When Hank Met Selene
"I'm Selene, External, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club, sorceress of unprecedented power, one of the most powerful mutants on earth, extremely beautiful and able to get away with wearing lingerie but what does any of that matter? Blackheart, I'm bored!" shrieked Selene.
Demons wisely scattered lest they face the wrath of their diabolical mistress. One poor imp wasn't quite quick enough and with a whimper the luckless little demon exploded with a noisy pop. Selene blew the dust of her fingers and ran her hands through her lustrous raven hair. One sharp fingernail pointed accusingly towards her large four poster bed where Blackheart was waiting for her.
"Blackheart, I'm talking to you. Are you listening to me?" asked Selene in a tone of saccharine sweetness.
"Indeed I am oh glorious and tingly, most lovely and fantabulous Selene," sighed Blackheart heavily.
Sighing heavily the black furred demon blinked his burning red eyes a few times before gulping down another Prozac. Quickly he practiced the breathing exercises that helped to calm his anxiety before sighing again and taking another deep gulp of brandy. Thus fortified and prepared to deal once more with his beautiful and terrifying mistress he swiftly hid his dog-eared copy of "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" under a pillow and tried to rub out the creases of his somewhat rumpled tuxedo. Then he teleported to his mistress's side a self effacing smile on his bestial face.
There was a crack as Selene slapped him on the cheek. Another crack came as she slapped him once more. Blackheart flinched but pretended to enjoy the pain since that was what his mistress expected of him.
"Bad boy, when I call you I expect you to come immediately not to take your own sweet time about it. Because of your tardiness you won't get to torture any of the prisoners tonight."
Blackheart hung his shaggy head sorrowfully trying desperately to hide his relief since he really didn't enjoy the torture all that much. Maybe now he'd get the chance to finish his book or have another look at his stamp collection. Maybe he could even get in some practice on his violin. Maybe Selene would let him play to the prisoners again since she thought it was a particularly diabolical torture. What a cheek anyway, he just needed more practice that was all.
"I am most sorry oh mighty mistress of malevolence whose dark beauty enchants my every waking hour and whose voice is a siren song delivering the sweet tenderness of death to the weak unworthy fools who are beneath her very notice."
"Now I never get tired of hearing that,"
"What does her glorious, effulgent, pulchritudinous, stupendous-"but Selene cut him off raising a threatening finger. Ebon energy crackled singeing the fur on Blackhearts snout and causing him to shiver uncontrollably. Once the trembling had stopped Selene spoke.
"I'm bored with your endless flattery Blackheart."
Oh no this was a major danger sign since normally she could lap this up all day. She obviously wanted a suggestion from him and this wasn't good, not good at all. Her full lips pouted elegantly and she rolled her eyes at him, nails caressing his chin as she waited for a suggestion.
"I shall devise a new and perverted torture for you to carry out on the prisoners!"
"We've had six of those already this week and besides I'm running out of prisoners. People these days, torture them for a week or two and they just sort of die. It wasn't like that when I was young, now the Spanish Inquisition they could keep people alive for years. No Blackheart, I want to try something new, completely different, something I've never tried before. Now come up with an idea and make it quick or we'll play how long does it take Blackheart to put himself back together after I tear him apart on a molecular level! Got that?"
"Well you could try taking up a hobby like knitting perhaps."
The fireball exploded at Blackhearts feet and he leapt ten feet up in the air. Obviously that idea hadn't gone down to well. Hastily he cast all thought of hobbies from his mind.
"Well how about a lovely pet. A cat would be ideal, especially one of those pretty fluffy Persians or how about a Siamese. A kitten might be just what you need."
Blackheart closed his eyes and smiled at the thought of lovely fluffy kittens wandering around the place. He'd always wanted a cat of his own but was worried that it would ruin his image still if it officially belonged to Selene he could fulfill his name. Of course the kitten would be named Fluffy which Blackheart thought very imaginative and original. This happy train of thought was interrupted by the impact of another fireball even closer than the first one.
"You're useless Blackheart. How many more of these half baked notions are you going to come up with? No it seems if you want to get anything right you have to do it yourself. I'll just have to go with the idea I had in the first place."
"What idea would that be o scrumptiously kinkily wickedly lovely Black Queen?"
"I'm going to fall in love Blackheart. That will be a good change don't you think?"
