"She any better?"
Without so much as a hello as he arrived at the Summers home, Xander Harris launched immediately into what was on his mind; the welfare of his best friend, Willow Rosenberg. After losing her girlfriend, killing the one responsible, and almost destroying the world, all the time running on anger, grief, vengeance, and black magic, the ex-Wicca was more than drained. She sat in her room in Buffy's house for the past week, with only occasional visits from her closest friends, and only emerging for meals. Her friends were worried, but understanding of Willow's state.
"Not much better." Buffy replied, "Sit down."
Xander lowered himself onto Buffy's couch and sighed.
"What do we do? Considering what happened, what almost happened for that matter, I understand her being like this. But she can't stay this way forever."
"I know." Buffy said, sitting on the table across from Xander. "I've given up on what to do. I've tried talking to her, but I can't. I can't even begin to understand what she's gone through in the past few days." Buffy hesitated, and looked at Xander carefully. "She's crying a lot. Mostly at night. I can hear her down the hall. Crying for Tara, crying for herself. Giles warned me about this a little while she was bound, and we talked about it more just before he left. He said it was likely that she'd be a very changed person."
"I just keep thinking about what Jonathan said in the police car." Xander said as he shook is head, "How he couldn't believe that this was Willow. I couldn't believe it myself at times, whenever we talked about needing to stop her, control her, running away from her. I've never run away from her before in my life. In fact, whenever I ran from anything, she was usually the one I took with me."
Buffy smirked. "She was never the one we ran from," she said wistfully, "she was the one we ran to."
"And she didn't even know."
"She knew," Buffy said gently, "she just forgot. Until you reminded her." she smiled, looking at Xander.
Xander couldn't help but grin, and shrug, "Yeah, well..it wasn't much."
"It was so much! You saved us, Xander. You reached her in a way none of us could. I tried to push you to the side, when I probably should've let you handle her all along."
Xander looked down for a minute, then grinned widely.
"I really did save the world, didn't I?"
"Don't let it get to your head though. It's fun the first couple times, but after that it gets to be a pain." Buffy deadpanned.
"Hey now, you just don't have the appreciation for it that I do. You save the world all the time. I save it..well, never."
The two friends forced a chuckle over this, then allowed the silence to take over again. They noticed how it felt so much was missing with just the two of them. Tara was dead. Giles was gone. Anya hadn't gotten within striking distance of Xander since the incident. School had started for Dawn. Willow was essentially out of commission. And Spike...Spike was God knows where.
"Poor thing." Buffy said, more to herself than anyone else, "So much pain."
Xander winced slightly and nodded in silent agreement.
KNOCK!! KNOCK!!
Buffy and Xander jerked to attention at this, as if the knocking had snapped them out of a trance. With a quick, questioning glance at each other, they went to the door and answered it with a twinge of caution. When they saw who was there, their eyes went wide with shock. After a second, Buffy broke the silence.
"..Oz?"
Oz grinned and shrugged. "Hey guys. Miss me?"
************************************************************************
Oz hadn't changed a great deal, from what Buffy and Xander could tell. Instead of the dyed blond they had last seen him with, he had let his hair regain it's natural red-brown color. He still wore bowling shirts and comfortable pants, and he seemed to be the same Oz everyone had remembered.
The first thing Buffy and Xander did was update Oz on what happened in Willow's life and in Sunnydale in the two-and-a-half years since he left. They told him about Willow's addiction to magic, her orchestration in bringing Buffy back from the dead, Buffy gaining a sister, losing her mother, Giles leaving, Xander's almost-marriage, Buffy's clandestine affair with Spike, and the ordeal everyone suffered at the hands of "The Trio". Not to mention Willow's reaction to losing Tara, and almost tearing the world apart in her grief.
When they were finally done, Oz reacted in a typical "Oz" manner:
"Wow."
Buffy smiled. Well at least Oz hasn't changed too much she thought.
"Yep," Xander nodded, "you just can't this crazy bunch alone for a second, can you?"
"I guess not." Oz said, "This happened to Willow? My Willow?! That's just.wow."
"Yeah. She killed someone, and she almost destroyed all of us." Buffy sighed.
"No, I don't mean that. I meant the singing. That had to be rough."
"...Oh. Well, yeah it was."
"This whole thing with the black magic sucks too, though. I'm just..surprised."
"Wow, and you actually have a surprised face on." Xander noted jokingly, "This whole expression-making thing isn't like you at all."
