Warnings: Angst, Duo POV
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: 1x2, S+2+S
Song Credits: 30 Minutes by T.A.T.U
--------------------------------------------------------------
Heero's sudden outburst dealt me a blow that I could not take. I never felt such shock in my short, chaotic life until I looked into his eyes. As his eyes bore into mine, I could see the heartache, the longing, the tears swirling in those stormy blue orbs. That was when it stuck me. He meant it, he meant it when he said that he loved me. Heero never cried when he tried to self-detonate or when he set his own broken leg after a 100 foot fall. He hardly even flinched. Yet, his eyes were brimming with tears as he confessed his feelings for me.
I was in deep, deep shit.
Unable to respond to his confession, I ran the hell out of the safehouse we had been occupying for half a month and blasted back to the colony I called home in my trusty Deathscythe.
//Mama, Papa
Forgive me//
The moment I landed on L2, I sought refuge in the ruined sanctuary that used to be the Maxwell Church. The podium creaked under my weight as I knelt down on it, almost giving way. Hands clasped and head bowed, I went down on my knees before the aged cross lying on the ground, thinking back on what had happened in the painful past, and what I had shared with Heero for the past 2 weeks.
//30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes, to alter our lives
30 minutes, to make up my mind
30 minutes, to finally decide//
It was half an hour before I had to return to Earth for a sabotage mission. G had somehow managed to track me down and give the orders through Deathscythe. Closing my eyes, I knelt in reflection, having full intention of sorting out my anarchic feelings and arriving at a conclusion by the end of the 30 minutes. The longest 30 minutes of my life.
//Do we run?
Should I hide?
For the rest
Of my life//
Forcefully awakened from my dream of Solo, the harsh reality came crashing down on me. He had left me once again, all on my own, soul wrecked and heart broken. It was a slap in the face - realization that I had been holding so tightly onto nothing, nothing at all. Solo was just a beautiful illusion that my demented mind had made up in my pathetic attempt of licking my own bleeding wounds. I never lied, not to others, but I told myself a big fat lie that Heero was Solo, that he could become Solo.
When we made love, the moonlight had streamed in from the safehouse's windows. Though the illumination was weak, I saw glimpses of dark blue of Solo's eyes, which were supposed to be pale gold. I had seen the pain laced in his gaze as I showered his face with my kisses, worshiped his body with my touch. I felt him shaking as I called out Solo's name when I climaxed. I had seen him, but was too scared to acknowledge that it was Heero.
It was in Heero's arms that I found comfort and unconditional giving. He had been gentle as he embraced me, but he had held on tight enough to make me feel that I was needed, that I was cherished. He was the one who licked the bloody gashes that mapped my body; he was the one to soothe the tearing pain in my heart. He made me feel alive when I wanted to die. He was never Solo, never had been, never would be.
//In the moment
It takes
To make plans
Or mistakes//
Thus far, it was clear that Heero wanted me in his life, but did I want him in mine? I was one of those who did not fall easily, but when I did, I fell hard. I wanted all or nothing. When I ran and left Heero behind in that safehouse, I thought I left my heart with him too.
Because it hurt so bad when I wasn't in his arms.
//Can we fly?
Do I stay?//
Could he withstand this kind of love, a love with an infinite lifespan? Could he put up with the frequent nightmares that woke me up in the middle of the night? Could he accept all my flaws? Could he spend the rest of his life with me? I knelt in silent contemplation, eyes closed, teeth worrying my lower lip.
//We could lose
We could fail//
In these times of danger and unrest, our being on the frontline of the war could be extremely unsettling for one another. We would never know if we could make it through the next day, we would never know whether we could return safely to the other's arms. We wouldn't even know when we were going to see each other again.
If I were to lose Heero, I didn't think I could live.
//Either way
Options change
Chances fail
Trains derail//
But, with the knowledge that we were fighting the same war together, fighting for the peace that would descend on Earth and the Colonies. Love would give us courage, wouldn't it? He was the Perfect Soldier and I was Shinigami, so, what were the chances that we would die during the war? They would be slim, wouldn't they?
Because neither of us would go down without putting up a good fight.
//Carousels
In the sky
That we shape
With our eyes//
When we finally attained peace, wouldn't it be the time to live our dreams? To have a cozy home to ourselves? To return to Heero who waited up late in the night for me? To have a king-sized spring bed to sleep on, enjoy the feeling of waking up with soft sunshine on our faces and in each other's arms? To eat real food instead of the dried rations that we had been eating all our lives? To rear a big dog that was generous with its affections?
To live a simple kind of life?
//Under shade
Silhouettes
Casting shade
Crying rain//
Chilly wind assaulted my skin, giving me goose-bumps and making me shiver in my thin priest clothing. Then, clear, cool rain cascaded on me, seeping into my braid, drenching my clothes. It had never rained on L2, not once during my 12 year stay on it. Warm tears escaped from my eyes, joining the raindrops that slid down my cheeks, falling to the barren ground. Solo, were you trying to talk to me?
//30 minutes, to whisper your name
30 minutes, to shoulder the blame
30 minutes, of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes, to finally decide//
Solo, I loved you, I bet you already knew that, but there was no future for us. I finally understood what you were trying to tell me when you said that "it's too late", that was because we were never meant to be, right? I'd let you go, and hope that you were in a place where you, the rest of our gang and the people from the Maxwell Church would never feel sadness or pain again. You would live on in my heart, and I thanked God for your presence at that difficult point of my life, when I was lonely and helpless.
Goodbye, Solo.
//To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide//
The loud beeping on my watch told me that my 30 minutes was up. Just as I rose from the podium, I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I did not have to look at him to know that that was Heero, because he was always there for me.
Walking into his open arms, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips and whispered.
."Heero, I love you too."
