's house.

"You'll be ok from here?" she asked.

"I think so, yes, thank you," he said nodding.

"All right. You have a good night," she said, pulling away from the house.

Matt squared his shoulders and walked up the front walk to knock on the door. The house was dark and quiet, which made him a bit nervous, but both cars were in the carport, so they were home. Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're still awake. Or that they're not…otherwise occupied. His face burned red as he saw a light come on in the living room.

Calleigh opened the door, looking as though she'd been woken up. Her hair was mussed and she was wearing what was obviously one of Tim's t-shirts, judging from the fact that it was entirely too big on her and said Syracuse University across the front. "Matt?" she asked, squinting at him.

"I'm sorry," he said, automatically.

"What? No, it's fine, come on in, honey," she said, stepping aside as she held a cat back from the door with her foot. "Quickly now, before Ms. Houdini here gets loose," she said.

He slipped into the house and let Calleigh lock the door behind him. "I would have called, but I couldn't remember the number."

"Don't worry about it. I was just a bit surprised. Sit, sit," she said, waving towards the couch. "I imagine you want Tim?"

"If it's not any trouble," he said, sitting down on the couch. "I mean, if he's asleep…"

"It's no trouble," she said, kindly. "I don't think he's entirely asleep yet." She walked down the hall and left Matt alone in the living room. He could hear her talking to Tim, and hear that Tim was responding, but couldn't make out the words.

A few minutes later, Tim stumbled into the living room pulling a sweatshirt over his head. He squinted sleepily at Matt and frowned. "Jesus, kid," he said, in a sleep roughened voice.

Matt couldn't help it. Tim sounded just like their Uncle Chris, who Matt had been missing very much, and it was all suddenly too much. He found himself dissolving into sudden tears that he couldn't stop, no matter how adult he wanted to look to his big brother.

A strong arm was around his shoulder in moments, and a hand turned his head to face a sweatshirted shoulder. "Cal, can you do me a favor and put some water on in the kettle?" he heard Tim ask.

"Sure thing," Calleigh said.

"Shh, it's ok," Tim said to him as he cried. "Really, kiddo, it's all right. You're all right, you're safe."

After a few more moments, the storm stopped and Matt pulled away. "Here," Tim said, reaching over to grab the box of tissues from an end table. "Better?"

"Sort of," Matt croaked, blowing his nose. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for," Tim said. He looked at him speculatively. "Come on," he said, standing up and walking towards the hallway. Matt followed Tim to his bedroom, where Tim rummaged through a drawer for a moment, emerging with a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

"These are too big for me, so I imagine they'll probably fit you well enough," Tim said, handing Matt the clothes. "Why don't you go on and wash your face and get changed while I finish making some tea, and then maybe we can sort things out, ok?"

"Ok," Matt said in a small voice. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Go get cleaned up. I'll be in the kitchen," Tim said, steering him towards the bathroom.

Matt obediently went into the bathroom and splashed water on his sore eyes. The shirt was a bit snug, but the pants fit all right. He took a deep breath and left the bathroom for the kitchen.

Tim loved Friday nights. From 5 until bedtime around 10, barring major work emergencies, there was a large block of what he called Calleigh Time. She even went into work an hour earlier on Fridays so she could leave at 5 instead of 6 and start their "date night" in plenty enough time to do something fun before he was ready for bed.

Calleigh was in charge of Friday nights. He had veto power, but he rarely used it. She'd learned to be creative over the past couple of months; the usual fare of dinner and a movie didn't work very well, since he was still easily overwhelmed by the loudness of a movie in a theater. Clubs and most bars were also out, for similar reasons. So she was forced to come up with more unusual activities for their nights out. Tonight, they were playing Bingo. She'd found out that the church near their house had a fish fry and Bingo every Friday night, and so they'd gone to investigate.

The fish had been reasonably good. A bit greasy, but what could you expect? They'd eaten their portions while sitting on a wall outside of the church hall. It had been a long week for Calleigh, and he'd been happy, just sitting and eating with her. They hadn't gotten to have dinner together all week. She gave him a wicked grin as she licked sauce from her fingers. He laughed at her attempts at lasciviousness, and she shrugged. "Can't blame a girl for tryin'," she said, as they threw away their plates and went into the hall for the Bingo.

She wasn't done trying, he found quickly. She giggled madly as she ran her bare foot up and down his leg under the table. "Stop that," he protested, mildly. He didn't mind, exactly, but they were in a church hall, for crying out loud. He could feel his face reddening. She didn't stop.

After three rounds of Bingo, it became really clear that they should probably get out of there if either of them had any intention of retaining whatever dignity they had left. He caught her hand as they left the room and held it tightly. She giggled again. Sometimes, her giggle was the most infectious sound in the universe. He found himself giggling a bit, too, as they got in the car.

He ran his fingers up and down her arm as she drove them home. "Stop," she protested, grabbing his hand and kissing it as she stopped at a red light.

"You started it," he replied, pulling their hands towards him. He kissed the inside of her wrist and then traced the veins lightly with his tongue.

"I'm gonna crash us, you do that again," Calleigh gasped. He laughed and kissed each one of her fingers.

Miraculously, she managed to get them into the driveway and under the carport before her composure completely left her. She reclaimed her hand long enough to put the car in park and turn off the ignition before climbing over the gearshaft and into his lap to kiss him soundly.

"Good thing it rained the other day and I had to put the roof on," she said, between kisses as he reached a hand under her skirt.

"Good thing it gets dark earlier now," he replied as she reached down to pull the lever to recline the seat. She giggled. He couldn't help but giggle back.

One thing led to another and they eventually found themselves sitting spent in the passenger seat. Calleigh leaned back, her back against the dashboard. "Whew."

"Mm-hm," he said, his head resting against the head rest.

"I feel like a teenager, makin' out in the car, hoping not to get caught," she laughed.

"Did you really do that?" he asked, an eyebrow quirked.

"Of course," she said, reaching out to trace his jaw line with her finger. "Didn't you?"

"Nope," he said, kissing her fingers. "Never had the opportunity."

"I keep forgetting you were never a teenager," she sighed.

"Not really, no," he said, smiling at her. "It's ok. I probably had more fun doing it with you now than I would have back then, anyhow."

She smiled. "Such a charmer."

"Mmm," he said.

"Come on, let's get inside," she said. "My legs are gonna start to cramp up if we sit here much longer."

"Wouldn't want that," he said, as she crawled off of him. He pulled the seat back up and followed her out of the car and into the house. His legs were wobbly and she caught him before he fell into the kitchen table.

"Whoops!" she said.

"They're just a bit wobbly," he said.

"I can't imagine why," she said, tossing her shoes towards the breezeway.

"You started it," he reminded her.

"Are you gonna remind me of that all night?" she asked.

"That's the current plan, yes," he said, pulling her in close for a kiss.

"Wanna walk down and get ice cream for dessert?" she asked.

"Sure," he said. "So long as you think you can keep your hands to yourself long enough to get back here," he teased.

"Humph," she said, laughing as she extricated herself from his arms. "You just wait and see."

She did manage to not distract him unduly as they walked down to the beach to get ice cream from the small stand just outside of the parking lot. They walked home, eating the cones and teasing each other by licking their fingers. This time, though, they made it inside and to the bedroom before even touching each other.

"That was nice," Calleigh said, finally, curling up next to him afterwards.

"Mm-hmm," he said. "Maybe you should work overtime more often."

"Heh," she said. "Maybe not. I'd wear you out," she teased.

He laughed, sleepily. "Mmm, true. I'd miss you too much, too."

"I know," she said. "It was no fun this week coming home with you already in bed and not even hardly getting to say hi to you. I'm so glad we got that case finished last night. I'd been looking forward to tonight since I realized how bad this week was going to get."

"I'm glad, too," he said. He yawned. She laughed.

"Go to sleep," she said, kissing him gently.

"Ok," he said, before surrendering.

Some time later, he felt, more than heard, Calleigh get up, grumbling something. He didn't respond, assuming it was morning and he just had missed her alarm, like he often did. She returned shortly, though, and leaned over to shake him. "Tim, wake up, sweetie."

"Mmm?" he asked, trying to drag himself to consciousness. "'sup?"

"Matt's here, hon," she replied.

"What? Is he ok?" Tim asked, eyes opening before he pulled himself up to sitting.

"Seems to be intact, although he looks a bit freaked out," she said.

"Ok," he said, getting up and shivering in the coolness of the night. It was coming fall, he realized. He shook that thought away as he found his sweatshirt on the back of the door and followed Calleigh out into the living room.

He squinted at Matt as he pulled the sweatshirt over his head. His little brother looked pale and wide eyed, and as though he'd been through some wringer. "Jesus, kid," he said, involuntarily.

Matt responded by dissolving into tears. Tim had seen it coming about a half a second before it happened and was already moving to sit next to his brother. "Cal, can you do me a favor and put some water on in the kettle?" he asked, giving her a significant look.

"Sure thing," she replied, as she left the room.

"Shh, it's ok," Tim said as he rubbed Matt's back. "Really, kiddo, it's all right. You're all right, you're safe." He just let him cry. He'd figure out what was wrong later.

Eventually, though, Matt calmed down enough to stop crying. Tim looked at him, thinking hard. He really didn't want to send Matt back to his dorm after this. Much better for him to bed down here for the night. Clearly, something had happened that had disturbed his brother and Tim didn't want to let him go without finding out what it was. He'd figured Matt was doing mostly ok, but well, it was coming fall, and Miami in the fall was an alien concept. So, he led his brother down the hall to the bedroom and rummaged around to find a pair of sweatpants that had never fit him right and a t-shirt that was still too big, and sent Matt off to change and get cleaned up.

"Is he ok?" Calleigh asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"I don't know," Tim said, accepting a cup of tea.

"Did he say what's wrong?" she asked, leaning against the counter.

"It's fall and he's wearing shorts and the leaves are all green," Tim said, with a shrug.

"He said that?" she asked, frowning.

"Didn't have to," Tim said, sipping his tea. "I feel the same way every year."

"Hmm," she said.

He shrugged at her. "I imagine something else happened, but that's probably a big part of it."

"Well, all right, then. I'm going to go back to bed and let you two talk," she said, kissing his cheek.

"He's gonna stay here tonight," Tim said.

"Good," Calleigh said. "I was going to suggest that, even if you hadn't. Tell him to stay the weekend, if he likes."

"All right," he said. He watched her leave the kitchen, then turned to fix a second cup of tea. Matt came into the room and slumped into a chair. "Here," he said, handing him the cup. "This'll help."

Chapter 2

"So," Tim said as he sat down across from Matt, "You want to tell me what happened?"

He watched Matt squirm, but his little brother (not so little. Jesus, he's bigger than I am, he thought) finally broke down and the words came spilling out. How his roommate was a jerk. How he'd been bullied into going to a club that Tim mentally identified as Damian's Playground. How the club had really freaked him out ("There was this woman? And she was, like, maybe pouring blood on this…I don't know…It was really freaky"). How he'd split when the drugs came out. And then how he'd found his way to Tim's house.

