This story is a bit of an experiment. English is not my first language and I have never lived in the US of A, so I wanted to see if I could write a readable story based on what I had learned from my long and fond relation with literature, cartoons, movies and the Internet. So if something does not ring true, feel free to point it out.

I was partly inspired by a long-running and very popular Scandinavian film series about three bumbling criminals and their insanely complicated heists.

(which I of course does not own any part of. Neither do I own any part of the Kids Next Door)

That out of the way - read on and meet the gang.

-Chapter 1-

The late afternoon summer sun was baking down on the school and spread a golden shine over the decrepit buildings. Occasionally a small gate in the grey concrete wall of the forbidding Detention Wing would open to let out a delinquent, and the poor kid would either run away, determined to get as much as possible out of the remaining hours of the afternoon, or slouch out, slowly, guiltily; a broken husk of his or her childish self, crushed under lead-heavy thoughts of parental disapproval. But apart from them, since no kid wanted to hang out at school more than absolutely necessary, the schoolyard was empty.

Almost.

Barry Flanagan, a tall, brown-haired 5th grader was idly playing a game of hoops with himself in the middle of the schoolyard. He had tied his jacket casually around his neck and managed to look rather elegant in spite of his worn blue jeans and green t-shirt. Only the screwdriver sticking out of his back pocket revealed him as the committed tech nerd he was. He was particularly fond of using his skills on gumball machines, snack dispensers, fake movie theater ticket printers, pocket-sized veggie disposal units, illegal soda making equipment and other kinds of stuff that could make life a whole lot better for a boy and his friends as long as nobody finds out.

A few feet away his classmate and friend, chubby Kyle Johnson, sat on one of the benches, searching through the pockets of his overcoat. Summer and winter, no matter the weather, you never saw Kyle Johnson without his long, worn, slightly overlarge, brownish leather duster, which entirely failed to give him a cool, spaghetti-westernesque look, due to his large horn-rimmed glasses and permanent nervous-apologetic facial expression under the long, shaggy reddish-brown hair. His search had so far come up with a half-empty bottle of water, some spare change, a wrench, a small hacksaw, no less than four pocket knives, a tomato and cheese sandwich, three of Barry's fake movie theater tickets and a Rainbow Monkey Super Safety key ring. The duster coat had surprisingly large pockets in the most unexpected places, and had frequently been the hiding place of many of Barry's more shady contraptions and their products, along with copies of exam papers, answers to test questions and many other things that adult man was not meant to know about.

Kyle finally found what he had been looking for, a large pocket handkerchief. He took off his thick glasses and started to polish them with quick, nervous movements, while squinting towards the Detention Wing. After putting his glasses back on his nose, he looked at Barry and said, in his slightly whiny voice, "Shouldn't he be out by now?"

"Relax, Kyle", Barry said, and threw the ball through the hoop again. "They always let him out at 4.30 on Thursdays." He caught the ball. "Don't worry; he'll be out in no time."

And just as he had finished the sentence, the gate opened again and Egbert O'Reilly walked out of the Detention Wing, head held high and with a spring in his legs. The short, blonde 5th grader in the slightly worn black school uniform stopped briefly just outside the door to straighten his tie, before continuing his stride towards his two friends, who by now were both bobbing up and down and waving energetically at their friend and leader.

An unknowing adult who saw Egbert O'Reillys angelic face and perfectly straight tie could be tempted to pronounce him the epitome of delightfulness. But a more knowing adult, who looked closer and noticed the watchful brown eyes, the mischievous grin and the match in the corner of his mouth, would realize that there was more to this boy than met the eye, and Egbert was indeed a hardened delinquent and a seasoned guest of the Detention Wing. Since his first day at school he had been involved in just about any conceivable scam an enterprising kid could use to brighten up his life; faked notes from home, soda smuggling, illegal candy sales, copy centrals for homework - everything could be found somewhere on Egbert's permanent record. His current string of detentions (two hours every afternoon until October) was a result of getting caught while attempting to break into the school safe and copy the answers to his class' next math test (estimated value: at least 5 pounds of candy in the yard). His punishment probably would not have been so severe, had it not been for the diversion, which involved an exploding coffee machine (Barry's technical skills) and a large piece of Limburger cheese (smuggled in by Kyle) and the fact that he had flat-out refused to name his accomplishes.

