Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to the lovely JK Rowling and Warner Brothers.
It was a lonely summer for Severus. His first summer without being in contact with Lily Evans. The last time he'd seen her had been on the morning of the last day of term, a whip of red hair as she'd disappeared from the Great Hall, laughing with her friends, ready for her summer. He'd followed, not any further than the Entrance Hall. Given her one last longing look. Then leaving to go downstairs to his dormitory.
He was alone now too. Sat on a bench at the edge of the park he and Lily had played at all those years ago. He'd spent many days whiling away time here during the summer, but had never once seen her. It was almost as though she knew he would wait for him there, and couldn't bear to return to that spot lest she have to make conversation with him.
In fact, it seemed all anyone could be bothered to do to make conversation with him. His father had never much talked to him, not unless he had something negative to say. But even his mother seemed even more withdrawn from him this summer, quiet at meal times, barely making eye contact. Maybe she knew. Knew what he wanted to do next summer. His mother may have been a Slytherin, but she had no interest in Dark Magic, actively despised Lord Voldemort and his followers.
Not that he thought his mother was much of an Occlumens. And besides, Severus was old enough to shield himself now, keep her away from anything he didn't want her to see, hide them away in the deepest recesses of his brain. But he couldn't hide them from himself.
Alice Enderson cornering him in the dungeon down to Potions. Talking to him about what he'd thrown away. How his Lily was better off without him in her life. How she was happy now she didn't have to speak to him anymore. He'd brushed her off, tried to keep away but of course Avery had found them down there.
"Threatening a Slytherin are you, Enderson?" She'd backed away from him. Severus had known himself that no one feared him, Avery and Mulciber not so much. He could remember Avery drawing his wand, muttering the curse at Enderson and he'd seen her fall to the floor, screaming, twisting in pain. He hadn't done anything. Maybe that's why no one feared him. He was a coward.
Then there was that evening. Lily grabbing his wrist after dinner.
"How dare you? Alice told me what you did!" she had screamed at him.
"I didn't do anything!" he'd told her back.
"That's the problem! You never stand up for anyone weaker than you! You just stand there and let it happen!" She was glowering at him so intently he'd felt himself blush. Never in their seven years of friendship had Lily yelled at him, spoken to him like that.
He toed at the ground with his worn trainers, battered from endless walking in all weathers. He looked around him. Night was starting to fall. He clambered up from the dusty grass he was sat on made to exit the park. He knew it must be late as darkness was falling on a night in August. He headed down the dimly lit street, wondering why no one ever fixed the street lighting in Cokeworth.
He stepped numbly off the pavement walking into the road in order to cross. The next thing he was aware of was being bathed in bright light and car brakes screaming to a halt. He backed away, trying to avoid the light. A man was getting out of the vehicle.
He recognised him immediately. Balding now and with very little light brown floppy hair left, he shared her eyes. He stepped round the door and came closer to him. Severus had a sudden desire to run.
"Are you alright?" Mr Evans asked, coming closer to him and looking him up and down. "Oh Severus, I nearly didn't recognise you there!"
The man broke into a cheery smile, as though greeting an old friend. Severus hadn't seen him in over a year due to what had happened with Lily, although Mr Evans still seemed pleased to see him.
Severus nodded, muttering his apologies about stepping in front of the car. He wanted to leave and was regretting not running more with every passing second.
"Here, I'll give you a lift home," Mr Evans positively beamed.
Severus mumbled something about being fine to walk, not needing to be home in a hurry but against his better judgement ended up getting in Mr Evans' car.
"So," he began almost immediately. "I've not heard much about you from Lily this summer!"
Severus swallowed. "She doesn't know that much about me." His face was burning and he was staring at the floor.
"How did your OWLs go?" Mr Evans pressed.
"I did very well thank you, got my 12 Outstandings," Severus muttered.
"Oh that's wonderful!" Mr Evans exclaimed. "Lily got the same."
"You tell her well done from me."
Severus noticed the first change in Mr Evans demeanour at this point. "But you can tell her yourself!" he exclaimed.
"Er.." Severus trailed off. Exactly what, or more to the point what hadn't, Lily told her parents this summer?
Severus glanced up and saw Mr Evans was observing him with a curious expression.
"So are you going anywhere nice this summer?" Severus asked, desperate to move the conversation forward.
"Have you fallen out with Lily?" Mr Evans eyed him suspiciously.
"I've done something to her I really shouldn't have. Something really awful. I've ruined our friendship" Well if Lily wasn't going to tell him, he certainly was.
Mr Evans suddenly swerved as though a great thought had hit him and pulled the car immediately over.
"Have you slept with my daughter?" he said his voice suddenly cold.
"What?" yelped Severus. He was stunned, hardly knew what to say. Of all the awful things Mr Evans thought he might have done, he certainly wasn't expecting that one.
"Have you slept with Lily?" he repeated, colder still.