Tim sat and digested all this information for a moment. Matt looked half guilty and half scared. Tim couldn't really blame him. "Out of curiosity," Tim said, finally, "How, exactly did you get into the club? Damian's Playground isn't an all ages." For good reason, he thought.

Matt squirmed again and blushed, looking even guiltier. Tim just waited. He had a pretty damn good idea what was coming and simply nodded when Matt pulled a fake ID out of his pocket and slid it across the table for Tim to examine. "That's a pretty good one," he commented, mildly.

"I don't know who made it," Matt said, quickly.

"That's ok. I don't need to know," Tim said, shaking his head.

"And I didn't…I didn't get anything to drink. Or, like, anything like that," Matt added.

"Ok," Tim said.

"I…" Matt started to explain again, and Tim held up his hand.

"Matt, it's all right. You're not in trouble with me," he assured his brother. "It's ok."

"Are you gonna tell Mom and Dad?" Matt asked.

Tim blinked. The idea of calling their parents to tell them what Matt had gotten up to had honestly not even crossed his mind. "Why would I do that?" he asked.

"Well… you said I wasn't in trouble with you. I thought you meant…" Matt shrugged.

"Ah," Tim said, realizing. "No, Matt, I'm not calling Mom and Dad."

"You're gonna make me do it," Matt said sounding resigned.

"What? No, of course not," Tim said, shaking his head. "Matthew, you're an adult. You can tell Mom and Dad whatever you want. You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to."

"I don't?" Matt asked, looking confused.

Ah, hell, Tim thought. It hadn't occurred to him that Matt wouldn't have figured out that as an adult he had the prerogative to control the information he gave his parents. But then again, Matt hadn't had to exercise that prerogative like Tim had. Sorry, guys, he thought apologetically in the direction of Syracuse. "No, Matt, you don't." He held up a hand. "Please note here that I am absolutely not advocating or suggesting that you lie to Mom and Dad. That is a really bad idea," he said, quickly. "But there's ways of not sharing information that do not involve lying and as an adult, you have the prerogative and the privilege to take advantage of such things."

Matt looked thoughtful for a long moment. "You don't tell Mom and Dad everything?"

"Hell, no," Tim said, shaking his head. "I tell them what I'm comfortable with them knowing."

"Oh," Matt said. "They won't get mad?"

Tim thought a moment. "Hmm. Well, ok, I can't promise that they won't be mad at first. I mean, they should be used to it by now, given that I haven't lived at home for a long time already. But they might take awhile to get used to you doing that as well. But still, stick to your guns. If you don't want to discuss something with them, then don't."

"Oh," Matt said again. He looked frazzled and confused.

"Yeah, maybe that could have waited for another time," Tim muttered to himself. "Listen, Matt, why don't you finish up your tea and go on to bed."

"I can stay here tonight?" he asked.

"Absolutely. In fact, I insist," Tim said. "If you want, you can stay for the weekend. We can talk some more tomorrow, when you've gotten some sleep."

"Ok," Matt said, in a small voice, before draining his mug and pushing away from the table. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Here, let me make sure there's clean sheets on the bed," Tim said, standing up to lead his brother to the guest room.

Tim sighed as he walked back into the kitchen to clean up the remains of the tea. He'd gotten Matt off to bed with perhaps a tad more fussing than had been truly necessary, but Matt hadn't seemed to mind. But he'd kept remembering that the last time he'd put Matt to bed had involved debating over a bedtime story, prompting a halting recitation of the Angel of God prayer, and singing both his mom's and his dad's bedtime songs, because they weren't there. He was, what, four? Lord, Tim thought. Reminded of bedtime songs, he started half singing Taps under his breath as he washed the mugs. His father, newly discharged from the Army and confronted with a baby to be sung to sleep, had latched on to the first song he could think of, and thus Tim and Matt had been sung to sleep by Taps. Not the most traditional lullaby, perhaps, but it had done the trick.

He was putting the mugs away and wiping the counter when the date on the calendar caught his eye. It's not…no, it is. Today is the 16th, so tomorrow…no, today, now, it's nearly 1. How did I forget… he wondered, as he leaned heavily against the counter. Thirteen years. God. He scrubbed his hands over his face and stared at the calendar. He had no idea how September had slipped away from him so fast. Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he left the kitchen.

I should go to bed, he thought as he walked into the living room. He was too keyed up now, though. First Matt, and then remembering the anniversary of Jason's death. It was all too much. He looked out the front window at the quiet street for a long moment. It was coming fall, and cool in the house. Tomorrow would be hot, though, like usual. He suddenly missed colored leaves and crisp weather and apple cider. Homesickness ran through him like a stab of lightening and he had to close his eyes for a moment to chase away the sudden dizziness. Without even quite thinking about it, he sat down on the couch and picked up the phone and dialed his parents' phone number.

"'Lo?" his father answered, sleepily.

"Dad?" he asked.

"Timmy? Are you ok? Is Matt ok?" his father said, sounding much more awake.

"No, no, I'm fine. Matt's fine. I mean…well, I'm not hurt or anything," he said, hurriedly, trying to reassure his father. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called so late."

"No, no, Little Man, you can call me whenever you want. I was just startled, is all. You're sure Matt's ok?" his dad asked. "I haven't heard from him all week."

"Yeah, he's asleep in my guest room," Tim said.

"Yeah?" his dad replied.

"Yeah. He was feeling lonely, so he came over tonight," Tim said.

"Well, all right, then," his dad said. "What are you doing up so late?"

Tim swallowed. "It's…Jason died today," he said, finally.

"Oh, kid," his dad sighed.

"I forgot. I mean, I didn't forget, exactly, I just thought it was a week off or something yet," Tim admitted.

"Well, you've been awfully busy lately," his dad replied. "You've been balancing school and work, and being with Calleigh. It's a good thing, Tim. You're living your life, which is what Jason would have wanted you to do."

"I know. I just…" Tim shrugged, even though his dad couldn't see. "I don't know."

"That's ok," his dad said.

"Matt was over and we were talking and then I realized what day it was after he went to bed, and I just…I just wanted to hear home," he said in a small voice. "I guess I could have woken Calleigh up, but she doesn't sound like home."

His dad chucked. "No, I don't imagine she does. It's ok, Tim."

"It's stupid," he protested.

"It's not stupid. There's never a stupid reason to call home, buddy. You don't even need a reason," his dad reassured him. "And in case it wasn't clear, you don't need a reason to come home, either. You can always come home, whenever you want."

"I know. Thanks," Tim said. He was quiet a moment, then said, "I'm losing him, you know."

"You just forgot, Timmy. That doesn't mean…" his dad started, but he cut him off.

"No, it's not just that. I…when I remember, I can't quite see him anymore. And I can't remember what he sounded like. He's just…slipping away, I guess."

"I'm sorry," his dad said, quietly. "It's hard when that happens. I can't always hear Papa anymore, either."

"Yeah," Tim said. He looked up at the sound of a door opening and saw Calleigh walking down the hall towards him.

"Who's on the phone," she asked softly as she sat down on the couch next to him.

"My dad," he replied.

"Ah. Hi, Danny," Calleigh said, leaning her head on Tim's shoulder.

"Calleigh says hi," Tim said, dutifully.

"Well, hello, Calleigh," Danny replied.

"He says hi back," Tim said.

"Sounds like someone would like you to come to bed already," Danny added.

"Probably," Tim replied, tilting his head to rest on top of Calleigh's.

"Let her take you on to bed, Little Man, all right? Get some sleep, you hear?" his dad said.

"Yes, sir," Tim said, with a sigh.

"Good. You feel better, ok? Call me if you want anything. And tell your brother that it would be nice to hear from my youngest son every so often, even if it's to ask for money," Danny said, dryly.

"Will do," Tim replied. "Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, Little Man. I love you," his dad replied.

"Love you too. Bye," Tim said, hanging up the phone.

"So?" Calleigh asked. "Everything ok?"

"No, he's fine. I…just wanted to hear home. It's...well, today's the day Jason died," he said softly, tracing circles on her knee.

"I know," she said, quietly.

"You do?" he asked, confused. He didn't remember telling her the date.

"I asked your mom a couple weeks ago. I knew it was in September, so I wanted to be ready," she explained.

"I forgot. I mean, I didn't realize what day it was," he admitted.

"I kinda thought you might not have. But I figured I'd try to distract you anyway," she replied.

"So, tonight was all distraction?" he asked, pulling away to look at her. He wasn't sure he minded, exactly, but he wasn't entirely sure if he liked it, either.

"No, it wasn't," she said, shaking her head. "Most of it was like I said- it was a long week and I missed you. But I did know what day it was, and thought that it would be just as well to keep you from dwelling on it."

"Oh," he said. "I guess that's ok, then," he said after a moment.

"Come on," she said, standing up. "Bedtime. You need to sleep."

"I know," he said. "All right, I'm coming," he sighed, letting her pull him to his feet.

How's your day been? (yeah)

'Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns

"Ragdoll", Maroon 5

When Matt woke up, there was sunlight pouring through the window above the bed. He looked around for a moment, slightly disoriented in his unfamiliar surroundings until it clicked that he was in the guest bedroom at Tim's house. He nodded to himself absently and crawled out of bed.

The door to Tim and Calleigh's room was open, and he glanced into it to find that it was empty, their bed made with a cat napping on the bedspread. The office across the hall was similarly empty, and he couldn't hear anything from the kitchen or living room. Shrugging, he walked into the bathroom, where he found two notes stuck to the mirror. One was obviously meant for him, but his attention was drawn to the second one. It was somewhat tattered, as though it had been on the mirror a long time, and said You are worth everything every minute of every day. He pondered it a moment, feeling somewhat like he'd stumbled on something not meant to be seen. Something between his brother and Calleigh. The handwriting was unmistakably feminine, and he felt suddenly sad that the sentiment was something that his brother seemed to need to be reminded of on a daily basis.

Shaking his head, he reached out and plucked the note that was meant for him off the mirror to read. This one was clearly from Tim.

Good morning, Matt. Calleigh and I had to go into work. I'll probably be home by 2:30, though. We haven't done the shopping for the week, so the pantry's a little bare, but there is cereal and bread for toast. If you're hungry for something else, the grocery store is about a 10 minute walk away (turn left when you leave the house, walk up to the main road, turn right, and go three blocks. You'll see it on the right). There's some money and a key to the house clipped to the fridge. My cell phone number and my work number are posted by the phone in the kitchen. Call me if you like, I'm just trying to catch up on some stuff, so I'll be available if you need anything. If you're planning on not being here when I get home, please call and let me know so I'm not wondering where the hell you went, ok? See you later, Tim.

Well, that answered the question as to where Tim and Calleigh were. It hadn't occurred to Matt that they might have to work on a Saturday. Yeah, but it makes sense. It's not like the police station closes on the weekend, silly.

It was 1:40 already, he found when he walked into the kitchen. He didn't think he'd slept for so long since moving to Florida. It felt good. He stretched as he considered Tim and Calleigh's selection of cereal. I wonder who the Froot Loops belong to, he mused. He wasn't sure he could see either of them eating kids' cereal. They seemed so…grown-up. He sighed and pulled down the box of granola.

