A/N: Jude and Connor are sophomores in high school.
"Mr. Stevens, Mrs. Adams-Foster would like to see you in her office," Connor's teacher told him when he walked into his math classroom one fateful Monday morning.
"Did she say why she wanted to see me?" Connor asked, nervous that he was in trouble (even though Connor never did anything to get in trouble in the first place).
"She did say that you weren't in trouble, so you can relax," the teacher chuckled. Connor shrugged, strolling off to the vice-principal's office. When he stepped inside, he was surprised to see a tall, lanky brown-haired boy sitting in one of the chairs in front of her desk.
"Connor, thank you for coming down here," Mrs. Adams-Foster smiled, gesturing to the chair next to the other boy.
"So why am I here?" Connor questioned cautiously.
"Connor, this is my wife and I's new foster son, Jude Jacob," she said, pointing to the other boy.
"Nice to meet you Jude," Connor grinned, extending his hand for Jude to shake, which he did, very warily. "So you want me to show him around?" he continued, turning back to the vice-principal. He was often the one Mrs. Adams-Foster turned to when she needed someone to show a new student around.
"Yes, but there's one other important thing about Jude that you need to know," she sighed.
"What's that?" Connor asked curiously. Her attitude suggested that there was something particularly unusual about the boy sitting to Connor's right.
"Jude doesn't speak, at all. According to his record, he hasn't said a word since his sister was sent to juvie almost three years ago," Lena explained.
"Oh," Connor shrugged. That was it, that was the big deal? "That's not a problem. I can talk enough for the both of us." To his right, Connor heard a small snigger from Jude, which earned a stunned look from the vice-principal.
"A-anyway, you two need to get to class," Mrs. Adams-Foster stuttered, handing Connor Jude's schedule. "His schedule is the same as yours. See you after school bubba." Jude nodded curtly, following Connor out into the hallway.
"I don't think your mom actually introduced me," Connor commented as they meandered towards their class. "I'm Connor Stevens, Anchor Beach's resident straight-A, goody two shoes, gay jock."
Jude looked at him, cocking his eyebrows.
"Odd way to introduce myself, I know," Connor admitted. "I'm not the only gay jock here, just the most popular and best looking."
Jude giggled. He has a really cute giggle Connor thought to himself. Judging by Mrs. Adams-Foster's reaction back in the office, not many people got to hear Jude laugh. Connor counted himself very lucky that he did.
"So your mom said—" Connor began, but Jude started waving his hands wildly at him. Connor wondered what he said that Jude didn't want him to say. He said something about his mom, the vice-principal. He looked at Jude, thinking for a second before it clicked. Right, Jude was a foster kid, so she wasn't his mom, just his foster mom. "Sorry, your foster mom said we have all the same classes, so you can sit next to me."
Jude nodded in approval of the correction.
"Okay, here we are," Connor grinned, motioning for Jude to follow him. Bowing his head, Jude reluctantly did. Noticing Jude's hesitation, Connor carefully opened the door, hoping that maybe they might be able to sneak in unnoticed.
"Welcome back Mr. Stevens," his teacher said vapidly. Both Connor and Jude froze. So much for that, Connor thought, rolling his eyes. "And this is?" the teacher continued.
"Oh, that's Jude. Jude um…Jacob," Connor answered, glancing over at Jude, who was as white as a sheet.
"While I'm sure Mr. Jacob appreciates you introducing him Mr. Stevens, I think it is up to Mr. Jacob to introduce himself to the class," the teacher said sternly.
"Well, he kinda can't since he doesn't talk at all," Connor shot back, stepping in between Jude and the teacher.
"Nice try Mr. Stevens. You think in 25 years of teaching, I haven't heard that one before? Please, Mr. Jacob, introduce yourself," the teacher chortled.
"No really, he doesn't talk. You want me to get the vice-principal, his—" Connor paused, glancing back at Jude who was making a cutting motion across his throat with a panicked look on his face, Connor assumed because he didn't want everyone knowing he was a foster kid. "His mom," Connor continued, "and have her tell you the same thing?"
"No need, I shall call her myself."