"I try not to make a habit of it. Wow..I didn't know it got this bad."
" 'This bad'?" Buffy cocked an eyebrow, "Did you actually have some idea of what was going on here?"
"Some," Oz began to explain, "The band I'm with now, some of the members study magic in their spare time. One of them is a particularly powerful warlock, and he could sense the dark magic. Sort of a 'disturbance in the force' kind of thing, I guess. Anyway, we gave him a map, and he pointed out this area. And...well, my hell-mouth-sense told me to come back and check things out. I kind of had a sixth-sense-feeling that Willow was involved. It didn't even occur to me that it was her fault though."
"Wouldn't have occurred to any of us, either." Buffy noted.
"Is she seeing anyone?"
"Oz, she just lost Tara, it's a little early for her to."
"No, no, I meant seeing any visitors." "Oh, ok. Well, she hasn't been out and about much lately. Naturally Xander and I have been checking up on her, as well as Dawn, and Giles up until he left."
"Did she ever apologize?" Xander asked offhandedly.
"I don't know. Giles never said anything about what they talked about. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one doing most of the talking though."
"Oh." Xander shrugged and was silent again. Buffy was surprised. She had expected Xander to take the moral high-horse and rant about Willow not offering an apology to Giles for almost killing him, or to anyone else she hurt for getting in her way. However, Xander, thankfully, seemed to understand that Willow was having a difficult time, and that manners were probably the last things on her mind.
"Do you think it'd help if I saw her?" Oz piped up.
Buffy and Xander exchanged a look, as if they were asking for the other's approval, before Buffy answered: "It might. I don't know, we've tried everything else. I doubt it could hurt."
"After what Willow just went through, I think very little could hurt her further." With that, Oz got off his place on the couch and walked up to Willow's room.
Xander moved off the couch to sit next to Buffy on the table. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked.
Buffy shrugged, "What else can we do?"
************************************************************************
Willow had changed. This much was true.
Her face, once childlike and sweet, had grown pale with lack of sunlight, and wrinkled with sleepless nights. Her eyes were rimmed with darkness from spending her nights in tears. The large pajama shirt she borrowed from Buffy draped over her lithe body like a tent over a pole. Her fiery red hair was now dull and matted.
Indeed, Willow had changed. Inside and out.
In the past, when Willow had experienced real highs from the magics, the actual experience, and what happened during that period was usually a blur. All that she would remember was the overwhelming feeling of power, and the ache for more. As much as she hoped that this would be the case here, everything she had done, from torturing and skinning Warren to fighting her best friend, stayed in her mind, and replayed over and over, with nothing for Willow to do to block it out. Giles had told her that the magic she drained from him was meant to reach her humanity, and she guessed that this magic was the reason she could see what happened so vividly. Many times, Willow had gone to sleep over the past few weeks, hoping that this was all a bad dream, and that when she woke up, Tara would be there, and all her friends would be alive and happy. After a while though, she gave up on that dream, but she couldn't escape the surreal feeling she had when she thought of what had happened.
And now you had it out for the slayer. She was your big 'O', wasn't she Warren.
Do you wanna know what a bullet feels like?
Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, Dawnie. 'Cause you don't belong here. Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without listening to the constant whining. 'Mom. Buffy. Tara. Wahh.' It's time to go back to being a little energy ball.
Let me tell you a little something about Willow. She's a loser, always has been. She was picked on in Junior high school, High School, up through college, for her stupid, mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie.
Was that me? Willow always asked herself when she thought about what she had said and done.
The only thing I had going for me were the moments, just moments, when Tara would look at me like I was wonderful. And that will never happen again.
Tara Willow thought of her love with sadness. In addition to the regret she felt over her actions over the past few days, there was still the ache she felt over Tara's death. She wondered idly if she had a picture of Tara around, so she could always remember and treasure that look. She also thought about something Giles had said..
I wonder what Tara would say?
Willow tried to avoid thinking about that question as much as she could, mainly because she already knew the answer. It made her sick just thinking about it.
She became vaguely aware of her bedroom door opening, but didn't feel like putting forth the effort needed to move her head in the appropriate direction. Until she heard the voice of her visitor:
"Hey, long time, no see."
Willow turned her head toward Oz, furrowed her brow, and blinked several times in confusion.
"Oz? What...am I dreaming?"
"Nope, it's me. Want me to pinch you to prove it?"
"Thanks, but no thanks." Willow responded with a slight smirk, "What are you doing here?"
"Long story."