He was halfway through the bowl of cereal and the sports section of the newspaper he'd found on the table when a noise in the backyard made him look up. Tim walked into the house shortly afterwards. "Hi," Matt said.

"Hey," Tim said, blinking at his brother. He looked a bit distracted and worn down by something as he walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Are you all right?" Matt asked.

"Hmm?" Tim said, turning around to look at Matt. "Oh. More or less, yeah."

"Um, all right," Matt said, uncertainly.

Tim shook his head and fiddled with the glass. "No, I'm sorry. It's just…it's…well. Today's the day Jason died. I…don't do very well with anniversaries of bad things."

"Oh," Matt said, not sure what else to say about that. He certainly remembered Jason dying, but it had been so long ago and he'd been little.

"Don't worry about it, Matt. I'm not going to freak out on you. I'm just…tired. Is all," Tim said, sitting down across from him at the table.

"Do you want me to go?" Matt asked.

"No, actually, I'd prefer to not be alone just now, if that's all right with you," Tim admitted.

"Of course," Matt nodded.

They were quiet for a moment. Matt finished his cereal. Tim drank his water and looked out the window. "You ought to call Daddy sometime in the near future," Tim said, finally, turning his attention back to the table.

"Later, maybe," Matt said. "Why? Did he call?"

"No, I called him last night after you'd gone to bed. Not to talk about you," Tim said, hurriedly, shaking his head. "I just wanted to call home. But he was worried about you and said you hadn't called home this week."

"I was busy," Matt replied. It was true, it had been a busy week. But mostly, he hadn't called because he didn't know what to say about school and his roommate and all the things he didn't like about it all. He wondered if that was what Tim had meant by not telling Mom and Dad everything.

Tim shrugged. "That's understandable. It's probably my fault, I woke him up and he was startled and got worried."

"Oh, no, it's fine. I mean, I'll call. I just…need to figure out what to tell them," Matt replied.

"About last night?" Tim asked.

"About all of it," Matt admitted. "I…kind of don't like college."

"Ah," Tim said, nodding. "What don't you like?"

"I don't like my roommate. And I don't like the dorm. And I don't like a lot of the people I've met," Matt said. "All anyone seems to care about is getting drunk and partying and I don't like that stuff."

Tim nodded. "I can understand that."

"And I feel bad, because you're supposed to like your roommate and that kinda stuff," Matt said.

"No, you aren't," Tim replied, blinking at him. "I mean, it's nice, but it's not required."

"It's not?" Matt asked.

"Not at all. I hated living in the dorms at Columbia. I hated both of my roommates that first year, and my second year roommate wasn't a hell of a lot better," Tim said. "I hated dorm food and the laundry rooms and the computer lab in the dorm where the printer never worked, and the fact that I had to share a bathroom with 40 complete strangers and all that. I am not cut out for communal life," he finished, wryly.

"You hated Columbia?" Matt asked.

"God, yes," Tim sighed. "Both times. I possibly hated it the second time more. I really, really hate New York."

"I didn't know that," Matt said.

Tim shrugged. "I don't think we've exactly discussed it, ever."

"Did you like the school part?" Matt asked.

"Most of the time, yeah. The professors and the grad students were good. And the stuff I was learning was certainly interesting. I liked the work for the most part," Tim nodded.

"I kinda like the school part. And training," Matt said.

"See, you don't hate everything, then," Tim said.

"No," Matt said. "Just the dorm stuff, I guess. And my roommate. He kinda scares me a bit."

"Well, I can't say I blame you there. From what you've told me, I'd be a bit afraid of him too," Tim agreed. "Have you tried talking to your RA?"

Matt shrugged. "All he does is play video games. I tried to talk to him once about the people getting drunk in the hall every weekend and he told me to be tolerant of other people and not be such a stick in the mud Yankee."

"Charming," Tim said, dryly. "Unfortunately, you'll get that here sometimes."

"I kinda guessed I would, but I didn't…"

"Know it would sting quite so much?" Tim asked.

"Yeah," Matt sighed.

"It gets better after awhile," Tim said. "But still."

"Yeah," Matt nodded. "So, yeah, my RA wasn't a lot of help."

Tim nodded. "I see. Well, ok. Do you want to stay the weekend? At least get a break from things?"

"Can I?" he asked, hopefully.

"Absolutely," Tim said.

"Thanks," Matt said, relieved. "I kind of don't want to go back there."

"Right," Tim said. "Maybe we can find out what you'd have to do to get transferred to another room or something."

"I can do that?" Matt asked.

"Usually. It can be a hassle, but I think you've got circumstances that might make it work," Tim said.

Matt sighed. "I didn't know that."

"It's all right, Matt. You're not expected to know everything yet, you know? Give it some time," Tim said. "Anyway, do you want me to take you over there so you can get some clothes and stuff?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be good," Matt said. "I've got stuff due on Monday."

"Ok," Tim said. "Go get your shorts on and we'll go."

"Right," Matt said, pushing away from the table.

About twenty minutes later, they had reached campus. "This kinda sounds stupid," Matt said, "But will you come up with me? Like, in case Dale's there? He'll probably leave me alone if someone's with me."

"It's not stupid," Tim said. "And yes, I'll go up with you."

"Thanks," Matt said. "I know I'm supposed to be a grownup and all, but…"

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting backup," Tim said firmly as they entered the dorm. "It's like the first thing they taught me when I started training with the department. You never go into a potentially unstable or dangerous situation alone."

"I kinda feel like I ran and told on someone," Matt confessed.

Tim looked thoughtful. "No, that's not what happened. You discussed a problem you were having. I don't think that's telling on someone, not really."

"Yeah, well," Matt said as they approached his room. "It still feels like…" His voice trailed off suddenly as he opened the door to his room and saw the inside. His side of the room looked completely destroyed. There were clothes and books and things everywhere. "I don't…" he said, stepping inside. "Why…who…"

Tim followed him into the room and whistled. "Don't touch anything," he said.

"What?" Matt asked.

"We need to call campus security. Don't touch anything, it'll make it harder when they get here," he explained.

"No, no, I don't want to make a thing over it. Doesn't Mom say you need to ignore people who are trying to get at you?" Matt said.

"Matt, this isn't trying to get at you. This is destruction of property," Tim said.

"I don't want to get anyone in trouble," Matt said.

Tim was quiet a moment. "Even so, we should have someone look at this, because it could help convince the people in charge that you really ought to change rooms."

Matt thought about that a moment. "All right," he said, finally. Tim nodded and picked his way carefully across the room to pick up the phone from Dale's desk. Matt looked around dazedly. It looked like someone had taken a can of spray paint to his bed- his sheets looked completely ruined. And some of the books looked like they'd been painted or something too. Pages had been ripped out- one book looked like it was completely torn to shreds. He sat down on the floor and just stared at the chaos.

"Someone's going to be up shortly," Tim said.

"Ok," Matt said.

"I have a camera in the car. I want to go get it so we can get a photograph or two of this, in case we need them," Tim said. "Are you ok here for a minute? Or do you want to go get the camera?"

"I'll go get the camera," Matt said, unwilling to stay in the room for much longer. He stood up and took the keys.

"It's in the bag in the backseat," Tim said.

"All right," Matt said. He went down to the car and found the bag Tim was referring to. When he walked back into the lobby, he saw one of the guys from his floor by the mailboxes.

"Evan. Do you know what happened to my room?" Matt asked.

"Huh?" Evan replied. "What do you mean?"

"Someone trashed my room," Matt explained.

"Wow, dude, that sucks," Evan said. "No, I didn't see anything."

"Ok," Matt said. "Thanks." He supposed Evan could be lying, but since he'd never really had much to do with him, he guessed there was no reason for Evan to lie to him.

Tim was still standing in the doorway when Matt came back upstairs. "I saw someone down in the lobby who said he didn't know anything," Matt said, handing Tim the camera.

Tim nodded. "I wouldn't expect anyone to say otherwise, but unless he was directly involved, he probably didn't." He started taking pictures. Matt just watched, helplessly.

"Ok," Tim said, finally. "We probably ought to wait in the hall for Campus Security."

"Fine," Matt sighed. He sat down on the floor with his back against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest so he could bury his face in his knees. What had he ever done to make someone do this? It was a question with no answer, so he didn't ask it. He felt Tim's hand on his back, anyway, as though he had asked. He closed his eyes and just waited.

Chapter 3

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,

You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again

If you only try turning around.

"Breathe (2AM)", Anna Nalick

The alarm went off and he watched Calleigh roll over to smack it off, muttering under her breath like she always did. She blinked when she realized he was awake. "Did you sleep?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "For awhile, anyway."

"You still upset with me?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He shook his head. "No."

"Good," she said, kissing his cheek. "Are you up to working today?"

"Mostly," he sighed. "I gotta go in, regardless. I've got court dates next week, and I didn't have a chance last week to go over testimony and all. I'm not going to stay all day. I don't want to strand Matt here all day if he wants to go back to his dorm, but I'm betting he'll sleep late anyway."

"That's probably a good idea," Calleigh agreed.

"Mmm-hmm," he said, rolling out of bed. He went to the kitchen and started the coffee while Calleigh showered. He caught himself staring aimlessly out the window and shook his head to clear it. He had to focus today; there was just too much to do. Sighing, he wrote Matt a note and found the spare house key and some cash in case Matt wanted to go to the grocery store.

"Tim," Calleigh said.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up.

"Are you going to get dressed?" she asked.

"Right. Yes," he said, shaking his head again and avoiding her concerned look. He dressed quickly and came back into the kitchen. "All right, I'm ready."

"Breakfast?" she asked.

"I'll eat later," he said, waving a hand dismissively.

"All right," she sighed.

They walked outside and he paused, looking at the car. "Can we take your car?" he asked.

"We need two cars today, Tim," she reminded him,

"Oh. Right," he said, nodding.

"Do you want to take mine, and I'll take yours?" she asked gently.

"Is that ok?" he asked.

"Sure," she said, shrugging. "I don't mind."

"Thanks," he said, slightly embarrassed.

"You're welcome," she smiled, leaning up to kiss him. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he sighed.

"See you at the lab," she said. He nodded and got in the car.

When he reached the lab, he went in search of Horatio. He didn't want to get Matt involved in anything, but he couldn't just ignore the fact that Matt had told him about someone dealing cocaine in the back of a club. It wouldn't make a difference, probably, but he did have something of an obligation to report that kind of thing. "Hey, H," he said, finding Horatio in his office.

"Good morning, Speed," Horatio said, as he looked up. Tim squirmed slightly as Horatio's gaze became suddenly very intent. "Are you all right?"

"Sure," he said. "I'm just kinda tired. There was a bit of excitement last night."

"Anything I ought to worry about?" Horatio asked.

"Not really," Tim shrugged.

Horatio nodded slowly. "All right. What's up?"

"Do you know someone in Narcotics who could deal with an anonymous tip? I mean, really anonymous- I don't want to be connected to it, and I'm not going to tell you how I know," he replied.