"And there will be no need for that either, I'm already here. Is there a problem?" Mrs. Adams-Foster asked, stepping inside the classroom. She had been afraid Jude's teachers might not believe that he didn't talk and so she followed them. She wanted to be there just in case.
"Yes Lena, there is. Mr. Stevens here seems to be hell-bent on pranking me by convincing me that your son does not speak," the teacher explained tersely.
"Well Connor is not pranking you. He is one-hundred percent correct," Lena replied. "Jude doesn't speak."
"Oh I see. My apologies Lena, Mr. Jacob," the teacher responded calmly. "Both of you, please take a seat."
Connor led Jude to two empty desks in the back of the classroom. Connor sat down, pulling out his notebook as he began to take notes, while Jude slunk into his seat, keeping his eyes trained on the desktop in front of him.
"Hey Jude, you alright?" Connor whispered after a few minutes.
Jude shrugged.
"Yeah I get it. It's a little embarrassing, having something like that happen in front of the class."
Jude glared at him.
"Okay, so it's more than a little embarrassing," Connor conceded.
Jude nodded, smiling at Connor as he tapped him on the forearm. Connor studied his expression for a minute, so that he was sure of its meaning before replying.
"You're welcome."
Jude, hard as he tried, couldn't figure Connor out. He'd interacted with a lot of people since he stopped talking, but no one treated him quite the way Connor did. Now, granted, Jude had a small sample size to go off of (just one day), but he was sure that Connor was really different. In Jude's experience, everyone just talked at him; he was never an active participant to any conversation. But it felt like Connor was actually listening to him. Connor would say something and then pause, studying him intently before he responded. Connor was trying to figure out what Jude was saying with his face, his eyes, his body. It felt like Connor cared about what he had to add.
And that was without mentioning that Connor wasn't backing him into conversational corners, trying to force him into talking and he wasn't teasing him about not speaking either. It was strange, but for the first time since Jude went silent, he felt like he was a person again.
"So bubba, how was your day?" Lena (apparently the family called her mama, but that didn't matter to Jude, he didn't think he would be staying here for long) asked him, wandering into his room where he was sprawled out on the floor, doing homework.
Jude shrugged. With the exception of Connor, nothing about his day was particularly interesting.
"How were things with Connor?" she continued. Jude couldn't help the smile playing across his face at Connor's name. He gave Lena a thumbs up.
"Well I'm glad to hear that," Lena smiled. She then pulled something out of her pocket, a small black device, and extending the device towards Jude.
Jude cocked his head to the side, looking at her questioningly.
"That's your phone bud. In case you need to get a hold of us for any reason," she explained.
Jude's eyes grew wide, and he frantically began pointing at his mouth.
"Bud, relax," Lena said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It has texting, you won't have to call us."
Jude exhaled in relief, snatching up the phone and shoving it in his pocket.
"Jude, there's someone here to see you!" his other foster mom, Stef, called from the base of the stairs.
Jude frowned; who could be here to see him? Externally, Jude kept up his calm façade, but internally, he was starting to panic, wondering if Stef and Lena had already decided it wasn't worth their time to have a foster son who didn't talk, and the person here to see him was someone from CPS, here to take him away. Jude leapt up, sprinting down the stairs finding—Connor standing there, smiling at him. Jude huffed, glaring at Connor.
"What did I do? Did I like scare you or something?" Connor joked.
Jude nodded.
"I scared you?" Connor replied, sounding taken aback. "How did I do that?" Connor mused, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration.
Jude motioned across his throat, using the same gesture he did when they talked about his foster moms earlier that day, hoping that might be enough for Connor to remember.
"Something about your foster moms?" Connor answered slowly. He did remember the gesture.
Jude nodded emphatically, glancing around the room, looking for something he knew he saw lying around when he got back to the house earlier. Spotting it, Jude picked up the manila folder and pointed at the "CPS" seal on the outside.
"You thought I was someone from CPS?"
Jude nodded again.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that," Connor mumbled. "I didn't mean to freak you out, I just wanted to come by and hang out for a while."
If Jude wasn't confused by Connor before, he definitely was now. Since when did someone willingly want to hang out with the mute kid? Connor, sensing the confusion, rapidly interjected.