There was a loud crash as the demon promptly fainted. Selene sighed and knelt down next to the insensible demon, slapping his cheek until he came round. Blackheart awoke with a moan muttering something about wanting his teddy bear.
"Now Blackheart obviously it will have to be a man worthy of me so I think it'll be one of the X-Men. After all they constantly seem to be thwarting my schemes and spoiling my fun so it's about time they gave me a little compensation."
Blackheart wisely kept his opinions on this matter to himself. Now his mistress was looking at him expectantly so he knew he had to come up with an idea quickly. If not she might find Teddy and do something horrid to him. Mentally he ran through the male X-Men and finally decided on the one who was the most handsome and the biggest hit with the ladies.
"I suppose you will choose that charming Cajun scoundrel then mistress. I'll just go and fetch Remy for you then. I must say that you have excellent taste since Candra always had a soft spot for him."
"No he's handsome yes but not quite what I had in mind. I want a man who looks different from most other men, he's also got to be clever, athletic, strong, good with his hands, witty and have a bit of a wild side as well. I really think there's only one man who fits the bill."
"No not Logan! For the love of Christ, anyone but him! Oh no I've blasphemed. Sorry dad!" wailed Blackheart.
He could still remember the pasting he took at the hands of Logan all those years ago. Even now his dreams were haunted by that hirsute feral with the adamantium claws. He shuddered to think of the way that snarling visage glared into his own from the man's perch on the chair. Once again Blackhearts nervous tic started up and Selene sighed and waited for him to calm down.
"No Blackheart not Logan. Anyway we already went out together once and it turned out he wasn't my type. We did have a great time together and it's quite true what they say about him. Oh no, not again!" sighed Selene as Blackheart promptly fainted at this revelation.
While she waited for him to come round she instead cast a spell to save the time it would take explaining her intentions to her diabolical but skittish ally. Three illusionary forms appeared in the air and Selene smiled as she looked at them. Her chosen paramour, beautiful in any form and he had had quite a few of those over the years.
There he was in his original form looking little different from any other human. Of course his hands and feet were a little large and he did have a somewhat Neanderthal appearance but he was handsome all the same. He had a friendly face with gentle blue eyes and reddish hair. That apish body of his also housed one of the greatest minds the worlds had ever seen.
Still his second form was one that proved a much bigger hit with the ladies. This was how he became to be known as the "bouncing blue Beast", Avenger, X-Man, bio-chemist and much more besides. Now he looked even more like a gorilla but covered with soft blue fur and the pointed ears, protruding fangs and claws gave him a somewhat more feral appearance. Selene kissed the image and wished that Hank still looked this way but then again he wasn't bad looking at present either.
The present form, taller and bulkier still but with a predatory grace he had never before possessed. Blue eyes now predatory amber, blue fur shaggier now but still soft, hands now with four fingers and fierce claws, a lion that was walking upright. Selene looked at Hank's new form and grinned. Yes she had to admit that somehow he was so much sexier. If that said something quite disturbing about her character then so much the better. After all she was Selene.
"Mistress I must respectfully inform you that you are probably mistaken if Hank will fall in love with you. While you are a beautiful woman and men can't help but admire your, well you know the things human men like though I can never understand it. Hank looks for something more than that in a woman; I think he prefers their minds."
"Well I am diabolically devious and cunning and ruthlessly intelligent so he can hardly accuse me of being all looks and no brain."
"It's not that but rather the fact that your, shall we say moral character somewhat differs from his. He is after all a gentle, compassionate, merciful, fun-loving furry blue genius and you're an immortal villainous sorceress with a sadistic streak the size of the Mississippi and extremely deviant practices. Putting it plainly I don't think you're compatible," said Blackheart.
He stood sweating fully expecting a dire fate for speaking so plainly to his mistress. To his considerable surprise Selene smiled and then tilted his chin with a nail. She gazed into those burning red eyes and smiled evilly.
"I will give him a choice, either he accepts my love or I will visit on him all the tortures of the damned. Since he's a genius he'll love me since he will have no other choice."
Blackheart sighed. It seemed that Selene really didn't understand anything about love at all. Somehow he knew that this was all going to end up in tears. Probably Selene's as well and as usual he would be the one who would have to pick up the pieces. Why couldn't she have followed one of his suggestions, what was wrong with knitting anyway?