"I think I could arrange that," Horatio said, judiciously. "What's the tip?"

"They may well know already, but apparently one can score what sounds like some high grade cocaine at Damien's Playground," Tim said, with a shrug as he sat down. "Apparently, the staff there is also not doing such a great job at checking IDs, either."

"Ah," Horatio said, knowingly. "I see."

"So, you know, if you could maybe pass that on to someone?" Tim asked.

"I can do that," Horatio said. He looked at Tim thoughtfully for a moment. "Is he in trouble?"

Tim caught the reference to Matt and shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Not like that, anyway. Culture shock, more than anything, I think."

"If there was trouble, you would tell me?" Horatio asked.

"Yes. I would," Tim said, nodding. "But I'm pretty sure there's not."

"I'm sure you're right," Horatio said. "I just wanted you to know that I'd be more than willing to help if it was needed."

"I know," Tim said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Horatio replied. "Now, you're all right?"

Tim sighed. "Yeah. Mostly. I'm not staying all day. I was planning to leave around 2, if that's ok."

"It's fine. If you want to leave earlier, that's fine too. I know this isn't your best time, Speed. I don't want you pushing it," Horatio said, eyebrows raised.

"I'm not. I mean, I'm mostly ok. I'm just…tired," he said, unsure of exactly how to describe the mixture of guilt, pain, anger and exhaustion he was feeling.

"Ok," Horatio said, finally. "Just, go easy on yourself, ok? That's all I'm asking."

"I will," Tim said, nodding. "I just want to get some of the court stuff off my desk."

"All right," Horatio said. "But I'm probably going to check on you every so often."

"Figured as much," Tim shrugged. "I'm going to get to work, ok?"

"Sure. Hang in there, Speed," Horatio said.

"I'm trying," he said, smiling slightly as he left the room.

He had actually managed to get a fair amount of work done by noon, despite the fact that he kept coming back to himself with a start after having been staring off into space for some indeterminate amount of time and the fact that his head had started to ache. But when Calleigh wandered into his lab, he was quite glad to see her. "Hey," he said

"Hi," she replied. She walked over and tilted his face up towards her and gave him an appraising look. He tried a smile, but could tell it wasn't quite as successful as it could be. Her face twisted sympathetically and she wrapped her arms around him in a rare workplace hug. He sighed and rested his forehead against her stomach. "Your head?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Did you ever eat?" she asked.

"Not really hungry," he said.

"I know, honey, but your head would probably feel better if you ate something," she said, as she started to knead the back of his neck.

"Mmm," he mumbled, closing his eyes. She sighed, but didn't say anything.

The door opened, startling him into pulling away from Calleigh. "Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," Jack said.

"No, not at all," Calleigh said, walking around behind Tim and continuing to rub his shoulders. He was glad she didn't stop.

"You ok?" Jack asked Tim.

"Mostly," he said, with a sigh. It had become his default answer today, but it was somewhat true at least. He wasn't nearly as devastated as he had been last year, but he wasn't nearly as good as he usually was. Admittedly, his good mental states were pretty fragile, but at least they existed now. He could tell Calleigh and Jack were trading significant looks over his head, but he couldn't bring himself to really care.

Calleigh's pager went off and she sighed. "Of course."

He shrugged under her hands. "Well, someone's gotta do it."

She sighed. "Eat something, will you?" she said, kissing the top of his head. "I'll call if I'm going to be late."

"All right," he said. "Have fun."

She laughed. "Always. See you, Jack."

"Bye," Jack said, waving.

"What can I do for you?" Tim asked, looking across the table at Jack.

"I just wondered if you had the file for the Marshland case," Jack replied.

"Mmm, I think so," Tim said, rifling through the folders he had spread out on the layout table. "If not, it's on my desk…no, here it is," he said, finding it.

"Are you done with it?" Jack asked. "I still need to do my testimony."

Tim skimmed it. "Yeah, I think I've got it all. Enough for today, anyway," he said, handing it over.

"You look about like you've had enough of everything today," Jack said, taking the folder.

Tim sighed. "Not you, too."

"I'm just saying, I was about to go eat my lunch, if you want to come with and tell me about it," Jack said.

"It's…a long story," Tim said, slowly, unwilling to actually tell it.

"I've got time. And you've got to eat," Jack said, inexorably.

Tim was about to protest further, when a voice he didn't entirely recognize in the back of his head said Do it, Tim. Third time pays all. He stopped short. The inside of his head didn't talk to him quite so often anymore. He supposed it didn't need to quite so much. But it was rarely ever wrong, either. "All right," he sighed. "But you need to be patient. I'm not good at this story."

"Sure," Jack said. "I understand."

The scary thing was, Jack probably did. Tim had no idea why he was sure that was true, but he did. He pushed away. "Well, if we're going to go, let's be about it, then," he sighed. Who knows, he thought. Maybe third time does pay all. We'll see, I guess.

Reach down your hand in your pocket

Pull out some hope for me

Its been a long day, always ain't that right

"Long Day", matchbox twenty

Calleigh sighed as she opened the door to the house. Matt was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, and he looked up and put a finger to his lips when he saw her. She frowned, but then saw Tim curled up on the couch with his arms up over his face, presumably asleep. She nodded understanding and crept past to the kitchen. Matt followed her.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake him up," Matt said. "He's pretty tired."

"No, not at all. How long has he been out?" she asked.

"Maybe two hours? Or a little more," Matt said, shrugging. "We were watching a movie and I looked over and he was asleep."

"Good," she sighed. "He didn't sleep much last night."

"It's been a long day," Matt said, nodding.

Calleigh looked at him sharply. "You know what today is, right?"

"I do," Matt agreed. "But, well, it got longer."

"What happened?" she asked, concerned. She realized suddenly that Matt also looked somewhat frazzled and tired.

"Someone trashed my dorm room. Destroyed most of my stuff," Matt said, shortly.

"Oh, God," Calleigh said, horrified. "I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, me too," Matt sighed. He sounded so much like Tim in that moment that she was startled. Matt and Tim looked nothing alike. If she didn't know better, she wouldn't have even thought that they were related. Tim took very much after Marianne, with his dark curly hair, dark eyes, and medium height. He was still rather thin, but he'd always been on the small side, as far as Calleigh knew. And there was this odd quality to him, as though he wasn't entirely anchored to the ground and might slip away from everyone at any time. She'd seen it in every photograph she'd seen of him as a child, and it seemed to have become as much a part of his physical person as it was a part of his personality.

Matt, however, was definitely Danny and Melissa's son. His had his parents' height, and Danny's more solid build; at a guess, she'd think he was probably about three inches taller than Tim, and outweighed him by at least 40 pounds, probably more. He had sandy brown hair, Melissa's big blue eyes and Danny's easy smile. He also clearly had a more outgoing personality and ability to connect with other people. Calleigh had them so clearly defined as opposites in her head that it startled her when Matt came up with some mannerism that was very much Tim's.

"Did you call the police? Did someone go over the room?" she asked.

"Campus security came up. They looked things over, and they're going to talk to some people, but the amount of damage is less than required for the actual police to be involved," Matt explained. "It's got to be over a certain amount of money or something."

"Ah," Calleigh said, nodding. "That makes some sense."

"Sort of, I guess. Anyway, Tim took photos, just in case, but he says that it's probably going to be really hard to find out who did it unless someone says they saw something. Something about it being the kind of thing evidence can confirm, but not necessarily lead to a conclusion. There's just too many people with access to stuff in a dorm, I guess," Matt shrugged. "I've got a suspicion of who, but there's no real evidence, so Tim says it won't mean anything."

"That is one of the very difficult realities of our job, yes," Calleigh admitted.

"I kinda didn't want to stay there anyway, but after that, I really didn't want to, so Tim said I could stay the weekend. If that's ok with you," Matt said, finally.

"Of course," Calleigh said. "No problem."

"Thanks," Matt said. "I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, honey," she said. She really did like Matt a lot. And she'd been concerned about him last night. It seemed like he was having a very hard time adjusting, and she felt bad for him. It couldn't be easy to be 18 and so far away from everything familiar. She'd at least been familiar with New Orleans when she went to Tulane. It was still the same kind of place she was from, just on a bigger scale. Miami was so completely different from Syracuse. "Are you hungry?"

"Kinda, yeah, maybe," Matt admitted.

"Let me see if I can't wake up your brother and maybe we can go out and get some dinner, then," she said. She had half an idea to take Matt up to the diner that Tim liked. It wasn't very much like their family's restaurant, but Tim said it had the best diner food he'd had since leaving home. But she wasn't entirely sure if Tim would be up to it tonight.

"Ok," Matt said. "I'll go get cleaned up, then."

"Good idea," Calleigh said, nodding. She went back into the living room and contemplated her boyfriend with a fond look. She never understood how on earth he could sleep so tangled up like that. "Hi, sweetie," she said, before kneeling down in front of the couch to pull his hands away from his face. She'd learned long ago to say something to Tim before touching him, especially if he was sleeping.

He jerked slightly, and blinked sleepily at her. "Mmm"

She smoothed back his hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," he admitted.

"Matt told me what happened," she said.

He scrubbed a hand across his face. "It was awful."

"I can imagine. He seems to be upset, but ok," she commented. "Anyway, we were thinking of dinner, and I was thinking that if you were up to it, we might take Matt to the diner. I think he could use something familiar tonight," she said.

"Ok," Tim said. "Let me wake up a minute," he said.

"Sure, sweetie," she said. "You want a glass of water?"

"That might be good," he said, wincing as he pulled himself up to a sitting position.

"Your head still hurt?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"I'll bring you something for that, too," she said. "Did you eat lunch?"

"I tried," he said, blinking at her. "I really did."

"I believe you," she said.

"It's just…Jack asked what was wrong. And, well, I told him, and then I couldn't eat," he explained.

"Ok," Calleigh said. "Do you think you can eat now?"

"Maybe," he said.

"Well, let's try, anyway," she said. "And then you can get some more sleep, and you'll feel lots better tomorrow."

"Right," he said, pulling himself upright.

"I'll get you some water," she said, going into the kitchen.

The diner was unusually quiet for a Saturday night, but that was all to the good as far as Calleigh's little party was concerned. Tim definitely looked more than slightly rough around the edges, even in the quieter atmosphere. But the food was good, and even Tim had managed to eat half a bowl of soup and most of a grilled cheese sandwich. Matt had definitely perked up some after the food arrived. Familiar seemed to be just what he needed, which made Calleigh happy.

She sighed, happily. "Mmm, are we getting pie?"

"Sure," Matt said. "I like pie."

Tim shrugged. "Go ahead."

"We can get it to go, if you're tired," Calleigh suggested.

"Whichever you want," Tim said.

"Are you going to finish your soup?" she asked.

"Probably not," he admitted.

"Then we'll get the pie to go," she said, as the waitress approached.

"That's fine," Tim sighed. Matt looked half curious, but didn't say anything.

When they got back home, Tim wandered off to bed, but Calleigh and Matt sat in the kitchen and ate their pie. "I'm sorry about that, but he really needs some sleep," Calleigh said.