"Give me the condensed 'Oz' version then."
"Warlock friends. Sensed dark power in Sunnydale, I decided to check it out."
"You too, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"That's how Giles got here too. This coven in England sensed the same thing. Guess I must be a pretty infamous character now, huh?"
"Well, you had a lot of magical power."
"Power." Willow snorted bitterly, "That's what got me into this mess in the first place. Me, having power. Well, I've certainly learned my lesson. I don't deserve power, and this whole incident proves it. This is what happens if I'm powerful."
"Not true." Oz shook his head, "You're not powerful if the power controls you."
Willow looked at Oz in confusion.
"No offense." He clarified, "It's just this. If you can learn to use your powers properly, without letting them change you, you could be one of the most powerful beings on this earth. And I know you can do it, I know you have the strength to."
"How do you know?" Willow asked quietly.
"Because you're Willow. If you could be best friends with the slayer, date a werewolf, and be a surrogate mother to a 15 year-old girl, you can do this. You're going to make the demon world tremble."
Willow looked at her ex-boyfriend and smiled the widest she had in days, as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. The smile shrunk when she saw Oz turn away and look down.
"I guess you should've ended up with Tara instead of me. You loved her so much, you almost tore the world apart when she died. You never would've done that for me, that's for sure."
"Don't say that!" Willow put a hand on Oz's arm, "I would've destroyed the world for you too."
"Really?"
"In a heartbeat. Still would. I loved Tara dearly, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a place in my heart."
Oz looked over at Willow and smiled, as she looked at her hands and giggled sheepishly. "Sorry for the total cliché-ness of that."
"Cliché-ness forgiven. Want to get some food?"
"Do I ever! I'll meet you downstairs, kay?"
"Ok." With that, Oz stood up and headed toward the doorway. Before he left though, he looked back at Willow, still in bed, but looking better somehow.
"I love you."
And then he was gone.
Willow lifted herself out of bed carefully and went to the dresser. She wasn't sure, but she thought there may be a picture of Tara in there. Sure enough, in the top drawer, was a photograph of her. It was fairly recent, taken just before they had broken up. Her expression was sweet, almost coy, as if beckoning Willow to join her in the picture. Willow kissed the photo gently, and laid it out on the dresser top.
"I love you too."
Without so much as a hello as he arrived at the Summers home, Xander Harris launched immediately into what was on his mind; the welfare of his best friend, Willow Rosenberg. After losing her girlfriend, killing the one responsible, and almost destroying the world, all the time running on anger, grief, vengeance, and black magic, the ex-Wicca was more than drained. She sat in her room in Buffy's house for the past week, with only occasional visits from her closest friends, and only emerging for meals. Her friends were worried, but understanding of Willow's state.
"Not much better." Buffy replied, "Sit down."
Xander lowered himself onto Buffy's couch and sighed.
"What do we do? Considering what happened, what almost happened for that matter, I understand her being like this. But she can't stay this way forever."
"I know." Buffy said, sitting on the table across from Xander. "I've given up on what to do. I've tried talking to her, but I can't. I can't even begin to understand what she's gone through in the past few days." Buffy hesitated, and looked at Xander carefully. "She's crying a lot. Mostly at night. I can hear her down the hall. Crying for Tara, crying for herself. Giles warned me about this a little while she was bound, and we talked about it more just before he left. He said it was likely that she'd be a very changed person."
"I just keep thinking about what Jonathan said in the police car." Xander said as he shook is head, "How he couldn't believe that this was Willow. I couldn't believe it myself at times, whenever we talked about needing to stop her, control her, running away from her. I've never run away from her before in my life. In fact, whenever I ran from anything, she was usually the one I took with me."
Buffy smirked. "She was never the one we ran from," she said wistfully, "she was the one we ran to."
"And she didn't even know."
"She knew," Buffy said gently, "she just forgot. Until you reminded her." she smiled, looking at Xander.
Xander couldn't help but grin, and shrug, "Yeah, well..it wasn't much."
"It was so much! You saved us, Xander. You reached her in a way none of us could. I tried to push you to the side, when I probably should've let you handle her all along."
Xander looked down for a minute, then grinned widely.
"I really did save the world, didn't I?"
"Don't let it get to your head though. It's fun the first couple times, but after that it gets to be a pain." Buffy deadpanned.
"Hey now, you just don't have the appreciation for it that I do. You save the world all the time. I save it..well, never."
