A/N: I told myself I wouldn't write any stories based off of the scene we saw last night, but I have severe writer's block when it comes to any of my other stories, and, well, this is what came out. Thanks for reading!
Her 'office', was the only room in the house he hadn't invaded, though it was mainly the place she went when she needed peace, quiet, and a good book. More than ever, she appreciated that he had left this room alone. "A woman needs her space," She had told him once, after a particularly bad day at work. It had taken him a little while to understand, but she had later heard a soft, almost imperceptible knock at the door. Upon opening it, she discovered a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream sitting on the floor. There had been no sign of Shawn.
She pushed the memory away as she slammed the door, locking it for good measure. Sitting down at her desk, she pulled out some paperwork. She needed something to keep her busy.
Half an hour later, she was still staring at the same sentence. Clearly, this wasn't working. Sighing heavily, she looked around the room. Her eyes landed on the picture of the two of them that sat just across the room. Rachael had snapped it a few weeks before, when they all went on a double date. Shawn had his arms around her, his face frozen in a humongous grin. Her eyes weren't looking at the camera. Instead, they were gazing at Shawn, an adoring expression on her face. It was embarrassing, she had claimed after seeing the picture. But Shawn had loved it so much, he convinced her to frame it.
The sight made her sick now. She marched over to it, picked it up, and threw it out the door. Glass shattered with a satisfying noise. But the relief lasted for only an instant before the gaping hole in her stomach was back. What on earth was she going to do?
Juliet O'Hara did not wallow. She hadn't wallowed over Declan, or the loser she had dated for a couple years in high school. She hadn't even wallowed over Scott. But everything was different with Shawn. He had cut her to the core, and she hated that, even now, she just wanted his arms around her. Despite all the anger, all the lies, all the misery surrounding the evening, she still loved him.
Maybe she was entitled to a little wallowing, after all.
Ice cream. Ice cream helped everything - bad headaches, bad days, bad break-ups. Maybe just a little… She dropped her head to the desk. Who was she kidding? Five gallons of ice cream wouldn't fix this mess.
Instead, she reverted back to her usual method of coping. She resisted all thoughts of him for hours, while every emotion stirred inside of her, threatening to explode into a mess of tears and muffled cries. Finally, she closed her eyes in exhaustion, a frown still marking her features.
When she woke, she immediately checked her phone. He hadn't even called.
Another hour passed slowly. Still, her phone was silent.
In a way, she hoped he would call. All these hours without a word had her mind running marathons around all the questions. What else had he lied about? That time he had been hooked up to the polygraph machine - was that all just part of his plan? Now that she looked back on it, it seemed too well rehearsed. Had he ever really cared for her? She was such an idiot. Falling head over heals faster than she could blink for a crazy, eccentric guy whose eyes held the very definition of trouble. He was too good. Too good at pretending, too good at lying, too good at brushing things off like they never affected him at all. And maybe nothing had. Maybe he was even more robotic than Carlton - a self destructive, cold-hearted device that hurt anything and everything in his way. But she had loved him, more than words could say.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when the phone rang. Shawn. She gulped. She wouldn't answer it; wouldn't be one of those desperate girls she had spent the entirety of her dating life trying not to become.
But surely she could listen to his message. He would never know.
"Jules…" His voice created an even deeper void in her stomach, and she threw the phone to the couch cushion beside her.
An hour later, she sat with the phone in her hands again, turning it over and over. Finally, she held it to her ear.
"Jules…" A long pause, then a sigh. "I never meant for it to get this far. I never meant to hurt you. We both know I'm an idiot sometimes, and no matter how many times I try to fix it, I can't. Funny, my dad was talking to me just before…" Another pause. "My dad was telling me tonight about the Spencer family and our ability to make everything complicated and mess things up. He wanted me to be the exception, but I think I'm the worst of them all." More silence. "I'm so sorry, Juliet. I love you. You have to know that."
She wasn't used to the twinge of desperation in his voice. It was so unlike him, and it broke a small part of her, driving her to allow her finger to hover over his speed-dial button. She gritted her teeth, anger replacing sympathy in a second. You didn't lie to the people you loved. You were honest with them, no matter what the cost.
A tear trickled down her cheek. Then two. Three.
"Jules…I love you. You have to know that." She shouldn't have listen to that message. She would never, ever get those words out of her head.
More tears. The dam was finally breaking. She gulped and made a run for the Kleenex box. When she cried, she cried hard.
Yes, she was definitely entitled to a little wallowing. She would sweep her hair into a ponytail, run to the grocery store, and pick up some ice cream, more Kleenexes, and movies. And she wouldn't call him.
She stepped out of the room, pointedly ignoring the shattered frame in the hall, just as she ignored the ringing that once again echoed dimly through the empty house.
She wanted to talk to him. Wanted to ask him what drove him to all the lies. Had to know why he hadn't told her before she had figured it out herself. There were so many things she had to know, no matter how much it hurt to hear. And she would face him, someday. But not today. Today was for chocolate and ice cream and all the movies she loved but Shawn hated. She slammed her front door on the sound of the still-ringing phone. Definitely not today.