"No, no, it's fine," Matt said. "He was looking pretty worn out."

"It's just that when he doesn't get enough sleep, things get really rough. And I really want to keep them from getting too bad right now, since next week is the first anniversary of the attack in the warehouse," she explained.

"I didn't remember that," Matt admitted. "God, he really doesn't need my problems right now, does he?"

"No, don't think that," Calleigh said. "I think you being here is good for him. He tends to get lost in his head when he's upset. But having you to concentrate on is bringing him out of himself a bit. Tim is one of the most amazingly kind and generous people that I've ever met, but when he's depressed, he's really incredibly self-centered. Which makes sense, since he really just doesn't have the energy at that point to move beyond himself, but it just makes things worse. He gets locked up in these kind of circular things where he can't break though. But you're breaking through that, which is very, very good. Don't feel bad- I think he's actually a bit pleased that he can help you, even a little bit."

"You think?" Matt said.

"I really do," Calleigh said. "So don't think you're being a burden. You're not, at all."

"Thanks," Matt said. "I don't want to be trouble, so it's good that I'm not, you know?"

"I know. You Speedles are always so focused on not being trouble!" she said. "Tim's always the same way."

Matt laughed. "It's the way things are back home."

"Well, you're not trouble, ok?" she said.

"Ok," Matt said, smiling shyly.

"Good," she said. "Now, at the risk of being an incredibly boring person, I think I'm going to go to bed and make sure your brother gets the sleep he needs," she said. "If you think you're going to be good for the night?"

"No, I'll be fine. I've got homework to do, anyway. Well, as much as I can do with what books weren't completely destroyed," Matt sighed.

"Ah," Calleigh said. "Maybe we can do something about fixing that tomorrow."

Matt shrugged. "I'll think of something, I'm sure."

"Ok, then. You don't stay up and work too late, ok?" she said. The last thing she needed was another workaholic Speedle on her hands.

"No, I won't," Matt agreed. "Goodnight, Calleigh."

"Goodnight, Matt," she said, getting up to go to bed.

Tim was still vaguely awake when she came into the room. "Hi," she said.

"Hey," he mumbled.

"Matt's worried he'll be trouble," she said as she got changed for bed.

"He's not trouble. I'm trouble," Tim mumbled.

She laughed. "You're not trouble either. Goodness."

"Mmm," he sighed as she crawled into bed next to him. "He did pretty well this afternoon. He was fine until we discovered his laptop was completely ruined. Whoever fucked with his room poured glue over the screen and ruined it. I can probably pull the drive for him, but it's not functional as a computer anymore."

"God," Calleigh sighed. "He's just a kid. Who would do something like this?"

"Other kids who are just plain cruel," Tim said, blinking at her. "I'd lay odds it's his roommate. Who's a wonderful specimen of humanity, from the sounds of it."

"Mmm," Calleigh said.

"The worst thing is, Matt worked his tail off for that laptop. Mom and Dad told him a couple years back when he was starting to think about schools that he could have the computer he was using and they'd pay a certain amount to upgrade it, but if he wanted anything more than that, he'd have to get it for himself. So he saved every bit of his Christmas and birthday money and something like half of his paychecks for the last three years. He used that money and his graduation money, plus maybe a couple hundred that Mom and Dad had said they'd use to upgrade the computer to buy the laptop," Tim explained. "That was the most awful moment."

"Lord," Calleigh sighed. "Well, I told him that we might be able to do something about the fact that his books are ruined tomorrow. At least enough to let him get his homework done."

"Right," Tim sighed. "I think I still have some credit at the bookstore."

"That would be good," Calleigh agreed. "And we can probably afford your books if we have to."

"I'm pretty sure I don't need anymore this quarter," Tim said.

"Ok," Calleigh said. "They're going to let him transfer rooms, right?"

Tim shook his head. "I don't know. The person we talked to this afternoon basically said that there's not really anywhere to transfer him to. There's a housing crunch because they're remodeling one of the older dorms. His only option might be moving off campus."

"Ouch," Calleigh said. "Hmm."

"What?" Tim asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," she said. "Bedtime."

"All right," Tim sighed.

"You'll feel better in the morning," she said.

"Ok," he said, sleepily.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too," he mumbled just before succumbing completely. She laid awake for awhile to make sure he was completely asleep, then turned the light off and snuggled in next to him. She was tired, too, and could certainly use the extra sleep. It could all wait for the morning, she decided.

Chapter 4

The storms are raging on a rolling sea

Down the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

-"To Make You Feel My Love", Garth Brooks

Tim woke up with a bit of a start. He'd been dreaming, but not clearly enough to tell what it was about. He reached out and found Calleigh, and relaxed slightly.

"Mmm, good morning," she said, sleepily as he curled up closer to her.

"Mornin'" he said.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Ok, I guess," he said.

"Your head better?" she asked.

"Yeah, seems to be," he said.

"Good," she said, stretching as she sat up.

"Are you going to work?" he asked.

"Nope," she said. "I do need to go and have lunch with Daddy, though."

"Ah. All right," he said.

"You can stay here, if you'd rather," she said, kindly. He liked her dad well enough when he was sober, which was thankfully more often lately, but he had to be in a really good mood to handle a social occasion with Ken Hayes with any sort of success.

"You sure?" he asked. He always did.

"Of course. You've got Matt around, anyway," she said. "I don't mind at all." She shoved him gently in the side and he rolled over on his stomach to let her rub his shoulders.

"Mmm, that feels good," he mumbled.

"It's supposed to," she said. "I don't know how you manage to sleep sometimes; you're always so tight up here."

"Occupational hazard," he said. She sighed, but didn't say anything as she kneaded his back. "What were you thinking about last night?" he asked.

"Hmm? When?" she asked.

"When we went to bed. You sounded like you were thinking about something, but when I asked, you said nothing, go to sleep," he explained.

"Oh, that," she said. "I was just thinking, that if Matt's only option is to live off campus, maybe he should move in with us. We don't have guests that often, and you know pretty much anyone who visits would be either willing to take the air mattress or book a hotel room."

"You want my little brother to move in?" Tim asked, semi-incredulously.

"Not if you don't want him to. But I think it would be a good idea. You and I both know how Miami can be when you're new to the place. Do you really want him out there on his own?" she asked.

"Well…no," he admitted. Matt on his own was probably a recipe for some sort of disaster. "But what makes you think he'd want to live with his crazy brother, his brother's girlfriend and three cats?"

"You're not crazy," she protested, her hands stilling on his back.

"There's a box of pharmaceuticals in the kitchen that would beg to differ with you," he said, squirming around to lie on his back and face her.

She sighed. "You're not crazy," she repeated. He shrugged. "And yes, I think Matt would like to live with us, if we asked. I don't think he'll think of it on his own. And I think it would be good for him and it would be good for you, too."

He thought for a moment. "Ok, I can see how it would be good for Matt. But how would it be good for me?"

"You'd be able to help him out, and that would probably make you feel less guilty about him," Calleigh said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I don't feel guilty about Matt," he protested. She gave him the look that said Uh-huh, yeah right. "Oh, all right," he sighed.

"I swear, if it takes me my entire life, I am going to get you to stop feeling guilty about one thing that is not your fault" she said, punctuating her sentence by poking him in the chest.

"It really kind of is my fault," he said.

She sighed. "It's really not, but I've got better things to do than argue with you right now. But eventually, I'm going to make you believe it."

"Well, good luck with that," he said. She rolled her eyes. "What are the better things you have to do? And do they involve getting out of bed?"

She smiled. "Not necessarily."

"Good," he said. "I'm not ready to get up yet."

"Well, then, I guess I could accommodate that," she said. "Might as well be lazy, huh?"

"I'm all right with that," he said, reaching out to play with her hair. She laughed, and lay back down next to him.

Later that afternoon, he was reading in the living room when the phone rang. "Hello?" he said, absently as he picked it up without putting his book aside.

"Timothy Daniel Speedle, what the hell is going on down there? Where is your brother? Is he all right?"

"Whoa," he said, sitting upright. "Mom, everything is ok."

"Where is your brother?" she repeated.

"He's ok, really," Tim said, looking up to find Matt standing in front of him. He gestured towards the phone and gave Matt a look that said help me out here, kid. Matt rolled his eyes, and held out his hand. "He's standing right in front of me. I'll let you talk to him if you, you know, quit yelling for a minute."

"Timothy, put Matthew on the phone, or so help me God, I will be in Miami by dark," she said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, ma'am," Tim said, handing the phone to Matt. "She's not best pleased."

"No kidding," Matt muttered as he took the phone. "Hi, Mom."

Tim watched in complete fascination as Matt argued with their mom. It was amazing how similar Matt's side of the conversation was to certain arguments Tim could recall. He was fairly certain he could tell exactly what Mom was saying based on Matt's responses.

"Oh, for the love of…" Matt said, finally. "Here, you talk to her." He shoved the phone at Tim and stalked off into the kitchen.

"Um, Mom?" Tim said, cautiously.

She sighed. "I think that could have gone better."

"Probably," he shrugged. "But it's my fault, probably. I shouldn't have called in the middle of the night."

"No, baby, you call us whenever you want," his mom replied. "It's just I got home last night, your dad said you'd called late, and that he hadn't heard from Matt. So I try to call him, and got no answer at his dorm from last night until finally this afternoon his lump of a roommate picks up the phone and tells me he hasn't seen Matt since Friday. Which made me just a tad bit concerned."

"I probably should have called back and let you know he was here, but I told him it was up to him what he wanted to tell you guys," Tim said.

She sighed. "You're right, of course. But it's hard to get used to. Matt was never as independent as you were. He always needed more than you ever let us give you."

"Yeah, well," Tim sighed. "Anyway. Where were you?"

"Rochester, visiting Katie and the new baby with Lisa," she said. "He's precious."

"I bet," Tim said.

"So, what is this about Matt's things? And not being able to switch rooms? Was I understanding him right?" she asked.

"It's not clear yet, but it looks like he won't be able to transfer rooms because there's nowhere to transfer him to. There's apparently a large waiting list for a dorm room right now. So if he wants out of his room, which he does, and which I think is a very good idea, he's going to have to go off campus," Tim explained.

"God," his mom sighed. "What a mess."

"Hang on a minute," Tim said, getting up to walk into his bedroom. "There. I can't very well talk about him in the living room when he's in the kitchen."

"Understood," his mom said.

"Anyway, Cal and I were talking and if it does come to Matt living off campus, we thought maybe we'd offer him the spare room. I haven't talked to him about it yet, though," he said.

"I wasn't going to ask, but I'd thought of that. But I've been trying very hard to not make you responsible for Matt," she said. "My earlier outburst notwithstanding."

"Well, I'm seriously questioning whether he'd want to live here, but Calleigh thinks it's an excellent idea," Tim shrugged.

"I like the idea, too," his mom said. "He's really not ready to be all on his own yet. Not really at all."

"I'm beginning to see that," Tim said.

"Well, if he moves out, will he get a refund on his housing?" she asked.