The two friends forced a chuckle over this, then allowed the silence to take over again. They noticed how it felt so much was missing with just the two of them. Tara was dead. Giles was gone. Anya hadn't gotten within striking distance of Xander since the incident. School had started for Dawn. Willow was essentially out of commission. And Spike...Spike was God knows where.
"Poor thing." Buffy said, more to herself than anyone else, "So much pain."
Xander winced slightly and nodded in silent agreement.
KNOCK!! KNOCK!!
Buffy and Xander jerked to attention at this, as if the knocking had snapped them out of a trance. With a quick, questioning glance at each other, they went to the door and answered it with a twinge of caution. When they saw who was there, their eyes went wide with shock. After a second, Buffy broke the silence.
"..Oz?"
Oz grinned and shrugged. "Hey guys. Miss me?"
************************************************************************
Oz hadn't changed a great deal, from what Buffy and Xander could tell. Instead of the dyed blond they had last seen him with, he had let his hair regain it's natural red-brown color. He still wore bowling shirts and comfortable pants, and he seemed to be the same Oz everyone had remembered.
The first thing Buffy and Xander did was update Oz on what happened in Willow's life and in Sunnydale in the two-and-a-half years since he left. They told him about Willow's addiction to magic, her orchestration in bringing Buffy back from the dead, Buffy gaining a sister, losing her mother, Giles leaving, Xander's almost-marriage, Buffy's clandestine affair with Spike, and the ordeal everyone suffered at the hands of "The Trio". Not to mention Willow's reaction to losing Tara, and almost tearing the world apart in her grief.
When they were finally done, Oz reacted in a typical "Oz" manner:
"Wow."
Buffy smiled. Well at least Oz hasn't changed too much she thought.
"Yep," Xander nodded, "you just can't this crazy bunch alone for a second, can you?"
"I guess not." Oz said, "This happened to Willow? My Willow?! That's just.wow."
"Yeah. She killed someone, and she almost destroyed all of us." Buffy sighed.
"No, I don't mean that. I meant the singing. That had to be rough."
"...Oh. Well, yeah it was."
"This whole thing with the black magic sucks too, though. I'm just..surprised."
"Wow, and you actually have a surprised face on." Xander noted jokingly, "This whole expression-making thing isn't like you at all."
"I try not to make a habit of it. Wow..I didn't know it got this bad."
" 'This bad'?" Buffy cocked an eyebrow, "Did you actually have some idea of what was going on here?"
"Some," Oz began to explain, "The band I'm with now, some of the members study magic in their spare time. One of them is a particularly powerful warlock, and he could sense the dark magic. Sort of a 'disturbance in the force' kind of thing, I guess. Anyway, we gave him a map, and he pointed out this area. And...well, my hell-mouth-sense told me to come back and check things out. I kind of had a sixth-sense-feeling that Willow was involved. It didn't even occur to me that it was her fault though."
"Wouldn't have occurred to any of us, either." Buffy noted.
"Is she seeing anyone?"
"Oz, she just lost Tara, it's a little early for her to."
"No, no, I meant seeing any visitors." "Oh, ok. Well, she hasn't been out and about much lately. Naturally Xander and I have been checking up on her, as well as Dawn, and Giles up until he left."
"Did she ever apologize?" Xander asked offhandedly.
"I don't know. Giles never said anything about what they talked about. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one doing most of the talking though."
"Oh." Xander shrugged and was silent again. Buffy was surprised. She had expected Xander to take the moral high-horse and rant about Willow not offering an apology to Giles for almost killing him, or to anyone else she hurt for getting in her way. However, Xander, thankfully, seemed to understand that Willow was having a difficult time, and that manners were probably the last things on her mind.
"Do you think it'd help if I saw her?" Oz piped up.
Buffy and Xander exchanged a look, as if they were asking for the other's approval, before Buffy answered: "It might. I don't know, we've tried everything else. I doubt it could hurt."
"After what Willow just went through, I think very little could hurt her further." With that, Oz got off his place on the couch and walked up to Willow's room.
Xander moved off the couch to sit next to Buffy on the table. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked.
Buffy shrugged, "What else can we do?"
************************************************************************
Willow had changed. This much was true.
Her face, once childlike and sweet, had grown pale with lack of sunlight, and wrinkled with sleepless nights. Her eyes were rimmed with darkness from spending her nights in tears. The large pajama shirt she borrowed from Buffy draped over her lithe body like a tent over a pole. Her fiery red hair was now dull and matted.
Indeed, Willow had changed. Inside and out.
