I was told that disclaimers are a good idea. So I don't own TMNT, Gulliver's Travels (though I have read it), Friday the 13th, the New York ball drop, Coke... I'm a high school student, for crying out loud! Do you honestly think any of this is mine?
I hope you like this. It's for the holidays. I was bored and had some spare time. It's 3am, so BLEAH if there're typos and grammatical errors. ): I had a blast writing this. Feel free to tell me how much you liked and/or hated it.
Happy New Year
"So this is what you did last year?" Leo questioned, giving Raph a disapproving look. "You ditched our family to meet up with Casey at his apartment, and just so you could sit around doing nothing?"
Leo, Raph, and Don were in Casey's apartment on New Year's Eve. Leo staring out the window, Raph sprawled out on the couch, and Don sitting at the kitchen table, which was situated near the couch so Casey could set his drinks on it. Raph shrugged, changing the channel.
"So now we're wasting our time when we should be at the lair spending it with Master Splinter and Mikey," Leo continued. Raph rolled his eyes, flipping through again for something worthy. Let Leo bitch if he wanted to. He's the one who wanted to come. Don grabbed a book. The book (Casey has better things to do with his time) and stuck his nose in it in an attempt to evade his brothers' attention. "When you said that we'd be spending New Year's with Casey, I assumed that meant we'd be spending New Year with Casey. He's not even here!"
"I told you already, Leo, he's out gettin' the stuff. There're still a couple of hours till midnight anyway."
"What stuff? It shouldn't be taking this long!" Leo's eyes darted back to the window. "Let's just get back. Master Splinter will be-" Raph turned off the TV.
"Relax, Leo. It's a holiday. For one day, forget Sensei and have a little time for yerself! I'm sure Case'll be back any minute. He just had to tie up some loose ends with April and do some shopping first. Trust me, you'll be glad ya came," Raph said, stretching and heading toward the kitchen. Initially, Raph was going to come alone. But Leo got all snarky and self-righteous and kept chastising Raph when he tried to head out. Then one thing led to another…
"No, you are NOT doing this to us again. What happened to spending New Year's as a family?" Leo cried, exasperated. Raph was trying to get past him to the front door, but Leo was adamant in keeping him from his goal.
"Ah, loosen up, Leo. It's no big deal. Ain't like we do anything much here, anyway. It's always same old same old. We sit up talkin' until 12, then Sensei has us tell our resolutions, then Mikey puts on a movie an' everyone falls asleep. You know I'm right."
"That may be true, but that's not the point! Come on, Raph. Don't leave again. I got lonely last year," Leo sighed, taking a different approach. "And the movie's never as fun without you making inappropriate commentary," he added. Raph paused.
"But you hate it when I do that." Leo shrugged.
"Where do you even go? What could possibly be so important that you'd want to miss out on spending New Year's with us? Give me one reason why I shouldn't go and tell Master Splinter right now." Raph's eyes narrowed, then softened.
"'Cause you're comin' with me," Raph grabbed Leo's arm and pulled him along with him toward the elevator. Maybe he could get Fearless to ride on his motorcycle with him too. He's never let Raph give him a ride. Leo's initial shock wore off, and he tried to pull himself out of Raph's death-grip.
"Where are you guys going?" Questioned Donatello, wearing a pushed-up welding mask, goggles, rubber gloves, torch in hand, effectively pulling off the mad-scientist look. He had heard the commotion from his lab and decided to investigate, finding his elder brothers near the elevator, Raph wearing a trench coat and fedora, Leo being shoved into a raincoat and baseball cap. He tapped his foot, attempting to cross his arms as well before remembering too late, he was holding a welding torch, and yelping in pain (much to Raph's amusement).
"Casey's. Leo wanted to come," came Raph's gruff response as Leo's arm refused to be put through the sleeve.
"Casey's?" Leo asked, incredulously. Rap grunted in affirmation before jerking Leo's arm into the coat harshly, eliciting a surprised gasp from Leo. "I never said anything about coming!"
"So you're stayin' here?" Leo's face had an undeterminable expression, as he stayed silent. Raph smirked.
"Will Casey mind?" he finally asked. Raph laughed.
"Nah, now quit squirmin'." Raph continued trying to force clothing onto him. Leo pulled away, abruptly.
