Chapter 1
B-POV
Staring at myself in the mirror, I can't even recognize myself from who I was three years ago. Three years ago when my world came crashing down, and my sole purpose of my life left me. NO! Izzie, don't think of it, not yet, your not even on stage yet. It has to be almost time to go on, doesn't it?
"Izzie, you're on in five!" Steve shouted out with much excitement as he came barreling through my door. Izzie is what I answer to now; I no longer was the Bella I used to be, so I no longer wanted to be called that. "Thanks," I replied back with as much excitement that a heartless person could give. "Everything ok Iz?" Steve said with much concern. "Yeah, I've just been thinking about this new song that we will be playing tonight, not sure if I am ready yet to have the world hear it!" Trying hard to reveal what I really feel inside. "I am sure everyone will love it, same as usual, everyone loves you!" Not everyone I thought to myself.
As I started walking to the stage, I started thinking more about why I left my hometown of Forks, WA. If he didn't want me to think that he existed –wince- then Forks was not the place for me. So I decided to move to New York, and landed at this club singing every Saturday night about how my life is now that the love of my life had left me. As the announcer announced me, I tried to put on a smile, with much effort. Smiling was hard for me these days.
"Put your hands together for our infamous Saturday night special, IZZIE!" Joe screamed into the mic.
Here we go, ready to sing my heart out. Oh wait it's been gone. When I sing is when I can remember him best, like he is really in the room with me. I only sing to him. As the music starts, I close my eyes, because this song was hard to write, this song is really truly the way I feel.
Forbidden to remember
Afraid to forget
How can you do this without regret?
Cause without you, I live my life a little less everyday
Without you I can't remember how to breathe.
You left me numb, you left me cold.
My heart stopped beating.
I can't go on to not remember you
I can't forget all that we've been through
I have to be strong; I have to hold on till I find you
My heart won't stop beating till I see you golden eyes.
That's when I opened my eyes, and as my mind plays tricks with me, there he was. So perfect so stone like just staring at me like he was the only one in the room. Anger fled through me then, why did my mind have to play tricks on me like this? I was really going to pay for it when I got home and curled myself in my bed and just cried.
Tell me you love me once again
Tell me you need me, tell me you want me.
Tell me you'll hold me; tell me you'll kiss me.
Tell me you'll never leave again, tell me you love me.
Without you I live my life a little less everyday
Without you I can't remember how to breathe
Forbidden to remember
Afraid to forget
I repeated the chorus again twice, while still looking at his perfect face. It just looked too real; I am for sure going home after this song. They'll just have to play from the juke box. I was too emotional to finish the rest of the set.
Tell me you'll love me; tell me you'll love me
Because I need you, I want you, I love you.
"Look Joe, I have to go," I frantically said as tears rolled down my cheeks "Fine Iz, but your only getting half tonight!" he furiously replied. "Fine, I will see you next Saturday."
Tears still rolling down my cheeks, they just kept coming.
On my way home the tears would just not stop, I haven't cried like this since that day in the woods behind Charlie's house –wince- don't think about that it will only make it worse I had to tell myself. Finally, I am in my safe harbor I put on a c d and before I knew it I was dreaming. I only knew it was a dream because I was back home, I could feel the rain on my face. Then I felt something brush my cheek, it was light and so cold. As I turned to look who it was, my heart started to race and my breathing became uneasy. He did that to me, he could always do that to me. Then with a flash he was gone, and I was left there alone. That's when I made myself wake up, because that loneliness feeling was hard to bear; it was too much for my weak heart.
I walked to the kitchen to get some water; it was awfully cold in here. The window was open, I don't ever remember opening it, but I also don't really remember the ride home. I walked over to close the window and that's when I felt it.