A Very #Tuckson Thanksgiving

I'm in the holiday spirit. This fic takes place right now, in the middle of "it's _" (you fill in the blank, I HATE that word), and is as close to canon as I could possibly make it. Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!

…..

Barba asked Carmen to hold his calls. The dutiful assistant nodded and left her boss and Lieutenant Benson alone behind the closed door and drawn blinds. Barba extracted his whiskey from a nearby credenza, poured two tumblers, and handed one to Benson who was sitting contentedly on the leather sofa. After a morning of back-and-forth with defense attorneys, both sides reached an acceptable plea deal; however, much to Benson's displeasure, the punishment wasn't anywhere near what it could have been had they had more reliable evidence.

"Five years and a lifetime on the registry," Barba muttered, "I don't like this. I don't like what we've been doing lately. Seems—for every allegation, every crime, there's a million ways out for the perp and the vic is forced to choose between bad and worse."

Benson took a contemplative sip, wincing slightly at the initial burn. "It's not what we've been doing. We're playing the cards we're dealt. But, it has been a rough few months. All around."

"How's Noah?"

Olivia appreciated the change of subject. "He's good. We have a couple more school interviews before the end of the month, so, we'll see."

"They still saying he's having trouble?"

"Since that first interview went…not well…his day care teachers have been working with him more one-on-one and so has Lucy. He talks, we have conversations, he's smart…he's just…quiet. Part of that's, it's just been the two of us. But, the last visit went well, so I'll be optimistic for now." She reached for the bottle and poured a little more. "Thanks for asking. Going to your mom's tomorrow?"

"Yes. Cuban Thanksgiving. A couple dozen friends and family and food for five hundred." Barba unbuttoned his vest. "I can feel myself expanding already. What about you?"

Chewing the inside of her mouth, Benson replied, "We're going to…the Bronx. To have dinner with Ed's family."

Barba suppressed a grin. Part of him wanted to tease his friend, but he knew all had not been totally well in her personal life lately. "That sounds…serious?"

Olivia breathed into her glass. "It is."

Her reticence only made him more intent on excavating information. "Good serious?"

"I think so."

"Liv?"

She raised her eyebrows. What?

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Then, seeing the disappointment in his eyes, Olivia relented. "There's not much to talk about. Ed, he's…he makes me so happy," her voice started to waver, "but, when we got back to real life, after Paris, it felt like…we drifted apart. His job. My job. Noah."

Barba studied her with a tiny, knowing smirk. "And Dodds."

"And Dodds." She repeated mournfully.

"Liv, he's probably always going to be in the back of your mind. But, do you really want to look back ten, fifteen, twenty years from now and kick yourself for shutting out someone who loves you because you feel guilty?" The words could have possibly been construed in the wrong way, so Barba continued in a more delicate tone, "I know guilt, Liv. I know it all too well. It's all-consuming. Don't do that to yourself."

Olivia forced a sardonic laugh, "He's relentless. I think part of it is, he's not going away. And I expect him to. Sometimes I want to ask him, what is wrong with you? Why in the world are you here, with me…and all the baggage that comes with that…and this little boy…who will always be my priority. But every time. Every time I think, okay, this is it, this can't possibly last. There he is. And I don't get it."

She lifted her tear-filled eyes and saw Barba's compassionate, concerned expression.

"He's there because you're worth it, Liv." He touched the rim of his glass to hers and took a sip. "Happy Thanksgiving."

…..

Ed and Noah said goodbye to Lucy and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving before setting up the bowling pins. Ed parked himself behind the pins, resetting them and rolling the ball back to Noah after each throw. Earlier, Olivia called him and reported she was running late. Instead of asking Lucy to stay longer, Ed insisted he didn't mind staying with Noah. He wanted to be there. Olivia fought back further protest and agreed, although she promised to get home as soon as possible.

"Good one, Noah!" Ed stretched back to retrieve the ball which had caromed away erratically.

