"Stay with me ! Stay with me !"
The city lights reflected off the rear window of the ambulance. Red mixing with blue, some yellow and the cold bright white light inside the truck.
"Don't leave me ! Do you hear me?! I need you ! Fight, babe ! Come back to me !"
The ambulance had finally arrived at the gates of the hospital. The doors opened quickly, the team and I came down, carrying the wounded man inside for urgent intervention.
" Move ! Move ! femoral fracture, left lung pierced. Superficial burns to his left shoulder.Unconsciousness for 7 minutes. Operating room, now ! "
The emergency team took charge. I stood for a moment in the hallway to catch my breath and then directing me to the bathroom staff. I put my clothes immaculate of blood in the bag provided for this purpose and let the hot water wash away that night of drama. That was about 8 months since I took this job at the Royal Marsden Hospital. Being a part of the emergency teams gave me enough adrenaline to give me some semblance of living and then it also prevent me from thinking too much. Well most of the time.
"If you keep your face to the sunshine, you will never see the shadows."
I still could hear her voice in my head whispering things to me. The trivial things that made me smile. Her way to bring a ray of sunshine with just the mere sound of her voice.
After spending three hours to take care of emergencies at night, nothing serious since the last entry that night, I took my stuff and left the hospital. 6:15 am, fresh air made me exhaling small clouds of smoke with each breath and each step I took to reach my car. I got used to drink a hot coffee at a place called Cafe Delight, on Brighton Rd. While the coffee was not the best, it had the merit of being open early in the morning and not really far from my work.
There was hardly anyone inside, I sat at a table near the TV hanging above the counter. Putting my bag on the seat next to me. the usual waitress came to serve me a large cup of coffee. I thanked her with a nod. I let the sound of the latest information fill my thoughts as much as possible while I drank my first sip. I just needed something warm to compensate for the cold that had settled inside of me.
Almost a year after I arrived, I was still struggling to get interested in news. It wasn't my first long stay in England if you count the fact that I was born there. A distant past, another life, another person.
Again I ran away. Fled a life I couldn't stand anymore. Too many memories, too much void that threatened to swallow me completely. The irony of all this is that we don't run away from our past, we take it with us, whether we like it or not. I had fled from England so many years ago and yet here I am. The circle of life. The beginning became the end and the end became the beginning of a new cycle.
"Another coffee?" the waitress's voice startled me.
"Yes, please."
This feeling that life was an eternal cycle didn't fit me anymore. It was more a point. A final point at the end of a sentence on the last page of a book blackened with ink from my heart and eyes. And what a book ! Another one for the Lewis collection.
I got up and let enough money to pay on the table. After a few steps to get to my car, my hand fumbling in my pocket to catch the keys, images flashed before my eyes.
"Why does it feel like I'm never going to see you again ?"
"You will, Bo. I have you car."
The hands on the wheel, I followed mechanically the road to go home.
"No, Bo ! Wake up ! ... Somebody.. Somebody do something ! Lauren ! Please, bring her back ! Aife, use our chi to transfer it to her ! Bo could do that, save your daughter!"
"I can't ... Only Bo had that power .. her and her father .. I failed .. I failed to protect my daughter .."
"You can use Trick's book ! You have the same blood, the same power flows in your veins!"
"I ..."
"Do it !"
"No. The consequences could be catastrophic. I've seen what this book was capable of. Such power... The lives it cost... My mother, my daughter... It has to end."
I parked the car in the back alley of the house. It had started to rain, a thousand smells now rising into the air all around me. A mix of grass and asphalt. My feet in a puddle fed from the light of the street lamp that seemed to drip from the body of the car, taking with it its distinctive yellow and rust color.
The sun was soon to rise and once again without me. I sank into a dreamless sleep for several hours. In the mid-afternoon, while I was eating and reading some articles on the mitochondrial regulation of epigenetics and its role in human diseases, I received an email from Kenzi.
« Hey Doc,
It's been three months since my last email.
Here's the latest news. The council finally passed the new law that says humans and fae are now equal in rights. There was a lot of disagreement on the part of elders but Evony, Aife and Dyson were able to find the right arguments. You should have seen all the people who came to support this law ... Everyone that Bo had helped, she really touched people with her honesty and fervor to give freedom to all, for unifying all fae around a common goal ... She has given hope where there was no more.
