First, please be warned, this story contains just about every SPOILER for the anime series and the manga series. If spoilers upset you, please do not read until you have seen or read all of Card Captor Sakura! This story is based upon the events, characters and situations found in Card Captor Sakura, the full or Japanese version as opposed to Cardcaptors, the translated and significantly altered story of the English version.
The creators of Card Captor Sakura and all the wonderful characters who I love so much are CLAMP, the highly talented Japanese manga circle whose imagination always astounds me. I intend no disrespect at all with my story, and in my limited understanding have tried to remain true to the characters and relationships of their original works.
I rely on the truths of the manga series in this story, that Clow split his soul between Fujitaka and Eriol when he died; and Sakura finished Clow's plan by splitting Clow's magic between them. Because of this, in my story, Fujitaka Kinomoto not only knows about Sakura's magical abilities, but possesses his own magic as well.
Change of Heart takes place after the events of the anime. Sakura and Li are about 17 years old, and their relationship has matured accordingly. Sakura still lives with her dad while she's attending college. Touya and Yukito/Yue are a couple (strongly hinted at in the official Japanese story, though there is nothing graphic in this fiction) and share Yukito's house, though Touya's job takes him on international travel often. When Touya's out of town for extended lengths of time, Yukito usually stays at the Kinomoto residence, so he (or Yue) can be near and guard Sakura. Yukito (as shown in the second movie "The Sealed Card") knows that he is Yue.
The Moonpaths - This is a magical place/state of being that developed in a more shounen ai story I wrote with Touya and Yukito/Yue. If Yue flies up into a night sky that has a moon, he is able to go to the moonpaths where the moonlight forms a type of magical solid matter. He uses the moonpaths most often as a retreat when he needs to be alone. One interesting note: even at the height of his power, Clow was not able to see the moonpaths, but after Yue restores Touya's magic to him (not part of the original CLAMP story), Touya can.
Yue and sleep - I don't know why this idea crops up in my Card Captor Sakura stories but it does fairly often. It's established in the official story line that Yue doesn't eat; for some reason, I have extended this to the idea that Yue doesn't sleep either. Unless he's compelled to by magical means, as when Clow forced him to sleep on the back cover of the Clow Book in the official story, Yue is unable to sleep (and doesn't need to) in this story.
Japanese honorifics and names - -chan, -kun, -san, -sensei and -sama added after a Japanese name and seem to show some degree of respect and/or affection between people. Please go to this page [http://www.stargarde.com/honorifics.html] if you would like to read how I understand and use these honorifics in this story.
Japanese children do not usually refer to older siblings by name, which is why Sakura calls Touya "onii-chan" which means "big brother". "Otoosan" roughly translates to "dad" or "daddy".
"Kin" is "gold" in Japanese. In my story, Yue uses it as a special nickname for Kerberos. Kero's nickname for Yue is "Gin" which means "silver".
Clow's Moonbell - For the purpose of this story, Eriol caused the Moonbell to disappear from Kaho's hand after it was rung in the Final Judgment, rather than allowing the Bell to be destroyed.
Change of Heart
"What?!"
"I told you he was going to make a big deal out of it!" Li declared hotly, "This isn't going to work here, Sakura!"
"Kero-chan, I know it's not easy. I simply want to be with Syaoran-kun tonight. Please understand!" Sakura pleaded with wide green eyes.
"Oh, I understand all right! You and the kid are gonna..." Kero began.
"Watch it, you stuffed animal! Don't say something I'll make you regret!" Li interrupted, clenching his fist. Magic sparked around his hand.
"Why, you...! I oughta...!" a magic circle suddenly blossomed on the floor and wings erupted in the room. Kerberos, the Guardian Beast of the Clow Cards, filled the small bedroom with ruffled wings, a thrashing tail and a barely controlled temper.
"Syaoran!" Sakura shouted, pushing his hand down as she put herself between her upset lover and her irate Guardian.
"Both of you! Calm down!"