Noah laughed and jumped up and down, impressed that he'd demolished most of the pins in one try. Ed reset the pins, but, instead of rolling the ball, Noah walked over and handed it to him. "You go."

"Alright. I'll give it a try."

Noah took Ed's spot and shouted "YAY!" after Ed rolled a strike. Noah put the pins upright and commanded, "Again!"

Another strike.

"YAY! GOOD JOB!"

At the sound of keys in the lock, both Ed and Noah turned to the door to greet a smiling Olivia as she entered.

"Sounds like someone's having a good time." She remarked. "Hi sweet Noah! You bowling with Ed?"

Noah nodded, smiled, and offered her the ball. "Mommy, throw!"

Ed gallantly took her coat and bag and hung them on the rack. The outdoor chill lingered on her body and garments. "Temp droppin' out there? It wasn't that cold earlier."

"Yeah," she replied, "And windy. Let's…let's stay in tonight."

"Sounds good. We'll order in."

"Mommy!" Noah tapped the ball impatiently against Olivia's leg.

Ed looked down at Noah and then winked at Olivia. "Uh, it's your turn. And, um, we've kinda been on fire, so let's see whatcha got."

"Alright," Olivia said in a cocky voice, "I'll roll one strike then I have to get out of these clothes."

Ed peered at her flirtatiously, smirking. "Fine with me."

….

"Are you sure this isn't too casual?"

Ed and Noah watched the Macy's Parade on the couch while Olivia prepped and now she joined them, fully dressed and ready to go. Noah paid her little attention, but Ed stared at her, gaping and then smiling, loving the sight of Lieutenant Benson as simply Olivia-in torn jeans and an oversized light brown-and-white striped oxford. Her hair, styled in loose spirals framed her face, and earth-toned makeup gave her eyes and cheekbones an extra pop.

"It isn't…and…you are…stunning." He got up and approached her slowly, still examining, noticing her accessories now—a gold cuff bracelet, the beaded bracelet he'd given her, a simple gold necklace, and teardrop-shaped earrings. She started to blush, embarrassed by the attention, but when he put his arms around her waist she stepped into his embrace and angled her neck back, making him work for the ensuing kiss. "Gorgeous." He whispered before kissing her lightly on her freshly glossed lips.

"Thank you." She said, her voice barely audible. "I'm ready whenever you are."

Ed took a peek at Noah and, seeing him still entranced by the floats and music, went for another, more passionate smooch that ended with a smack and a collective gasp.

"I meant…ready to go to your mom's, not ready to," she nodded in the direction of the bedroom, "Go back there."

It was good to see her in a jovial, almost-sassy mood. "I'm always ready for that," he retorted. "But, Ma will be disappointed if we don't show up."

"Later."

"Yeah. Later." He had one more thing to say before releasing her from his grasp. "Liv, I'm really glad you're coming. It means a lot."

Her eyes fluttered closed and opened again. "I know. It means a lot that you want us there. Are you…sure it's enough to bring those bottles of wine?"

Ed took the hint. Now was not the time for a serious relationship status discussion. "Absolutely. And Noah. Actually, as long as we bring Noah, we're good." Ed's mother had met both Olivia and Noah once before and instantly fell in love with the toddler.

"Okay, we're all set then." Olivia reached behind her back and loosened Ed's grip, taking his hands and kissing each of them in turn. "Noah, c'mon. Let's get your coat on."

She re-tucked Noah's hunter green plaid shirt into his khakis and smoothed his hair before zipping him into the parka. Next came his brown boots. Since the weather was currently balmy, she shoved his mittens and hat in the coat pockets for later. She shouldered her purse, Noah's bag, and grabbed the shopping bag containing a bottle of red and one of white. Ed stopped her as she reached for the car seat.

"I got it," he said.

Olivia was used to taking all of it—her things, Noah's things, the car seat, and, of course her son—but it pleasantly surprised her how nice it was to have Ed shoulder part of the load.

