It was after the exams, I was down and exhausted, step by step I walked down the street with the pelting rain tearing at me. I slowly walked towards the cafe at the corner. It was a nice cafe, small, quiet, perfect for reflection of my life, or rather, the lack of it. With nothing accompanying me but my loneliness, I pushed the door open, escaping the noise of the cruel world outside, and entering the cold, still air of the cafe. There were only a few other people inside, all like me, alone. I approached my usual table, taking my time, strolling along the aisle. It was then that I saw her. A familiar sight. Her face gracefully shifted into the light, it was her. Stella. The mere sound of her name set my heart aflutter. I walked to her.
"Hi"
She looked up from the stack of philosophy essays on the table. My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met.
"Oh. Hi."
Her gaze returned to the test she was marking.
"Are you alone?"
"Yea."
"Mind if I join you?"
"Go ahead," she murmured demurely, all the while looking at the paper in front of her.
The waiter politely took my order for a double shot espresso, the bittersweet taste always reminding me of my life.
I looked up to her. The fatigue apparent in her visage failed to mask her beauty. Her eyes were hazel brown, bright and large. I knew I was intruding, but I could not help myself, she was dragging me in. Ever so often, she would tuck her fringe behind an ear with a slender, white hand.. Her hair. It was a nice pageboy haircut, gently flowing over her face. Her white polo shirt faded into shadows against the dim light.
"Marking philosophy essays?"
"Yup", still concentrating on her work.
Conversation was useless, I decided that the silence was beneficial to both of us. Then, my espresso came. I took a sip. I slowly let the taste spread through my whole mouth, enjoying the bitterness. I swirled my cup, thinking. Bitterness, one of the tastes that most people took pains to avoid, yet it was so...
Seductive.
I looked at her again, at her hand, a ring. I blocked that from my mind.
"Yes?"
"Nothing"
"Were you staring at me?" She looked at me with the look of questioning bewilderment only she could master. I never wanted to look away. She took a sip of her red wine. Her face flushed with pink.
"Drink like that and you will never be able to finish marking your papers."
She smiled at me then, a small smile, her face still a bright pink. Her teeth sparkled brightly in the dim cafe, her lips smeared with fading pink lipstick. Pink.
I closed my eyes, her image still fresh in my mind. Her beauty left me weak, her natural grace left me feeling inferior. I was nothing to her. Yet, her image never left me alone, it haunted me every day, everywhere, all the time. There was nowhere to run. She would always be there.
"So, how was your examination?"
Her sudden interest in conversation startled me for a moment. It took me awhile to formulate my reply, carefully sifting through my words.
"It went quite well, how could it not, after your tutelage?"
She blushed, the wine inadequate in concealing her pleasure.
Her blush set my heart afire. She was all that I lived for.
"I was just doing my job, but you, you were very attentive in class, constantly paying attention. To me."
Now it was my turn to blush. I was rendered helpless, not knowing what to do or what to say. Then, she let out a small laugh, she was taking joy in torturing me and I was at her mercy. She reached out with her hand, making contact with mine.
"I knew all along, if you like me, tell me."
Her soft and gentle tone soothed me, I closed my eyes, my hand withdrawing from her contact. My mind was in a mess, I wanted to just withdraw into myself but there was something stopping me. I was incapable of making any more conversation, the sudden revelation left me in shock.
"So, do you like me?" Her voice was soft, gently flowing through me, a stream of sound that caressed my ears. There was a new feeling in me, one that I had not felt for so long. Fear. I had never had anything to fear, the impending doom that makes one so afraid left me so long ago, when I retreated into my own world where the loneliness numbed the pain. Now, the fear came to me again, I was afraid of losing what I did not have, the one person that I could not forget.
"Yes." I answered softly, almost like a whisper in the wind. I was vulnerable, vulnerable to whatever fate had decided.
Then, she put her face in front of my, her hazel brown eyes reflecting my own black ones. Slowly, she leaned over the table, rising slightly, she kissed me on my forehead. The world soon slowed to a crawl, where the seconds she made contact seem like an eon. Her moist lips touching my skin, her gentle scent slowly encompassing all that I was.
5 seconds.
"I'm sorry, but it can never be," she said as she pulled away, her face downcast, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.
"I understand, ma'am."
Standing up, I took out enough to pay for both her wine and my coffee, placing it on the table. I turned and left the cafe, walking back into the rain.