"He started it!" Li protested.
"Syaoran! Stop acting like a child!" Sakura snapped, "And Kero!" her expression softened, "Realize I love him. You can't get between us!"
"Yeah, I know," Kero put aside his power and resumed his more harmless form, "Later, kid. See you tomorrow, 'Mistress'." Kero bowed deeply before flying up, turning the handle and opening the door. He looked back one more time with a mournful expression on his face, and pulled the door closed behind him.
"Syaoran, you've got to be more respectful! He's the Guardian of the Seal!" Sakura chided, "He's also my friend," she continued more quietly, "This is hard enough on him as it is without you making it any harder..."
"You tell him, Sakura!" Kero mumbled as he flew out of earshot. His body drooped from his wings.
"Of course, he gets to stay in the room with you while I get banished..." Kero inattentively flew right into Yue's chest.
Yue caught him with a graceful hand before he could fall.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"It's the brat! He and Sakura...!" Kero began loudly.
Yue winced, "I heard it all. I'm right here; you don't have to shout! It's a good thing Touya's not home. All of your shouting would have waken him up."
"Yeah, where is 'onii-chan'? He should keep that kid away from his sister!" Kero shouted.
"You simply won't behave, will you?" Yue remarked peevishly, "To-ya is on a business trip. Sakura and Li deserve to have their time together..."
"Do you know what they're gonna do?! I have to stop them!" Kero shouted.
"No, you don't! I think I should take you out of here for now..." Yue suited actions to words, wrapped Kero thoroughly in a few loops of his hair and flew through the open window into the night sky.
Yue flew fast enough that they were miles from the house before Kerberos managed to untangled himself. Ruefully, Kero sat on Yue's shoulder.
"Calmer now?" Yue asked.
"Yeah. Where're we going?"
"I'm going to the moonpaths. You can come with if you want," Yue offered carefully.
"Got nuthin' better to do," Kero mumbled.
A few minutes later Yue seated himself on the solid path of moonbeams and held out an inviting hand. Kero hesitated and finally settled on Yue's lap.
"Tell me what's wrong, Kin," Yue suggested as he stroked Kero's head and wings gently, "There is something deeper than Li spending the night with Sakura that is bothering you."
"Yeah. Boy, it's been a long time since we've done this! Of course, back then it was me offering comfort to you..." Kero noted.
"It's about time for me to return the favor," Yue agreed.
"Don't think you can not answer my question, Kerberos. After all, you never let me avoid answering your questions!" Yue reminded him softly.
"It's just...am I only the Guardian of the Seal? Li was just a kid, gifted magically, as any descendant of Clow's would be, I suppose, but he's grown up now. I have to admit, even if all the Cards were to rebel against Sakura, Li could probably protect her. His magic is very strong. Does she...need me...anymore?" Kero asked quietly. Yue remained silent, sensing that Kero had more to say.
"You are the Judge, another Guardian...but you're more too. Your other form, Yukito...Touya loves both of you. 'Cause of Yukito, you have connections that have nothing to do with bein' a Guardian. I am Kerberos, Kero, no matter which form I'm in, cool Guardian Beast or silly 'stuffed animal'." Kero turned his head away.
"I really hate it when he calls me that!" he muttered.
"I guess...I have no place in Sakura's life anymore...and I don't really have any other place to be. I'm useless!" Kero shouted.
"No," Yue countered serenely, "Clow-san never thought so. You could comfort him when I failed to do so. Sakura would miss you terribly if you left her."
"I can't leave her. I'm tied to her as her Guardian," Kero replied, "But that's the problem. That's all I am! Look at me!"
Kero flew up to hover before Yue's face.
"I am simply a toy, a stuffed animal! I'm don't dare move or talk when people who don't know me are around. My true shape would frighten them so I have to stay this way most of the time!" Kero settled under Yue's comforting touch again, "I envy you that you can be other than a Guardian...'cause of Yukito you know what it is like to be a normal person, act normally and do normal things!"