…

There were fifteen people present at the Tucker family Thanksgiving dinner. In Olivia's mind, it was the perfect number—large enough to avoid constant attention on her and Noah but not so loud that it was impossible to converse as one large group. They ate at two separate tables, the main dining table and a folding one which Ed's mother referred to as the kids' table even though the youngest "kid" other than Noah was sixteen. Having had many young children in and out of her house for years, Caroline had a booster seat and securely affixed it to a sturdy chair for Noah. Olivia hesitated to let him sit away from her, but he eagerly clambered into the seat with Ed's assistance. and Ed's nieces and nephews graciously included him in their conversation and helped him navigate the meal when necessary. Among those family members not in attendance were Ed's daughter who was studying abroad in Europe and one of Ed's brothers who was at his in-laws' home for the holiday.

Before Ed's older brother carved the turkey, Caroline initiated a toast.

"I'm so happy everyone's here," she said in a voice thick from years of smoking, "And I'm not going to make everyone say what they're thankful for, but I will say that I'm thankful for my wonderful children and grandchildren who are always so kind to their old grandma. And, Olivia, I'm thankful you're here and you're putting up with Eddie…even if it's just for tonight so I can see Noah."

Everyone at both tables broke into polite laughter. Ed inconspicuously squeezed Olivia's leg, hoping she wasn't too uncomfortable, but she laughed right along with everyone else and cast a quick, supervisory glance at Noah who appeared to be having the time of his life.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Caroline announced and the guests echoed her words before taking sips of their wine. "Dig in!"

Throughout the meal, Olivia underwent a powerful intrapersonal transformation. Being in the cluttered but cozy Bronx home that had obviously seen decades of Tucker family Thanksgivings and Christmases brought to her a solace that had always been elusive—the comfort of being surrounded by family. Until this very moment, she was almost certain scenes like the one she currently enjoyed existed only in movies or in television commercials, but here she was, passing around platters of food and bantering back and forth with Ed and his family as if they'd known each other their whole lives. At the other table her son giggled and played with his food, turning himself into an absolute mess of mashed potatoes and gravy and cranberry sauce. The younger Tuckers snapped pictures of him and asked for Olivia's number so they could text the photos to her. By the end of the night her notifications were full of silly selfies she would keep forever, and her heart burst with a myriad of emotions. All of a sudden, she allowed herself to be optimistic about the future and to promise herself that no longer would she doubt her ability to simultaneously be a good cop, a good mother, and a good, gulp, wife? She sensed that was Ed's end game, but she knew he wouldn't bring it up unless he was certain she was ready. She brushed his thigh under the table and gave him a quick peck on the lips when he turned to her. They locked eyes for a quick but extremely intense couple of seconds. She cocked an eyebrow. He smirked.

I'm ready.

When the pumpkin pie was served and Caroline put a gigantic slice in front of Noah, Ed balked. "Ma. He's not gonna eat all that!"

"Oh, stop it, Eddie. Lighten up. He doesn't have to eat it all."

"Yeah, Uncle Ed," one of the teenage nephews said as he shook the can of Reddi-whip, "It's the holidays!" He proceeded to spray a heaping pile of whipped cream atop the pie. Noah gawked at the portion and glanced doubtfully at his mother as if he couldn't believe she was allowing this to happen.

Caroline handed him a child-sized spoon. "Here, sweetie."

Again, Noah looked at Olivia.

"Go ahead, sweet boy." She cooed.

Ed put his hand on her shoulder and they watched blissfully as Noah attempted to put a dent in the dessert.

….

Each year Tucker clean-up responsibilities alternated between the old and the young, and this year the burden fell to the older crowd. Olivia wiped Noah down and laughed when Caroline teased her.

"Sorry, dearie, cleaning the kid doesn't count." She summoned a niece, "Allie, c'mere. Take Noah and pick out the movie."

"Movie?" Olivia asked as she started clearing the table.

