Even after thirteen years, Remus still saw him

Disclaimer: characters and places belong to J.K.Rowling, not me unfortunately.

Warning: contains RLSB slash, ergo guy on guy, don't like don't read!

Rating: M for sexual content, just to be safe.

A/N: Here is my first Remus/Sirius fanfic and slash ever, I've read a lot but this is my first attempt at writing. Don't say I didn't warn you so don't flame for sexual content, however constructive criticism is welcome!

Rekindled.

Even after twelve years, Remus still saw him. Every time he had sex, he saw him. As he felt his hard cock pushing into the puckering opening of his partner, and all he could picture was his first lover, his first love,(and if he was really honest with himself) his only love. Yes, there had been other boyfriends, other sexual partners, other lovers, but he cared for them mildly at most, nothing compared to the feelings he felt when his mind tricked him during sex and all he could picture were the memories of that toned smooth back, the slim waist, dark hair falling over broad muscular sweat-soaked shoulders. But when he heard his name called out "Remus", "yes", "more" it wasn't the voice of his love, and the harsh reality, that yet again it wasn't Sirius, came flooding back to him.

So when finally he saw Sirius in the shrieking shack his heart stopped for a beat or two and his chest felt tight. He may have been thinner, paler, wilder, but he was Sirius and he was indeed back!

A year passed and he had tried to keep busy and not think of Sirius, who was currently on the run and had to move around a lot. Remus convinced himself this was the reason that he didn't write, when in all honesty he didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to act, he was scared that Sirius had forgotten what they had, had forgotten how to love.

When the once vibrant young man asked him if he would move into Grimmauld Place, how could the werewolf refuse? Just one look into the vulnerable and pleading eyes of his love, a look he had never seen in their youth that scared him more than the moon, a look he would do anything to change, so he agreed to join him.

Moving in was more like moving everyone else out, the house was littered with black memorabilia, which Sirius was intent at destroying, he couldn't live with the reminder of what his family was like, of what blood ran in his veins, if he admitted he was one of them, he may just start thinking that he deserved to be caught by the dementors. And that was something Remus couldn't bare, so he did his best to help clear the house, to make it an empty shell, to start a fresh, to help Sirius turn over a new leaf in a house that held so many painful memories.

For weeks they went about the house doing there own thing, Remus researching and reading in the study or library, while Sirius wandered about, cleaning the house, sometimes just sitting and watching Remus work, it relaxed him. The only touch they shared where brushes of fingers as they passed plates at dinner, or knees rubbing when they sat together on the couch, neither willing to take the next step, to risk ruining the friendship they had so carefully pieced back together. At night Remus would lie awake in the room next to Sirius' and hear his soft whimpering and stifled sobs, wishing he could gather the haunted man into his arms and kiss his pain away. But he could face it, if he kissed him once he wouldn't be able to stop himself and he wasn't sure if Sirius could deal with that just yet. So he kept quiet and tried to sleep, however when sleep did come he didn't get much peace; he would dream of Sirius how he used to be and how he is now, it didn't matter because Remus loved him no matter what, he dreamt of their naked bodies sliding over each other, kisses full of intense passion and lust and need, hands touching and caressing, nails digging into thighs and scraping down back, soft moans and low pleads of release. More often that not Remus woke panting, drenched in sweat, barely needing to touch himself to come.

During the day Remus buried himself in his work for the order to try and forget his feelings that his subconscious was forcing on him in his dreams.

The summer holidays for the kids came and went fast, Sirius was more alive with things to do, people to talk to. Sirius looks positively animated as he spoke to Harry of James and of their school days, but every now and then Sirius would stop suddenly in the middle of recalling a tale and need Remus to help finish it, because there were still blanks in his memories, dementor twisted details that he couldn't quite grasp. This worried Remus, and made him wonder if he remembered much of the relationship that formed when they were seventeen.

All too soon the holidays were over and yet again it was just Remus and Sirius. That night Remus was, yet again, laying in bed trying not to hear the fitful sleep of the man in the next room, when all of a sudden;

"REMUS NOOO!!" at that scream Remus leapt out of bed and ran to him, he just burst through the bedroom door, to find Sirius sitting up in bed the sheets tangled around his legs, panting and covered in sweat staring straight ahead fear in his wide, unblinking, eyes, looking even paler than usual. Remus rushed over to the stunned man and tried to shake him out of it, he placed his hands on the clammy shoulders of the other man, his dark hair sticking to his forehead and falling about his shoulders

"Sirius" Remus whispered, not wanting to startle him, then he gently shook his shoulders

"Sirius, are you ok?" he said a little louder this time. Sirius's cracked voice emitted a whimper and then he let out a small almost non-coherent sound that sounded suspiciously like "I'm sorry" before tears began to run down his cheeks.

