Dear readers:

I have been writing different little d/j scenes, some serious, some sweet and some smutty. I hope to finish some sweetly romantic ones this summer too. It all is different, and you may not like it all. But I hope that you enjoy some of it, at least.

For those of you impatient to see D/J together at last, you'll just have to wait a while longer. I am working up to it, a bit nervously I might add. Thank you for your nice comments which have encouraged me to continue writing. Sincerely, Moonshadow




WAITING A promise of love

June 2002

By Moonshadow

Joey was upset. She tried to hide it from him, but he could tell. He studied her downcast face and drawn mouth a few moments with concern.

"This isn't supposed to be a punishment, Jo".

She looked up at him briefly, and he could see her eyes pooled with unshed tears. A few spilled over and she wiped them off her cheeks. "I know" she said softly, but she looked miserable. But she tried to smile through her tears and said in a good attempt at brightness:

"You don't have to worry about me, I'm just spoiled…"

"The last thing you are is spoiled, Joey", Dawson cut her off with great seriousness in his voice. "Is this about the other times, the other times I said no to you?"

"No, Dawson, of course not. I'm just impatient, that's all. I just want to be with you so badly…".

And he could see that she did. He felt torn. Torn between his desire to be with her and his fear it would be a flash in the pan. Torn between wanting to make Joey happy and wanting to give their relationship a chance. Torn between wanting to devour her immediately, and wanting to court her in the best meaning of the word. He wanted her in his life always. It was a hardship to wait, he knew, but he knew in his heart it was worth it. Everything would be worth it. He knew, despite the absurdity of it, that it was the right thing to do. For him at least. Looking at how unhappy Joey was, though, he thought that perhaps it was all the wrong thing for her. He didn't know what to do.

He studied her some more, thoughtfully. "I don't want you to feel bad, Joey."

"I know, I know".

"You know I want to be with you, too. More that you know."

"I know"

"It isn't that I don't want to be with you."

"I KNOW Dawson, you don't have to explain. I'm sorry I upset you."

"I'm not upset, I'm concerned Joey. This isn't something which is supposed to be bad, to make you feel bad." He looked off into the distance for a moment, thinking.

"Dawson, I'm just in a mood. Don't pay any attention to me. I don't want to do anything you don't want to do right now." Dawson redirected his gaze and focused seriously on Joey's face. "Yes you do", he said softly.

Joey was taken aback. She did not expect him to say that. He took her hands in his. "This isn't just about me, Jo. This is about you too, and us. I just thought…I felt… I still feel, that being together for awhile, without sleeping together, would strengthen our relationship. Would give us a chance to..re-connect. give us a chance to figure out how we've changed, and how we haven't. " He reached up and brushed the side of her face gently, wiping her wet cheeks. "I love you and I want to know you" he said simply and directly and Joey knew he said it with an open heart. And that it meant everything: her thoughts, her heart, her hopes, her dreams, her love, the sweetness of her body. It was a declaration of love more moving in its simplicity than the most flowery of declarations she could imagine. It was also practical. It sobered her up. She saw how right this was for Dawson. But she still did not want to wait.

"I want to know you too" she said softly, with a sweet little smile, and she meant it.

Dawson continued to look into her face, trying to read her. He didn't want to do the wrong thing, make the wrong decision. Ruin what they had going. Joey was more complicated than she appeared, he knew, and he had made mistakes before. "I love you and I want you to be happy" he said, and leaning over, he gently kissed her, deep and sweet. And she kissed him back, slow kisses. Kisses of promise, kisses of love. She felt them in her heart. She felt them in her body. The combination was strong, an almost overpowering ache. She didn't know how Dawson could not feel it, not know that the time was right for them. That it was past time. That it could take a lifetime for them to know each other, and she didn't want to wait that long.

Dawson raised his head and smiled warmly into her slightly flushed face. She could not hide her desire; she wore it like a smile. A sign for all to see. "You look incredibly beautiful" he said huskily, his eyes roving her face, soft and dear upon her. She pinked a little more under his loving gaze. "You make me beautiful", she said, emotion catching in her throat a little. And she smiled for him, a beautiful heartbreaking smile that made him feel like he would do anything for her. He feathered a kiss across her lips and brushed them gently, just to tempt himself, to tempt her.

"We'll do whatever you want Jo" he said to her with loving finality, and smiled at the surprised look in her face. "Somehow, I think I could force myself to …how did you put it? Close the deal? Making love to you is bound to be a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. Might as well be me." he teased her gently, smiling, his face warm too from the emotion of their kisses. "Oh" Joey teased back deadpan "if you don't think it would be too much of an imposition."

"No, I think I could handle it."

"Well, I hope so. I would hate to be disappointed."

Dawson didn't reply to this last bit of teasing banter. "You won't be disappointed, Joey" he said to her quietly, all levity gone. "I promise". And Joey felt an emotional tightening in her chest which threatened to make her cry again. He always did this to her. Threw her off. Touched her heart. Made her want him all the more. "I don't doubt it for a minute" she said lightly with a smile, hoping he wasn't worried. He could do no wrong with her.

"So, when do you want to do this?" he asked not so romantically. She smiled at his bluntness, in sharp contrast to the emotions of the moments before. They were always like that, going back and forth between strong emotion and sane reality. It was odd, but special too, in its own way. It was unique to them, and she understood it completely.

"Who said anything about doing anything?" Joey asked with feigned innocence.

"You did"

"No, you did. I thought we had decided to wait a while. Not too long, but a while"

"No, I decided. You just went along with it to make me happy."

"No, we decided. Besides, making you happy is a good thing. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you, Joey"

"I am happy"

"You could be happier"

Joey was silent for a moment. It was true. Dawson had argued his point well.

"You do realize how ridiculous this is Joey?" Dawson finally said with some amusement. "I'm the one arguing for waiting, only not waiting. And you're the one arguing for not waiting, only waiting. It usually is the other way around." As confusing as what he said may have sounded, Joey understood what he meant. She had been the hesitant one, when they were younger, and now he hesitated. But they each were arguing the opposite now to please the other. It was a funny state of affairs: a romantic conundrum, a dilemma of passion. "So what should we do?" Dawson asked. When all else failed, Joey usually was the one with the right answers. "We wait, and we'll see. We wait until we stop waiting. It'll work out, you'll see. These things have a way of working themselves out," she said with a smile, half scolding him, sweetly affectionate.

"I still think we should do it your way Joey. It isn't worth making you unhappy."

"We'll see" Joey said with more than a touch of feminine mystery. She kissed him warmly; all trace of tears vanished into the warmth of their sweet kiss. "We'll see," she said again, making it sound more like a promise than an unknown. "We'll see".

A promise of love