A/N: This is my first story for Lost, and I don't think there'll be more. I was watching the whole show from end to finish and I just felt like I really needed to write this one thing out. Nothing really original, just a Suliet introspective piece.
It jumps between James and Juliet's POW, so it may seem a bit non-chronological, but it really isn't.
Lost Disclaimer: You can't lose what you've never owned.
Spoiler: Yeah well if you haven't seen the show by now, but you're reading fanfic it's kinda your own fault IMO.
She had always known. Even when it looked like there was no chance they were coming back. She'd always known she'd just been a replacement, a substitute for the real thing. And now that Kate had come back with the others, everything was gonna change.
She could see something was up from the get go. He had acted strange, rushed and secretive. When she had found out why, her heart sank, her world, the world she'd build up over the last three years, crushed by a single blow. It was too much for her, she had to get away from this place, from him.
Once he'd thought he loved Kate. He knew now he was wrong. He had been young and foolish back then. Juliet was his world now. The fact that she couldn't see that, broke his heart. That he for a brief moment had unconsciously, but visibly, digressed back to his old self made him steaming mad at himself. Like hell was he going to let his subconscious actions ruin his life. No, he had to convince her she was the most important thing in his life. But how?
He had known many women, he even thought he loved a few, but he had been wrong. It wasn't until Juliet, that he really knew what love was. He had used his life scamming people, women in particular, and he was damn good at it. He hadn't stayed at the same place or with the same people long enough to let anyone see who he really was. Not even the name he used was real. Sawyer had been a character he was playing or hiding behind. But with Juliet it had all been different he had been himself, he had been James.
From one day to the next everything changed. Their world was in chaos. They had had a chance to leave the island, to go live and be happy, but Jack had ruined that with his suicidal bomb planes and Kate had helped by telling them about it. Juliet, being the good person she is, decided to go help to try and stop him and save the people they'd gotten to know quite well over the last few years. However at the last minute she'd changed her mind.
Now she was leaving and he was following.
"Juliet, Juliet wait up."
"Hey" he grabbed her, she resisted and he let got, giving her space.
"I think I deserve to know why." He couldn't wrap his mind around it, this sudden change of heart wasn't like the Juliet he knew. It didn't take a spinal surgeon to see that she was upset, so naturally he needed to know why. "Dammit Juliet just tell me what's going on."
He was insistent, she would give him that much, and he was right he did deserve an answer.
"If the plane never crashes, we will never meet, and if I never meet you, then I'll never have to lose you." Her stifled voice broke and she managed to make her escape past the stunned James.
It should have been so easy, so straight forward, but it wasn't. Every plan has a margin of error, in this case however that margin was crossed by more than a few miles.
Magnetism isn't always a good thing, especially not when it drags the wrong thing the wrong way. He was too far away to reach her in time.
He had her, for a short time, he had her. But the pull was too strong. Was it up to him he would have never let go, he would have followed her into the dark pit that was the swan hatch, but her hand slipped and she let go. She disappeared in the abyss. Gone. She was gone. And the rest of the world was going to hell with him. He had gone limp, unable to move. The others had gotten him away from the wreck somehow, though he had gladly died, he didn't care anymore.
Who let stupid chains lying around anyways, seriously, where were all the penal code violation officers when you needed them, this was not a safe work environment.
She was hanging from what looked like a metal pipe of some sort. Being pulled downwards by the strong magnetic force. When she couldn't hold on any longer, she let go, only to be caught by James. He held tight. Holding on for dear life. She knew he would never let go, not in a million years. She looked up, could see the metal rod, he was lying on, was giving way, buckling under the massive pull, any moment now and it would break, claiming them both in the descent. She couldn't let that happen, there was no reason they should both die.
Through the unfairness of the situation, she knew now that he loved her, enough to die for her in fact, which was exactly why she was gonna save him, if it was the last thing she did. Her hand was already slipping, so she declared her love for him, and ignoring his pleas she let go. Though she was being pulled down at a considerable speed she could still hear his sobs echoing of the hallow walls for a good while, making her wish things could be different. That was the last she remembered before things went black.
Upon waking up Juliet found herself literally buried alive with a bomb. All she could think was that to change things she needed to make the bomb explode then maybe there'd be a change for someone, preferably James to have a happy ending. She hit it with all her might, nothing seemed to happen, but she didn't give up, she continued hitting it and hitting it and hitting it, until her world was illuminated and she was swallowed by a bright flash of light.
The world is a cruel place, James had experienced this first hand, when he was just a child. And this was no different. If he believed in fate, he would have surely believed he'd been dealt a really bad hand, no luck what so ever, no happiness, no peace and no love. He was doomed or cursed or possibly both. And the worst part of it was, he tended to drag other people down with him, good people, innocent ones. He had really thought this time was different, better, that it would work out somehow. But fate had once again proved to be a harsh mistress. One look and he'd thrown away everything. Now what did he have left? The answer was simple. Nothing. He had nothing left. Nothing at all.
The brilliant plan hadn't worked, they were still stuck on the damn island, except now the company wasn't as pleasant as before. He was spiraling down the depts of despair, arguing and angrily blaming the doc, when Kate hushed them... he heard her, her cries for help, they all did. She was still alive. His defeatist mood evaporated in seconds replaced by the motivation to get to her.
It was taking too long, her cries had stopped. James was more than a little worried.
They finally got rid of the worst of the debris, and he could make his way down to her. The first thing he noticed was that she wasn't moving. She was pinned down by a heavy beam. Blood and dirt smeared her skin. He knelt next to her, begging her to wake up, and she did.
Disoriented she awoke again, finding that she was still trapped her survival instincts kicked in and seeing that she couldn't move or really do much of anything for herself, she started calling for help. After a while she thought she heard voices, but she was just too tired and so she closed her eyes and drifted off.
Next she knew a familiar voice called her name, so she opened her eyes to see James leaning over her with a worried look in his eyes. For a moment she was happy James was with her and everything was alright, then she remembered that he wasn't supposed to be there at all, and despair ripped at her heart. He was a rock however and kept repeated everything was ok and that she was gonna be fine, she wasn't sure if she believed him but he managed to calm her down somewhat.
He had gotten the debris off of her and was currently cuddling her in a protective embrace. She was starting to hallucinate, which was never a good sign. He needed to get her out of there, stat.
"Kiss me, James". She pleaded and he complied. The moment was bittersweet. She was going to tell him something important, but alas she was never able to. She died in his arms.
Fate must have been in a particularly foul mood that day, causing James to lose the love of his life twice in one day.
In a split second, one tiny moment, she had seen it. Seen the alternate universe. They were both there, and they looked happy. She needed to tell him that, reassure him somehow that it had worked, that this misery was only a temporary thing, that they would find each other again in another life. She could feel her time running out. "I need to tell you something. It's very, very important." But before she could utter another word she passed away. Even though she hadn't relayed her message, she passed away peacefully, knowing things might look bleak now, but they would improve, they'd get better. And somehow, somewhere they'd get the happy ending they deserved.