Just pondering the promo for next week's episode and this very angsty thing popped up, which is so unlike me, but demanded to be written otherwise (even though I had an equine paper to write =P). This won't happen, but humor me and go with it. Reviews greatly appreciated!

"Castle…"

The sound rung hollow in his skull. Castle? It sounded familiar, even though nothing was familiar anymore. His name, that's what it was. Castle was his name, Richard Castle. Incredible how just a few hours could immeasurably change a life. He lifted his eyes from the stain on the floor he had been staring at. People were busily walking around him, some with purpose, and others looking at a loss. He couldn't really hear anything, but he knew it must be noisy: statements being taken, photographs snapped, blaring sirens out the window, stretchers rolling by.

"Castle…"

A bit louder this time. A click of heels to accompany the voice. Heels? It was such a feminine sound, one he did not expected right now, not ever again. His head lifted this time, slowly attempting to find the sound in his now silent world.

"Rick…"

A soft pressure on his shoulder and a softer voice finally convinced him to turn his head. Only when he saw Detective Kate Becket crouching next to him with her hand on his shoulder did he realize he was kneeling on the floor next to a pool of blood. Animation shot back into the room like a backfiring jet-engine. The scene roared to life before him as he remembered everything: the case, the fake leads, the sleepless nights, the final note…

"Come on Rick, let's go."

"No." His voice was hoarse with restraint and his throat burned as his eyes returned to the scene in front of him.

"Come on," She moved her hand down his arm and hooked at his elbow, coaxing him into a standing position, his eyes still on the floor.

"Come on." She said again, barely a whisper. She slid her hand into his and tugged slightly. He turned and let her slowly lead him out of his loft. He was numb and not moving of his own accord; he just followed where her small, comforting hand led him. Rick let her slide him into a car and walk him up another set of stairs several minutes later. Kate pulled a set of keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door, steering him inside and placing him on the couch. He jumped when she dropped a duffle-bag next to him on the floor.

"What's that?" he asked dryly.

"Clothes for you."

"Clothes?"

"That's right." The Detective was expecting more questions from the always-insistent author but, then again, she wasn't all too surprised when he fell silent and stared unfocused out the window. "You'll stay with me while…"

"Not a chance." Castle snapped back to life with an angry, unyielding look she had never seen before.

"Excuse me?"

"No. No way. Absolutely not…" Castle listed off his fingers angrily. She was about to snap back as he paused but he continued quickly. "I won't even let him consider coming near you." She closed her mouth as she tried to choose her next words carefully.

"I don't want you at the precinct an…"

"What do you mean?" he cut her off.

"Exactly what I said, I don't…"

"You never were one for jokes Beckett, I wouldn't start now."

"You won't be able to handle this yet Castle,"

"I have to be!" He was yelling now. "I have to be, for her…" he leaned back into the couch. "for them…" he buried his face in his hands as let the tears flow. He felt small, strong arms wrap around his frame and he eagerly tied his arms around her, clinging to one of the last people he still cared about. She let him sob into her shoulder, cradling him and rubbing his back soothingly.

"I'm so sorry Rick, I'm so sorry…" she whispered quietly. He felt a small tear land on his neck but it was nothing compared to the waterfalls cascading down her front that poured from his eyes.

"How… how could this…happen?" he stuttered out.

"No matter how many times people ask me, I still don't have an answer." She said somberly.

"Alexis…mother…"

She swallowed back her tears. She knew he wanted to be strong for them, but he couldn't yet, he needed to grieve. But she could be, she would be strong enough for both of them until he was ready.

"Gina too…"

"They're okay now;" she said comfortingly "I doubt anyone deserved a 'better place' more than Alexis."

She heard and felt a watery chuckle reverberate against her body. "She was so perfect."

Kate swallowed again, smoothing over his scalp. "She was an amazing girl." She tightened her grip around him. "I won't let the bastard get away with this."

"No, I won't." he said in a tone Beckett wasn't sure she liked or was comfortable with.

"Rick… don'…"

"Answer me this Kate," he started off, his tone still steely and quite not his own "if your mother's murderer, whoever ordered her dead, was standing in this room, would you hesitate to shoot him down?"

"If she had just been found five hours ago, then no." She answered honestly. "But now, I want the bastard to rot in jail for the rest of his pathetic life."

"Well,… what about if your ex and your…daug…" he choked out the word "daughter were killed along with your mother?"

She was silent for a while, again, choosing her words carefully." Revenge… isn't an emotion for the dead." She placed her palm on his cheek and lifted his face up. It was slick and hot with tears. "Revenge won't bring them back Rick." She couldn't read the underlying emotion behind the grief in his watery blue eyes.

He mirrored her, placing his hand on her cheek. "Promise me something Kate." He wiped away the trail of her fallen tear. "Just… please… find him."

She had to blink fiercely to keep her tears at bay as she nodded vigorously. "I will Rick, he won't get awa…"

"And," he continued "please be careful," She tilted her head and furrowed her brows. "because I wouldn't have anything left if I lost you too."