"I know how to dress myself, Raph," he grinned, adjusting the coat. Raph grinned back, letting Leo ready himself as he regarded his other brother, still silently watching them. Don stood, looking like he wanted to say something, but thinking against it.
"Donny, you comin' or what?" Don's eyes lit up, a wide smile presenting itself on his soot-covered face.
"Yeah! Just let me get cleaned up really quick!" came his excited reply. "Thanks, Raph!" he called, full-on sprinting back into his lab. Raph and Leo shared knowing looks as they heard loud clangs and things falling from the next room.
"So what exactly are we going to do there?" Leo asked, curiously.
"You'll see." After another 5 minutes, record time for Donny, the three were ready to go. "Now let's get goin' before Mikey comes out."
So now, here they were. It'd been about an hour since they arrived, and Casey was still nowhere to be seen. But Raph wasn't worried. He knew Casey'd never bail. Especially since he told him he was bringing Leo and Don.
Raph pulled a Coke out of the fridge, tossing a second as hard as he could at Leo without any warning, knowing he'd catch it, and setting a third on the table in front of Don (from experience). Popping it open, he pulled out the next seat, putting his feet on the table.
"'tcha readin'?" Don came out of his trance, finally focusing on Raph, and then the soda in front of him, which he accepted gratefully.
"Oh, this? It's an old copy of Gulliver's Travels. I've already read it, but I wanted it to be fresh in my mind for when I see the movie." Don touched the can to the area of skin that he welded earlier, enjoying the instant, cold relief. Raph shook his head. "April and I are gonna go see it next weekend."
"Yeah, she musta left that here. Guess she had the same idea as you," Raph responded, pointing out the obvious in an attempt to make light conversation. Anything to pass the time. Casey's cable package was severely lacking.
"Hm." Time ticked by on the clock that hung on the wall. Why the hell did Casey have an analog clock? Must have come from April's junk shop. Antique. He'd been corrected one time too many. Raph glanced over at Leo, who had taken to drawing pictures on the window, fogged up as a result of the snowy weather. The three perked up at the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. They were loud and irregular, which could only mean one thing.
"Surprise!" Casey threw open the door, drawing out the word. "Did I scare anyone?"
"Casey!" Raph greeted. Casey shook the ice off his coat and boots. "Took your time gettin' here, didn't you?" Leo sighed in relief, rubbing off his stick figures and joining the rest.
"Yeah, just wait till you hear the crazy shit that- ah! Nasty lizard feet OFF the table. I eat there!" Casey carried several large brown paper bags to the counter.
"No you don't, you douche." It was true. The table had come with the apartment. The crumbs in between every cushion and all over the floor proved that Casey did not, in fact, use the table for food.
At the sight of the bags, Don's interest piqued. He wandered over, eyes shining with curiosity.
"What's in these?" He tried to peak in, but Casey put his hand in the way.
"Uhh, groceries," Casey responded. At Don's skeptical glance, he rolled his eyes. "Ok, not groceries."
"On New Year's? Yeah, I didn't think so," Don laughed. Leo looked uncomfortable, so Raph grabbed his arm and pushed him onto the couch from the table. Leo wasn't pleased.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, egghead. But it's a surprise. Tell ya what. I'll show you what's in this one." He grabbed the other bag, emptying its contents onto the floor. Any girl would have been annoyed that Casey made such a mess. But as far as they knew, they were all male. So nobody gave a shit. Don's eyes lit up.
"Fireworks!" Leo inhaled sharply from where he was situated on the couch (which smelled like beer, probably from years of holidays and football games in a guy's apartment). Donny plus explosives equals not good.
"That's new," said Raph, as he pretended to pour his Coke onto Leo's face.
"Yeah, it's for the special occasion. Figured you guys would like 'em." Don was intently reading the chemicals on the label, a smile never leaving his face.
"Where the hell are we supposed to light 'em?" Raph let a drop of soda land on Leo's forehead. Casey looked around.
"Kitchen?"
"The roof," said Leo, leaping off the couch and wiping his face with Raph's bandana tail on the way to the kitchen. "These things could set the building on fire if we light them inside."
"Hey, Leo. Nice hat," Casey gave Leo a thumb up. Leo nodded.