"Hey, just because you don't talk doesn't mean you're not interesting to be around," Connor clarified.
Jude held up one finger.
"Yeah, I know I'm the first," Connor said shyly. "Everyone else well, they j-just don't know what they're missing."
Jude shrugged, lowering his head to look at his feet.
"Oh hush, of course they're missing out," Connor protested.
Jude was stunned. Connor was reading him like an open book. All day, with every expression, every touch, every change in posture, everything, Connor was picking them up and interpreting them flawlessly. Three years ago, Jude felt he was barely understood when he did speak and that no one listened anyway, so he just stopped. But now, here he was, not speaking at all, and Connor knew exactly what he was thinking, what he was trying to say. For the first time in three years, Jude actually felt like he wanted to say something. He didn't because he wasn't ready, but for once, he was thinking about it.
Connor didn't go back home until late that night. Or the night after that. Connor became a fixture at the Adams-Foster house over the course of the next week. Stef and Lena were relieved that Jude had made a friend; according to his social worker, Jude had always been a loner, and if you asked his therapist, that wasn't helping Jude break his silence.
Friday afternoon, Connor came bursting through the front door and was immediately met by Lena.
"Hey Connor," Lena greeted him. "Jude's not home yet, but he should be here shortly."
Connor shrugged, walking past her and heading up the stairs towards Jude's room.
"Actually Connor, could you hang back here for a moment?" Lena asked.
"Sure."
"Here, take a seat," she continued, motioning towards the couch.
"What's this about?" Connor wondered. Lena was acting very strange.
"I just thought I'd tell you a bit about Jude, you know since he can't tell you himself," Lena explained. Connor frowned; he was pretty sure Jude could tell him about himself if he wanted to, either by gestures or by text if absolutely necessary.
"I—I think I'd rather leave that up to Jude," Connor replied. "He can tell me when he's ready."
"How can he tell you when—"
"He talks," Connor quipped. "It's just—most people don't know how to listen to him. He—he says more with his actions than some people say with a thousand words. But I guess I would be interested to know why he stopped talking, just for curiosity's sake."
"He has something called selective mutism. His silence is an anxious reaction, meant as a coping mechanism for his brain."
"Okay," Connor responded. Sure he was curious, but in the end it didn't matter why Jude wasn't speaking or even that he wasn't speaking. Jude was who he was, with or without spoken words.
Just then the front door opened and Jude padded in.
"Hey Jude!" Connor chirped, jumping up and bouncing over to him.
Jude beamed, waving at Connor furiously. The two then headed up to Jude's room where they hung out for the rest of the evening (expect for dinner, they would never miss a meal).
"S-so, I was just w-wondering," Connor stammered while they were lounging on the floor, not doing anything in particular. "What was foster care like? Y-you know, before you got here?"
Jude flinched, his expression immediately switching to one of pure terror.
"S-sorry," Connor mumbled. "I s-shouldn't have asked."
Jude's face softened as he shook his head and squeezed Connor's shoulder. He then lifted his shirt up over his head, revealing his scar-torn chest and back. Connor covered his mouth, but not before a discernable gasp slipped past his lips, his eyes beginning to shine.
"I c-can't believe someone would do this to you," Connor whispered as his gaze raked over the multitude of pink indents pitting Jude's skin. They were mostly faded, with the exception of a fairly fresh scar running jaggedly across Jude's shoulder. "Have—have they—" Connor began, but he didn't finish as Jude started shaking his head violently.
"I-I'm sorry this happened," Connor spluttered.
Jude shrugged, haphazardly tossing his shirt back on. He then gestured in the general direction of Stef and Lena (in the direction he assumed they were in the house).
"I'm really happy you're safe now, but that still doesn't make it okay, what those other people did to you," Connor whispered intensely.
Jude just shrugged again. Of course he knew that what those foster fathers did to him wasn't okay, but there wasn't anything he could do about it now. He was in a safe home, far away from those men. Holding a grudge was just a waste of energy.
"Wow, you really are something else Jude," Connor commented. "If I was in your place, I would still be so angry at those people who hurt me and you just—you just shrug it off."
