So, I have a supposedly unpassable test tomorrow, and I hate studying. And I know, hate is a strong, strong word. So, I was watching OUaT, because wasting of time is a brilliant thing, and I decided to try my hand at a SwanQueen AU. If it sucks, do say it. NICELY. Happy reading!

"Again, why am I doing this?" Emma Swan was not in a good mood. First, she had a hangover. Like, a supreme, knock you on your ass level hangover. Second, it was an unearthly hour in the morning. She wasn't even sure why she was awake. Oh yeah. Her supposed best friend, key-word being supposed, had decided it was a good idea for her to accompany her to some weird save-the-Earth convention to try and impress some girl. See? She was a good friend! (She was actually waiting for Mulan to fail, and laugh the rest of the way to work)

"Because you're my friend."

"Friends don't make their friends wake up before the sun with a massive hangover and tell them to listen to a bunch of hippies talk about saving the planet by 'using less of this, this, this, and that'."

"Sure they do!"

"Not when they're only going through that to impress a girl who's very clearly not into girls, they don't." Let nobody ever say that Emma Swan couldn't snark you all the way past Snarksville.

"How do you know?" Mulan challenged.

"You know that she goes to those meetings, where they condemn us gays, and she literally speaks with a holier-than-thou attitude to everyone. Including her little boy toy. You know that, right?" Emma pointed out. She may hate Mulan right now, but she wouldn't allow her friend to be hurt. Especially by that… girl. No, she was not that annoyed. Mostly.

Mulan bit her lip, before replying, "Well, still. People change."

"Oh good heavens," Emma sighed, "It's. Not. Happening. Just stop it, and don't let her break your heart. Again."

"It was just one time!" Mulan protested.

"You literally could have bought another car with all the money you spent drowning your sorrows in alcohol. Not that I care, but still." Emma really wondered how her friend managed to fall in love so easily. Especially when it was with the worst sort of people for a girl to fall in love with.

"So? No, don't you answer that."

Emma opened her mouth, ready to reply, and then Mulan jabbed her in the stomach. Hard. "Ou-" Mulan covered her mouth with her hand, hastily pushing Emma behind her, for the girl of her "dreams" had just approached.

"Oh, Lan! I'm so glad you could make it!"

Mulan smiled brightly, "So am I! I love the Earth. Did you know that my name means flower in Chinese? I feel that I have - a connection to the planet, and I should do everything I can to preserve its beauty."

The girl smiled benignly, before turning to Emma, who was doing everything in her power to stifle her laughter. "And who are you? Are you Lan's friend?"

"Mulan." Emma automatically corrected, before grimacing at her reaction. "Sorry, it's just that Mulan doesn't usually like to be called that."

"REALLY?" The girl widened her eyes. "Mulan, why didn't you tell me that?"
"No, it's fine," Mulan reassured her "friend", before turning and hissing in Emma's ear, "Leave, now."

Emma paled at the tone in her friend's voice, and squeaked out. "Well, as lovely as it has been to meet you…"

"Aurora, Aurora Stèfan."

"Right, cool. Anyways, I'm going to get a drink, anything you guys want?"

"So early? The sun has barely risen!" Aurora cried in distress.

"No! No, no, I meant that, you know, like, a drink, maybe some - juice?" Emma tried.

Aurora seemed excited at the prospect of that, and Mulan nodded, "Can you get me some… Lemonade?" She tried.

Emma nodded quickly, refusing to meet her friend's eyes, and turned to face Aurora, "And you? Would you like anything to drink?"

"Some water would be fine. Wouldn't want to overdo it on the whole, using the earth's resources front, right?" She smiled, in what would be a completely snobby way, if it weren't for the fact that she was wearing a floral dress, and a necklace made out of dried vegetable - carrot - pieces.

"Riggghht." Emma turned away. "Wait," She turned back, "Laaaaan, you totally oh me a new exclusive after this."

"Badminton, or Tennis?"

"Tennis. The U.S. Open's up, if you win, you'll be the youngest person to win a Calendar Year Grand Slam, and I totally want to be the one to get the scoop."

"Fine. And then, with that, you can continue to be a little vegetable muncher, and spread your "words of wisdom" (The air quotes were practically heard) to the world on animals, and how they have feelings, just like us, and it's our job to be fair to them, and all that jazz. You know, if it weren't for me, you would not be even in a job with - what was it - the-"

"It's the Times, honestly, pick up a newspaper and read it, would ya'?" Emma asked.

"Nope."

"Neanderthal."
"Right." Mulan snorted, "Go tell people that animals should also be allowed to vote."

"Maybe I will."

"You write for a newspaper?" Aurora asked.

"Yep!" If there was one thing Emma Swan was proud of in her life, it was not being the first one to get an interview from Tennis/Badminton player Mulan Hua, but the fact that she had a healthy, stable job in the Times, and very nearly her own weekly column. Take that, Sister Superior!

Aurora, however, was not so impressed. She gasped in horror. "All the paper… All the waste…" And, she fainted.

"Okay then… so it looks like your friend's not as proud as I am of my job, no worries! I'll go get your drinks!" Emma said, eager to get the hell away from Mulan's glare.

Annnd promptly ran into someone holding a drink. Which spilled, by the way, on the lady's very expensive looking blouse. Which then made the lady in turn glare at Emma. And Emma suddenly wished that she had the power of teleportation, or at least invisibility. Because that glare was dangerous . One should not cross someone with a glare like that. Especially young, innocent Emma Swan's. Emma gulped, and tried her best to look abashed, while not seeming like a kid whose hand has been caught in the proverbial cookie jar.

