Chapter One: Resistance

I bustled about, cleaning my room. Trying not to think about the shit I was going through, and most of all, trying not to cut myself. Every time I put the scissors back in their place, or the push pins back into the jar, I resisted. I was doing extremely well until I remembered why I was keeping busy. I picked my scissors up and studied them, seeing the dried blood on the tips. My fingers trailed to the scar they left, and traced over it lightly. It all started two weeks ago with my best friend Marco.

Flashback – 2 Weeks Earlier –

I sat down next to Marco on his bed, where we could be away from the noise of Spinner and Jimmy watching that horribly boring movie. I leaned towards Marco and kissed him on the lips. He kissed me back, but very lightly. I kissed him harder the next time, and he held back a little.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. "Don't you like me?"

"Of course I do. I'm just not used to this…" he trailed off.

"It's okay if you're inexperienced, I am too," I assured him.

This time Marco kissed me. I smiled and he laid me down, staying on top of me. I paused and pulled my shirt off over my head. He kissed my neck, and kept going until he reached my stomach. I giggled like a small child, and was immediately embarrassed. But Marco smiled and laughed with me.

"I love you Ellie," he whispered.

"I love you too Marco," I said back to him. We were only in grade ten, but I knew he was my soul mate. He was the only one who understood me. I playfully unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down the zipper. He helped me get them off, and then I pulled his boxers right off. He reached up under my skirt to pull off my underwear, and then kissed me, slipping his tongue into my mouth as he went inside of me. I lost my virginity to him that night, and he lost his to me. It was one of the best nights of my life.

Once we were finished, we quickly got dressed and both fixed our hair. We went back into Marco's living room where Spinner and Jimmy were still hypnotized by that idiotic film.

"You just missed the best part," Spinner said, shoving popcorn in his mouth. Neither of them had realized just how long we were gone.

"I'm gonna go home now. I'll see you guys later," I told them. Marco walked me to the door. "I had a great time," I said and kissed him. In return, all he gave me was a weak smile. I was a little suspicious but decided that he was just overwhelmed.

-End of Flashback-

I haven't cut myself at all since a few days before that night. I felt so free and alive that I didn't need to. No one knew that I was cutting, not even my own parents. My dad was always gone and my mom was always drunk. Cutting helped me forget about the pain that my family caused me. But with Marco, I didn't need to. My pain went away the minute I saw his face. My favorite quote was from a Dashboard Confessional song that he sang to me one night in an attempt to make me laugh.

These cuts are leaving creases

Trace the scars to fit the pieces

To tell your story

You don't have to say a word

Marco really is a horrible singer. That's what cheered me up so much.

I finished cleaning my room and lay down on my bed with nothing else to do. I noticed the blinking light on my cell phone and saw that I had two new voicemails. Both from Marco. I eagerly listened to the messages.

"Hey El, it's me. Listen, I really need to talk to you so call me back. Bye." He sounded a little worried in the first message, but the second one sounded worse.

"I know I called like five minutes ago, but you haven't called back. You usually always answer the phone. Where are you? Anyway, call me the second you get this!" After hearing the second message, I immediately called him.

"Are you okay?" was the first thing I asked when he answered the phone.

"Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. We really have to talk. Can you come over to my house, like, right now?" he asked me.

"Sure, no problem," I answered him. "I'll be right over." I hung up the phone and applied some makeup before heading out the window. My mom wouldn't miss me if she didn't know I was gone. If I had gone out the front door, she would have started an argument. She always did when she was drunk. And she was always drunk.

During the walk to Marco's house, I thought about the way he sounded. I knew he was definitely upset, but I hoped it wasn't about me. Maybe he wasn't ready for sex that night. Yeah, that was probably it. I hoped he didn't think I pressured him into it. I mean, he didn't have to help me take his pants off, or take my underwear off. I began to jog when I realized that I still had quite a ways to go before I got there.

As soon as I reached his house, I climbed up the trellis and onto the little section of roof outside his window. I tapped on it and he let me in. When I sat down on his bed, he began pacing back and forth. I knew this was not going to be pretty. I laid back and stared at the ceiling, waiting for whatever it was that he needed to say.

"What?" I asked him in disbelief. My eyes were wide and my jaw practically hit the floor. "Are you sure Marco?" I asked him. "I thought you loved me." I wiped a single tear from my cheek and desperately tried to hold back the rest. It didn't work.

"I do love you Ellie, and I always will, I just…"

"You just like boys more?" I asked. Yes, my best friend, my one true love, my soul mate, had just told me that he was gay. "That's why you were resistant that night," I finally realized. "You already knew, didn't you?"

"I wasn't completely sure. I wanted to see if I was wrong," he said to me. "El, I'm so sorry," he said, not hiding his shame.

"It's okay, really," I told him and threw my arms around him. "It's not your fault." He hugged me so hard that I though my insides would explode.

"I still love you Ellie, I just can't in that way I guess."

"I love you too Marco."

"Hey, if you were a boy…" he started to say. I laughed. Only my laugh wasn't the same as always, it was a little nervous.

"Marco, I have to tell you something too. It's not going to be easy," I said and sighed.

"Go ahead, you can tell me anything," he said to me.

"Are you sure about that?" I asked.

"Positive."

"Marco…" I began. I almost didn't tell him, because I knew it would be hard for him. It was really hard for me when I found out and even harder when I kept it a secret from him. Of course, I had only known for a day or so, but I still didn't like to keep anything from him at all. "…I'm pregnant."

A/N: I really wanted to make an Ellie fic, so here it is. The story is obviously in Ellie's POV, if you didn't get that already. The flashback is my version of Careless Whisper where they go to his room and kiss but Ellie realizes that he's gay. At least, I think that's the episode it happens in. But the story takes place when they're in tenth grade…sorry if that confuses you.