Remus couldn't help it he wrapped his arms around Sirius and began to slowly rock him, while muttering soothing words, "it's ok" "you don't have to be sorry" "it was just a dream".

As Sirius stared to break out of his trance he looked over at Remus who had his eyes closed tight and Sirius put his arms around the thin waist of his former lover, at this Remus's eyes snapped open and he looked down, only then did he realise that they were both wearing nothing but boxers and Remus's felt quite tight as he was starting to like this contact. He then pulled back in embarrassment and tried to move away, but Sirius held onto his waist and he heard in a pleading whisper

"Please don't leave me alone tonight" and fresh tears stained his cheeks. Remus didn't move for what seemed like an eternity, not wanting to upset the man that was so desperately clinging onto him, but not wanting to lose control, to go too far, and potentially lose him all over again.

Finally Remus, being who he was, couldn't just walk away, so he moved a quivering Sirius's arms from around him and laid them both down, slipping under the covers and rested his head on the pillow facing Sirius, he lifted his hand and stroked the ebony locks of hair and said softly

"it's ok, go to sleep now, I'm not going anywhere" and with that the pale grey eyes fluttered shut and he fell asleep, Remus watched him for a long time not able to sleep as he couldn't keep his mind from reminding him that he was finally in bed with the man he loves both half naked and he wasn't doing anything about it. The urge to reach out touch his bare chest was almost unbearable and this coupled with the fact that his cock was hard to the point of aching for contact was not making it any easier to restrain himself.

Remus woke slowly and was startled when he realised he wasn't in his own room, he tried to sit up, but found it difficult as there was an arm draped over his chest and a leg hooked over his left knee, he looked over to a sound asleep Sirius who was lying on his front his face half buried in the pillow but tilted towards Remus, Sirius' leg moved, it bent at the knee and his thigh was now at right angles with Remus's legs and happened to be rested just under his ever increasing erection. Thus causing Remus's mind to jump into thoughts of Sirius straddling him and touching his hard cock, hands pressed against his scarred chest, he let out a small whimper as he squeezed his eyes closed to banish the thoughts. Sirius shifted onto his side more and brought his leg back to him, Remus' eyes snapped open and he looked over to make sure he was still asleep, Sirius's was breathing heavily still in the clutches of a peaceful dream, apparent from the calm half smile on his feature, and Remus was thankful that his love was finally able rest without haunted images of past grievances. So as quietly as he could Remus slipped out from under Sirius's arm and the covers and proceeded to the shower down the hall to take care of his now throbbing cock.

As the cool water soothed Remus's worries and refreshed him for the day ahead, he heard the door open and heavy foot falls, he turned the water off

"Sirius?" he asked though the door, when the sink tap started to run, there was a grunt in response, so he opened the shower door an inch and quickly grabbed a towel off the rack wrapping it round his thin hips before stepping into the bathroom. He was met with the sight of the bleary eyes, half asleep, boxer clad, Sirius black, preparing for a shave. Sirius looked over at Remus gave a half smile, before doing a double take and shock dawned on his face as he realised that not only was Remus dripping wet and in nothing but a towel, but that it was a very arousing sight. Remus noticed the tent in Sirius's boxers and felt his own arousal stirring again, trying to suppress this he look anywhere but at the semi-naked, beautiful, man in front of him, he muttered a hasty

"Sorry, just leaving" then quickly fled the bathroom without another word. He padded down the hall and into his own bedroom, once there he closed the door and leaned against it breathing heavily. Did what he think happen, actually happed? Was Sirius really still attracted to him? Did he still remember what they shared? Did he still want that? These questions went flying through Remus's mind, before a quiet, almost hesitant, knock on his door pulled him out of his musing and he jumped so suddenly that his towel fell off.

"J-Just a sec" he called thought he door before scampering across the room to pulled some jeans on,

"Ok come in" he said as he shrugged a shirt over his damp shoulders and proceeded to button it up. Sirius stood in the open doorway and looked nervous, his eyes fixed firmly on his feet, a look that should never be seen in a Black, and one that Remus had very rarely seen on him as a boy.

"Um… thank you" he said slowly looking up at Remus, who gave him a questioning look,

"For last night" he clarified "staying with me" Remus nodded and forced a smile

"Any time, don't worry" he replied trying to sound like it meant nothing, but silently pleading that he could spend every night curled up with Sirius in his arms no matter how much it hurt, he needed it.