"Now Christmas begins," Caroline explained as she poured unfinished water into one glass and then stacked the empty glasses in a precariously tall tower. "Glad Noah's here…we don't feel quite so childish watching Charlie Brown Christmas if we have an actual child present. But," she added with a shrug, "You never know what they'll choose."

Washing dishes didn't take long due to the efficient assembly line and once everything was in order, Caroline excused herself to go smoke.

"Want some company?" Olivia asked politely.

"You don't smoke, do you?"

"No," she replied, regretting asking, thinking maybe the smoke break was also a nice way for Caroline to get a few minutes of quiet.

"I didn't think so," she grinned, "As much as Eddie bothers me about this…sure…usually the cold's a deterrent. C'mon."

Olivia grabbed her coat and joined Caroline on the back deck. The older woman smoked long menthol cigarettes and she alternated her puffs with sips of bourbon. Olivia had a glass as well.

"Like that stuff?" Caroline asked.

"I do. I never drank it on a regular basis until I met Ed, well, not met Ed," Olivia stammered a bit, struggling to differentiate between the two phases of their relationship.

Caroline patted Olivia's arm. "He told me all about it."

"Oh."

"Eddie's a good boy," Caroline said, "He's just…he's always been so, what's the word? Reluctant I guess, to really be himself. He's always been so wary of other people. Assumes the worst. I think he got that from his father. Coming directly from Ireland? Thick accent? He always thought people were trying to get the better of him."

"How long ago did he pass away?"

"Ten years now. Miss him every day."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," she took a long drag and blew a long stream of smoke expertly away from Olivia. "I miss him, sure, but I don't regret a day of our marriage. I loved that man from the minute I met him and I've never been with anyone else. And I never will. I was lucky."

Olivia pressed her lips together in a pensive smile.

"And so are you and Eddie," Caroline added, a twinkle in her eye.

"What's that?"

"I haven't seen him like this in a long time," she stubbed out her cigarette in a small tin bucket. "So relaxed. Smiling, joking, laughing. He's himself again. Sure, he'll always have that deep sense of right and wrong, trust me on that one, but, my Eddie's back. I have no idea about the particulars, but whatever happened to make you two get together…that's luck, sweetheart."

Rendered nearly speechless, Olivia sighed, "Wow."

"Hadn't realized that yet?"

"Not…not exactly."

"Well," She gave Olivia a side hug and led her back inside, "Good thing ya came over today then."

…

Noah stayed awake through Frosty the Snowman which he had never seen before and now, judging by the number of times he exclaimed "Frosty!" was probably going to be added to Olivia's Netflix queue.

"Okay," Ed's brother hoisted himself from the couch, "Whadda we playin?"

Olivia looked at Ed inquisitively. "Cards are next," he said, "But, if you're ready to go—"

"No, no," she interjected with a smile, "Let me get Noah into his PJs first."

Across the room Noah was curled up in the recliner with Caroline. Minutes ago his eyes were bright and wide awake but now, as the end credits rolled, he appeared ready to surrender to sleep.

Olivia started to get up, but Caroline waved her off. "I'll do it. Eddie, I'll put him in the girls' room on the trundle. He'll be fine."

"Thanks," Olivia said and settled back in at Ed's side.

"You okay with that?" Ed whispered even though they were practically alone. Everyone else had drifted into bathrooms, the kitchen for more drinks, and the dining area.

"Yes." She tilted her head, inviting a kiss which he was all too happy to provide. "Very okay."

"Lemme know when you get sick of all of this. We can go whenever."

"I'm not sick of it."

Ed had his arm slung across her shoulder blades and he caressed her upper arm, "At least we didn't have to do the what is everyone thankful for thing."

Olivia wondered if Caroline had chosen to omit the ritual because of her presence but Ed shook his head.

"She used to do it when the grandkids were younger, like middle school age, and didn't appreciate a thing."

"Well, I was prepared," Olivia said.

"You were?"

"I'm thankful for you, Ed. For us."

Her words caused Ed's breath to hitch in his throat; he hadn't expected such a heartfelt remark. In fact, after the past few weeks, he hadn't expected her to honor her promise to attend Thanksgiving dinner. He thought she was slipping away.

