A/N: This work is based on a prompt, which I found on Higuchi's Tumblr.

"Atsushi becomes Chuuya's apprentice instead of Dazai's."

Walking on sand felt like walking on clouds, he believed. It was soft and cool, giving a nice calming effect on his feet. A luxury he believed to never get just mere days ago. Though in the end he did and he should be happy.

Except he wasn't.

Maybe if the situation was different, he would have been happy. Maybe if he wasn't thrown out of the orphanage, which was the only reason he survived his whole life, he would have smiled and laughed at the chance of getting something akin to freedom from that hell. But in the end he couldn't.

Because how could he be happy when he knew that he wouldn't survive? That he never again would be able to look at the sky above him, painted in gorgeous colors, always changing? Never again walk on this sand, that reminded him of clouds? Never live a life without being judged by someone for existing, being beaten to near death, just because he was crying? Or never again eating Chazuke, feeling secure?

Yes, he wished for freedom, for something that would let him escape his personal hell, but he never asked for that. He never asked for freedom, which would take his ability to enjoy it.

And with that he realized something.

With that Nakajima Atsushi realized that the world was a cruel place, not caring about fairness.

And sometimes, you need to fight fire with fire in order to survive. But was he able to throw everything he had away?

Then again, he had nothing.

Looking at the waves made him wonder how it would to drift away in them. Would it be scary? Knowing that every second he could sink and choke on those waves, ending his life? It felt scary, but as he thought more about it, other thoughts occurred.

Maybe he wouldn't choke. Maybe it would be peaceful, as if he would fall into an eternal sleep. Maybe it would end everything that broke him and was still breaking him. Slowly he stretched out his hand, wondering if he could reach the sea in front of him.

He wanted to try, to fall into an eternal sleep, forgetting everything. But then something caught his attention. It was drifting in the sea, colored black and brown. But he still couldn't figure out what it was.

Maybe it had some worth?

But then it wouldn't be floating in the sea, or? But what if it had? He would reget not taking that chance to make his survival true. Frustrated that he couldn't find a solution, he did the only thing he could think of.

Spring into the sea, trying get it.

In that moment Atsushi felt really stupid, but he was sure he would feel even stupider if he didn't spring.

It was slowly getting darker and Chuuya knew that if he wouldn't find his hat soon, he needed to wait until tomorrow and that bothered him even more. How did he even lose it in the first place? He wasn't as careless as normally, so why now?

"Where did it vanish to?"

He was looking at the sea in front of him, trying to remember where he was the last time before it vanished completely. With a sigh escaping his mouth, he turned around, wanting to leave the place. But then he felt something tuck on his coat.

"What?"

He was sure his annoyance could be hearn in his voice, as the boy shrieked once he spoke. But then he noticed something in the boy's hands.

His hat.

"Where di…," He stopped speaking as he noticed that the stranger's clothes - which looked thorn and a little dirty - and his messy chopped hair were soaking.

"You… You sprung into the sea didn't you?"

He took his hat into his own hands, proving his statement. Now Chuuya couldn't help but wonder why the boy would go as far as to spring into a sea. But as he wanted to ask said boy, he heard a growling sound coming from the boy's stomach. Suddenly he had an idea.

"As thank you for getting me my hat back, I'll treat you to something. How does that sound to you?"

The stranger's eyes widened and for a moment he stayed like that, but then he nodded eagerly. Chuuya couldn't help but grin at the boy's enthusiasm.

"Well, then let's go. I know a good restaurant. Ah, by the way my name is Nakahara Chuuya and yours?"

"N-Nakajima Atsushi."

Atsushi's voice was rather quiet and he couldn't hear his steps. Now where Chuuya thought about it, as the boy approached him, he didn't notice him. He needed to ask Atsushi about that.

The mafia member wasn't sure how take that. If Chuuya heard and seen correctly, the boy seemed like at the edge of starvation. So why did he only ask for a bowl rice with tea on it? Then again, Atsushi did seem pretty happy eating Chazuke.

After seconds passed, he decided to ask him the questions on his mind, which wouldn't stop bothering him since they arrived at the restaurant.

"I have a question, if you don't mind."

The boy shook his head, telling him to continue.

"Are you a trained assassin or something?"

The boy stopped eating, choking on his food and Chuuya hastily gave him a glass water. After Atsushi finished drinking it, he shook his head.

"N-no, I'm not. Why would you think so?"

Chuuya narrowed his eyes, Atsushi didn't sound very convincing. But shouldn't an assassin sound convincing?

"I almost can't hear your steps, also I couldn't sense your approach on the beach."

Atsushi narrowed his eyes, thinking for some seconds. But then his eyes widened once again.

"Oh, that…," He mumbled, looking down at the table.

"Hm?"

Chuuya's curiosity just grew larger at that.

"Y-you see, it's because of my former orphanage, that I'm so silent."

Orphanage? Suddenly Chuuya noticed the wirn down clothes, the lack of shoes and the state of starvation. Everything was like a puzzle, that almost was finished. Just one piece felt.

"An orphanage? But what would have to do with everything?"

The boy seemed to hesitate, clearly not comfortable with answering and Chuuya almost wanted to tell him it was okay, but then Atsushi spoke up.

"I tried my best to be as silent and unnoticeable as possible, to… avoid b-beatings."

And everything made sense by then. Chuuya closed his eyes, once again thinking about how cruel their world was.

But then something came to his mind, making even more sense.

"You said 'former', did you escape?"

"… No, they kicked me out, because of lack of place."

The brunette man knew that couldn't be the real reason, but Atsushi didn't seem to know the true one either.

"So you don't have anywhere to go?"

"No."

After some thinking Chuuya decided that he could at least ask Atsushi, but if he would accept was the question.

"I have a solution. My boss would probably accept you, since you seem to be as quiet as an assassin and with some training you could be better, but…"

Atsushi blinked, having not expected that, "But what?"

"… Atsushi, we're the mafia."

Suddenly the boy's face was as pale as snow, "E-Eh?"

"We're able to help you, but you need to take the risk that you might die. And I also can't let you go that easily after telling you that. So what will be your answer?"

He was looking at the table, standing on it was the bowl with Chazuke, but Atsushi didn't feel like finishing it. Not after hearing what he did. How was he supposed to react to that? Joining the mafia?

Was he really that desperate?

But could he even answer with no after what the other said. They would kill him!

He gripped his dirty hair, closing his eyes and wishing this to end.

But it wouldn't, because that was reality. Cold and cruel.

He might die, if he accepted … But he would die if he declined. And in the end… He had a better chance to survive if he joined the mafia.

But the mafia was a dark organization, they've killed countless of people and he probably needed to kill as well countless of people if he joined.

But wasn't he also bound to kill sooner or later even if he didn't join. After all he wouldn't be able to get a job. He simply didn't have the education for it. And without a job to survive would to be stealing.

And if he started stealing, he might one day need to kill.

Or he would commit suicide, but that would mean he would give up on surviving and he didn't want that. There was no way he could give up that beautiful sky, his hope. So in the end…

"I accept the offer."

… He couldn't avoid joining the world's twisted game.