The Two Sides of Fate

By Seema

Author's note: So what did happen with the coin toss? Here are two possibilities. There is a third possibility, but I decided not to write that, since I'm still euphoric from the 'happily ever after' ending. Set right after the series finale, "Fair Winds and Following Seas." In the interests of simplicity, both versions are in this one file, with the 'San Diego' version first, followed by the 'London' version. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: DPB and CBS owns these characters. I just wanted to tie up some loose ends.

San Diego

Mac took a deep breath and straightened up. Her hands were sticky from packing tape and raw from assembling the cardboard boxes. She took a long look around the apartment. In less than three days, she had dismantled nearly a decade's worth of memories. She had grown so comfortable living in this apartment, it was difficult to imagine living anywhere else. Still, the San Diego opportunity was one she couldn't turn down, and while she had concerns, she was looking forward to finally getting a command of her own.

Mac went into the kitchen and started pulling the mugs down from the cupboard. The bedroom was mostly packed, and the living room and dining room were done. Thanks to some help from Coates and Harriet earlier in the day, she had managed to get more done than she had anticipated. Now all that really left was the big furniture and the movers would be by first thing in the morning to load those pieces into the truck.

After the mugs were on the counter, Mac started taking down the dishes. Somehow, she had managed to accumulate an amazing amount of plates; by last count, she had three complete dinnerware sets, each with 8 table settings. She tried to remember when she'd had more than two people over for dinner at a time, and failed miserably. Something to change in San Diego, she thought decisively.

Behind her, she heard the door open and she turned. Harm stood there, several flattened cardboard boxes in his hand.

"Hey," he said. "The door was open."

"That's fine," Mac said. She went to him, and kissed him lightly on the lips. It surprised her how easily this show of affection came to her, how she didn't even have to think about what she was doing. She rested her hand lightly on his chest. "How are you doing?"

"Good, you?" Harm asked. He pulled her to him, keeping his arm curled possessively and protectively around her waist.

Mac waved to the piles of boxes scattered throughout the apartment. "Tired, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. What's your status?"

"I'm all packed," Harm said.

"Show off." Mac gently disengaged herself. "Are those boxes for me? Thanks. I was close to running out."

"No problem. And to be fair, I can't take all the credit. Sturgis and Bud were a great help." His lips curled up. "And you wouldn't believe who showed up at the end to lend a hand."

"Who?" Mac asked, taking the boxes from him and heading back into the kitchen.

"Vukovich."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Wow." Mac shook her head. "Will wonders never cease?"

Harm surveyed the dishes on the kitchen counter and then spotted the piles of newspaper on Mac's table; she'd collected them from her neighbors in preparation for packing. "I'll wrap the dishes up and you'll get done faster," he said. "Lest you be completely swept off your feet by the young lieutenant's generosity, I should mention he brought San Diego up at least a dozen times."

"He really wants to go," Mac said, handing a glass salad bowl to Harm, and then the matching platter.

"He said you said no. In very certain terms. He's convinced he can wear you down." Harm glanced at Mac. "I said he obviously doesn't know you very well. It took me nearly a decade to get a 'yes' out of you."

Mac smiled. "I have to give him credit for stubbornness. He doesn't take 'no' for an answer very well." She bit her lip. "He's very talented, passionate, and creative, but I don't trust him." She rubbed her hands together, grimacing at the roughness of her skin. "He's got a lot to learn about ethics, and I don't want to be the one to teach him."

"As I mentioned before, I think he's got promise," Harm said. "I saw a spark in him on the case we worked together. He'll go far." He bit his lip. "In the end though, it's your decision, Mac. You have the right to choose your staff. If you don't feel comfortable with the people reporting to you, then I would stick with your gut."

"I know, but still, I feel guilty. After all, isn't it the right thing to do to give someone an opportunity when they specifically ask for it?"

"Well, it depends," Harm said. He reached for the masking tape and in a quick motion, had another box sealed and on the floor. "You're slowing down, Marine."

Mac smiled. "Sorry. Someone's been distracting me."