"So, should we light them?" Leo inquired. Don nodded his head vigorously.
"No, we gotta wait till midnight before we do that shit. Right now, we kill time," Raph said, leaning back on his chair and balancing on its hind legs. Don deflated slightly.
"Yeah, I got us a movie to watch," Casey smiled. He glanced at the clock on the wall for a couple seconds before looking at his digital watch. Don stifled a snicker at Casey's inability to read analog. "And it'll finish just in time for us to watch the New York ball drop!"
"Cool, what is it?" Leo asked. Casey dug around the bags before revealing it.
"F-Friday the Thirteenth?" Don asked.
"Uh huh," Casey and Raph grinned.
"How is that even a New Year's movie?" Leo questioned.
"Well, what's your idea of a festive film, Fearless?" Raph asked. No answer. "Exactly. Put it in, Case." Casey complied, and the horror fest began. It wasn't long before Jason started slaughtering the stupid people in the film. Leo looked disgusted. Casey was silent (for once). Don was shaking, clutching a pillow, a handy tool for covering one's face during the scariest parts. And Raph? Well…
"The fuck is that girl doing? How's a knife gonna fix anything? And she's a horrible actor. Who the hell cast her? I bet she's screwing the director. The rest of these actors are decent!" Leo turned to Raph and shushed him before his face screwed up again as Jason murdered someone else, who was screaming rather obnoxiously. They turned to see Don whimpering behind his cushion, peaking every couple of seconds. Raph chuckled and Leo elbowed him.
"He shouldn't be watching this," Leo yell-whispered. "He'll get nightmares!"
"Yeah, I know. One sec." Raph left and returned with four beers. Leo was fixated on the screen when Raph shoved an open can in his hand, proceeding to provide his other brother and friend with one as well. "Who the hell is filming this? I can't see a damn thing. Whoever did the lighting is doing a pretty shitty job. They should murder the people who made this." Leo scowled at Raph, taking a sip of his beer before spitting it out. He didn't check to make sure it was soda first, apparently.
"Is this… Raph!"
"Shut up. It's New Year's," Leo scowled, acting like he didn't want any of it, but snuck sips when people weren't looking. Don, slightly more skeptical about the mysterious liquids Raph shoves at him, stared at the can with distaste.
"Alcohol Liver Disease, brain damage, high blood pressure, cancer risks…" Raph pulled his headband strings, which was probably Raph for "shut up," Don glared at him.
"Don't worry Don, it's just beer. Nothin' too dangerous. 'Sides, it'll take your mind off the flick," Casey said, patting his shoulder. At a sudden, blood-curdling scream, Don popped the cap and took several large swallows, trying not to gag at the foreign taste. Raph reached around Don and tapped Casey, who nodded and left. Leo looked at Raph curiously, but he shook his head. Don didn't seem to notice anything, simply alternating between watching and jumping at the horror film, hiding his face, drinking his beverage, and muttering at the contents in the health section.
"Look at that! They got the microphone in the picture! Dumb-ass director. Oh, no wait. Never mind. I dunno what the hell that is. But this director still sucks ba-" Raph was elbowed rather rudely; he thought so, at least.
Time had mercy on them and the God-forsaken movie finally ended. As the credits rolled, Raph noted with a satisfied smile that his brothers had emptied their drinks before he had. It's always easier to give them more once they've had some. Leo stared at the screen squinting. Raph assumed he was trying to figure out whether he liked it or not. He was just dizzy. Don was still quivering, his fingers digging into that poor pillow. Raph grinned. Any second now.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! The turtles (or, the majority of them) jumped three feet in the air at the sound of a chainsaw. In front of the window, barely illuminated by the city lights, stood Casey with a chainsaw and his hockey mask.
"It-it's Jason!" screamed Don, trying to grab his bo-staff before remembering that Raph had convinced him to leave it at home. Leo looked terrified before assessing the situation and realizing it was Casey, face-palming. Raph watched with amusement from the couch while Donatello looked lighter than usual.
"Alright, guys. Very funny-" Leo started until Casey decided to run towards them, chainsaw lifted. Don squeaked and jumped behind Leo, who scowled at Casey. "That's ENOUGH!" Leo marched over to the light switch (which Raph had so thoughtfully switched off at some point during the film), and flooded the room with light. Casey turned off the chainsaw, and fell on the couch next to Raph, howling with laughter.