"Oh and… s-sorry for just now, I didn't realise you were in the shower" he said awkwardly, this was another trait Remus didn't recognise in Sirius, Azkaban had changed him, he wasn't the confident, cheerful, outgoing, young man Remus had fallen in love with, but as he looked into those sad grey eyes, he knew that he was still Sirius no matter how different and that he was falling for him all over again.

"It's ok" Remus muttered realising he had been silent to long contemplating the man in front of him, instead of reassuring him that he needn't be sorry for walking into his own bathroom.

Despite the odd morning, the rest of the day carried on as normal, Remus as per usual went about his research and Sirius would sit with him, reading occasionally, and make him tea every now and then. As the evening drew in and Remus sat by the fire, Sirius suddenly burst into the room with a wide grin on his face and a battered folder in his hand,

"Remus, Remus look what I found in my old stuff!" he said thrusting the dusty article excitedly at the werewolf, he just chuckled and took it as Sirius flopped down on the sofa next to him and watched him expectantly. He saw that at close inspection it was what appeared to be a very old photo album; he brushed the dust off of the front and carefully opened it, there he saw smiling back at him was his seventeen-year-old self with a book held loosely in his hand as his three fellow marauders were gathered round him all waving and laughing. Remus looked up and Sirius who was smiling goofily and moved closer to look thought the album, it was all the pictures from their last year at school, Sirius had insisted on taking as many as he could so he wouldn't forget, what he often quoted as; "the best year of our lives".

They sat in companionable silence wrapped up in the memories of the pranks and fun they had had, when they came across a picture of them sitting by the lake kissing each other, completely oblivious to the photographer (most likely James), and Remus felt that's suddenly breathing was hard to do. He glanced over at Sirius and saw the wistful look on Sirius's face, before he felt the heat of a hand on his thigh, he turned his head and suddenly his lips met the warm wet pressure of Sirius's. The kiss was short and chaste, but it was a kiss, and when they broke apart Remus felt like a weight had been lifted and relief washed over him. Sirius gave a tentative smile and Remus grinned happily, while leaning in for another kiss.

After that night they took things slowly, they kept separate bedrooms still, but more often than not would find the other had crawled into bed during the night for comfort. Remus was happier and there seemed to be a spark in Sirius's eyes that he hadn't seen for many years and it made the pale grey look almost silver. They kissed, a lot, but nothing went further, they wanted to do it right, to make sure it was what they both wanted they needed that, needed time. Remus couldn't help still dreaming of Sirius and needing more, but he told himself to wait, to be patient, and if anything Remus Lupin was, it was patient.

Every night they would hold each other and kiss and just be, but tonight almost 6 months after that fist kiss, Sirius pressed himself to Remus and whispered in his ear tentatively

"Remus, can I touch you?" Remus kissed him softly and then whispered back

"You never have to ask" smiling they kissed again as Sirius's hands rested on the werewolf's hips and slowly slipped into his boxers and they kiss deepened and they moaned into each others mouths, grinding hips together, Remus banishing the two pairs of boxers stopping the skin on skin friction they both craved so badly. Sirius's hand closed around Remus's hard length and he slowly started stroking him, remembering the feeling, the rhythm, Remus soon reciprocated his actions and they were moaning and kissing and touching and moving as one, soft pleas of satisfaction and release as they came simultaneously spilling over each others bodies, warm and wet and satiated they fell asleep in each others arms.

They woke late in the day and both couldn't keep from smiling whenever there eyes met, Sirius went to the shower, and Remus couldn't help himself, he silently slipped into the steamy bathroom and silently made his way over to the shower, opened the door and slipped in making Sirius jump and he would have fallen over had the werewolf's arm not been around his waist.

"Remus wha-" he started before he was silenced by Remus's lips on his wet ones. Sirius's arms wrapped around Remus's neck, hands tangling in his ever dampening hair, the shampoo that Sirius had just applied was now forgotten and dripping off of his dark hair down his back which was pressed against the cold tilled wall as Remus pressed their hips together and their hard cock rubbed together, hot water running between them, bodies sliding over each other.

"Yes" cried Sirius as Remus's hand gripped his erection and began pumping him fast. Their eyes locked and Sirius fumbled to reach over and turn the shower off, his vision slightly clouded with lust and steam in the air. Remus looked at him quizzically, but Sirius just reached over and pulled Remus to him, his hot breath against his ear, before whispering nervously

"W-will you… make love to me Remus? I want you inside me" Remus smiled and replied

"I would very much like that" kissing his lovers neck and nibbling on his earlobe before leading him back to the bedroom. They resumed kissing and gently biting each others lips, the kisses deepened and their tongues tangled together, as they pulled apart for air, Remus took Sirius's hand and led him to the bed, laying him down and straddling him, kissing once more, before looking into his deep silver eyes

"Are you sure you want this Padfoot? We don't have to yet" Sirius brought his hand to Remus's soft lips.