"Really?" He offered her a lopsided grin that melted her heart immediately. She wondered how she'd resisted his charms for so many years.

"You don't do innocent so well, Harm." Mac brought over another stack of dishes to him and laid them on the table with a gentle thud. "It's going to be an interesting change, San Diego is." She eyed him carefully. She remembered her relief at seeing the coin flip 'tails' and realizing she wouldn't be the one resigning her commission. In the next breath, she had stared at Harm and noted for a moment, his expression had completely frozen and then a slow smile had spread across his fate.

"I guess fate has spoken," he had said. "We're going to San Diego."

In the commotion that followed, Mac had desperately wanted to ask Harm if he was sure. He had just been promoted; maybe they could work something out. It didn't have to be an all or nothing arrangement, she thought. If they had time, just a few more days, they could come up with a more equitable solution. But by the time the evening was over, Harm had been joking about being a kept man, about having more time to play golf and go flying in his plane. He had seemed all right, but now, Mac wanted to know for sure.

"Harm?" she asked carefully. "About San Diego--"

"I'm looking forward to it."

"You are?" Mac stared at him. She pressed her palms flat against the table and looked at him. "Harm, please, be honest."

He shrugged. "It's a change, a good opportunity for you, and I hear the weather's great."

"You're not answering my question."

"Which is?" Harm reached for another sheet of newspaper, but Mac put her hand on top of his.

"You've giving up your career for me," she said. "I'm just worried about what that means for you, for us."

Harm shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Mac."

"How can I not?" She sighed in frustration. "Look, I know that if tables were turned, if we were going to London, I'd be--" she made a vague gesture with her hands. "I guess I would feel something if the flip had gone your way and we'd be going to London." She looked seriously at Harm. "I don't want you to resent me."

"Mac."

She held up a hand. "Look, we're getting married this weekend. You're moving to San Diego with me. You're dealing with custody of Mattie. You're giving up your naval career. It's a lot to deal with."

"I'm dealing with it, Mac," Harm said, a little impatiently. He reached for a newspaper again and this time, Mac didn't stop him. "We agreed fate was going to decide our next move. And this works out for me. Mattie's going to need a lot of care, a lot of therapy, and this way, once I bring her to San Diego, I'll have time to spend with her. And besides, there will be plenty of opportunities for me in San Diego. The Navy has a huge presence there, and even if I'm not in JAG, I'm sure they can use qualified flight instructors. Worse comes to worse, I study for the California bar and go into private practice." He leaned forward, and cupped Mac's face in his hand. She loved the feel of his skin against hers, the warmth she felt every time he reached for her. She had to admit, this rush she felt when Harm looked at her, it was new and exciting and she never wanted to lose it.

"You sure?" she asked.

"I'm going to be fine, Mac. You are right, it's a lot to adjust to, but we're going to make it." He resumed packing. "I've been with the Navy for half of my life, Mac. It's a part of me, it's made me the person I am, but the person I want to be --" his expression softened as he looked at her "-- well, that's only going to happen if you're there." He reached for the masking tape. "And I haven't forgotten, Mac, all the times you took risks for me, how you followed me to Russia, to Chechnya, how you've never let me down, and more than once, you've done more than I could have ever imagined possible. So, I owe you one. If being with you means saying good-bye to the Navy, then that's that. I'm fine with it." He quirked a grin at her. "Fate has spoken."

Still, Mac wasn't satisfied. "This has all happened very quickly," she said. "Are you sure you don't want to wait? Think it over? A lot has happened in twelve hours."

"As you pointed out, we've had nine years." Harm rested his forearms on the box. "Mac, I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

Mac inhaled sharply and then she rounded the table and put her arms around him. She tipped her forehead next to his. "That makes two of us," she said in a breathless voice. "I just never realized fate could feel like this."

"Makes me wish the deadline had come sooner," Harm said. His breath was warm against her cheek. "Like two years ago, maybe."

"Before Webb, you mean."

"Yes."