Don blinked in confusion, realization hitting his face. Rather than the anger Leo upheld, he looked disappointed in them, clutching his sides for security.
"You- you should have seen the look on your face!" Raph snorted. "Sorry bro, but that was fuckin' hilarious!"
"An' Leo looked ready to piss 'imself!" Casey's loud laughter was probably waking up the neighbors. But they were probably awake anyway because it's New Year's Eve, so it doesn't matter. Leo and Donny weren't enjoying this nearly as much as their counterparts. With good reason.
"You guys are jerks," Don's voice cracked. Even after the horrifying experience, he still practiced his no-need-to-swear philosophy.
"Assholes," growled Leo, who didn't care.
"Calm down, Leo. It was a joke. Besides, we got ten minutes till midnight. Case, flip it on." Casey changed the channel so that it showed Times Square. Don allowed himself to be pulled to the couch by his brother whilst Leo remained where he stood, arms folded.
"Leo, get your uptight ass over here. I don't want my brother sitting in the corner when the ball hits!" Raph hollered.
"Well, you really should have thought of that before you scared the SHELL out of Don and me!"
"Leo, just come sit down. You don't have to sit next to Raph if you don't want to. In retrospect, we really should have seen it coming," came Don's voice, wavering slightly, and somewhat hoarse from its over usage previously. "Plus, if it was Mikey on the receiving end, you have to admit, we would have been laughing up a storm!" Leo huffed, shuffling over to sit in on Don's other side. The next nine minutes were filled with jokes, complaints, and laughs as the boys commented on the cool or lame bands and celebrities hired to appear. Leo lightened up and started to poke Raph, and then pretend it was Don.
"Hey, hey! The countdown's gonna start!" Casey pointed frantically at the screen. Raph hit his arm and pointed at the counter. Casey ran up and grabbed his brown bag, pulling out a bottle of tequila and getting a few shot glasses from the cupboard beneath the counter. He filled them, spilling a few drops but not caring, and serving his guests.
"Um, what's in these?" Don asked upon receiving his. Leo smelled it before scrunching up his nose and fanning his face.
"Alcohol. Only one shot. We have to drink to a new year once the ball hits," said Raph quickly. The timer showed 14 seconds left. Don looked at Leo, who shrugged and held the glass to his lips. They all counted down together.
"5-4-3-2-1 New Year!" they chorused, downing their drinks in a gulp, and then grimacing. After a few hearty whoops and cheers from Casey, Raph stood up, dusting off his hands.
"Ok. Now the fun shit starts." Don's eyes widened.
"Fireworks?" Raph smiled.
"Fireworks." Casey jumped up and dug around for a lighter while Don scooped up more than he could carry. Casey really bought a lot of the things. Leo buried his face in his hands. If Master Splinter could see them right now…
"Hey, loosen up. Have some of this," Raph handed Leo a glass filled with… the "good" stuff. It was expensive, but boy was it worth it. Especially when Casey was picking up most of the tab. Leo indulged in it immediately, not even looking at the contents. Don was already climbing the fire escape, giggling madly every time he dropped a box. Casey finally found a working lighter under the fridge and they filed after Don. On the roof, they stood watching as Don set them up, wondering why the hell they didn't bring their coats and what they're doing trying to light fireworks in a blizzard. It wasn't really that snowy, but they couldn't tell because they were intoxicated.
"Casey, do you have wire tape? No wait, I brought some. Silly me," laughed Don as he wound together the wicks of every explosive, turning out to be quite the pyrotechnist. Satisfied with his handiwork, he turned to his brothers and friend. "The lighter, please?"
Leo grabbed Raph's hat and threw it to Don, doubling over in alcohol-induced laughter as Don tried to light the fireworks with it. Casey lost the lighter in his hand until Raph pointed it out. Don apparently figured out that the hat just wasn't cutting it, and he walked over and snatched the lighter from Casey, who thought he lost it again. Raph looked down to find Leo passed out at his feet, snow landing on his face. He kicked him.