"And who, pray tell, do you think you are, running into people all willy nilly?" And icy voice bit out, obviously not in a good mood.

"Uhhhm, well, you see, it's just that, well," Emma began, not really managing to sound like anything but an idiot.

"Obviously, you haven't been thinking, have you?"

Quietly steaming - but acknowledging that really, this was quite deserved, Emma only managed to say a simple, "No," before shutting up.

"Well, dear, maybe you should try to, more often. Who knows, it might help you one day." The lady, for obviously the speaker was a lady, said. "If you can manage, of course." and then added that on, apparently just for good measure.

Now, Emma wasn't an unreasonably person by any means, but really. That was just rude. "Listen, lady, I don't care how rich, powerful, or whatever you are. You really shouldn't just be that rude to someone, especially when they're sorry, and admitted that they're wrong. So maybe," She bit out, "If you weren't such a bitch, this wouldn't have happened. Karma's a real thing, you know."

"Really? And what makes you're not the one that's acting like an unreasonable little piece of shit?" And that tone - that was the one that made little kids dream terrible things, and confess to all their sins to their parents, that voice was the one that made things happen. And scared the living daylights out of anyone with half a brain.

"I don't know, maybe the whole holier-than-thou attitude you've got going there?" Emma asked, sarcastic to the figurative end.

"Excuse me?" And as the voice got softer, it got ever the more deadlier, "Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Not really."

"REaally." Emma could just imagine the raised eyebrow that accompanied that statement. And thought the voice got even softer, it seemed more - amused - than anything. That was good, right?

"Nope." Emma popped the p. And then looked up. And then her eyes widened, and perspiration that had already begun to form began to simply force itself out into the world, and Emma knew, from that moment, that she was done for. That voice she might not know, but that face. Really? Who could not recognize that face? "Uhhhhm." She stuttered, really, why was she always being this illiterate? She was a writer for goddamn sake!

"Now, isn't that better?" Maleficent Drayonas purred, for surely, no other person could the lady be.

And Emma knew, she was done for. If there was a single person alive today, whose opinions could actually change a career this isolated on the food chain, it was her. Maleficent Drayonas, the favorite for the Democratic party, the starter, CEO, and Chairwoman of the Board of Directors for Dragon Tech, spearheader of more charities than can be counted, and on numerous boards for other companies, charities, and oh yeah, she was Governor of New York. And she was only 29 years of age, because apparently awesomeness didn't matter when it came to age. She was, as if it wasn't enough, publicly out as the L, when it came to LGBT. Did Emma forget to mention that she was like, the only reason that she, like, decided to, like, move all the way, like, from Boston to work in the destroyer of dreams that, like, New York was known for? Oooops. Maybe. Oh well, Boston was supposed to be reallllly quite nice this time of year, right?

"Hello?" Maleficent asked, very interested in how this one would react to her. She had to get her entertainment somehow, right?

"Hmm? Oh yeah, right. Ms. Drayonas, I'm so sorry, I didn't see where I was going! Please don't kill me!" The last part was squeaked out blindly, for Emma had decided that ostrich logic and a tiny demeanor would help her out of her situation. (Really, it wouldn't)

"Oh darling, that would be terrible for my ratings, don't you think?"

"Uhhhm, yes?"

"Well good! We have an agreement. Now, why don't I escort you to the drink stand, where I'm very disheartened to inform you that there is no alcohol for consumption. Such a shame, I know."

"Whh...Whhhy...Why do you think that I would be going to get alcohol.?"

"Dear," Maleficent sighed in sympathy for the poor thing, "Really, or are you going to tell me that your intention for a drink did not include alcohol? Because if it did not, I truly wish to apologize for my assumption. Now, if it didn't, well," Maleficent shrugged. And then she took out her phone, tapped a few words out, sent the message, closed her phone, put it away, and spun on her heel towards - probably - the drink stand. "Coming darling?"

Of course, like any sane person, Emma followed the lady who knew where the drinks were. (The fact that it was probably all juice - and, if they were daring - soda - daring! - had no use trying to insert itself into Emma's thought process)

One wholesome hour of conversation later, our two ladies were accosted by one annoyed looking Asian American Tennis/Badminton star, and one extremely annoyed lady with much too expensive clothes, who looked wholly out of place in the convention.

"Why? Why have I been looking for you for nearly an hour, and only now, do I find you, with a drink, and talking to - holy shit - is that Maleficent Drayonas?" Mulan asked.

"Yep." Emma was proud that she managed to not scream and geek out over that.

"Darling," The other woman began, "Could you please explain to me why only now do I find you, after you were the one who coerced me into attending this pointless hippie meeting, and that after I sent you fifty, FIFTY! Texts asking for you to come save you, I find you chatting up a blonde that looks abnormally like you? And why have I not gotten my caffeine yet?!" At the end of her tirade, the woman looked ready to kill someone. (Maybe she was?)

"Rey! Look! This is that girl! That one who spilled your coffee over me!" Maleficent pointed to Emma, who suddenly felt very, very small.

"Hi?" She waved. (In the background, Mulan groaned. It was very obvious that Emma had a total crush on the admittedly hot woman who looked about ready to kill someone.

"You're the reason that I haven't gotten my daily dose of caffeine?" And she turned her murderous glare to poor, poor Emma.

"Yes?"

"Yeah! And she makes for great conversation." Maleficent chipped in enthusiastically, a wonderful plan already forming in her mind. "Rey! Why don't you go on a date with her? I know you love blondes!" Maleficent winked.

"Yeah, why not?" Emma asked, as suavely as she could possibly manage. (It was quite pitiful, really)

"No."

Read, review, etc. Yea. You get the drill.