Jude spotted a pencil lying on the carpet, so he picked it up, snapping the end off and pointing to it.
"There's no point," Connor sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right, but that doesn't mean I can't be upset. You're my best friend and I want to protect you. I would literally kill anyone who tried hurt you."
Jude reached over, gingerly wrapping his arms around Connor in a hug, patting Connor's forearm as he did.
"You're welcome Jude," Connor hummed.
A month had passed since that night, and Connor and Jude become totally inseparable. Rumors had started to circulate that the two were dating (though both of them would vehemently deny it when confronted). Things were going well, for Jude especially, but Connor was starting to get nervous. Jude hadn't once been targeted by the school's bullies, Blake and Jeremy. Jude's silence stuck out like a sore thumb and Blake and Jeremy were never ones to pass up an easy target. Connor was afraid they were just waiting for their chance to strike. Nobody ever dared to mess with him, but the second Jude was alone, they might not hesitate to take their opportunity. And worse, Blake and Jeremy weren't merely content to taunt with words, they often landed physical blows on their "prey".
One morning, Connor was unfortunately proved right. Connor jogged up to the school, surprised to see Jude's mom's car already there. He always beat Jude to school. Connor swiveled around, hoping to see Jude sitting outside, just waiting for him. Instead, he found Jude, backed up against a tree, Blake and Jeremy standing in front of him, blocking his escape route. Connor felt a rage bubbling up in him with such intensity that he'd never felt before. He tossed his backpack on the nearest bench and stormed over towards them.
"Blake! Jeremy!" he roared, fists balled up at his sides. The two boys stopped and slowly turned to face Connor, looking completely terrfied. Connor looked at Jude, and seeing his puffy lip and already swelling eye, grabbed both of them by their shirts, roughly shaking them. "If you ever lay a finger on Jude again," Connor growled, "I swear on my life, it will be the last thing you do. Am I clear?"
Blake and Jeremy whimpered, nodding their heads rapidly in agreement, so Connor released them both, shoving them and turning his back on them to face Jude.
"I'm so sorry about that," Connor sighed, grabbing Jude and pulling him tightly to his chest. Connor felt Jude trembling, so he held him tighter. "I promise they won't ever bother you again."
After a few minutes, they pulled apart and Connor looked at Jude's face again, instantly wishing that he had actually punched one (or both) of the bullies. Connor pushed the rage aside though, instead leading Jude to the bathroom to clean up his face. He took a paper towel, wetting it down and wiping the dried blood off of Jude's lip and as best he could, tried to make the black eye less noticeable.
"Are you going to be alright?" Connor asked softly.
Jude nodded, firmly embracing Connor.
"Okay," Connor replied. "Let's go see your mom. They are not getting away with this if I have anything to say about it."
Connor stalked to Lena's office, Jude nervously shuffling close behind him.
"Connor how nice—" Lena started cheerily, stopping short when Jude appeared from behind Connor. "Who did this?"
"Who else?" Connor snarled. "Blake and Jeremy. But I took care of it, they won't touch him again."
"Connor you didn't—"
"No, I didn't hurt them," Connor cut her off. "I just made it clear that if they messed with Jude again, they wouldn't get off so easy."
"As your vice-principal, I can't condone that kind of threat," Lena sighed. "But as his mama, I can say thank you. Jude, bubba, I just need some pictures."
Jude agreed and Lena pulled out her phone, quickly snapping a few photos, muttering to herself a little too gleefully, "Blake and Jeremy are so getting suspended."
Blake and Jeremy ended up not just getting suspended; they were both expelled from Anchor Beach. Two prior incidents of physical bullying in addition to this latest event were enough for the school's admissions board to deem the two students unsuitable for the learning environment of Anchor Beach. Connor watched happily a week later as the two cleaned out their lockers. Well, he watched until Jude tapped on his shoulder, looking at him disapprovingly. Connor huffed but Jude just narrowed his eyes, and Connor followed him out.
When they arrived at Jude's house, they found Stef and Lena already waiting there for them.
"Uh, this looks like something important, I probably should go," Connor said, turning towards the door. Jude grabbed his arm, stopping him and begging Connor with his eyes.