In the past, when Willow had experienced real highs from the magics, the actual experience, and what happened during that period was usually a blur. All that she would remember was the overwhelming feeling of power, and the ache for more. As much as she hoped that this would be the case here, everything she had done, from torturing and skinning Warren to fighting her best friend, stayed in her mind, and replayed over and over, with nothing for Willow to do to block it out. Giles had told her that the magic she drained from him was meant to reach her humanity, and she guessed that this magic was the reason she could see what happened so vividly. Many times, Willow had gone to sleep over the past few weeks, hoping that this was all a bad dream, and that when she woke up, Tara would be there, and all her friends would be alive and happy. After a while though, she gave up on that dream, but she couldn't escape the surreal feeling she had when she thought of what had happened.
And now you had it out for the slayer. She was your big 'O', wasn't she Warren.
Do you wanna know what a bullet feels like?
Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, Dawnie. 'Cause you don't belong here. Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without listening to the constant whining. 'Mom. Buffy. Tara. Wahh.' It's time to go back to being a little energy ball.
Let me tell you a little something about Willow. She's a loser, always has been. She was picked on in Junior high school, High School, up through college, for her stupid, mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie.
Was that me? Willow always asked herself when she thought about what she had said and done.
The only thing I had going for me were the moments, just moments, when Tara would look at me like I was wonderful. And that will never happen again.
Tara Willow thought of her love with sadness. In addition to the regret she felt over her actions over the past few days, there was still the ache she felt over Tara's death. She wondered idly if she had a picture of Tara around, so she could always remember and treasure that look. She also thought about something Giles had said..
I wonder what Tara would say?
Willow tried to avoid thinking about that question as much as she could, mainly because she already knew the answer. It made her sick just thinking about it.
She became vaguely aware of her bedroom door opening, but didn't feel like putting forth the effort needed to move her head in the appropriate direction. Until she heard the voice of her visitor:
"Hey, long time, no see."
Willow turned her head toward Oz, furrowed her brow, and blinked several times in confusion.
"Oz? What...am I dreaming?"
"Nope, it's me. Want me to pinch you to prove it?"
"Thanks, but no thanks." Willow responded with a slight smirk, "What are you doing here?"
"Long story."
"Give me the condensed 'Oz' version then."
"Warlock friends. Sensed dark power in Sunnydale, I decided to check it out."
"You too, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"That's how Giles got here too. This coven in England sensed the same thing. Guess I must be a pretty infamous character now, huh?"
"Well, you had a lot of magical power."
"Power." Willow snorted bitterly, "That's what got me into this mess in the first place. Me, having power. Well, I've certainly learned my lesson. I don't deserve power, and this whole incident proves it. This is what happens if I'm powerful."
"Not true." Oz shook his head, "You're not powerful if the power controls you."
Willow looked at Oz in confusion.
"No offense." He clarified, "It's just this. If you can learn to use your powers properly, without letting them change you, you could be one of the most powerful beings on this earth. And I know you can do it, I know you have the strength to."
"How do you know?" Willow asked quietly.
"Because you're Willow. If you could be best friends with the slayer, date a werewolf, and be a surrogate mother to a 15 year-old girl, you can do this. You're going to make the demon world tremble."
Willow looked at her ex-boyfriend and smiled the widest she had in days, as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. The smile shrunk when she saw Oz turn away and look down.
"I guess you should've ended up with Tara instead of me. You loved her so much, you almost tore the world apart when she died. You never would've done that for me, that's for sure."
"Don't say that!" Willow put a hand on Oz's arm, "I would've destroyed the world for you too."
"Really?"
"In a heartbeat. Still would. I loved Tara dearly, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a place in my heart."
Oz looked over at Willow and smiled, as she looked at her hands and giggled sheepishly. "Sorry for the total cliché-ness of that."
"Cliché-ness forgiven. Want to get some food?"
"Do I ever! I'll meet you downstairs, kay?"
"Ok." With that, Oz stood up and headed toward the doorway. Before he left though, he looked back at Willow, still in bed, but looking better somehow.
"I love you."
And then he was gone.
Willow lifted herself out of bed carefully and went to the dresser. She wasn't sure, but she thought there may be a picture of Tara in there. Sure enough, in the top drawer, was a photograph of her. It was fairly recent, taken just before they had broken up. Her expression was sweet, almost coy, as if beckoning Willow to join her in the picture. Willow kissed the photo gently, and laid it out on the dresser top.
"I love you too."