Mac backed away slowly. "We have a lot to talk about, Harm." She put her hand to her forehead. "The last couple years, you know, we haven't been particularly good about talking or even getting along. We've done a great job of pushing each other away and--"

"Mac." Harm put his finger to her lips. "We've got a five hour plane ride to San Diego--"

"After we get married," Mac said. "Don't you think we should discuss some of this stuff before we make that committment?"

Harm paused and then said slowly, "I think we've done enough thinking. You're the one, after all, who said you didn't want to overanalyze a relationship."

"This is different, Harm. We're talking about the rest of our lives. I don't want to make a mistake."

"This is not a mistake," Harm said. "It's not necessarily going to be easy, and you're right, we have things we need to work out. But have you considered that no matter how many relationships we've each had over the last nine years, we keep coming back to each other? I think that says something. In fact, I think it says a lot."

"And you're saying that that's enough?"

"Yes," he said. "I flew Tomcats on gut, Mac, and that's what I'm doing here. It's all instinct, but I think it's going to work out for us."

Mac twisted her hands together. She was still incredibly nervous about the rapid fire decisions they'd made in the last day, but at the same time, she knew Harm was right. She couldn't imagine being with someone other than him for the rest of her life. On Christmas Eve, she'd come to the conclusion that Harm was indeed the only one for her; she just never thought it'd work out. And true to form, there were complications, but this time, emotion overcame all other considerations. Her relationship -- her marriage -- wouldn't be something she'd easily surrender, Mac knew. She'd given up Brumby without much of a fight, and she'd been able to walk away from Webb without much more than a second thought, because in the back of her mind, she'd always known there was an elusive 'something' missing from her relationships with both men. With Harm, she had this overwhelming feeling of completeness, of knowing while the road ahead would be difficult in many ways, she wouldn't give him up.

"You're sure about this, Harm?" she asked one more time. She rubbed her sweaty palms against her jeans. "If you've changed your mind, if you have any doubts, anything at all, this is the time--"

He raised his hand, palm facing her. "No," he said quietly and with conviction. "No doubts, no second thoughts, no anything." As if in an emphasis, he sealed another box and put it on the floor. "We'd better get going," he said, pointing to the empty counter top. "We've got an appointment with fate, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to be late."

London

For a moment, Harm couldn't remember where he was. He rolled over in bed, and was momentarily startled when he bumped into a warm, slumbering figure. He opened his eyes. Mac lay next to him, her dark hair contrasting against the white pillowcase. She was curled up on her side facing him, her hands tucked beneath her cheek. Harm inhaled sharply and reached over, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She stirred slightly and he put her hand on her hip. A second later, she opened her eyes.

"Hmm?" she said.

"It's okay," Harm said in a voice, still scratchy with sleep. He glanced towards the window; a sliver of white-gray light streamed out from the edges of the blind. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was still exhausted, thanks to the jet lag, but he had a sense that it was time to get up and face the day.

"What are you doing awake?" As if reading his mind, Mac spoke. "It's seven in the morning, which makes it oh, two o'clock back home."

Now, wide-awake, Harm stared at her with some amusement. "How do you do that? Even a five hour difference doesn't phase you."

"You've been asking that question for nine years," Mac said. "If you don't know the answer by now..."

He propped himself up on one arm. "You're amazing." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "How are you doing, Mrs. Rabb?"

Mac smiled at him, slowly and indulgently. "Mrs. Rabb. That sounds so... definitive, so final."

Harm laughed. "I should hope so. I don't know about you, but I'm in this for keeps."

"That makes two of us." Mac yawned and sat up. The thin strap of her green nightgown slipped down her shoulder and Harm resisted the temptation to pull it down further. "Married life is going to take some getting used to, that's for sure."

"Hmm, such as being legally obligated to staying together forever?" Harm asked.

Mac tipped her head to the sound. "You really know how to take the romance out of marriage, sailor."

He laughed and leaned forward to kiss her. "Just being realistic."

"Give me fantasy any day," Mac said, stretching. She turned to look at the window. "We should probably think about facing the day, Captain."