"I think so, if he does it before October 1st," Tim said. "Why?"

"If he gets a refund, we'll give it to you and Calleigh as his room and board," she said. "And don't tell me it doesn't matter. Matt eats a hell of a lot more than you ever did. And you'll have extra energy costs with a third person in the house."

"True," Tim said. "All right. But I think some of it should probably go towards a computer for him."

"I'll let the two of you make that decision," she said. "But you keep some for rent, you hear?"

"All right," Tim said.

"What would he do about transportation?" his mom asked.

"Well…"Tim said slowly. "I could sell him my car, I suppose." He'd been thinking about it all morning. As much as it was a wrench to get rid of the car, his last real tie to that time in his life, Matt needed it much more than he did. And the car gave him panic attacks anyway. It might be better to just let it go already.

"You'd do that? Then what would you do?" his mom asked.

"Cal and I carpool more often than not. I can get the bus to campus from the lab. She's usually off in enough time to pick me up from campus by the time I'm done. Or I can catch a ride with Matt," Tim said. "That'll work for a couple months, at least, until I can get a new car lined up. And there's always my bike, anyway."

"Thought you weren't allowed to ride yet," she said.

"I'm not. I might be able to talk Andy into it, though," he said.

"All right," his mom said. "Well, tell Matt that we might be able to swing a bit of a loan for the car. Or the computer. Whichever, okay?"

"Ok," Tim said.

"All right, sweetie. I'm sorry I yelled at you," she said.

"Oh, that's ok. You were worried," Tim said.

"Still. Anyway, I really ought to go. I've got a house to clean," she said. "I love you."

"Love you too," Tim said. "Talk to you later."

"Yup," she said. "Bye, kiddo."

"Bye, Mom," he said, hanging up the phone and laying back on the bed. Cider meowed in protest, and he reached out to soothe her. Why was it that everything always changed in September, he wondered.

And I know where you live

And I know who you are

Don't get too close

And don't go too far

Don't get too close

And promise me that you'll never go too far

"Fill Me Up", Shawn Colvin

Calleigh smiled a bit as she looked over at Tim. Her favorite time to watch him sleep was when he fell asleep after sex. He usually wound up sprawled out on his stomach, completely relaxed. It was such a contrast to his usual sleeping position, all curled up with his arms over his face; she was never sure how he could possibly find that comfortable, and he never looked actually relaxed. She was always just a tiny bit proud that she could do that. And amazed, too, that he would sleep like that for her, now. In the beginning, she would have to coax him asleep afterwards; it had taken months before he'd been comfortable enough to just sleep, all relaxed and sprawling. Even now, though, she knew it would be short lived. By the time she finished her shower, he would have woken up enough to locate his pajamas and curl up under the blankets in his usual ball. But at least he got those small moments of relaxation. It was better than nothing.

She shook her head fondly as she went to take a shower. He didn't disappoint- he was all curled up under the blankets when she came back into the bedroom. She leaned over and kissed his shoulder before leaving the room.

Matt was nowhere in sight when she got ready to leave the house. She shrugged, figuring he was sleeping in like his brother. They both probably needed it. She left a cheerful note for them on the table telling them that she was going to brunch with her dad and then possibly shopping for a birthday gift for her nephew, she'd be home later in the afternoon, have a great day, see you later. Nodding to herself, she let herself out of the house quietly so as not to wake either of the sleepers. She hoped Tim would think about asking his brother to stay with them. She liked Matt, and she really did think it would be good for both of them. Let him be a big brother, maybe it'll bring him out of his shell more, she mused as she drove towards the restaurant where she was meeting her father. Anything that engaged Tim in something outside of his own head was a good thing as far as she was concerned.

"Lambchop!" her father said brightly as she entered the restaurant.

"Hi, Daddy," she said, leaning in for a kiss, surreptitiously smelling for evidence of alcohol or too strong mouthwash. She found neither, much to her relief. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine, just fine. Tim didn't come with you?" her dad asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

"No, his brother is staying with us this weekend, and he wanted to get some big brother time in. He'll come next time, maybe," she said. She wouldn't have had Tim come today anyway. She didn't subject him to her father when he was in less than good condition. This weekend wasn't the time.

"What's his brother doing in town?" her father asked.

"He's living here now, going to the university. But he was having those first year homesick issues, so he came over for the weekend," Calleigh said.

"Ah, of course," her father said as they sat down at the table. "Talked to your mom, yesterday."

"How's she?" Calleigh said, nodding.

"Pretty good. She's hoping to get your brother and Marybeth to come down soon with the kids," he replied.

"Well, that would be fun. Are you heading out anytime soon?" she asked.

"Probably next weekend," he said. "Unless she changes her mind."

"She won't," Calleigh said, smiling.

"Hopefully. You heard from your brother?"

Calleigh knew from his tone of voice that he meant Jeff. "Not since the summer," she said.

"Mm," her dad replied. As far as Calleigh knew, Jeff hadn't spoken to their father since he was about 22. She understood why, but she knew her father disliked it.

The conversation died for a moment as they looked at the menus and placed their order. Her father told her a bit about work and she answered in kind. It was shaping up to be a reasonably nice visit, she thought, as their food came.

"So," her father said, in a too casual tone, "When's Tim going to make an honest woman of you?"

And there it was. Calleigh sighed. It had been too much to hope that they could manage to make it through a visit without an incident. "Dad," she said warningly.

"I'm just saying, Calleigh. You've been living with him for a year now. When are you guys going to get married?"

She sighed again. "Dad, we've only been together 6 months. Give us some time, huh?"

"What were you doing the other 6 months?" her dad asked.

"Trying to keep Tim alive and somewhat healthy," she said, dryly. "Trust me, nothing romantic was going on during that first six months. Neither of us had the energy, for one thing. Tim wasn't ready for another."

"Hm," her father said.

"Trust me, Daddy. When we're ready, you'll be one of the first to know," she said. "Tim's not ready to get married yet. Hell, I don't know if I'm ready to get married yet. We'll probably get there, just not now."

"Well, all right, Lambchop. I just worry about you," her father said, sounding slightly wounded.

"I know, Daddy. And I appreciate the concern. But Tim's had a kind of rough time and it's just too soon to think about this sort of thing, ok? I'll let you know when we do, all right? Let's just not talk about it, ok?" she sighed.

"All right, then," her father said, slightly mollified. "Do you want me to bring you anything back from Darnell?" he asked after a moment.

"Some pecans would be nice," she said, relieved that they were going to drop the subject.

"I can probably manage that," her father said, smiling.

"Great," Calleigh said, hoping that they could make it through the rest of the meal without any more incidents.

Finally, after promising that yes, she'd bring Tim next time, and that yes, she'd see if she could get ahold of Jeff, Calleigh left the restaurant. She sighed heavily as she got into the car. She loved her father, she really did, but these visits were exhausting.

The phone rang as she pulled out of the parking lot. "Duquesne," she said, answering the phone distractedly.

"Hey, Calleigh, it's Alexx," Alexx greeted her.

"Hey, what's up?" Calleigh replied.

"Oh, not much. Peter took the kids down to the park for awhile, and I was thinking we hadn't had a chance to get coffee lately. What are you up to?"

"Leaving brunch with my dad," she said. "But Tim doesn't expect me any time soon, so I've got time."

"Fabulous," Alexx said. "How about the new coffee shop over on Bayside?"

"That sounds good," Calleigh said. "I can be there in about fifteen minutes."

"Great, see you there," Alexx said.

Calleigh smiled brightly when she found Alexx tucked away in a booth in the coffee shop a short while later. "Hey," she said.

"Hi, sugar," Alexx said, warmly. "How are you?"

"Oh, not bad," she said. "It's been quite a weekend."

"I heard. How's Timmy?"

"He's doing all right, I think. He did pretty well yesterday, all things considered. And he seemed pretty good this morning," she said. "But we ran into complications with Matt, so I don't know if that helped or not."

"What happened with Matt?" Alexx asked.

Calleigh sighed and told her about Matt's dorm room and how Tim was going to see if Matt wanted to move in with them. "So, you know, he's in responsible mode."

"Oh, Lord," Alexx said. "Poor kid."

"I know. I feel so bad. I think Matt was devastated, but I couldn't tell entirely. He was trying to be so grownup about things. I really just wanted to remind him that he's 18 and allowed to be pissed off," Calleigh said, stirring her coffee.

"It's good that he has somewhere to go," Alexx said.

"Yes, thank God," Calleigh said. "So, anyway, it's been a long weekend."

"Are you…how are you feeling about Wednesday?" Alexx asked, seriously.

Calleigh sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm trying not to think about it. I just…" she trailed off for a moment. "I miss Eric. A lot."

"I do, too," Alexx said.

"But at the same time…" she stopped. She had no idea if Tim had ever talked to Alexx about any of his weird dream things. "Ok, there's this weird thing," she said, finally.

"What's that?" Alexx asked.

Calleigh sighed. "Tim has really odd dreams, did you know that?"

Alexx nodded slowly. "He doesn't really discuss them with me, but I know he has nightmares and such."

"Right," Calleigh said. "But he also has these…conversations with what he calls the inside of his head. They're a bit…strange, and he can't explain them very well, and I've sort of stopped asking about them, because he just doesn't seem to have the vocabulary for it or something. Well, anyway, he told me a while back, around Christmas, that when he wasn't himself in the hospital- either when he was sick, or maybe when he was in surgery, he doesn't know- he actually saw Eric. And Eric told him that everything was all right and it was supposed to happen the way it did. It sounds absolutely crazy, I know, but Tim believes it, and well, I kinda believe Tim."

Alexx shrugged. "I'm not really surprised," she said, finally. "I do believe that sometimes people have things to say, you know?"

"Well, you can't really grow up in Louisiana without having some sort of belief in that kind of thing, but at the same time, it just sounds so crazy out here in the world, you know?" Calleigh said.

"Oh, I know," Alexx nodded. "But still…sometimes there's things that need to be said. And if Timmy believes it, and if it helps him, then there's no harm in it, I'd think."

"Right," Calleigh said, slowly. "But sometimes…sometimes I wonder. If this was how things were supposed to happen, does that mean that Eric had to die for us to be together?"

"Oh, sweetie, don't go there," Alexx said, shaking her head. "Don't overthink."

"It's hard not to, sometimes," Calleigh admitted. "It's entirely possible Tim's rubbed off on me."

Alexx chuckled. "I wouldn't be surprised. But still, don't go there. There's no way to know if things would have been different, otherwise, and it'll just hurt you."

"You're right, of course," Calleigh said after a moment. "I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway."

Alexx was quiet. "I don't know what to tell you, hon."

"I know," Calleigh said. "I don't know that there's really anything to be said."

"Maybe not," Alexx said.

"I can tell you one thing, though," Calleigh said.

"What's that?" Alexx asked.

"I don't think Tim knows what Wednesday is. Not really. He's not nearly jumpy enough," she said.

"Really?" Alexx asked, frowning. "You'd think…"

"I know," Calleigh nodded. "But at the same time, he wasn't even aware of anything that happened until about three days later, which I would think could warp your sense of time of these sorts of things. I'm pretty sure he knows it's soon, it's coming up, but not the day."