"I don't mind staying, but it's up to your moms," Connor replied.
"Connor, please," Stef implored. "You're always welcome. You've been here every night for the last month and a half, I mean you're a part of this family just as much as Jude is. Besides, I think this is news you'll want to hear."
Connor nodded and he and Jude sat down on the couch across from Stef and Lena. Connor grabbed Jude's hand and squeezed it gently. Even though Connor knew this was going to be good news, he knew Jude well enough to know that Jude was only thinking about the worst-case scenarios.
"Jude," Lena started. "You've been staying with us for a month and a half now, and it's been your mom and I's pleasure to see the way you've been opening up to others. Your therapist, Connor, us. We're really proud of you bubba and we feel that this is a really good place for you, so we were wondering if you'd like to make this permanent."
"You mean you want to adopt him?" Connor asked, starting to grin.
"Yes, that's what we're asking," Stef smiled. Connor looked over at Jude who was gaping at Stef and Lena in shock. At fifteen (almost sixteen), with nine years in the system, Jude fully expected that he would never get adopted. He was just waiting to age out and move on with his life. But this place, it felt more like a home than any other foster home before it. And it wasn't just because of Stef and Lena, but Connor too. In fact, Jude wasn't ashamed to admit it was probably more because of Connor than anything else. Now he was being given the chance to stay, to never have to move again, to never have to lose another friend again. It was more than he had ever dared to hope for.
"Jude?" Connor said, snapping his fingers as he waved a hand in front of Jude's face. Jude snapped out of his daze to find Stef and Lena still looking at him expectantly. Finally, Jude rapidly nodded his head and was promptly yanked from the couch and sandwiched between his two moms while Connor looked on, giggling ecstatically. When they released Jude, he was immediately pulled into an embrace from Connor.
"I'm so happy for you!" Connor exclaimed, beaming widely. Jude was beaming too. This was easily the best day of his life.
Lying in bed that night, Jude finally let his mind start considering something that had been nagging at him for the last month and a half. Connor; what was he really feeling for Connor? At first, Jude had just thought that he always wanted to be around Connor because Connor was the first friend he'd had since he went silent. Connor was someone he could talk to, confide in. They had just really clicked and he had thought the intensity of his feelings was because he was so relieved not to be on his own anymore.
But then, Jude noticed his gazes were starting to linger and he was having thoughts about Connor that didn't strike Jude as usual things to be thinking about your best friend. Thinking about how he wished Connor would hold him in his strong arms forever. Wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Considering what it would be like to speak his first words in years to Connor.
The truth of the matter was, Jude had it bad for Connor. And sometimes it was a really good thing Jude didn't speak because far too many times the things he would've said likely would've freaked Connor out. Jude at least knew he had a chance. It was hard to forget Connor's eloquent introduction that first day as Anchor Beach's "resident gay jock." But Jude had a great fear of being rejected. He couldn't lose his only friend and the only person who understood him. Jude turned over, letting out an exasperated sigh into his pillow.
Crushes suck, he thought to himself.
Two weeks later, Jude was shaken awake early one morning, finding an overly peppy (for the time of morning anyway) Connor standing over him, his trademark goofy grin plastered on his face.
"Jude it's your adoption day!" Connor practically shouted, shaking Jude again.
Jude smiled contentedly, nodding his head. Connor's enthusiasm was adorable; given his excitement, one might have thought that Connor was the one getting adopted, not Jude.
Adorable. There were those thoughts again. Two more weeks had done nothing to lessen Jude's crush. How could it? He was still spending almost every waking moment with Connor. It struck Jude as odd that they were still together all the time. Connor was immensely popular at school, and he had other friends before him, but Connor had seemed to drop everything and everyone for Jude. Jude was starting to wonder if his crush wasn't as one-sided as he originally thought it was. Even so, Jude didn't think he was ready to act on his feelings yet.
Jude got up and clambered down the stairs, finding a whole crowd of people waiting there for him. Stef, Lena, his soon-to-be siblings (who he hadn't met in person yet) Jesus and Mariana, Stef's mom, Lena's parents, and of course, Connor.
"Ayy, little bro!" Jesus yelled.