"No, of course I haven't, I, I wouldn't dream of it. No it's- it's not. It's nothing like that. I haven't – I wouldn't dare," he was stammering.
Mr Evans narrowed his eyes.
"It's nothing like that, I- I promise. I wouldn't- I couldn't. I'm not- I called her a Mudblood," he finished very quickly.
"I'm sorry, what is that?" Mr Evans was watching him very carefully.
"It's very insulting, it's referring to her blood type. You know, with you and Mrs Evans being non magic," he was speaking very quickly. "And it doesn't even matter anyway, I mean she's the best in our year. All the purebloods are twats. I mean idiots."
"I see," Mr Evans was still looking at him as though he was something unpleasant he'd found on the bottom of his shoe. "Well, I'll just take you home I think, Severus."
The rest of the car journey passed in awkward silence. Severus muttered his goodbye and thanks as he got out, but was greeted with nothing more than a withering stare. He rushed towards his house, keen to make it inside and away from Mr Evans, a man who had always treated him with unwavering kindness, always trying to do him a favour.
Severus walked into the house rather louder than he would normally have done, especially given the time. He was about to head down to his room when a hand suddenly gripped hold of his arm. He was face to face with his father, who was shade of maroon and practically spitting.
"What do you think you're doing home so late?" Tobias literally shook him.
"I was talking to one of my friend's dads," he said quickly.
"Friends?" Tobias sneered. "You don't have any friends!"
This much was true but Severus certainly wasn't planning on backtracking. Firstly, he didn't want to give his dad the satisfaction of being right. And secondly, he died want to be screamed at for lying.
"Well, I do," he muttered.
"How dare you argue back?" Tobias spat. He raised his free hand and punched his son squarely in the cheekbone. "Now get to bed."
Severus half flew, half stumbled in the direction of his room. He walked almost dazed down the corridor. He opened his bedroom door and closed it carefully behind him, throwing himself onto the bed. He was a mixture of angry and upset and was reminded forcibly of Lily's mixture of anger and hurt that day she tried to help him.
He watched her walk away. He heard James and Sirius muttering something to one another. Then bang, he was upside down again.
"Right," James shouted. "Now who wants to see me take of Snivellus' pants?"
He heard the crowd jeer although he could see little from under his upside down robes. Lily was too far away to hear now. Besides, he didn't need her to rescue him. He could look after himself. Which seemed like a load of rubbish given he was suspended in midair with his bare legs up above him.
"Go on, Wormtail!" James called. "Get them off!"
Wormtail seemed to positively delight in this mission, advancing on Severus straight away. Severus attempted to flail out of his reach, but Sirius quickly put a stop to it.
"Petrificus Totalus!" he shouted.
Severus was immobilised, hanging upside down. Laughter was filling his ears, ringing and ringing.
Severus was woken suddenly by the doorbell being rung. Assuming his parents had both left for work, he rolled out of bed and made his way back to the front door. He was most surprised when he opened the door and felt a little squirm in his stomach as he did. Lily Evans was stood there, her long red hair framing her face. Her green eyes looked angry.
"How dare you tell my dad we're not speaking?" she snapped immediately. "What's wrong with your face?"
"Um, what?" said Severus, taken aback.
"Half your face is covered by a massive bruise," Lily was eyeing him suspiciously.
"Oh nothing, I fell," he said quickly.
Lily knitted her eyebrows together and looked as though she was going to come closer, her arm hesitating on reaching up to touch his face.
"Oh my goodness, my dad didn't do this to you did he?"
"No! No, of course not," Severus said quickly. "Although he was pretty angry when he thought we'd slept together."
"What?" Lily yelped. "You told him what?"
"No, I didn't! I told him we didn't! He asked!"
Lily was glowering at him, fixing him with the same fierce stare she had in the Entrance Hall that day.
"I would never sleep with you," she said coldly.
"Oh right," he said very quietly, everything hurting as she made that statement. He felt tears start to prickle at the corner of his eyes.
"No," she said, spotting his face. "No, I didn't mean it like that, I didn't at all. I just mean, I don't think we're right for each other. Not that, not that there's anything wrong with you, I mean-"
"It's fine, Lily. I get it."
"No you don't. Because I didn't mean it like that. You're going to be perfect for someone. And it might've been me, it's just because of what you said. I said that because of that. Not because-"
"Honestly, I get it. I wouldn't sleep with me either."
He moved to close the door on her, refusing to cry in front of her.
"No listen, Sev, I didn't mean that. I just- Listen, my mum said you should come to tea on Saturday. I mean I think she means for us to make up and that's not going to happen but she'd like to see you and-"
"Tell her thanks very much, but I'm busy," he carefully closed the door, blocking out the one person he actually cared about.
She called again a couple of times but he made no effort to answer the door. He ignored her, determined not to give into his feelings. He had to be strong. He had to in order to join the Dark Lord.
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