Blood Shroom
The chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom sat at his desk one dreary afternoon with several papers full of propositions, accusations, requisitions, and all that other god-awful shit he had to read through day after day. As he busied himself with these papers, he looked at the picture of his daughter on his desk, Princess Peach Toadstool. Things had not been the same since her mother passed on. Life had become difficult for both the princess and the chancellor. Oh, if only she were still here, she would get him through this hell of a mid life crisis he was facing. No Koopa cult could hold a candle to the sheer pain he had gone through in his life, and the dark loom of age just brought tension to his already misshapen world.
Toad sat at a smaller desk on the other side of the room, busily typing away on his laptop, stopping every now and then to polish his "Secretary to the Chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom" badge. The chancellor stared over at Toad and sneered. He had developed a great disdain for Toad in the past few years, it had become so bad he had forgotten why he elected to establish Toad as his right hand man. "Look at him." The chancellor thought to himself. "Asking me every five minutes "Is there anything you need sir?" I'll fucking tell you if there is something that I need you little prick!" The chancellor had the urge to scream his recent stream of consciousness at Toad, but Toad's next action made him decide against it.
Toad had noticed that the Chancellor was staring at him, so he looked up from his laptop and asked, "Is there anything you need sir?" The chancellor was prepared to give his usual cold "No." but decided against it, perhaps it was time he asserted himself. "Actually Toad." He began. "There is something I need." Toad smiled and awaited the Chancellor's word. Geared up to spew swears out at Toad's face, the chancellor found this impossible for some reason. It was just Toad's perpetual smile, never fading, how could that bastard be so contempt with life? After what felt like eons, the chancellor finally answered Toad's question, Toad still smiling of course.
"I just…. I just need some time off." The chancellor explained reverently. Toad's smile remained. "Understandable your excellency, the Mushroom Senate works you too hard as is, some time off would be good for you." The chancellor did not know whether to slap Toad or lick his face…dear god the poor man was going through some hard times. He merely continued to stare at him with a blank look finally concluding with a "Thank you.", and proceeded out of his chambers and into Mushroom Capital city.
Club 64 maintained its presence at the Mushroom docks. It was the central hub for all sailors coming and going through the port. A group of sailors from Sarasaland sat in the corner, drunk off their asses, laughing at random little occurrences. The chancellor was positively disgusted at this. A few years ago, if a Sarasaland boat were spotted in the Mushroom port, an entire fleet of destroyers would shove out to destroy it. It was only since the peace treaty signed by Princess Daisy of Sarasaland that he was forced to open his kingdom to eastern expansion.
"Damn Luigi" he though to himself. "If that bastard hadn't have fucked that dirty whore, the Mushroom Kingdom would still be of pure blooded mushrooms." He downed his entire fire flower cocktail and demanded a seventh. "If it wasn't for me, those slums would still be plumbing this shit out of my toilet, instead, they sit as the Chairmen of the Mushroom Kingdom army. Damn that Donkey Kong! If not for him I would have never had to hire that dirty mercenary of a General. And all that fucking money I donated to the Kremlings, but do they take that ape out? No! They just blow all my money on more and more technology, and fall on three different occasions! And that damn dirty ape is actually allowed to participate in our races and sporting events?! What happened to my power? What happened to monarchy?"
"FUCK DEMOCRACY!" He screamed out loud, it was at that very moment he realized that he was not at all incognito. He was, in all his full glory, the leader of the Mushroom Kingdom; contradicting the sacred doctrines he had agreed to and signed his name on. All eyes focused on the chancellor as he slowly walked out of the bar. He entered his limousine baring the mushroom kingdom flags and was taxied back to the capital building.
The evening got worse. Toad constantly typing on his laptop, the alcohol starting to enter his brain, the very fabric of life had become a major annoyance. Every little type was like a legion of hammer brothers to his forehead, and a plethora of fire flowers to his chest. Time has surely slowed to a halt. A second was a millennium; the chancellor could take no more of this. He stood up and walked briskfully out of the courtroom and into the halls. Toad was perplexed at this and decided to follow him.
"This is right, you know, my baby." The chancellor whispered to his daughter, as she slumbered below him. He stood above her bed with a knife drawn. Nothing made sense anymore. His daughter would not become a whore who would elect to destroy the delicate political system of his beloved mushroom kingdom. And she would not grow up to fuck it up as he had. She would sleep in eternal bliss and never have to worry of such atrocities. He just couldn't help himself anymore. He dug the knife into her cheek and sucked the blood that drained from it.
The minute the knife cut her cheek she immediately awoke and screamed out in terror. The chancellor rammed the blade into her neck, killing his daughter. He began laughing maniacally, his evil deed was done, oh what ecstasy it brought him, and he had not felt this alive in ages. So content with his work, he proceeded to cut up the princess into segments and consume her. He would eat his trophy, in doing so, both hiding the evidence and dominating once again. For the first time in decades, he truly was the mighty ruler again.
As the chancellor began to eat her foot, Toad walked into the room naked and just stared at the chancellor with the princess's bloody foot in his mouth, he stared back. This staring contest went on for a good while until Toad finally said; "You know, now I don't feel so bad about fucking her all this time." The chancellor brought his blade out again and lunged at Toad.
"Mama Mia!" Mario cried out loudly. He sat up in his bed in a cold sweat. Was it all just a dream, did his mind truly create such awful atrocities, or was this all just a premonition of things to come? Many would suspect the latter. Because following this awful dream, the bedroom door burst open and Luigi walked in completely naked, with the exception of his hat. He then pushed Mario down onto the bed. All that Mario could utter was a muffled "No!" as Luigi advanced and dominated his brother.