Harm glanced at the alarm clock, which confirmed that it was indeed seven o'clock and there was plenty he had to get done before reporting to duty the next morning, such as getting his uniforms pressed, locating the best way to get to his command, and taking care of some preliminary paperwork involved with both the change in position and the move. Thankfully, they were staying in a hotel for a few weeks, before moving into their own place. Mac had suggested that they spend some time getting to know London before making a snap decision about where to stay.

"After all," she had said on the plane ride over, "we made a pretty quick decision about my quitting the Marine Corps and then getting married. I think we can take our time on our next big decision."

And since they wouldn't be having a 'proper' honeymoon, Harm had agreed that a nice hotel would be the best option for them. At least, while they were getting used to the city and the country and recovering from jet lag, they wouldn't have to worry about the mundane -- housecleaning, unpacking, setting up services -- aspects of moving. And this particular hotel, the Berkshire, was located just a few blocks away from Piccadilly Circus, and was luxurious in every way, from the large tub in the bathroom, to the fresh flower arrangements in all of the suites, to the fluffy pillows on the bed. Mac's eyes had widened at the luxury and she had taken in the red damask curtains and the rich, mahogany furniture with some awe.

"I may never want to move," she had said teasingly. "This is beautiful."

"So," Mac said now, sitting up and drawing her knees up to her chest. "How are you doing, Captain?"

He grinned at her. "You really do like calling me that, don't you?"

"It fits," Mac said. "You wear your stripes well, Harm. It was a well-deserved promotion." She wrinkled her brow. "The good thing about my resigning my commission, you no longer outrank me and I don't have to take orders from you."

"That could be a drawback for me," Harm said thoughtfully as he stretched languidly. "Since you never listen to me anyway."

"I listened to you a few days ago when you suggested we ought to get married."

"Lucky me."

"You better believe it." She pressed her forehead against his. He loved feeling her so close. He couldn't quite explain the rush of emotion he felt when Mac looked at him or how he felt when she put her hand on his arm, but he just knew he had never felt this way about Annie or Jordan or Renee. He never wanted to lose this feeling and while they had enjoyed a few halcyon days, they had been entirely too busy to have some very important conversations. He decided to take a stab at one now, hoping against hope that he wasn't opening a Pandora's box.

"What about everything you've given up to be here with me?" Harm asked quietly. He sat up, pulling Mac closer to him. He loved the way she fit against him, the way he felt so incredibly comfortable holding her. After years of awkwardness and hesitation, the ease he felt with Mac was a surprising, but welcome twist. Not for the first time, he wished he had made his move earlier. "You could have been in San Diego, with your own command. Maybe not a promotion, but still."

"I did get a promotion to 'Mrs. Rabb'," she reminded him.

"Yes, but your career." Harm bit his lip. "I know we agreed we were going to let fate decide, but do you have any regrets?" He held his breath momentarily.

"About what? Getting married? Moving to London?"

"Yeah. Any of those things."

"Well, it's too late to get out of the marriage--"

"Mac."

She held up a hand. "I've had a fantasy for years, Harm, that I'd end up with it all. A career, a good man, a nice house, kids--"

"Don't forget the comfortable shoes."

"Is this your fantasy or mine?"

"Sorry, sorry. Go on."

"I would have loved to have it all, Harm," Mac said earnestly. She tipped her head to the side, and Harm couldn't resist, once again, reaching out and touching her hair. She smiled at him. "But now I know that that's impossible and you know, it doesn't bother me that much. I already know kids are probably not going to happen, and maybe I'm not part of the Marine Corps anymore, but losing those two things doesn't invalidate what I have found." She cupped her hands around his face, pulling him close. Her lips against his were feathery light. Harm pulled her closer, rubbing his hands up and down the silky fabric covering her back. "I wouldn't give us up for anything," Mac said finally. "Believe me when I say that."

"I wouldn't have taken leaving the military so easily," Harm said. He recalled the look on Mac's face when the flip turned out to be heads. She'd seemed momentarily stunned, and then had reached up, kissed him and said, without much emotion, "I guess London it is." Just like that.

