In the murky fog of the colossal underground cavern the odd couple stepped from black boat onto the dank stone jetty. The smaller, cowled figure climbed the winding stone staircase slowly while the bearded, spike-hatted hulk followed behind with one hand on his vicious, curved saber. Distant screams and moans echoed through the eerie cave system filed with permanent twilight. A grey-skinned Minotaur with one broken horn waited at the top of the stairs.

"We wish to see your Master, the Lord of the Underworld, Hades. We have news from the world above." The woman's voice was cultured and stern. The monster scratched behind an ear and with a gruff snort beckoned the travelers to follow him through the cavernous entrance to Hell.

They were shown to a long stone table covered in scrolls and dust. The female figure removed her sheer shawl and took in her surroundings with a dignified, critical glare. Her companion shrugged off his animal hide cape and breathed in deeply. Though expected, the sudden smoky appearance of the Lord of Hell shocked the woman and caused her muscled companion to spring from his seat, sword in hand. Once the smoke cleared the visitors were greeted by the huge intimidating stature of Hades, Lord of the Dead. He stood, arms crossed, half in shadow from his flaming hair, yellow eyes narrowed in expectation.

"Hades, we are here to ask a boon of you." Lady Tremaine spoke from her seat.

"If I had 20 Drachma for every time a villain crawled down here looking for favours..."

As the God spoke, Lady Tremaine glanced at the Mongol opposite her who nodded. She stared into the smoking God's eyes and raised her right hand, then slowly crossed her index and middle finger. She had made the Sign.

The mood in the hall immediately changed. "Oh thank me! You guys would not believe how busy I've been – hey guys? Take your break okay? Smoke if you got 'em!" The creatures lurking in the corners of the room pulled out their phones and cigarettes and wandered around, chatting. Hades' hair flared up and he collapsed heavily into his chair at the head of the table. Shan Yu sheathed his sword and removed his hat "Busy with this new world's dead?" He asked

Hades absently made the Sign with his right hand and lit a cigar from his left

"Ugh, new Galaxy, remember? That's a lot of dead - you see all this paperwork?" He gestured to the table before him "Anyways, good to see you Tremaine, Shan - you hungry?"

He snapped his fingers and plates of lamb, pork and bread appeared before the guests along with a wide goblet for Shan Yu and a delicate cup of tea for Lady Tremaine. Shan Yu grabbed a plate and got stuck in; Lady Tremaine eyed the tea warily.

"Hey, don't worry bout it, this is all outside food, nah if I wanted your souls I'd be trickier about it"

Hades laughed and sipped a cocktail. Lady Tremaine tried the tea and found it acceptable. A dumpy Cyclops stomped over and dropped 3 or 4 scrolls on the table. Hades raised an eyebrow at him and sighed, reaching forward for a scroll. The Wicked Stepmother cleared her throat.

"Hades-"

"Whoa, here we go!"

"We're here to ask you a favour-"

"No more chariot rides! One of you spilt a milkshake in there last time a-"

"It's about The Fairy-Witch" Shan spat out between mouthfuls.

Hades frowned and rubbed his chin for a moment, "Oh, Mal! Maleficent?"

Lady Tremaine nodded and sipped some more tea "She's not taking this new Galaxy well, I'm afraid. Magic she can handle, but this...Force? Light-swords and telepathic powers? Wizards, she has defeated but 'Jedi'? Plus she now has the added competition of the one Villain in existence that's more famous than her!"

"Darth Vader" Shan Yu mumbled.

"She's feeling threatened and intimidated, although she'd never admit it. We watched the moving pictures that were precursors to this movie, from back in the seventies? Well she destroyed the television and stormed out of the mansion. That was months ago and now she won't answer myself or Ursula, she's just holed up in her castle alone, threatening to raise and army and ... brooding." Lady Tremaine tailed off, looking to Hades hopefully.

"So what about Grimey? She's the Villain-rep and her oldest pal-"

"Grimhilde is doing her duty with Mickey as our villain emissary to these Star-people, she won't have time for Maleficent's mood swings, I've barely seen her since the premiere. No, I'm afraid it's up to you or Jafar to bring her around." Lady Tremaine fixed Hades with her green-eyed Glare.

"Hah! Sorry your Dame-Ness but this ain't the job for me, even if I could spare the time."