"Hi, guys," he greeted Barry and Kyle . "So, what's up?"

"Nothing but the birds, Eggy." Barry joked.

"It sure is good to have you out, Eggy," Kyle said eagerly. "So, you have thought about Sunday, then. About my birthday? You said you could get a cake for us."

"Of course he has," Barry said. "And he has come up with the perfect plan, right Eggy?"

"Well, I have some ideas" Egbert said with a modest smile. He sat down on one of the benches and stretched his legs lazily in front of him.

"See, I told you, Kyle. Eggy's always got a plan. What is it, Eggy? Break-in at the bakery?"

"Think bigger" Egbert said, and allowed his smile to get a little wider.

"I knew it! It's Mrs. Van Dusen's apple pie! The old cookie-sale-at-the-door distraction, in through the window and BAM. Piece of cake."

"Please! I said think bigger, Barry – any kid can pull that old stunt."

"Come on, Eggy, this is important" Kyle said, "We need to get a really good cake."

"Yes, Kyle wants to impress his GIRLFRIEND" Barry said.

"Shut up! She's not my girlfriend!"

"Oh, sure" Barry said airily and continued to mutter "Kyle and Ysande sittin' in a tree …" under his breath.

"Don't worry, Kyle. She is going to be very impressed." Egbert allowed his friends to wiggle a little more on the hook, before breaking the big news. "Do you know who's also going to have a birthday party this Sunday?"

"Of course we do, but what has that got to do with …" Barry broke off and stared thunderstruck at Egbert. "Wait a minute, you can't mean …"

"Oh, yeah!" Egbert nodded, eyes shining. "We are going to steal The Delightful Children From Down The Lanes birthday cake."

"Holy cow!"

"Eggy, we can't! That's too DANGEROUS" Kyle said, his voice breaking a little bit with terror at the very idea. "The Kids Next Door's best operatives fail every time they try – and there are those creepy Delightfuls - and F..F..F..Father …"

"Kyle! It is not going to be dangerous at all," Egbert said "Look over there." He nodded towards the detention wing, where the small gate had swung open again and let out a short boy with dirt-blonde hair and prominent front teeth. The boy ran over to the bicycle rack, grabbed a black BMX bike and started paddling furiously. As he passed them, he acknowledged their presence with a glance and a short, conspiratorial wave, which Egbert returned, then he was out in the street and the gang followed him with their eyes, until he disappeared around a corner.

"You know who that was?" Egbert asked.

"That was Harvey McKenzie, wasn't it?" Kyle said.

"Yeah, it was" Barry said, "Since when have you gotten so chummy with Kids Next Door operatives, Eggy?"

"Oh, Harvey himself is not really chummy with the KND at the moment, Barry," Egbert said.

"We got talking out in the washrooms and it turned out that he was in charge of their last attempt to capture the Delightful Children's cake. He wouldn't say what happened, but apparently he fudged it up so bad that he was demoted and Sonya from 3rd grade took over as the leader of his Sector. He is NOT happy about that. And now he wants to get revenge on the KND bosses and get a big slice of the Delightful Children's cake for himself in the bargain. So we struck a deal, and he told me what he knew."

"At the moment the cake is being baked at the ice cream factory downtown. This Saturday morning a fortified ice cream van with heavy escort will transport the cake from the ice cream factory to the Delightful Mansion, where the Delightful Children from Down the Lane plan to consume it Sunday in a way that will make everybody jealous.

Now, according to Harvey, three Kids Next Door sectors, including his own, are going to ambush the van up in the Heights and capture the cake.

We steal the cake from the van before it reaches the ambush. The Delightful Children and Father will think that the Kids Next Door have taken the cake and the Kids will think that the Ice Cream Truck was just a decoy and that the cake is really somewhere else. Before any of them find out that none of them have the cake, we will already be digesting the evidence."

"That's brilliant, Eggy!" Barry exclaimed, awestruck.

"But … but … " Kyle stuttered. "How are we going to sneak the cake out of a FORTIFIED ice cream truck?"

"Don't worry", Egbert said, "I have a plan. Barry, you can still borrow your dad's welding equipment, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. We'll also need two fake beards, two dirty overalls, two caps, a dozen helium balloons, a boat and a flagpole. Let's get to work!"