"I…I like the us."

"Me too."

They were millimeters away from another kiss when the stairs creaked under Caroline's steps and she announced Noah was sound asleep.

"A little Too-Ra-Loo and he was out like a light," she said proudly, "Works every time."

Ed smiled, thinking of his mother's raspy voice singing the Irish Lullaby and Noah drifting off to sleep as she rocked him in the century-old chair. She hadn't had a young one around in a while, and she was positively in heaven.

"You know it, Eddie," she continued, "I can't believe you haven't sung it to him before."

Olivia stood and offered a hand to help him up, "Yeah, you'll have to remember that, Ed. Could come in handy one of these days."

Caroline drifted into the next room. As Ed and Olivia shared another kiss, they heard her admonish a grandchild for taking her traditional seat and smiled with their lips still touching.

"Cards," she whispered.

"Cards."

"I'm serious about you remembering to sing him that song."

He smiled again, this time with a hint of timidity.

"Okay."

"OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT!"

Alarmed, Olivia grabbed Ed's hand and they joined everyone else in the dining room where Caroline was frantically rifling through drawers. Finally, she triumphantly produced a stack of index cards and a few pens. "Here, Allie, pass these out. We have to draw Christmas names."

Ed rubbed Olivia's back and explained yet another Tucker tradition. "Christmas presents. Gets too much for everyone to buy gifts for everyone, so we draw names."

Allie gave Olivia two cards. "One for you and one for Noah," she instructed and then moved on.

Touched that she and her son were included, Olivia accepted the cards with a shaky hand while looking to Ed for reassurance. He mouthed, "Go ahead," and wrote his name on one card and his daughter's name on the other. Olivia did the same with her name and Noah's then handed the cards back to Allie.

"Okay," Caroline instructed. "Let's draw. Remember, you can't buy for your immediate family, so, for example, if Eddie draws Olivia, he has to put that back and draw again."

Ed cringed. He was sure Olivia would recoil at this familial intimacy. Surely she would later pull him aside and ask that he get her out of this arrangement. There was no—

Olivia drew a card. "Oh-have to draw again. Got Noah." She tossed the card back to the center of the table and took another. "This is secret, right?"

"Yep! Until Christmas!"

She tucked the card into her pocket. "Okay. I'm good."

…

Several rounds of gin rummy later, Ed and Olivia gathered Noah from the bedroom, hugged and thanked Caroline, said a hushed farewell to everyone else, and headed to the car. Ed gently placed Noah in his car seat, buckled him in, and got out of the way so Olivia could cover him with his blanket. The warm-ish November day descended into a blustery, near-freezing night and the car's interior was frigid.

"Shoulda warmed it up," Ed muttered regretfully.

"He'll be fine," Olivia said as she extracted herself from the backseat and gently shut the door.

Ed was standing an arm's length away, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, adorably unsure of himself.

Olivia tightened the belt of her own trench and shivered a little. "Okay. Ready?"

"Not yet." Ed reached out for her with both arms. One hand became entangled in her hair as he gently guided her head to his and the other came to rest on the small of her back. Olivia moaned into his mouth when he parted his lips, but the kiss became so passionate, so deep, that neither she nor Ed vocalized any coherent sound in the ensuing seconds.

He pressed his forehead to hers when they finally broke away from one another and murmured, "I love you, Liv."

She grinned, "I love you…Eddie."

He pretended to frown but then lost his nerve and started laughing. "You're gonna get it for that when we get home."

Olivia gave his chest a friendly smack and winked. "Looking forward to it."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Liv. It was a good one."

"It was."

"And the secret Santa thing, you don't—"

"Stop," she said softly and let her hands fall from his chest to his hips. Her eyes dazzled in the light from the moon and the street lamps. "I'm looking forward to that, too."

….

#Tuckson

I may make this a trilogy—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years—if the reviews indicate that's something people would like.

#EndGame