"That is true. It is an advantage to my 'other self' that I hadn't properly appreciated before..." Yue reflected.
"It just seems like everyone else has grown somehow; Sakura, you, even the brat, gotten stronger, found love, learned more magic...except for me..." Kero tried to explain, "I'm just...what I am. What I've always been. A Guardian Beast. Or...a stuffed animal!" he finished bitterly.
Yue couldn't find any comfort he could give in words; advice such as Kerberos offered to him many years ago. He simply continued his caressing stroke and pondered. Finally, Kero sighed.
"I've calmed down now. We should go back. I promise I won't do anything," he suggested.
"Okay," Yue agreed.
Yue carried Kero in through the hallway window when they returned. Kero automatically began to fly toward Sakura's room, only to run into Yue's blocking hand.
"You should sleep with me tonight," Yue suggested.
"You don't sleep!" Kero countered, "I can go downstairs and sleep there... That way I won't be a bother to anybody..." he offered.
Yue lifted an eyebrow sardonically before Clow magic flared and folded his wings away allowing Yukito to manifest.
"Little Kerberos, I'd be honored to share my bed with you!" Yukito declared earnestly before he realized what he'd said and blushed.
"That is...not like when I'm with Touya..." he blushed deeper, "Look...there's room on my bed for you," Yukito finally finished.
"Thank you, Yuki-usagi, but..." Kero began.
"No 'but's! C'mon!" Yukito grabbed Kero gently from the air and pulled him into his room. Once there Yukito kept up a light nonsensical monologue while he got ready for bed. Finally he placed his glasses on the night stand and turned out the light.
"Kero-san?" he asked as he snuggled under the covers.
"Yeah?"
"Normally, when Touya's not here, Yue-san would have stayed so I wouldn't have to sleep...since Yue doesn't need to..." Yukito paused, "I get lonely, without To-ya. I do hate sleeping alone..."
Kerberos recognized the loneliness in Yukito's voice and realized that Yue had manipulated both of them into needing the other. Part of him wanted to curl up in the corner and sulk about his lot in life, but he wouldn't let Yukito stay lonely. He growled in his thoughts even as he admired Yue's complete understanding, not only of the needs of his own 'alter ego', Yukito, but Kerberos' needs as well. Right now, Kerberos most needed to be needed.
He relented and flew up to the pillow. Yukito's questing hands found him. A moment later he was pulled against Yuki's chest in the special embrace everyone first learns as a child, for the one who chases away night-time terrors. Kerberos recalled the first time he had been held this way. It was the very first night of his life and it was his creator, Clow, who had needed his comfort that night. In a way very much like Clow's, Yukito sighed contentedly and fell deeply asleep. Comforted himself by the similarity to his memories, Kerberos admitted to himself that sometimes it wasn't so bad to be a 'stuffed animal'.
********
"We need to talk," Yue declared evenly, floating before Li the next day.
"Oh, no! Not you too!" Li exclaimed, "Look, I have the right to love her..."
"I'm not contesting that. Love Sakura, by all means, and enjoy her love in return. I need to talk with you about Kerberos," Yue told him.
"I got read the riot act by Sakura already. I'll be nice, even if he is just..."
"...a 'stuffed animal'? Do you know, Li Syaoran, if he wanted to, Kerberos could kill you before you could lift finger or spell to save yourself?" Yue began conversationally.
Li snorted, "Yeah, right!"
Yue regarded him with coldly assessing eyes.
"Do you also know he admits you've grown in power enough to protect Sakura without his help? He respects your power..."
"He doesn't respect me!"
"What have you done to earn that respect?" Yue snapped, "You haven't earned mine."
Li looked up into Yue's eyes with a stricken expression. Yue knew he had the young man's full attention now. He was not above using the attraction Li had always felt, especially for his "Yukito" persona, to make his point.
