LOOKING BACK.
Giving up meant leaving the ones I loved behind. Without a goodbye. Without so much as an "I love you". Unless, of course, they caught me in the act.
I stuffed everything I could fit in my duffle bag. Nothing fancy. Nothing sentimental. Just what I needed. Extra clothes. Extra soap. Nothing more.
The light shut on unexpectedly and she shuffled in, innocent and sleep-deprived, still covered in bandages.
My Minnie Mouse, rubbing her eyes, and squinting at me. There was frustration in her watery eyes.
"What are you doing?" She whispered.
"Go back to your room, Mina."
She walked closer, always the hardhead. "Where are you going?"
I huffed out, not mad at her but everything else. "Nowhere. What do you want?"
"You're leaving." The water in her eyes spilled over then, and her voice, filled with exhaustion and struggle, grew angry and accusatory. "You're going to leave."
"Mina—"
"I hate you."
Everything in me halted at that. My breath stalled and I stared at the little person who thought she knew hate enough to say it to her big sister. Her big sister who was leaving her.
I wanted to tell her that I was doing this for her. So that no one else got hurt. So that I could learn to control myself and my temper and so no more homicidal maniacs came after this family. I wanted to hug her and explain. I wanted her not to hate me, but maybe hating me was better than loving me because she wouldn't miss me when I was gone.
I sighed, sad but resigned."I understand." And I left, leaving her to hate me for the rest of her life.
Giving up meant trying out those who'd left me behind in desperate search of love, of acceptance, of someone strong enough to withstand my enemies. It meant dredging up memories long forgotten and opening up new wounds to find it wasn't worth trying in the first place.
The woman was beautiful. Her kids were gorgeous. Two little girls and a baby boy. I could see my father's reflection in their eyes.
The anger boiled up in me before I recognized what it was. That Elle had been right. That he didn't care about us. That he had moved on, but I guess I didn't know how much he had moved on.
He had an entirely new family. With two new baby girls and a boy, something he had always wanted. He had the complete set minus Ella and me. He got his happy ending and we got left out in the rain. Wet and unhappy and mourning our dead mother.
I waited until the beautiful family rode away in their shiny, new minivan before I approached the house.
"Well, I guess Elle owes me an 'I told you so'." I snarked, walking past this stoic man. He held the door open politely, without remorse, without any ounce of apology.
"Sakaminella told me you might come here."
"Her name is Ella." My eyes wouldn't meet his, scanning my old house. "And why the fuck would I care what she told you? Why the fuck would I care about any of it? You obviously don't."
The new family, these strangers, their faces covered the walls of my home. The entryway, the living room. The decor was different. The smell was different.
"Kamina. I am sorry about your mother." His voice rose up behind me. Also different. Just as strange as the people I'd never met living in my home.
"The hell you are." I scoffed. Tears were burgeoning in my eyes at this house so familiar, but empty of us. Of me and my sister. Of my mother. "Where are we? Did you burn all of our pictures? All of our memories just so your new family didn't have to be reminded of the ones you left behind?"
His face was still. His mouth didn't move.
"Or did you hide us so they didn't know you left anyone behind?"
His eyes shot to the left, and my own narrowed.
"Fuck you." He grabbed my arm when I tried to move past him, but I snatched it out of his hold. "Don't fucking touch me."
"You are my daughter. I—"
"You don't get to call me that." I growled at the man. "You have a family already, and you made sure that I wasn't included in it."
"Kamina—"
"I'm done talking to you."
"Kamina please—"
"Don't do that. Don't beg like you deserve something. How lucky did I have to be to have a mother who's dead, and a father who doesn't want me?" A maniacal laugh rose in my throat.
"What about your sisters? What about...Ella? Mina? Are you going to leave them behind too?"
I halted in my steps, "They're better off without me. Mina almost died because of me. Mom did die because of me. " I clenched my fists together in anger and remorse, "It won't be happening again."
I grabbed the door, then yanking it open, stepped out. He yelled after me, but I slammed the door behind me, with everything in me resolved to stay away. For the rest of my life.
Giving up didn't mean quite giving up. It still meant making sure everyone I loved was alive and well without me. Well, if I got there early enough to save them.
Coming back to Beacon Hills was not what I had in mind when I skipped town in the first place. And it was especially clear to me why I had left when some of Kate's clones found me outside of the police station.
"Look who it is," Beth said, "Derek's little lovesick puppy."
"You realize we're not in high school anymore, right? The shit you're talking about no longer matters." I said, brushing past her.
"But you're still a lovesick puppy." She spat. I rolled my eyes at the comeback, still moving, trying to cut the visit as short as possible. I was here to hear the progress on my mom's case. That was it. I hadn't even let my family know I was here. I was supposed to be in and out. That's it. That's all.
Beth had other ideas. I heard her speak again behind me, "It's too bad you didn't get to say goodbye though."
I paused and turned. "Goodbye to who?"
"That's right you don't know, do you?"
"Know what?"
"Your boyfriend, actually Kate's boyfriend," She snickered at that, noting how my eyes blazed with fire at her words. "Well...his house got into a fight with a fire. And spoiler alert: the fire won." Her last words came out in a whisper, but I'd heard her and the fire in my chest roared wildly.
I pounced. "Liar!" I screamed in anger and frustration, but her smug smirk just made me uneasy. If she was telling the truth…
Arms came around my middle, pulling me off and all I saw was the beige uniform of the Sheriff, but I knew he wasn't enough to hold me back. He didn't need to though because I was too preoccupied with wanting to know if what she said was true. Where was Derek? Where was my best friend?
I turned to him as she was pulled away from me, tears already streaming down my face, there was blood on hers and she was foolish for thinking she could get away without a scratch.
He nodded his head solemnly at my unspoken question, opening his mouth to continue but I didn't listen just ran. He called after me but I didn't turn.
I ran quickly to his house, still not wanting to believe it but once the burnt, blackened structure was standing right in front of me in all its gloom and despair, I could only accept the truth as it was. He was gone. My best friend, my first love, was gone. I would never again see his beautiful eyes, his gleaming smile, run my hands through his soft hair, feel his smooth, warm skin. The tears ran heavily now as I laid down in the dirt curled into myself, and it seemed they would never stop. The forest didn't comfort me now, it was only a reminder of the pain I felt knowing he was gone.
Hairs rose on my neck as I felt the tell tale sign of being watched, and I could've sworn I smelled his familiar scent but I pushed that thought far far back into the deep recesses of my mind because Derek was dead and he was never coming back. A cry of agony rose from me at that thought, and without thinking, I was a wolf again because it was so much easier to be an animal than allow myself to feel the pain.
Laura...Cora…Talia...Peter, all gone. Gone. Just like my Mom. And in that thought came some glimpse of hope. Because I knew exactly who to blame for the deaths of the ones I loved.
Kate Argent. And this time there was nothing standing in the way of making her pay.
Kate had been long gone by the time I showed up to her house, a house of hunters, a suicide mission. But I had been so hurt and so bent on revenge. A stupid thing, allowing emotions to rule my actions that way.
It wasn't like that anymore; I wasn't like that anymore because I couldn't afford to be. I was the Alpha now. Not an Alpha, the Alpha, and to keep that throne I couldn't let anyone get to me, period. Yet somehow, Derek Hale, even in his death, always found a way.
And this made a lot more sense once I found out that he was actually alive.