AU. One shot, sorry. I really wanted to expand this, but I don't have the energy or the time. Feel free to grab it, if you feel like it. Really.
Kara is a little too mean on this one, but she got away from me. Sorry.
This has been lurking on my head since Lee's line "What if it was my brother that climbed out of that viper?" (I'm paraphrasing) on S4.
So, what if?
XXXXX
Zak Adama is alive, breathing, sitting on Galactica's ready room and utter and completely confused.
Lee Adama is sitting on the corner of the room, looking at his hands and cursing the gods he doesn't believe in.
Kara Thrace is laughing her head off.
"What… wait… oh-my-gods, what did you just say??"
Zak stumbled. "I said… that I knew this might come as a shock to you…"
She bursts out laughing again.
Zak turned to Lee. "Is she alright?"
Lee ran his hands through his longer-than-it-should-be hair. "No…no, I don't think she has ever been alright…"
Kara stands. "Lee… Lee…oh, gods, he thinks…", she can't stop laughing. "He thinks we… *we* must be shocked…oh, gods…."
Zak is not following this at all, but feels somewhat offended.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I was under the impression that you all thought I was dead. That's why, I supposed, that dad felt so sick he had to be taken to sickbay. I thought you had no idea I was in a cylon prison all this time, so, yeah, I kinda thought you might be a little shocked."
Kara caught her breath. "Yeah…. I'm sorry. I'm sorry… About that…"
She crossed the room to sit by his side and took his hand on hers. She was so frakking happy he was alive.
"I'm sorry, babe, you're just not the first one to do the whole back-from-the-dead thing".
Zak is stunned. "What? Wait… what? Who?"
"Me!", she smiles childishly.
Lee decides pacing is just as good as ripping his hair off.
"See, Zak, I kinda died -- like, really, died -- a couple months ago. Exploded for some, crash and burned for others, jury's still out on that, but I really, truly, honest-to-gods died. No cylon-prison,no fake-out death for me. I died."
Zak stares. Waits for her to say she's kidding. Looks annoyed, this is no time to be kidding.
"And then I came back. Scared the living shit out of your big brother there too, but I came back. So, sorry, everyone is kinda over this by now…"
Zak glances at Lee like he's realizing for the very first time that Kara really *is* batshit insane.
"Sorry, bro. True story", Lee deadpans.
Kara laughs some more.
She kisses Zak's fingers. Looks into his eyes.
"There's more", she says wide-eyed like the mad-woman he thinks she is now.
He scratches his head. "What?
"See the nice suit there?", she nods at Lee. Zak nods slowly back.
"Leland Joseph Adama there is the 23rd president of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol. The real deal. You're first family now", she waits for him to respond.
He doesn't.
"Yes, that's right, he left this heartbreaking lifetaking life of a pilot, married a nice little girl from Sagittaron, became a politician and is now the frakking President. Your dad is doing the former president, by the way -- but don't worry, she's a girl. And me… well, apart for the whole dead thing… I'm the CAG. And I married… wait for it… I married Samuel Anders."
Zak opens his mouth to say something… Kara cuts him.
"Yep. I married Samuel Frakking Anders, pyramid all-star… didn't you have a autographed photo of him in your room? Well, he used to live on the bunkroom just across the hallway, I'd introduce you… but…", she stops. Stops talking, stops laughing. Her eyes look dark and sad all of the sudden.
She breathes deep. She forces a smile, then goes back to laughing, but it sounds forced now. "But… there's another thing… guess what?? He's… a cylon!", she bursts out laughing, stands again, crosses the room, sits on the steps and Zak thinks she's laughing too hard when Lee realizes she's sobbing.
"So… who is shocked now, nugget…", she deadpans.
Lee walks to her, sits by her side, puts his arm around her.
She pulls her head up to look at Zak again.
"Oh yeah… and I'm frakking your brother."
Lee goes back to cursing the gods.