//To decide//
---The End.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: 1x2, S+2+S
Song Credits: 30 Minutes by T.A.T.U
--------------------------------------------------------------
Heero's sudden outburst dealt me a blow that I could not take. I never felt such shock in my short, chaotic life until I looked into his eyes. As his eyes bore into mine, I could see the heartache, the longing, the tears swirling in those stormy blue orbs. That was when it stuck me. He meant it, he meant it when he said that he loved me. Heero never cried when he tried to self-detonate or when he set his own broken leg after a 100 foot fall. He hardly even flinched. Yet, his eyes were brimming with tears as he confessed his feelings for me.
I was in deep, deep shit.
Unable to respond to his confession, I ran the hell out of the safehouse we had been occupying for half a month and blasted back to the colony I called home in my trusty Deathscythe.
//Mama, Papa
Forgive me//
The moment I landed on L2, I sought refuge in the ruined sanctuary that used to be the Maxwell Church. The podium creaked under my weight as I knelt down on it, almost giving way. Hands clasped and head bowed, I went down on my knees before the aged cross lying on the ground, thinking back on what had happened in the painful past, and what I had shared with Heero for the past 2 weeks.
//30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes, to alter our lives
30 minutes, to make up my mind
30 minutes, to finally decide//
It was half an hour before I had to return to Earth for a sabotage mission. G had somehow managed to track me down and give the orders through Deathscythe. Closing my eyes, I knelt in reflection, having full intention of sorting out my anarchic feelings and arriving at a conclusion by the end of the 30 minutes. The longest 30 minutes of my life.
//Do we run?
Should I hide?
For the rest
Of my life//
Forcefully awakened from my dream of Solo, the harsh reality came crashing down on me. He had left me once again, all on my own, soul wrecked and heart broken. It was a slap in the face - realization that I had been holding so tightly onto nothing, nothing at all. Solo was just a beautiful illusion that my demented mind had made up in my pathetic attempt of licking my own bleeding wounds. I never lied, not to others, but I told myself a big fat lie that Heero was Solo, that he could become Solo.
When we made love, the moonlight had streamed in from the safehouse's windows. Though the illumination was weak, I saw glimpses of dark blue of Solo's eyes, which were supposed to be pale gold. I had seen the pain laced in his gaze as I showered his face with my kisses, worshiped his body with my touch. I felt him shaking as I called out Solo's name when I climaxed. I had seen him, but was too scared to acknowledge that it was Heero.
It was in Heero's arms that I found comfort and unconditional giving. He had been gentle as he embraced me, but he had held on tight enough to make me feel that I was needed, that I was cherished. He was the one who licked the bloody gashes that mapped my body; he was the one to soothe the tearing pain in my heart. He made me feel alive when I wanted to die. He was never Solo, never had been, never would be.
//In the moment
It takes
To make plans
Or mistakes//
Thus far, it was clear that Heero wanted me in his life, but did I want him in mine? I was one of those who did not fall easily, but when I did, I fell hard. I wanted all or nothing. When I ran and left Heero behind in that safehouse, I thought I left my heart with him too.
Because it hurt so bad when I wasn't in his arms.
//Can we fly?
Do I stay?//
Could he withstand this kind of love, a love with an infinite lifespan? Could he put up with the frequent nightmares that woke me up in the middle of the night? Could he accept all my flaws? Could he spend the rest of his life with me? I knelt in silent contemplation, eyes closed, teeth worrying my lower lip.
//We could lose
We could fail//
In these times of danger and unrest, our being on the frontline of the war could be extremely unsettling for one another. We would never know if we could make it through the next day, we would never know whether we could return safely to the other's arms. We wouldn't even know when we were going to see each other again.
If I were to lose Heero, I didn't think I could live.
//Either way
Options change
Chances fail
Trains derail//
But, with the knowledge that we were fighting the same war together, fighting for the peace that would descend on Earth and the Colonies. Love would give us courage, wouldn't it? He was the Perfect Soldier and I was Shinigami, so, what were the chances that we would die during the war? They would be slim, wouldn't they?
Because neither of us would go down without putting up a good fight.
//Carousels
In the sky
That we shape
With our eyes//
When we finally attained peace, wouldn't it be the time to live our dreams? To have a cozy home to ourselves? To return to Heero who waited up late in the night for me? To have a king-sized spring bed to sleep on, enjoy the feeling of waking up with soft sunshine on our faces and in each other's arms? To eat real food instead of the dried rations that we had been eating all our lives? To rear a big dog that was generous with its affections?
To live a simple kind of life?
//Under shade
Silhouettes
Casting shade
Crying rain//
Chilly wind assaulted my skin, giving me goose-bumps and making me shiver in my thin priest clothing. Then, clear, cool rain cascaded on me, seeping into my braid, drenching my clothes. It had never rained on L2, not once during my 12 year stay on it. Warm tears escaped from my eyes, joining the raindrops that slid down my cheeks, falling to the barren ground. Solo, were you trying to talk to me?
//30 minutes, to whisper your name
30 minutes, to shoulder the blame
30 minutes, of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes, to finally decide//
Solo, I loved you, I bet you already knew that, but there was no future for us. I finally understood what you were trying to tell me when you said that "it's too late", that was because we were never meant to be, right? I'd let you go, and hope that you were in a place where you, the rest of our gang and the people from the Maxwell Church would never feel sadness or pain again. You would live on in my heart, and I thanked God for your presence at that difficult point of my life, when I was lonely and helpless.
Goodbye, Solo.
//To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide//
The loud beeping on my watch told me that my 30 minutes was up. Just as I rose from the podium, I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I did not have to look at him to know that that was Heero, because he was always there for me.
Walking into his open arms, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips and whispered.
."Heero, I love you too."
//To decide//
---The End.