"Are you going to tell him?" Alexx asked.

"I don't know yet. I want to wait and see what happens on Wednesday," Calleigh sighed.

"I think that's for the best," Alexx agreed. "No need to worry him about it too soon."

"Right," Calleigh said.

They were quiet for a long moment, sipping their coffee. "Well, on a lighter note, did you see this month's InStyle?"

"Of course," Calleigh said, brightening. "There's some really cute stuff in there this month," she said, and they were off and chatting about less consequential matters. It helped.

But it didn't help her shake off her wonderings entirely. She was tired by the time she arrived home. After she and Alexx had said goodbye, she'd gone and bought a present for her nephew's birthday before heading home. She was pensive again, with too much to think about. She tried to shove it away before walking into the house, but she was obviously not entirely successful, since the first thing Tim said as he looked up from his book was "What's the matter? Was your Dad…?"

She looked at him and shook her head. "No, he was sober. It was all right."

"You sure?" he asked, tossing the book aside and standing up.

She opened her mouth to say that, yes, she was sure, and surprised herself by starting to tear up.

"It's ok," Tim said, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry, maybe I should have gone with."

"No," she said, tearily. "No, no, it was fine. I'm just…tired," she said. She leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

"Is everything ok?" she heard Matt ask.

"Yeah, we're fine," Tim replied. "Don't worry about it."

"All right," Matt said. "I'll, uh, be in the kitchen."

"Ok," Tim said, squeezing Calleigh tighter. She relaxed in his arms.

"Did you talk to him?" she asked.

"Yup. I talked to him, I talked to Mom, and everything's settled. We're going to go move him out tomorrow," Tim replied.

"Good," she said, pushing back to look Tim in the eye. He smiled tentatively at her. She smiled back. "I'm fine."

"All right," he said. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too, honey," she said, reaching up to smooth down his hair. "Come on, let's go let Matt out of the kitchen. Poor guy doesn't know where to put himself," she said, shaking her head. She kissed Tim quickly. She really was all right, just with him there. They'd make it, somehow, she knew.

Chapter 5

I didn't mean to be so stupid

So far from home

Oh, what have I been learning

By being all alone

"ELT", Wilco

"You're sure you don't want me to come up with you?" Tim asked, looking at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Matt sighed, running his finger along the edge of the box of trash bags sitting in his lap. "I can take care of it."

Tim looked at him for a long moment, then nodded, much to Matt's relief. "All right. I'll go over to my office and get some reading done, then, ok? Call me when you're ready."

"You have an office here?" Matt asked, eyebrows raised.

"It's more of a glorified cubicle, and I share it with three other people, but yeah," Tim said, shrugging. "Grad school privilege. I don't use it as much as the other three, since I'm only on campus a couple days a week, but it comes in handy for storing stuff."

"Oh," Matt said. "All right, then." He opened up the car door. "I don't think this will take that long. I'm guessing most of it will be trash," he said, morosely.

"Take as long as you need," Tim said. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," Matt said, slamming the door behind him. He trudged into the building and up to his room. Thankfully, Dale wasn't there. Matt had hoped that would be the case, since Dale did actually attend class most of the time. He sighed and opened the bag of trash bags as he looked around the room.

He'd been right; he was definitely throwing away more things than he was keeping. After thirty minutes, he'd filled five trash bags, but only three milk crates of things worth keeping. He was stretching his back, trying to assess what was left, when the door opened. Dale hadn't been in class after all, he realized, turning around to face his roommate.

"There's the pussy boy," Dale sneered, looking at Matt.

Matt closed his eyes and counted to ten. He just wants to know he's gotten you. Don't react, he thought. He turned around without responding and went back to sorting through his desk.

"Took you long enough to come back. What, were you scared?" Dale taunted.

Matt gritted his teeth and kept working. The sooner he was done, the sooner he could be done with Dale forever. He managed to keep his composure, until he felt Dale poke him from behind. "Hey, I'm talking to you, pussy."

"I don't care," Matt said, irritably. "Look, you're getting what you want, ok? Just leave me alone."

"Aw, the baby's had his feelings hurt," Dale whined. "Look at him run away to his mommy."

"I'm not running anywhere," Matt said, straightening up. "I have no reason to stay here with someone who can't be civil."

"Big words from a pussy boy," Dale said, amused. Matt shook his head and turned back to the desk. "You just need to lighten up," Dale said, flopping down on his bed.

"Well, it's not your problem, now, is it," Matt replied, as he finished packing up his desk. He looked around one more time, and nodded to himself. That was everything. He picked up two of the trash bags and walked towards the door. Dale stood up and blocked his path. "Excuse me," he said, calmly.

"What if I don't want to?" Dale asked.

Matt sighed. "Why are you bothering? I'm going to be out of here in ten minutes."

Dale stepped aside and gave him a shove as he passed. Matt didn't respond as he hauled the trash bags down the hall to the chute. He crammed them into the chute and went back for more. Dale blocked his way, again. Matt just stood there and stared at him until he moved.

When he returned to the room, he frowned at the milk crates. He didn't want to leave Dale alone with any of his stuff, but he really couldn't haul all four crates down at once. His only other choice would be to wait for Tim to come back, which also wasn't exactly appealing. It was the better choice, though. He sighed to himself and picked up the phone.

"Speedle," Tim said, picking up immediately.

"It's me, I'm ready," Matt said.

"All righty," Tim said. "You need help hauling stuff downstairs?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Ok, I'll just come up there, then. Be there in about five minutes or so, ok?"

"Fine," he said, hanging up the phone. He hung up the phone and moved to stack the crates and sit on the bed to wait for Tim. Dale blocked him, again, this time shoving him up against the wall. "Hey!" Matt said, angrily.

"I didn't say you could use the phone," Dale said.

"It's still my phone until I turn in my keys," Matt said, defiantly. "Let me go," he said, trying to push past Dale. Dale let go of his shoulders, and Matt shoved past him.

"Pussy. Won't even fight back," Dale said.

"You're nothing but a bully," Matt said. "You wouldn't have a clue what to do if I did fight back," he continued, unwisely. He saw Dale's fist a second too late to duck it, and Dale caught him right under his eye. He straightened up, and touched his face where Dale had hit him. It was probably going to bruise spectacularly, but there wasn't any blood and he could still see. He just looked at Dale, who was standing in front of him, breathing hard and looking furious. Just as it occurred to him that it might be wise to leave the room, or at least get a bit further away from someone who'd just decked him, Dale turned on his heel and stormed out of the room without even a parting shot. "Well, that simplifies matters," he mumbled, rubbing at his cheek. He ventured to the doorway to see if Dale was lurking in the hallway, but there was no sign of him. Suddenly unwilling to remain in the room, he grabbed the two lightest crates and took them downstairs.

He reached the lobby just as Tim was walking through the door. "The hell happened to you?" Tim asked, alarmed. His face must be bruising already, he guessed.

"Nothing," Matt said, shrugging. "Here," he said, putting the crates on a bench. "I'm going to get the rest of them." Tim didn't reply, just stared after him. When he returned with another crate, Tim had already taken the first two to the car. "There's only two more," he said, loading up the crate he was carrying in the trunk.

"Right," Tim said, following Matt upstairs. They hauled down the rest of Matt's things and Matt turned in his keys and signed the paperwork.

"Let's get out of here," he said, looking at Tim, who nodded silently.

He ran his fingers along the edge of the window as Tim drove them home. The silence in the car was thick with hesitation. Matt didn't really want to talk, and it was clear that Tim had no idea what to say. Matt had seen him open his mouth to say something a few times and then close it again, seeming to think better of it.

"What?" Matt said, finally, after Tim had tried to say something for the fourth time.

"Nothing," Tim said, shaking his head quickly.

Matt sighed. "Yes, he hit me, no, I don't want to do anything about it."

"I know that," Tim said.

"Then what have you been trying to figure out how to ask?" Matt asked, raising his eyebrows at Tim.

Tim smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I was just wondering whether you were interested in going to replace some of your stuff this afternoon. Cal's off today, and well, she's good at that sort of thing."

"Oh," Matt said. "Since the only clothes I have are the ones I'm wearing, that might be good."

"All right, then," Tim replied. "Well, since we're going out anyway, is there anything in the room you want to change or anything? Do you want a desk or something in there? I'd try to make you some room in the office, but I don't know if there's really space for three of us in there, to be honest."

Matt blinked. "I…hadn't thought about it."

"Well, we don't have to do it today. But you can do whatever you want with the room," Tim said.

"A desk, maybe," Matt said. "If we can find one that's not too expensive."

"Don't worry about expensive," Tim said, as he turned into the driveway. Matt raised his eyebrows at his brother but didn't comment.

They hauled the crates into the house and into the bedroom. Matt looked around more carefully than he had before.

"We'll need another set of sheets for the bed," Tim said, glancing at the bed. "I only have the one set. And I'll move the stuff out of the closet for you," he added, nodding towards the closet door.

"Ok," Matt said, nodding.

"There you two are…." Calleigh said, poking her head into the room. "Oh my God, what happened?" she said, her eyes widening as she saw Matt's face.

"Nothing," Matt said, shaking his head.

"That's a pretty colorful nothing," Calleigh said, dryly, walking over to him and making him sit on the bed so she could see his face. She poked at it gently.

"Ow," Matt said, pulling away.

"I don't think your cheekbone is broken, but it's going to be fairly lurid for a couple of days," she said. "Would you like some ice?"

"No, it's fine," Matt said, shaking his head.

"All right, then," Calleigh said.

"So, a desk and sheets for the bed. And some clothes," Tim said, nodding. "What else?"

"School supplies?" Calleigh asked, glancing at the crates.

"Um, yeah," Matt said. "Paper and stuff."

"Computer," Tim said, absently as he started to sort through the things in the closet.

"I don't…" Matt started.

"Don't worry about it," Tim replied, glancing up.

"Um, ok," Matt said.

"Well, if we're going, let's go," Calleigh said.

They had visited several stores by midafternoon, and had almost purchased everything on the mental list Tim had thought of in the car. Matt kept protesting that all this wasn't necessary. Tim kept shrugging off his complaints. Calleigh had apparently decided it was a better idea to not involve herself and was being suspiciously silent on the whole matter. This didn't really bother Tim, either. He had his reasons for this, and he rather thought Calleigh could figure them out. At any rate, he didn't want to discuss it if she couldn't.

They had finally reached the last store on Tim's list, and he led them inside.

"Tim, really, it's ok, I can use the computers in the lab…" Matt said.

"More of a pain than it's worth," Tim said, glancing over the specs of a laptop in front of him. "What do you need?"

Matt sighed. "I dunno. I'm taking Calculus, English, Psych and Biology. But it's all mostly paper writing and the internet, except the program for Calc, which isn't anything really special."

"All right," Tim said. "How about this one, then," he said, pointing to a laptop that was similar to the one that had been destroyed.

"Well, all right," Matt said, slowly. "if you're sure."