Jude waved, smiling shyly as the rest of the family all said good morning to him. Jude shuffled over to the table, taking a seat. Mariana started to pull out the chair next to him, but Stef and Lena frantically waved her off, pointing towards Connor. She stepped back, smirking at Connor as he strode past her and took his place next to Jude.
"So Jude, would your boyfriend mind introducing himself?" Mariana questioned mischievously.
Jude glared at her, sticking his tongue out in protest of her question.
"Uh I'm Connor," Connor said quietly. "But I'm just Jude's best friend."
Jude raised an eyebrow, looking at Connor. Usually the implication that they were dating was met with a quick and loud denial. Connor caught his look and just shrugged, picking at the pancakes on his plate.
What was that about?
"…it is now my pleasure to welcome you to the Adams-Foster family."
The happiness of the day he found out he was going to be adopted paled in comparison to the moment when it became official. He was being mobbed from all sides, and his sister was even let out of juvie for the morning to attend the ceremony. Connor, rather than join in on the celebration though, was strangely standing in the back of the courtroom, smiling ever so slightly as he observed the chaotic scene between Jude and his family. But Jude could see right through that little smile and he knew there was something weighing on him. Extracting himself from the crowd of people around him, Jude paced back to where Connor was standing. He'd been acting odd all morning, keeping his distance and avoiding Jude's eyes ever since Mariana's boyfriend jab.
"Congratulations Jude," Connor said, a little less exuberantly that Jude expected him to. And then Connor extended his hand for Jude to shake and Jude had had enough. They were best friends, they didn't shake hands, they hugged! He grabbed Connor by the shoulders and shook him. And for once, Connor didn't understand Jude correctly. "I know, it's exciting, isn't it?" Connor asked. Jude groaned, shaking Connor again and poking him in the chest.
"What are you trying to say Jude?"
For the first time in a long time, Jude wished he had his voice. He opened his mouth, trying to force the words out but nothing happened. He kept trying for a few seconds, but nothing happened, so instead he pointed to Mariana. This whole thing started with her. Connor looked in her direction, but his face still showed no sign of recognition. Jude was about to give up trying to get Connor to understand but suddenly he remembered something and he pulled out his phone. He and Connor never texted, since they were always together and when they were together, Connor understood him and he didn't need words to talk. Except now he needed them and his phone was the only way he could say them. He pulled up Connor's contact (stored in his phone for emergencies) and quickly tapped out a message.
What's up? You've been acting weird all morning.
Connor pulled out his phone and read the text.
"I—I can't tell you," Connor replied sadly, still averting his gaze from Jude's eyes. Now Jude was worried. "I can't tell you" is never a good phrase to hear, especially in the world that Jude knew. A few of his scars were directly the result of the times he decided he couldn't tell someone. Jude lifted Connor's chin up so that he was looking at him, and then he reached up, tracing along the scar Connor would know was underneath his shirt on his shoulder with a finger.
"Oh no Jude, it's not that!" Connor answered hastily.
Jude looked at him questioningly.
"I told you I can't tell you!" Connor protested.
Jude had a feeling he knew what this was about. There was something off in the way Connor had said "just Jude's best friend". Jude pointed to himself and Connor swallowed, nodding nearly imperceptibly. Jude decided that was all he needed to know and took a chance on his interpretation of the gesture being correct. He grabbed Connor's face between his hands and pulled him in, gently connecting their lips. It only lasted a few seconds before Connor pulled away, looking at Jude wide-eyed.
"Are you saying that you—"
Jude didn't hesitate, nodding before Connor even finished his question. Connor threw his arms around Jude, uncoordinatedly pressing their lips together again.
"Sorry about this morning," Connor mumbled, holding Jude tightly with one arm as he pulled his head away, absentmindedly playing with a stray strand of Jude's hair with his free hand.
Jude shrugged.
"I—I just got scared, you know?"
Jude nodded his head in agreement.
"So do you want to be my—"
Again, Connor didn't finish before Jude was vigorously nodding his head yes. Connor quickly kissed him again before they intertwined their hands and walked back up towards Jude's family.
"Took you two long enough," Stef teased.