"But in the past you've managed to-"

"In the past I've managed to irritate Mal enough that she forgets who she's hating, in the past I've made her laugh and cheered her up of whatever insult has torpedoed her self-esteem and had her moping in her realm but-"

"-But now you're too busy?" Lady Tremaine cut in

"-But this time –as I was trying to say - she isn't sulking in her room, this time my shtick won't cut it: I try and make her laugh she'll blast me in half and try and usurp my realm -and I am waaay too busy for that right now- no, she needs someone to gently coax her outta that crazy tree and make it okay for her to back down, have a nap, go to Defcom 1 etcetera, without losing face."

"I thought Defcom 1 was the worst?" Shan glanced up, face full.

"Eh, whatever, anyway I'd love to help you - I would, but this job doesn't call for my specific skill set." He turned back to the pile of papers in front of him.

Lady Tremaine leant forward

"Jafar. That is what you are saying? It is up to him? Well I'm sure he is more than capable of using his charm and skills of manipulation to calm her down in a most professional manner."

Shan and Hades exchanged raised eyebrows - which of course Lady Tremaine noticed.

"You don't think he is up to the challenge?" She sniffed

"Don't get me wrong, Jafar's great, I love the guy, it's just that when it comes to Mal he gets all..." The God twirled a grey hand as he raised his cocktail and searched for the word.

"Romantic?" Shan suggested through a leg of lamb.

"Hopeful." Hades scrunched his face and downed his drink to wash the word out of his mouth.

"Well if Jafar cannot handle it we will have no choice but to go to Management." Lady Tremaine sighed.

"The Mouse will handle her." Shan grunted.

"But he's been so busy introducing this new world, sorry- Galaxy- that he won't appreciate the extra work...he might be quite tough with her..." She toyed with the large broach at her throat.

"So-umph-what?"

"Shan, pal, chew first"

"It's obvious she's not handling this well. If Mickey reads her the riot act she will be confined to the Mansion and we will all suffer. The weather alone will be dreadful - we can forget the tennis tournament." Lady Tremaine inspected the drink before her with a frown.

"What?!" Hades started

"Tennis?"

At that moment a stunningly naked, red-skinned female appeared beside Hades in a swath of smoke, handed him a scroll and waited, tapping into a small calculator.

"20...30...45,000...brings it up to...okay, yah that seems right." Hades mumbled then signed the scroll with a flourish and handed it back to the sexual vision beside him who promptly popped into nothingness.

"Who...who was that?" Shan's eyes were wide, his meal forgotten

"Ah that's Ishtar, 'Izzy', head of the Succubus/Incubus Union"

"Hades, you unionized your demons?" Lady Tremaine asked incredulously

"Demons - no, but Succubi, Incubi, hell they've been around a lot longer than me. Izzy there I'd figure is about 12,000 years old, but then you never ask a lady her age." He winked at Lady Tremaine who shook her head, feeling a headache creep upon her.

Another creature – this one with far too many eyes to be practical, Lady Tremaine thought- approached Hades with arms full of scrolls. Hades shooed him away impatiently.

"Well we've taken up enough of your time, Hades and thank you for your hospitality – but will you please ask Jafar for his assistance?" Lady Tremaine stood up dusting down her dress.

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Look, I don't want you to feel like I'm giving you the Orpheus-rush out of here or anything but this new Galaxy is fine with the whole murder-with-laser weapons-thing and there's this one guy called, uh, 'Qui Gon Jinn'? – Oy! They've been down here constantly looking for him! Is he dead? Is he a ghost? – They don't even know!" Hades stood up arms spread in exasperation. Shang adjusted his hat and sword and held out his arm for Lady Tremaine.

"This will all blow over soon, trust me. If I know Jafar he's already on his way to Mal's realm, eye's flashing and beard twirling, so try and relax, 'kay? See ya later kids!" He snapped his fingers and Shan Yu and Lady Tremaine were transported instantly back to the Villains mansion.

Hades conjured up another cocktail in time to see two exotic-looking, very alive strangers in matching robes step off Charon's boat and look around.

"Oh, no - NO! He's not here! I don't know where he is or why he's not a ghost but HE. AIN'T. HERE! JEEZ! Hades grumbled and turned back to the mountain of scrolls sullenly "Fucking Lucas..."