Freed looked at the disappearing silhouette. "We'll see you again, right?" He whispered to himself, a sad smile on his lips.
Evergreen sharply looked at him, "Are you alright Freed?"
He bowed his head. "I am. Or I will be."
She put an arm around his shoulder and he tried hard not to flinch. He let her guide him back into the guild. They had nowhere else to go.
When he had settled down in a quiet corner with a pint of beer in front of him, he pinched his nose. He was tired and had underestimated how much noise there was here in the hall. It had been a long time since he had last visited. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be here, especially on a night like this. Everywhere around him people were preparing for the grand parade, even Ever and Bix were participating enthusiastically. He supposed it was their way of saying sorry for what they had done. For him such a simple solution would not suffice.
After half an hour or so, he could no longer bear the tumult and sneaked out, quickly noticing that it was not quieter outside. The streets were crowded and everywhere children were running around, shouting in anticipation of the grand parade.
He fled and went to the one place where he knew he could be alone. He entered his small apartment without bothering to turn on the lights and let the door fall shut behind him. Mechanically he removed his boots and coat, neatly putting them in their place before letting himself fall upon his bed. Curling up, he listened to the noise of the parade passing by while his thoughts dwelled back to the events of the day. He realised now just how far he had been prepared to go.
He had nearly killed those he had once considered his friends. He had killed before and he would kill again and it had never bothered him. However so far, he had always found justification for that in the crimes his opponents had committed.
Today had been different.
Today he had almost killed Elfman, Cana and Juvia. Not once but thrice had he considered finishing off people that in essence had only broken his rules. If Mirajane had not stopped him, he would not even have hesitated.
He took a shuddering breath.
"Very well Freed the dark. It's time you showed them your true power." He had heard Laxus' whisper while he rushed out of the cathedral and the words still echoed in his mind. Even in that moment, he had had a choice. He could have stopped there and then. He could have used his runes to protect the guild from Laxus' dangerous madness, from his Thunder palace.
But he had not. Part of him had wanted to show them who he truly was.
And the least he could say was that he had.
When Laxus had called him weak earlier, it had hurt him more than he could say, but he now saw that the dragonslayer had been right.
Oh he had tried to pretend he was not. He had always tried to let his work speak for him rather than measuring his strength with his fellow guild members. He had earned the respect of the other Raijinshu by doing so, without much effort, without any clashes. For years, he had kept control. But now he had let his control slip and had shown the far darker soul that ever lurked inside. He was weak, for he had broken the rules.
He might have adhered to the rules of the game, but he had broken the rules he had imposed on himself when he had first learned what he could do with his magic. Moderation, honour, self-control. He had not been strong enough to keep true to those values.
What he had done, was not Laxus' responsibility. It was his own.
A thought occurred to him and he rose. Once he reached his bathroom, he made light for the first time and stared at his white face in the mirror. With a trembling hand he took his dagger from his belt.
Groping his long green hair with his left hand he started sawing it away. When the long locks had gone, he continued and cut it even shorter. He closed his eyes and hesitated when he felt the little lightning bolts. He sank down on the floor between the strands of green hair and tightened his grip on the knife.
Hesitating only a moment he then cut them off with one fast movement of his dagger. Leaning his head against the cabinet, he could no longer hold back the tears.
Laxus would understand.
When the dragonslayer had told them he had been banished, he had not tried to stop him from leaving. He had not even proposed to join him. This was something each of them had to do alone.
A soft knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.
"Freed, are you there? Freed?" Ever's shrill voice sounded muffled through the door.
Another replied. "It seems to be all dark inside." "Dark inside" echoed Bickslow's babies.
"He must be there, Bix. Where else would he go? Freed! Freed! Open up! Come on, let us in!" more muffled talking followed, but he could not make out the words.
Freed sighed, he did not want to talk to them. Later maybe, but not tonight. He had a duty to be their captain, their shoulder to lean on and tonight he simply could not be that man.
The hammering on the door made him cringe. Bickslow never had been a patient man. It was a good thing the neighbours were still out of town.
The pounding got louder and he started to fear that Bickslow would just kick it open. He scrambled up and ran towards the door. "Don't smash the door, I'm coming!"
When he undid the bolts, he heard Evergreen's whispered "You see, I told you he would be here." and refrained from rolling his eyes.
He held the door for a second, taking a deep breath and straightening his back. When he finally opened it, he had a spell ready at his fingertips. Quickly he drew the runes that would raise a barrier just in front of it, protecting it from Bickslow's onslaught and preventing his fellow Raijinshu from coming in.
He had planned to just close the door immediately after putting the barrier, but was taken aback by Evergreen's horrified expression. Unconsciously he touched his forehead to tuck away the long lock that would hide his demon eye. When he found it missing, he realised what had shocked Evergreen so.
"Freed." Bickslow was the first to find back his voice, "What have you done?" his friend whispered.
He averted his eyes. "Leave me alone, will you? I do not need you here tonight."
"Freed, will you not let us in? We were worried about you." Someone else said.
Quickly he looked up again to see a woman standing behind Bickslow. He had not realised that Mirajane had come too. His expression hardened. "I said leave me alone." Turning around, he slammed the door shut behind him.
Sagging down, he rested the back of his head against the heavy oak. He could hear them still.
"Bickslow, do something!" Evergreen shrieked.
"Calm down," Mirajane's soft voice interfered, "You two go back to the guild hall. You've promised the master you would help with the clean up after the party tonight, and I do not think this is a good time to break that promise."
"But wat about Freed? We cannot leave him like this. Did you see what he did?" Bickslow grumbled.
"I'll keep an eye on him. Now go, and do not worry. Let him be alone for a while. I'm sure he'll talk to you in the morning."
Freed smirked. She was right. All he wanted was a few moments to himself. Soon he heard Bix's heavy footsteps on the stairs, followed by Evergreen's nervous chattering. At least they were leaving.
He closed his eyes and tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall again. He already missed Laxus. He fought the impulse to fly the city to track him down. He was certain he would be able to find his friend, but he would not. Not this time. This time they both had to find their own path again. This time he could not help Laxus, he would have to find his own way to forgiveness.
"Freed?" it was only a whisper, "I know you're there, Freed. Will you not let me in?"
He sighed. She sure did not give up easily. "What is it that you want Mira?" He wearily asked.
"I, I just thought that I might help you?" she seemed to hesitate, "With your hair I mean? I can help you cut it into a decent shape, and remove the bits you missed at the back?"
He almost smiled as he stood up and opened his door, undoing the barrier with a flick of his hand. "Come in. Perhaps I can use some help after all."