Jude jokingly stuck out his tongue and Connor giggled beside him.
"What can I say?" Connor laughed. "I'm kind of oblivious."
Jude side-eyed him and Connor laughed harder.
"Okay, you're right. I'm not kind of oblivious, I'm totally oblivious," Connor admitted.
Jude patted Connor on the shoulder, giving him a loving smile as they all headed out for a celebration lunch.
A little over a year. That's how long it had been since Jude was adopted and Connor became his boyfriend. A year that was, without a doubt, the best year of Jude's life. He'd never been happier, if but for one distressing factor. Jude was starting to feel incredibly self-conscious about his silence. Not for the reasons you might think though. His silence meant that he had never told his moms that he loved them. More importantly, his silence meant that he had never told Connor he loved him.
Jude wanted nothing more than to say those three words in the moments where he and Connor were cuddled up on the couch, watching some movie that neither of them was actually paying attention to. Or in the moments when they were walking along the beach, watching the waves lap up on the shore. Or even in the moments at school when they were just sitting together eating lunch. Jude couldn't stop the creeping feeling of anxiety as he wondered if Connor really knew how he felt. Would Connor ever know if he didn't say it?
Jude wanted to speak again, but he was afraid he didn't know how anymore. He had tried on their anniversary but he came up short, only releasing short puffs of air instead of words. Tonight, Connor was dragging him to a party and Jude had decided he was going to give alcohol a shot (no pun intended). Granted, it was probably a terrible idea, but Jude was desperate. He had Connor had agreed that they wouldn't be drinking at the party, but it would be easy enough to sneak off, have a few shots and Connor would be none the wiser.
They arrived at the party and Jude immediately bolted, signaling to Connor that he was using the bathroom. It didn't take long for Jude to find the kitchen, filled wall to wall with alcoholic beverages of every kind. Jude took one of the bottles, filling a shot glass resting on the counter next to it and downed the drink, choking and coughing as he did. How do people enjoy drinking this stuff? he wondered. But Jude wasn't drinking for pleasure, so he shook off the foul taste, Jude refilling the glass and downing it again. This time it went down a little easier than the first, but still left him hacking for air. He repeated this process once more, taking a third shot. He then tossed the glass in the sink and strode out to rejoin Connor.
It wasn't long before the effects started to hit him. Five minutes and his head was starting to feel lighter. Ten minutes and the whole room seemed to be shifting out of focus. Twenty minutes and Jude couldn't stand without swaying. That was when Connor started to notice something was off.
"Are you feeling okay Jude?" Connor asked him.
Jude giggled and gave Connor a lazy thumbs up. He'd never felt better, because for once, he felt like he might be able to say something. Connor didn't seem to like his answer though, frowning as he studied him closely.
"Are you drunk?"
Jude held up his fingers, trying to indicate that he might be a little tipsy (even though he was indeed, very drunk). Connor sighed, running a hand through his hair and Jude was struck by an urge to jump Connor and kiss him senseless. But before he could, Connor was grabbing his hand, leading him out of the house back to Connor's car.
"That was really dumb," Connor commented once they were on the road. "You're really lucky my dad's not home this weekend. Imagine if your moms found out you got drunk."
Jude shrugged. He didn't really care that Connor was chewing him out, he was still too focused on trying to speak. Connor just kept talking.
"I—" Jude whispered. That got his attention. Connor stopped mid-sentence, pulling the car over and turning to stare at Jude.
"W-what?" Connor stuttered.
"I l-love you," Jude said. His throat hurt like hell, considering he hadn't used his voice in over four years. But he had said it, finally. Connor gawked at him, completely dumbstruck. Then Jude noticed the corners of his mouth twitch, his lips slowly curving upwards into a smile.
"I love you too," Connor whispered, reaching over and pulling Jude's head over so he could kiss him. It only lasted a few seconds before Connor was jerking back, scowling. "Wow, alcohol tastes terrible!"
Jude nodded earnestly. He didn't expect that he would start talking Connor's ear off now that he had said those words. He didn't even know if he would still be able to speak when he was sober. But at least now Connor would never be in doubt of just how much Jude cared for him.