"If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have asked, I need you darling!" and he pulled Remus down into another passionate feverish kiss.

Moaning against each other as their naked bodies rubbed and hands wandered over bare chests and Remus's lips pressed to Sirius's jaw line and then trailing kisses over his neck, moving down to his collar bone and down his chest over his flat stomach and hips. He tantalisingly paused and looked up at Sirius - who had his eyes clamped shut, breath coming in stutters hands tangled in the sheets and "please" came the whimper escaping his lips as the contact ceased - before he took his hard cock deep into his mouth and sucked hard, causing a deep moan from the man beneath him. Remus released the flesh in his mouth and moved up to Sirius's lips

"One second honey" he whispered kissing him and then quickly going to the bathroom cabinet and fetching a small bottle of lube, before returning to the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway and took in the wonderful sight before him that was his lover; laying stark naked in the king size bed sweaty and panting from excitement and anticipation looking completely ravishing, his thin hand wrapped around his erection pumping himself slowly. Remus made his way over to the bed and knelt between Sirius's legs and started applying lube to his fingers, he slowly rubbed the tip of his finger over Sirius's tight opening making him gasp at the coldness. Remus continued to stimulate him like thin until he began he relaxed and start to enjoy it, then ever so slowly he moved his finger in, gently and carefully. He watched avidly his lover's reaction as not to make him uncomfortable, as understandably it had been 13 years since he'd been penetrated, and would need to be handled with care. After getting him used to one finger he slowly started to slide a second in and with just a small hiss of pain Sirius managed to relax himself and take it, Remus took time again to prepare him and get him used to the feeling again, lightly scissoring his fingers. Once Sirius was moaning softly at the feeling Remus was rock hard and couldn't wait to be inside his lover again, so he slipped his fingers out and instructed Sirius to turn over, which he did immediately, obviously missing the feeling of being filled already. Once Sirius was positioned on all fours and Remus behind him, he guided the head of his cock to the now slick puckering opening, and began tenderly pushing in.

"Oh God yes… wow tha-that's …. Oooh… so…soo good" Sirius moaned out between gasps. As Remus closed his eyes and revelled in the feeling of being inside the hot and oh so tight passage.

"F-fuck, I forgot how-how great this feels… Remus!!" Remus looked down and he saw his thick cock disappearing inside the tight arse, his hands rested on the thin lithe waist, his eyes travelled up that smooth alabaster back, those broad shoulders and raven hair sticking to said shoulders from sweat and water from the previous unfinished shower. Remus was going faster now, pumping in and out harder, but he needed to know it was Sirius; he needed to know it wasn't his mind playing sick tricks on him as it had done for so many years.

"Say my name Padfoot" he called hands gripping thin hips harder,

"Remus… yes Remus!" Sirius called back, Remus frowned,

"No, please… I need to hear it" he replied desperately

"Aah fuck Re-"

"No" Remus cut him off with a sharp spank to his arse "Padfoot!!" he growled as he stopped fucking him, his other lovers called him Remus, Sirius never used to, not in bed. In bed Sirius was always playful and used their nicknames. Remus needed to be sure that it was real because he was the only person left to call him that. James was gone and peter was as good as dead to them, they only had each other,

"Wha-" Sirius began but then Remus heard a small chuckle from his lover as he realised what the wolf meant.

"Moony?" he moaned questioningly, and was instantly rewarded with Remus big hard cock being pushed back into him, and Remus heard the smile in his voice "Mmmm Moony.. Yes!" he moaned again, encouraging Remus and he picked up the pace faster, deeper

"Yes… oh, so tight" Remus growled again

"MOONY!" Sirius screamed out as a hand was wrapped around his throbbing member and began stroking him in time with the thrusts. He writhed on the bed and pushed back into the penetration before he came and spilled himself over the bed. Remus felt Sirius come and the muscles surrounding him clenched tight, bringing about his own orgasm as he filled his lover, thrusting in one final time, before they both collapsed forward. They stayed like that until their breathing didn't come in pants and gasps. Remus gently pulled out, slowly both breathing a sign of satisfaction, cleaning spells were muttered between soft kisses and they lay side by side holding each other nose-to-nose eyes locked.

"I've missed you" Sirius whispered, tilting his head so their lips touched before his eyes fluttered closed and he confessed "I love you moony!"

"I love you too Padfoot" came the sleepy reply, and smiling contently, both men fell into a dreamless sleep.

The End

A/N: And that is that, I hope you liked, it turned out fluffier than I intended, but I still liked it. Tell me what you think and like I said constructive criticism is welcome as this is my first. Thanks for reading!