"I do need to know one thing," Mac said, shifting position slightly, her bare leg rubbing up against Harm's. "If I hadn't come to your apartment and forced the issue, what would have happened?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Would you have come to me?" She frowned. "What were you waiting for?"

Harm's mouth twisted into a smile. "Courage, maybe." He shook his head. "I've been in many life and death situations, but when it comes to you, Mac, somehow I manage to lose all nerve."

"So if I hadn't shown up, I'd be in San Diego right now."

"Maybe, maybe not." Harm looked at her intently. "That's the thing about fate. Things fall into place the way they're supposed to. I'm not going to second guess what happened, Mac." He bit his lip. "I did try when I came to your apartment that night we got our assignments. I just couldn't get the words out. I guess I just needed to clear my thoughts and after talking to Mike Roberts--"

"Mikey?" Mac looked startled. "Where does he fit into all of this?"

"I talked to him Mike Roberts earlier that day, about his feelings for Cammie Cresswell--"

"You've got to be kidding."

"No, he's serious about her. Very serious."

"Oh dear." Mac shook her head. "Now there's something I would love to witness, I mean, how it unfolds, that is."

"It's going to be an interesting situation, that's for sure," Harm said. "But when the midshipman asked me advice, I told him to be honest with Cammie, to tell her how he was feeling, and be open with her. It occurred to me that I owed you the same courtesy."

"You were just waiting until the very last minute."

Harm grinned. "Something like that, yes."

"Lucky for us, fate decided to step in," Mac said with a smile. "I guess we'll never know, huh?"

"I think we do know. We're here, aren't we? It was just a question of timing, of getting it right. And we did."

"Even if we didn't have a military-style wedding."

"We can always have one later."

"That'll be my project, I suppose, for the next couple of months. Harriet said she'd help me, since I assumed we'd want to have it in DC."

Something in Mac's voice caught Harm's attention. They had been really too busy over the last few days to truly consider the consequences of their actions, but now Harm had to take the time to think. Mac had given up her career to be with him and now they were in another country, and he wasn't sure what she would do now. "Have you thought about what you're going to do?" It was a difficult question for him to ask, and he was almost afraid of the answer, but he knew, for the marriage to work, they were going to have to be honest with each other. "I report to duty tomorrow and--" he paused. "Have you thought about what you're going to do at all?"

"Other than shopping and catching the night life?" Mac asked teasingly and then shook her head. "Actually, I'm looking forward to it. Not knowing what's coming next, just taking things as they come. It's been a couple of decades since I've had the option to just do what I want to do. I think I'm going to enjoy the freedom."

"Not too much, I hope," Harm said.

Mac laughed. "I thought about looking into what it would take to become a lawyer here. If it's something easily done, then I could consider private practice. And you never know, maybe the Marines could find a place for me. It's not too late, you know. Cresswell did say he would hold on to my resignation until I'd used up all my leave. The State Department is always looking for translators and I'm sure they'd consider my military background as a plus, especially considering how much time we've both spent in Afghanistan and Iraq." She put her finger on his lips. "I do have options, Harm. But like so many things in my life to date, I'm just missing the plan. I'll take it one day at a time and I can handle it. Don't worry about me. I'm a Marine. We're as tough as they come."

"It's not a question of worry. I just don't want you to have regrets, to think being with me, you've essentially ended a part of your life that you feel very strongly about."

"This isn't the end of anything, Harm, but a beginning, and I want you to believe me. There's nowhere else I'd rather be, no one else I'd rather be with." She put her hand on his chest, forcing him on his back. She rolled on top of him, straddling him. "I have no regrets. None. No matter what happens. We're here, together, finally after all these years, and that's what matters to me."

"For what it's worth, Mac, thank you," Harm said quietly. "I'm-- you've given up a lot for me, and I, I don't know how to repay that."

"I don't see it as giving something up," she said. "I've gained something valuable. I love the Marine Corps, but I love you more." With that, she leaned down and kissed him. "In this case, I think fate got it exactly right."

the end