"I'm sure," Tim said firmly. "Grab the tag and let's go get the rest of the things you'll need."

Matt was finally silent at the checkout and Tim breathed a silent sigh of relief. He really was getting tired of arguing with him. Calleigh continued to not say anything, which was making him wonder if he really was doing the right thing. But he was pretty sure, and so he was going to keep on.

Their last stop was the grocery store, where they bought more groceries than Tim may have ever bought in his entire life.

"At least let me pay for some of this," Matt said as they waited in the checkout lane.

"Matthew, do you have a job?" Tim asked.

"No," Matt admitted.

"Does Calleigh have a job?"

"Yes," Matt mumbled.

"Do I have a job?"

"I…yes," Matt sighed.

"Then what makes you think it would be a good idea for the person who is unemployed to pay for the groceries?" Tim asked, irritably. "I told you don't worry about it."

They finished the transaction and left the store in strained silence. Calleigh had been driving, but Tim took the keys from her when they put the groceries in the car. He wanted something to hold on to, because he wasn't sure he could keep himself from getting upset, otherwise. Calleigh raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything. He rolled his eyes at her and got in the driver's seat.

Matt was staring out the window silently, but with a stony expression on his face. Tim studied him in the rear-view mirror as they sat at a red light. He sighed- it seemed he was going to have to explain himself, after all.

"A long time ago," he said, startling both Calleigh and Matt. "There was this boy who'd made some pretty dangerous mistakes and gotten himself in way over his head, although he didn't want to admit it. He was really lost, and probably not going to make it much longer if he kept going on the way he was. Fortunately, right about the time he just about reached the bottom of all this, he stumbled upon some people who made him stop. They didn't ask questions, they didn't demand much from him, but they made it clear that they were going to help him, whether he really wanted them to or not. They gave him a place to stay and food to eat, and convinced him that, really, he could dig himself out of this situation if he tried. He was upset and angry and embarrassed, but he didn't have much choice but to let them help him. So he did, and they supported him and helped him get his life back on track as much as they could. When he had gotten things together again, he tried to pay them back, but they wouldn't let him. They said it wasn't necessary, that the only payment they wanted was for him to keep going and not go back to how things had been. That someday, he might come across someone who needed help like he had, and if he helped that person, it would be plenty repayment enough for them." Tim stopped and glanced back at Matt in the mirror. Matt was looking at him with something more like understanding. "So, you know, someday you'll help someone else, and it'll be repayment enough, ok?"

"Yeah, ok," Matt said, slowly. "I can do that."

"Good. So you'll quit worrying about it?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, all right," Matt said. "I just wanted to do it myself."

"I know," Tim said, nodding. "I wanted to, too, but sometimes it's better not to."

Matt nodded, "Yeah."

Tim nodded and started driving again. Calleigh reached over and rested her hand on the back of his neck, squeezing gently so he knew she understood, too. He gave her a small smile and took them all home.

Chapter 6

Calleigh woke up before the alarm and reached over to turn it off so it wouldn't wake Tim. He didn't need to be up early today. She sat up and looked down at his blanket covered form. "Thank God," she whispered. She'd almost believed that she'd wake up and he'd be gone and everything that had happened over the last year would have just been a dream and she'd be sitting in a hospital waiting room hearing Horatio explain what happened over and over again. That Eric was gone, and John was gone and Tim was nearly gone. And maybe that time, it would have gone bad, and Tim would be gone too. Either then, or any of the many other times where things were bad enough to make her wonder. But no, she was sitting in her bed, next to one of the people she loved most in the world, with the edge of the sunrise peeking in through the blinds. It was a year later and they'd made it.

She crawled out of bed and went into the kitchen. Matt was sitting at the table squinting at his laptop. "What are you doing up so early?" she asked.

"Hm?" he said, looking up. "Oh, hey. I've got an assignment due this afternoon. I'd had it half done, but, well…"

"Right," she said. "Did you tell your professors what happened?"

"Nah. I already have to make arrangements for some stuff because of training and travel days. I didn't want to push it," he said, running his hands through his hair, making it stand up on end. "It's not so bad- I didn't lose anything really important."

"Good," she said, going into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. "Did you start training already? When does your season start, anyway? I don't know much about swimming."

"Yeah, we've been training awhile already. We started dry lands back in July, and we've been in the pool since the beginning of August. Our first meet is in about a month," he said. "Right now, we're doing afternoon swims, which I gotta say is a lot better than morning swims. I used to have to be at the pool at 5 am back home."

"Ouch," Calleigh said.

"5am to 7 am, school started at 7:30," he said, smiling. "It made for some long days."

"I should think," she said.

"Anyway," he said. "I didn't mean to wake anyone up."

"Oh, no, you didn't wake anyone up. The alarm would have gone off in about fifteen minutes here. I just woke up early," she said. "I'm going to take a shower and let you get back to your assignment. Tim doesn't go into work until the afternoon today, so he'll probably sleep for awhile yet."

"Ok, sounds good," Matt said, turning back to the computer.

She pulled into the parking lot and sighed. All right, Calleigh. Get your act in gear , she thought. You're going to be late.

Tina smiled at her when she walked by. Calleigh made herself smile back. She took a deep breath and climbed the stairs to Horatio's office.

"Good morning," Horatio said as she poked her head though his doorway.

"Hi," she said, trying to smile at him.

"Come here, Calleigh," Horatio said, standing up. She crossed the office and accepted his hug. "You all right?"

"I don't know," she said. "I'm sad."

"I am too," Horatio said, nodding as he released her. She sat down in one of the visitor chairs. "It's going to be a rough day."

"Yeah," she sighed.

"How's Speed?" he asked.

She shrugged. "He doesn't know, Horatio."

"Doesn't he?" Horatio said, incredulously.

"He was so sick and out of it for so many days that there's pretty much no way he has any idea what day it was. I guess it's possible he knows, but I doubt it. He wasn't nervy enough yesterday and he slept just fine through the night, and you know he wouldn't have if he had any clue," she sighed.

"Good point," Horatio conceded. "I hadn't thought of that."

"He was still asleep when I left. I didn't want to wake him. If he doesn't know, I didn't want to talk about it now. Let him get through the day; I'll tell him tonight," she said.

"Fair enough. I won't mention anything, although you know he might figure it out on his own," Horatio pointed out.

"Only if he's paying attention, and how often does that happen?" she asked. Horatio shrugged. Calleigh sighed and closed her eyes a moment. "This morning, I was so glad he was there and just fine. But I feel bad, because I'm glad he's alive, and it feels like if I'm glad he's alive that must mean I'm somehow glad Eric isn't."

"No, Calleigh," Horatio said firmly, coming around the desk and grabbing her hand. "It's not like that. There is no reason why we can't rejoice in the fact that Tim is alive, and healthy and doing better than I think we had any right to expect. It doesn't mean we miss Eric any less. But I think it's a disservice to Eric to not be glad that Tim survived, because that was a gift."

"Yeah," she said, smiling sadly. "I just…I miss Eric. But I'm glad Tim is doing as well as he is. He's worked so hard."

"I know. I miss Eric too. And I wish none of it had to happen, but that's not a decision we got to make," he said.

Calleigh sighed. "I know. Anyway, I'm here. Tim will be later today sometime."

"Good," Horatio said. "I know there's some files from last night downstairs for you to take a look at."

"Great," she said, standing up. "I'll go do that."

"Sounds good," Horatio said. "Hang in there. Come find me if you need to."

"I will," she said. "Thanks."

"Anytime," Horatio called after her as she walked out of the office.

"Hey, love, you ready to go?" Tim looked up from the file he was reading to see Calleigh standing in the doorway to the trace lab. She looked tired.

"Sure," he said, slowly. "Give me a minute to clear this up. I'll meet you by the car."

"All right. I'll see you out there." He watched her walk out of the lab, frowning after her. Everyone had been so weird today. They either looked at him like he was likely to melt down at any minute, or they'd been completely normal. It had been creeping him out all afternoon, and he'd retreated into the trace lab and spent his workday training Scotty on more analysis and trace tactics. Scotty was normal at least. But seeing Calleigh look so tired and wiped out made him realize he hadn't seen her all day. She'd gone without waking him up and hadn't come see him all afternoon. Something was up. It had nagged at him, but he hadn't thought much of it. It wasn't like he didn't often have weird feelings that didn't mean anything.

But this…he was missing something here, he thought as he picked up the lab. Something important, apparently. He gathered up his stuff and walked out into the parking lot. Calleigh was leaning against the jeep. "Ready?" she asked, with a smile.

"Sure," he said, climbing into the jeep. They were both quiet as she drove home. He turned the weirdness over and over in his mind. Oh… he thought as they crossed the causeway. It's not…no, it's got to be.

"You want to just order in for dinner?" Calleigh asked, as they pulled into the driveway.

"Yeah, ok," he said. "I want a nap, first."

"Of course," she said, following him into the house and shooing a cat from the door. "Do you mind company?"

"Nope," he said, looking at her.

"Good," she said. "It's been a long day."

"Yeah," he said. He kicked his shoes off and sprawled out on the bed. Calleigh climbed up on her side and reached out to pull him close. She held on to him like her life depended on it.

They'd been lying there quietly for awhile when he finally squirmed around to face her. "Cal?" he asked.

"Hmm?" she said, reaching to smooth his hair back.

"It was today, wasn't it? The warehouse? And Eric died?" he asked.

She smiled sadly, and nodded. "Yeah, honey. It was today."

"You didn't say anything," he said, confused.

"I know. I…wasn't sure you remembered. I didn't…well, there wasn't really a good reason. I just didn't want to talk about it yet," she admitted.

"I didn't remember," he said. "I knew, but it's all so fuzzy."

"You were so sick. There's no way you could have had any idea what day anything was," she said.

"Yeah," he said.

"But it's all okay now," she whispered, smoothing his hair down. "It's all okay now."

"I miss Eric," he said. "When I can think about it."

"I miss Eric, too. I think we all do," she said. "It's all right, you know."

"Yeah," he said.

"And it's all right if you can't really think about it," she said. "You've worked very hard this year, and it's all right to not be completely recovered yet. You know that, right?" she asked, slightly anxiously.

He nodded, leaning forward to rest his head against her shoulder. "I know." He relaxed a little against her as she ran her hand through his hair. "You should say when you're sad. It won't make me upset," he said, muffled.

She squeezed him hard. "All right. I'll tell you next time."

"Good," he said. "'cause I can't always tell, really, you know?"

"I know, love, I know," she sighed. "It's all right. I'll tell you."

"It's fair that way," he said, nodding. After all, he had to tell her. Well, she always knew, but he was really supposed to say it.

"I suppose it is," she laughed a little. She slid down on the bed. "I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep. If Matt comes home and is hungry, I'm sure he'll let us know," he said, feeling drowsy himself.

"Oh, I'm sure," she said, chuckling.

He snorted and closed his eyes. "Hey, Tim," she said, suddenly.

"Mmm?" he mumbled.

"We made it, buddy," she said, "We made it this far."

"Yeah," he said, smiling sleepily. "Yeah, we did."

End