She has inspired so many.
Whenever I go into the great hall of the Council and I see the statue of Bo I can't help thinking that they have not sufficiently emphasized the cleavage. Bo's best weapon, c'mon !
I know you're trying to move on and my emails may not facilitate your peace of mind. But writing you makes me feel good ... Because I know that a part of her lives in you as a part of her lives in me ... It's been a year and yet it is still as painful. The void I have in my heart ... I can't imagine yours …
I have Tyler, I'm lucky to have him. Sometimes when he makes this thing with his nose or his mouth, it's almost like I can see her in front of me. He asks me questions about her sister, how was her life when she was young, how she had became so brave and strong... How we had met and all... It makes me happy and sad at the same time, to remember those things. But I think it helps me in a way.
I feel like an elder ! Can you imagine? Did I tell you that I have found a gray hair the other day? Me?!
I just hope you're fine Lauren. I miss you... I really do.
You will always have a special place in my heart and in my life. And you will always have your place here... And the one in the Council if you decide to come back.
Bo always said you preferred to isolate yourself to handle things, it was the way you were, but you always get back to her because she gave you strength and courage ... as much as you did for her.
Take care, Lauren. And be careful. And if you need anything, just call me.
Kenz' »
I closed my laptop and did the dishes. The weather here was still gray and rainy. I started the job in 5 hours which left me plenty of time to get into town. Work and reading were my main sources of escapes. And the pile of books stacked near the couch were the silent evidence.
I dressed and left the house. Once seated in the car, the feeling came over me for a moment. I had concluded that the only place where I felt a little as "home" was the times when I was in that car.
"I'd like to take the car Kenz ... I intend to leave and I'd like to make the journey with her... it."
"Of course Lauren. Bo would have liked you to have it."
"Thank you .. I will take care of it."
The road took place quietly, the music on the radio wasn't bad and one of them had even managed to get me out a few notes.
Once parked, I walked briskly in the drizzling rain to finally enter in a small library. The smell of paper and old books reminded me of the cave where Trick was stored a bunch of books ageless.
The small bell hanging above the door had signaled my arrival at the shop owner whose head had just passed a row of shelves filled with books .
"Hello, may I help you?"
I smiled at the appearance of this woman with graying hair and her glasses perched on her aquiline nose.
"Hello, I'm looking for a book by Helen Macdonald, H is for ..."
"Hawk ! Of course."
The woman disappeared again behind a row of books and emerged a few seconds later with a smiling on her face.
"There, my dear."
I picked up the book that she handed to me and looked at the cover.
"A book very well written, very touching. The author has found the words. Once you start reading, you will not be able to stop."
"I usually read a book in one shot. This should not be a problem."
She placed a warm hand on my forearm and then she disappeared again in the back of the store.
My gaze shifted along an invisible line, jumping from one shelf to another, from one side of the library to another. The black cover of a book caught my attention. It seemed familiar. "Life, not love."
"Babe, did you see my book on cell regeneration? I had left it near the bed."
"Maybe. Look in the dresser, second drawer from the top."
"Ah yes, found it ! Thank you. Uh Bo ... « Life, not love » I didn't know you were reading this.. My big badass Succubus."
"Well, if you hand the book in the drawer, I could show you how badass I can be …"
A sad smile appeared on my face when the woman emerged from the back of the store, another book in her hands.
I didn't see her approaching, it's only when she cleared her throat that my attention turned back on her.
"Memories are a powerful source. Come, follow me !"
Her sentence left me on hold. I just nodded and began to follow her.
She lead me to the counter, where she took a seat. After a moment of research in an old tin box, she pulled out a business card with the name of her bookstore and a phone number.
"If you are looking for a book, just call me or pass by. In a way or another you will find your happiness."
I thanked her for her kindness and paid her the book I came to get. Something with this shop tickled my Sixth sense. But that feeling arrived as quickly as it disappeared.
Protecting the book inside of my jacket, I made my way on the sidewalk. I still had time and the humidity was starting to make me tremble like a leaf. Next time I'll think to take an umbrella.
I pushed the door of a pub "The Old Bank", and the hot air instantly warmed me up.
Two coffees later and half the book read, I left to get to my car and go get changed for work.
It was at that moment that I saw her. A ghost.