A/N: I know it´s about Itachi and Naruto at first, but that is the main point that brings Naruto to Sasuke. And I kinda like ItaNaru too, even if I won´t write M stuff if you don´t want me to for them. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy Angsty, Angsty stuff guys, cause I dig it like I do...ehm...bretzels :D

Rated: M for later lemonade :D

Warning: self-demaging (cutting), twisted - crazy love, manipulation /more follows I guess ./

Disclaimer: Yeah, mine. ALLLLLLL MINE! Since I am Masashi and couldn´t change the story if I wanted to, I write Fanfictions. LIKELY! :D

italic= past!

W-r-o-n-g !

"Don´t be sad." Said a voice, that let me raise my head.

I thought I was the last one in the class-room, still copying the large texts from the black-board. The ink of my pen had been empty in the middle of writing, so a lot of time had passed and the lesson was over before I had even started writing.

And apparently Itachi Uchiha, one with whom I shared the table, was keen on interrupting me again. But I could not help myself, but be curious as to what he meant by that. After copying the last line I almost threw away my pen and looked into his dark eyes.

"What do you mean? I´m not sad. Sure the teacher could have been talking slower…not that I am unable to write faster…"

"That´s not what I meant."

Would he have been one of my friends, I would have glared at him. I knew I was a talker, always speaking before thinking what I wanted to say. And what I hated was if someone didn´t listen. But since I didn´t know Itachi too well, I didn´t want to scare him away with bad behavior.

"O-kay. Anyways lunch-time is about to begin, so I would be glad if you could tell me what you implied by that." If he heard my slight annoyance, his face didn´t show it.

He was as calm as ever. His pale face, which had only the flaw of the long , strange folds, was impassive as if I had told him what I would eat at lunch. Which was a topic I loved to talk about. I was not sure, but I remembered him mostly wearing a loose ponytail. Today his long dark hair hung around his shoulders.

"So you have not noticed everyone hating you?" he finally asked, leaning back in the chair.

"Hate me? How would you know? I am the new kid, so how can anyone decide they hate me after a week?"

That was what I said, but deep inside of me, I thought about the reactions to my presence. Maybe they really did hate me. I was slower than them. Knowledge about certain things was missing, but I worked hard to keep up with them. He interrupted my thoughts, by brushing through his long strands.

"I just wanted to warn you."

"No need to."I said, standing up. "Even if they hate me, there are sure some of them who can be convinced."

My pencil-case and folders were thrown into my bag pack. Not the neatest way, but the fastest. I needed to think. And I remembered him being a ace in the psychology class. Me being a rather open book to anyone paying enough attention, felt uncomfortable around him. Especially when thinking about a whole crowd hating me.

"I already like you." Itachi then said.

Surprised and strangely embarrassed, I looked at him. He still looked calm, but the dark eyes were suddenly very mesmerizing. And he kind of looked hot. Apparently this one friend was better than all those haters, I thought and smiled.

His heat was almost scolding. His warm chest pressed against my back, supporting me. One of his arms was slung over both my shoulders, as if trying to keep me in place. As if he wanted to be near me.

But today I didn´t feel safe. Not when all I could think was, that I should not throw up right now. I wanted to stand up, to not look at it anymore. At the shimmering blade of the kitchen knife, laying in the pale hand of him. The light of Itachis lamp was reflected in yellow light directly at me that way. It made me even sicker.

"You don't want it to hurt anymore, do you? Believe me it helps." My boyfriend whispered into my ear. And he did know, according to the scars on his ribcage.

Well, as curious as I was and as right as he was, I doubted that cutting myself would help me. Though, I found myself nodding and reaching for the wooden handle.

"I…I don´t think I can…"
"Shh. Believe me." He said again, as if it was a chant. "You can do it love."

Again I tried to refuse, but his luke-warm hand reached for the one holding the knife. Thinking about the things he planned made bile rose in my throat. How could he be so calm? As if his thumb brushing over the back of my hand would make this scene less strange.
"Itachi, what if this is not what I want?" I asked, uncertainty making my voice shake.

Those words had an instant effect on him. Suddenly the edge of the blade rested against my skin, bringing a cold and sharp feeling. The hand that had stroked mine, now held it in a hurtful grip. Luckily he regained his normal behavior soon after.

"Remember the hating looks everyone gives you. The day Kankuro spit on you. Think of Kiba saying you caused the death of your mother. Or every time my father insulted you. What do you feel?"

I did recall those things. They haunted me in my dreams sometimes. But one thing he did not mention was even worse. Just the day before yesterday Itachi had hit me. It had been a minor fight, nothing that big, at least for me. But the sharp pain, that went with the slap, made clear that he did think otherwise.

But I knew it was useless to bring up this topic, since it made him mad. One thing that was actually rather rare.

"I feel pain and hate.",was my answer. He began slowly rocking me in his lap.

"Do you feel despair? Emptiness?"

No, that was not it. The feelings, that I had were rather passionate, even though I wished I knew if emptiness was something to prefer to that. Maybe. Maybe it would also make Itachi happier. I needed him. He was the only one standing at my side, protecting me. He was the anchor that I couldn´t bear to lose.

What followed was a short-termed void inside of me, that washed like cool rain through my body. It felt wrong. Like being a machine rather than human. Still, my heart beat like crazy, as if to remember me that I was after all still human.

"I do." I whispered and this time, when he pushed down the hand with the knife, I didn´t refuse.

I tried to remain thinking about a future without him, to let the feelings of despair continue. Partly, I did this to please him. Partly to keep him. But when the edge cut its way into the soft skin of my right forearm, and the pain seeped its way into my system, I tried to deny my fascination with the red blood.

How it ran down the blade and slowly dripped down at my khaki-pants. Or how it slowly pushed aside the trouble, because I couldn´t think of much else, than that it stung. And that my boyfriend led my hand downwards to set the knife down again. And again. He did it until I relaxed powerlessly against his back. Until he was the only thing, that seemed to keep me intact. Light headed I struggled to stay awake. I felt cold, even though he his kisses should feel as hot as I remembered them.

I floated, and I had a feeling it was not on cloud 9.

Hey readers. If you read this, you are a) kind or interested in unimortant stuff b) have finished reading.

Thanks for both. The following chapters are likely to be longer, If some of show me that you like me to continue. i won´t be one of those constantly begging for reviews. Mail me if you dislike review-whores but like to tell me what or at least that you like me to continue. So please write something so I am motivated.

I am still grateful for you even reading crazy stuff like that :DD

Michiie -