Love. Love's a pretty powerful word. Musicals have been written just express that one thing. There are millions of songs out there that express that one four-letter word. Love, the meaning of the word unknown. Everyone's sang about it: Lionel Ritchie, Madonna, Barbra Streisand. I wonder if they knew what it meant.
With my wide musical theatre knowledge you'd think I'd have that answer, or at least how to respond to when a gut says to me. But I don't.
When Finn said it to me at Regionals, I had walked away with a smile, secretly delighted he'd finally chosen me. But, after all the excitement wore out, I began to think. Why did he want me all of the sudden? It dawned on me that, when he was with Quinn, he'd been attracted to me more than when we'd been together after there break-up. Finn, I realized, was always more attracted to me when he couldn't have me. When I was with Jess, he was the same way, always dropping subtle hints. When I'd asked him to do that Run Joey, Run Joey video with me, he'd jumped at the chance.
Ah, Jesse. The boy I though I loved and still might. He weaseled his way into my life, did what he needed to do, and stopped all over my heart. Everyone in the club was right when they said Jesse had been using me all along. Still, I knew everything couldn't have been fake. If there's one thing I've learned as a performer, it's that there are some emotions that can't be faked. And even Jesse isn't that good of an actor.
Jesse and Finn. Two different guys. So different that I really couldn't compare them if I tried. I knew Finn was the safer option, the more expected one. Everyone had expected Jesse to lose me to Finn in a love triangle. I was still unsure whether or not they'd be right or not. Finn may be the safer option, but he was, to put it simply, boring. He always had good intentions and loved glee club as much as I did, but he lacked original thought and drive. Jesse may have been dangerous, but at least he didn't need a dictionary to have a conversation with me.
If someone were to make me choose between the two, I'd probably chose Finn because I know he can never truly hurt me. Jess betrayed and humiliated me, and those feelings would never leave my mind if I chose him. Finn came with a safety net. I'd always lived a pretty safe life, so why shake things up now? I could make myself love Finn. But, in the back of my mind, I'd always want Jesse.