SCP Tale: Rebecca

Don't look at me.

It's my sixteenth birthday today. No one came. No one told me, "Happy Birthday, Rebecca!" Is it really that hard? Just to talk to me? I've always wondered why they didn't like me. Why they either pretended I wasn't there or made fun of me when they saw me. Maybe it would be better if I didn't try. Maybe they'll ignore me, and I can live without worrying about being made fun of.

I wish he would ignore me.

Today the girls attacked me. I just wanted to be ignored, but they never let me have it my way. They cut off my hair and ruined my school uniform. Laughing all the while. Why did they laugh? Why can't they just leave me alone? I want to be invisible. Maybe they would stop if they didn't see me. Maybe everything would be better if they didn't see me.

He saw me today. I can still feel his horrible breath on my neck and his hands…his hands. Oh God, his hands.

I fixed my hair today. Why did they cut it off? What did I ever do to them? I evened the ends out. It used to drape all across my back. I kept it in a braid. Now it doesn't even reach my shoulders. I considered making bangs for myself, but decided against it. I looked in the mirror. The person I saw staring back was…ordinary. Just some girl. Nothing special about me. I want to be pretty.

He says I'm pretty, but hearing it from him only makes me feel uglier. Today he made me…I don't want to think about what he made me do. I'm going to go vomit so I can get the…the taste…out of my mouth.

I have one of those nervous habits now. Some people pull out there hair, some people bite their nails, some people cut themselves…I started pacing. Back and forth across the room. Non-stop. I don't know why I started, but I can't seem to stop. I want to be pretty. How do I make myself pretty? With make-up? What is pretty anyway? I can't decide anymore. I want to be both invisible and beautiful. I want everyone to ignore me, but I also want everyone to admire me.

I never want to go to school, but if I stay home he'll be here. Anything is better than being with him.

I'm pacing again. Faster this time. I made a checklist of sorts. I looked at the other girls. I looked at some magazines I found in the trash. I tried to figure out what I need to be in order to be pretty. There are so many things that need to change. Skinny. I need to be skinny. Flawless skin. I can't have any blemishes or marks. It needs to be pale as moonlight and hairless. Completely hairless. Long limbs. I need to have long legs and long arms so I can be proportional. I have to be perfect. Long, pretty fingernails that I can paint. Big eyes, preferably blue or green. Larger lips. Taller. I need to be taller. And my hair…well, I can worry about it when it grows back. I'm still pacing.

He said we should take "our relationship" to the next level. He didn't do anything, but I'm terrified of tomorrow. Please let me wake up a different person tomorrow.

Just keep pacing, Rebecca. Things will get better. I'm going to be pretty. I promise I will. I will be so pretty and untouchable. No one will be able to hit me or grope me or treat me like the trash I am. Once I'm pretty, things will be perfect. My life will be perfect.

Today he…he…

Pacing more. I don't know why, but I keep pacing. I noticed today that my fingernails are getting stronger. It must be the change in my diet. Once my nails are long enough, I can paint them. I'm so excited! I'm becoming pretty. Slowly but surely. See? I told myself things would get better, and they did. I'm so proud of myself.

He…again…no matter how much I begged and screamed. No one came. No one came for me. They'll come for me once I'm pretty, won't they?

I'm shocked at how fast my fingernails are growing. It's gotta be the change in diet. I'm getting healthy. My nails were long enough to paint today. It was painstaking, but I did everything I could to make them perfect. My nails are pretty. I'm becoming pretty.

He…without protection…what if I? What if he? Oh God. Please let my period be on time.

My nails are growing so long, so fast. I keep having to clip and repaint them. Not that I mind. If having pretty nails requires some maintenance, then so be it. People noticed it today. Some of the girls even asked where I got the polish. I'm so giddy. I'm going to be so pretty! I should work on getting skinny next. That shouldn't be too hard. I just have to eat less. Or maybe I don't need to do anything at all. When I looked in the mirror, I thought it looked like I lost weight. Though, I could be delusional.

He's never going to stop, is he? Never. How do I stop him? He's so much stronger than me. I'll add that to my checklist. When I'm pretty, I'll get so strong that no one will be able to overpower me, especially not him.