"Kerberos is my friend. You do everything you can, as you always have, to belittle him. I have seen him face horrors that would curdle your very soul; I have seen him strive against the odds in fights we couldn't win; I have never seen him defeated...until now. Until you. I admit you have power, descendant of Clow. I question if you have the compassion to wield it?"
"Defeated...?" Li's face was stunned, "The Guardian Beast of the Seal? How have I defeated him?"
"If you thought of him more as the 'Guardian Beast of the Seal' and not a 'stuffed animal'..." Yue began. Abruptly his manner softened, "He questions his worth. I have never seen him like this before. It...concerns me."
"I never thought..." Li started, "You're wrong! I do respect him! Even when he is just the stuffed animal..."
Yue folded his arms and a severely skeptical expression took up residence on his face.
"Do you know I couldn't even fly?" Li admitted softly.
"What has that to do with anything? I have seen you fly!" Yue told him coldly.
"No...when we were switched..."
"'Switched'?"
"Oh, that was before you were awakened. Yes, switched. When Sakura captured the Change Card, Kerberos and I were switched," Li explained, "He spent a day in my body and I spent it in his. It was the first time I slept in Sakura's room..." Li smiled, "Though, of course, nothing happened. I was in a stuffed animal, you see..."
"So, Kerberos has spent a day as a human...I wonder if it affected him?" Yue mused.
"Quite a bit, I'd say. He spent the next few days hanging around me. Even stopped calling me 'brat' for a while. He said he couldn't get used to the Change back..."
"And you? Did it affect you?" Yue asked.
"Not really. I didn't have to get readjusted as Kero did. Although, I never did figure out how to get his wings to work...almost got eaten by a cat trying..."
"So, that was you Yukito caught from the air," Yue realized.
"Yeah!" Li smiled, "Sakura was so mad that I wouldn't stay put! But, I wanted to prove to her that I could do it, that I could be as good a stuffed animal as Kero..." Li looked down, remembering that he actually hadn't been very good as a substitute Kerberos.
"Hmm," Yue realized, "Do you know that this conversation is the first time I have ever heard you call him by his name and not 'stuffed animal' or 'Guardian Beast'. I'm counting the times I have heard you talk about him in front of Yukito too," Yue told him.
"Really? I guess I don't talk about him very often," Li seemed unimpressed.
"No, you disparage him most of the time. Even to his face. I think that is why he's feeling...inadequate," Yue noted.
"Well, I can promise you I'll stop talking poorly about him! Who would have thought he had such fragile feelings!" Li decided, "Satisfied?" he asked archly.
"For now," Yue returned coolly as he floated out of Li's way.
********
Li's promise lasted only a few days. When Kero called him 'brat', Li started calling him 'stuffed animal' again.
Sakura left her room in disgust to let Li and Kerberos yell at each other. Sakura noticed Yue leaning against a wall in the hallway. His arms were crossed and he had what Sakura thought of as his "pissed off" expression on his face. Sakura marveled that Yue had such a look when she was certain that Yukito could never force his face into a similar expression even if he wanted to...and realized that Yuki would never want to. She smiled that Yukito and Yue were both so dear to her for such very different reasons as she walked toward her Moon Guardian.
"I think they like fighting with each other better than talking with me!" Sakura declared, looking up into Yue's face, "How anyone can get them come to an agreement about anything is beyond my understanding!" Her green eyes almost sparked with exasperation. The look in Yue's eyes softened as he graced Sakura with his almost-smile.
"Do you trust me?" Yue asked, placing his hand on her cheek and gazing down into her eyes affectionately.
"Of course!" Sakura replied automatically.
"Good! There is a ritual your father can perform, that will enable me to take care of both of them for you," Yue smiled an entirely different type of smile.
"You...won't hurt them, will you?!" Sakura asked in sudden alarm.
"No...I'd never hurt either one of them...but I don't think either of them will much like what I must do... Bring your Cards to your father's study," Yue directed cryptically.
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Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get!
stargarde@stargarde.com
Next chapter teaser - Moon Magic