"Fearless, wake up. Yer gonna freeze, an' I'll have to take you back home to Splinter and say that Shredder killed you. Then I'll have to assume your role as leader, because I'll kick Donny's ass if he tries it. Then I'll have to start wearing blue and being uptight, and I'll change my name to Laphael. Mikey'll make fun of it cuz it sounds like 'laugh', then I'll kill him too."
"Gentlemen, I give you the Shell… God, I can't think of anything," Don announced, sort of. He lit the firework. "Drum roll, please."
"Your supposed to ask for the drum roll before you light it, bonehead," said Casey, who proceeded to provide a drum roll anyway. Raph started pulling Leo up.
"We should trade colors," said Leo, dead serious, as he woke up. He pulled of Raph's headband and tried to put it on before settling for draping it over his head. "Now I'm Raphael. I'm going to drink with Casey and get into fights and leave Leo at home to be lonely." Leo looked over to see that why the hell Casey kept beating his chest, and noticed Donny standing like a proud father in front of his creation.
"Shit, Don! Get over here!" Throwing Leo at Case, partly so Leo wouldn't fall and get hurt, partly to stop Casey's drumming, Raph ran over and grabbed Donny's soldiers.
"Whyyyy?" Don whined, struggling against Raph's hold as Raph attempted to wrench him away from the flame to where he was previously standing.
"'Cause if you stand this close, it'll turn you into a barbequed turtle and we'll feed you to Mikey."
"Gross. I don't want Mikey to eat me. He tried eating me before. I got scared," came Don's reply. Once they were, as Raph deemed, a safe distance away, in his drunken stupor, he deposited his brother on the floor and pulled out his phone to take a picture. Mikey had left about three dozen texts.
Splinter wants 2 know where U R.
where the shell R U GUYS?
DUDE! R U even coming?
NOT FAIR! TOTALLY NOT FAIR! I FOUND YOUR NOTE! ASSWIPES!
U left me alone. now i have to make new year resolutions for you. oh, and we're watching Apaloosa cuz I know you wanted to see it and you ditched me so there
Raph, this year ur goal is 2 buy a hooker. tell Leo his is 2 adopt a child and name it after me and teach it the way of kissing up and ninjutsu. and Don made me a hoverboard so his is 2 get some cool techy nerd stuff that he wants.
I hate you guys. i'm going to cry when you come home.
The rest were all pretty similar. Mikey was gonna be a pain in the shell when they got back. Raph turned off his phone before remembering he was going to take a picture. He swore and kicked Leo.
"Hey! Not fair. I didn't kick you!" Leo complained, completely forgetting that he had proclaimed himself Raphael a few minutes back. Then they went off.
Don was jumping up and down as brilliantly-colored sparks rained down everywhere. They were burning him, but he didn't care. Casey was taking periodic swigs from the 'good' stuff bottle, and Raph was trying to pull Leo off his leg.
"Let go! Git off my leg, Leo!" Raph yelled.
"Not until you learn to stop kicking people! You have to face the consequences!" Leo hollered over the sound of Don's laughter.
"My child!" Don cried happily, on his knees. He didn't heed Raph's warning to stay away, and now his face was nearly black. The fireworks, succeeding in burning some old boxes to a crisp, blackening Donatello, and setting part of a neighboring building on fire, finally died out, much to Donny's dismay.
"Hey Raph! Let's get back inside. I need to change my pants!" Casey yelled to Raph, who was still trying to peel Leo off of him, succeeding only in making both lose their balance.
"What, why? You piss yourself?" Leo thought that was the funniest thing in the world.
"No. Maybe. I spilled stuff all over." Casey looked ashamed at his pants, which were indeed, soaking wet. It burned the many scrapes on his legs. He chucked the now-empty bottle at the neighbor's window.
"Alright, let's go in." Raph shoved Leo over the side of the building where the fire escape was. Even drunk, Leo managed to flip in midair and catch himself in front of Casey's window, trying to open it. They had never closed it. Casey landed behind him, much less gracefully. He had also apparently taken the liberty of shedding his pants when he was still up on the roof. They were nowhere to be seen. Raph followed, ushering the two inside because it was fucking cold.
"No! Don't leave me!" Don wailed, clambering down the ladder after them. He thought Raph's head was a rung by accident. They followed after Leo and Casey, collapsing on the floor without even remembering to close the window. Before long, they would all suffer the hangover of a lifetime.
END