Pacing again. It's all happening so fast! I thought it would take much more work to be pretty, but I guess all I had to do was focus all my energy on making myself beautiful. Mind over matter? Maybe. The nails keep growing. I keep losing weight, and I think my teeth are getting straighter and brighter. I'm going to have a knockout smile! I'm getting bothered less and less at school. Mind over matter, Rebecca. You got this.

I got my period. Thank God. When I told him it was that time of month, he left me alone. I'm safe…for now.

Today I went to take a shower and decided to shave my entire body. I'm going to be pretty. I can't have any hair making me look ugly. It was a cleansing experience. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror the whole time. I never took my eyes off myself. I watched as I became prettier with every hair I shaved. I'm skinny. My nails are long. My smile gets wider every day, and now I'm hairless. I'll be perfect soon. I'll be the prettiest girl on the planet.

He noticed that I shaved my pubic hair. He had this huge grin like he thought I'd done it for him. I begged him not to. He thought my protests were "cute." Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. I need another shower!

My skin is starting to get paler, so are my eyes. It's a little weird. What's making it do that? Mind over matter? I grew a few inches. My arms and legs are getting longer, spindlier. I'm losing weight everywhere, but for some reason, my hands are staying the same…in fact they look bigger. It's gotta be related to the nails. Usually by now my body-hair starts to grow back. It hasn't grown back yet. In fact, my hair isn't getting longer either. I've been trying to grow it back since they cut it off, but it stays the same. Am I pretty yet?

He made me…said my mouth was bigger than he remembered…And now every night after he does terrible, unspeakable things to me, he says, "I love you, Rebecca." It makes me vomit every single time.

I must be under too much stress. Yeah, that's why my hair isn't growing. In fact, it's starting to fall out. My skin and eyes are starting to get paler. My nails are growing too fast. My arms are getting longer, but the hands seemweird. Why are my hands so weird? I'm a wreck. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Please don't look at me. I'm ugly. I'm becoming ugly. Don't look at me, please! I want to be invisible again. Ignore me. Please!

He's been noticing the changes too. It doesn't stop him though. He says he'll love me no matter how my body changes. I hope he dies.

Don't look at me! Don't looks at me! No one can see! Don't look! I'm pacing again. I'm a monster now. My eyes…my hair…my mouth. Oh God, my mouth! I stopped going to school. I stopped leaving my room. I know all my bones are protruding through my skin, but I'm still not hungry. My stomach is concave. Still not hungry. Arms are too long. Nails too long. Hands too big. Gray skin. Gray eyes. No hair anywhere. I just wanted to be pretty! Is that such a bad thing? I wanted to be pretty! I just wanted to be pretty! Mind over matter, Rebecca. Mind over matter. Don't look at me. Don't ever look at me.

I just…snapped. He was knocking on my door. I'd been hiding in my room for a long time. Don't know how many days. He finally barged in and saw me. The look of horror on his face. HIS face, as if I was the monster, not him. I snapped. There's nothing left of him now. I tore him to pieces. His rotting corpse is starting to smell. I don't care. He looked at me. HE LOOKED AT ME. I'm free of him. Finally free!

My name is Rebecca. I'm sixteen. Don't look at me. Pacing. Always pacing. Don't look at me. I wanted to be pretty. I became the opposite. Don't look at me. You'll hate me if you look at me. You'll look at me with disgust like…like…like HE did. Just don't look. Please, don't look. I'd give anything for you not to see. You'll laugh. You'll make fun of me.

My name is Rebecca. I'm turning seventeen soon. Don't look at me. DON'T LOOK. DON'T. Don't look at me! I'm hideous! Don't look at me! Don't look at me! Don't look at me! I'll kill you if you look at me! I'll make you pay if you look at me! I don't care who you are or where you are. I'll find you. I'll kill you. I'll find you and kill you. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. DON'T LOOK AT ME!

My name is…seventeen…I just wanted…don't look at me…

DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU. EVERYONE WHO EVER LOOKED AT ME. EVERYONE. I'M HIDEOUS. THEY'RE BETTER OFF DEAD. DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME DON'T LOOK AT ME PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME PLEASE DON'T PLEASE DON'T PLEASE DON'T DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU JUST DON'T LOOK PLEASE DON'T LOOK DON'T LOOK don't look don't don't don't…..