Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei (Descendents of Darkness) or any of the characters and/or plot involved or related to this anime/manga.
Summary: He tried and he tried. He struggled and he defied. And now, he succeeded. Asato Tsuzuki has finally managed to take his own life. Now, in Purgatory, he stands before a judge. He stands on the brink of spending eternity in hell, the place for sinners and life-takers. One person sees potential in him and saves him from that fate, offering Tsuzuki a chance to become a Shinigami, a Guardian of Death. Now, in this three-part story, this eternally twenty-six-year-old man discovers his friends and himself and learns what it means to live, after you have died.
Part 1 of 3 – After Life
I couldn't believe I was dead. I didn't want to believe it. After all my attempts, did I finally succeed? Can I finally rest in peace? Sadly, I don't think I can. I stand before someone, they say that he's the one that judges our sins and sends us either to heaven or to hell. I know I'm going to hell. How can a demon ever enter heaven? That's what the villagers always called me, a demon – a monster born in hell. So how could I ever hope to enter heaven? It's just not possible.
I listen to him speak, though I barely hear him. He says that I have committed the worst crime possible by taking my own life. I want to laugh. That isn't my worst crime. Someone else is speaking now. I can't see them as they stood behind me. I close my eyes, not wanting to hear what they say. I feel numb and I don't care.
The judge is calling my name. I raise my head and look at him; he's saying something about being a 'Guardian of Death' and having one year of training, whatever that means. He hands me a sheet of paper and says that Konoe will train me and teach me what I need to know. I don't know who this guy is or why the judge suddenly changes his mind. I can't find myself caring as I leave the courtroom. I was told to wait for this guy. So, I sit down, lean against the wall, and wait for Shinigami-Konoe.
Konoe walked out of the back door out of the courtroom after he had talked to the judge. This new guy that came in showed a lot of promise for this job despite, or maybe because of, his suicidal death. It's not often that the judge would allow a man to train as a shinigami after suicide, so he was going to take this opportunity with both hands and see what he can come up with.
He continued to think as he walked down the crisp, clean halls. He had read about this guy's past. A lot of the living world, and some of the underworld, was talking about it. A guy that had swift healing powers and refused to die despite his many obvious attempts, and said to possess a demonic power of sorts. He had lived eight years without food, water and barely enough sleep. They said his name was Asato something?
Konoe came to the entrance of the courtyard after having walked around the building. He saw a tall, lean man leaning against one of the marble pillars by the stairs. He looks almost peaceful. He was certainly beautiful with his finely chiseled face framed by unruly black hair that was blowing in the slight breeze. He must have heard him coming for he stood up and, facing him, opened his eyes.
His eyes were what shocked him the most. It wasn't their unusual, breathtaking violet colour, no. It was the fact that they were devoid of emotions, as though the owner wasn't inside the shell of a man.
Tsuzuki's first thought was: Damn, another old geezer. It wasn't surprising really. Konoe was old. His weathered and wrinkled face, high cheekbones, mop of trimmed white hair, and kind, serious-looking eyes just added to his elderly look.
Konoe smiled as he held out his hand. "I'm Konoe; you must be Asato, right?" He expected at least a semi-polite greeting. He didn't expect the younger man to flinch and take a step back, eyes flashing in anger.
"Don't call me that!" Tsuzuki hissed, glaring at Konoe.
Konoe frowned, this wasn't quite what he imagined would happen. "Then what shall I call you."
Tsuzuki shook his head. "Tsuzuki. Just call me Tsuzuki." His voice sounded tired, as though that single show of emotion took all his remaining energy.
Konoe nodded in understanding. "Okay, now let me explain how this works. There are 18 shinigamis at all times. One of our 18 had retired, bringing our number to 17." He pointed at Tsuzuki, smiling. "You are lucky number 18."
Tsuzuki shrugged. He didn't consider a murderer like himself lucky.
Konoe resisted the urge to sigh. This was going to be difficult. "Lets go somewhere less crowded." He walked down the stairs, leaving no room for argument. Tsuzuki, not knowing what else to do, followed.
They reached a small café and sat down, both ordering a cup of coffee, and both pouring large amounts of sugar into it. A small smile reached Tsuzuki face as he realized that they both liked sweets. Memories of his sister came to his mind and the smile soon vanished.
He should smile more often, Konoe thought as he saw the corners of Tsuzuki's mouth twitch. He frowned slightly as it disappeared quickly, only to be replaced by a faint sadness that gleamed in his amethyst eyes. A part of him was happy, though, to know that the strange man was capable of emotion.
Konoe decided to start talking. "Shinigami are also known as the 'Guardians of Death'. We work in pairs under Enma-DaiOh's ruling. We are in charge of bringing in wandering souls and investigating unusual death and we all receive or are trained to have a special ability. Basically, a shinigami is a person that is unable to rest in peace because they still have an attachment to the living world." He smiled, eyes softening. "What's you're attachment, Tsuzuki-kun?"
"None," Tsuzuki shrugged. "I don't know why I'm here."
Konoe smiled in understanding. "None of us usually do at the beginning. We all realize it later on. As shinigamis, we're given a new body and the ability to travel between the two worlds; the living and the dead. We live in Purgatory, the place between the two. As such, we shall go the World of the Living for your training."
Tsuzuki nodded, realizing that he'd be eternally 26 and he'd have 'till the end of time to atone for his sins. For that was all he wanted, atonement.
I like training with Konoe-san. Sure, he's stern, stubborn, and short-tempered but he does seem to care. At least, I hope he does. I just wish I knew. He could just be pretending like the lot of them in the village where I…Stupid, stupid, stupid! Don't think about that! Its over!
I can't help it though. I'm a demon, a fiend. They aren't liked and never loved. Yet, I can't help but feel the raw need of having someone to care and rely on. Konoe-san seems trustworthy. I want to put my trust in him, I really do! But, I can't help but feel cautious and fearful.
He's been very strict throughout our year of training. But he's also very thorough. I've learnt a lot since coming with him. I'm still not used to the fact that I've died, but demons are supposed to die for taking the lives of humans, right? Isn't that the way it goes? I tried asking Konoe-san this but he got angry and told me not to call myself a demon. I guess I just stared at him, with my 'blank eyes' as he calls it, for he turned away and told me softly that I wasn't a demon. I was surprised.
But I guess, some surprises are good, right?
Tsuzuki looked around as Konoe dragged him to the Chief's office. They had returned to Purgatory after his year and a half of training. The guy in the chair looked weary and tired, surrounding by piles of summons and reports, though his eyes brightened as he saw the duo, or maybe just Konoe. His eyes narrowed slightly before he started to growl. "Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be back two weeks ago!"
Tsuzuki bowed his head but remained quiet as Konoe spoke. "I've already told you! There was a problem in the town we were staying in and I thought it'd be good for Tsuzuki to get some real-after-life experience."
The chief sighed and sat back down. "Fine, Konoe? You're back on office duty, we've got a back log of reports that needs to be sorted and filed." Konoe groaned, causing the Chief to smirk before turning to the silent man next to him. "Tsuzuki?"
Tsuzuki seemed startled a bit, face flushed in embarrassment. "Y-yes?"
"I'm assigning you your partner later this afternoon. Make sure you're back here by three, got it? No tardiness." He glared at Konoe who laughed sheepishly. "Dismissed."
I spent the rest of the afternoon lounging outside beneath a large cherry blossom tree that grew on the outskirts of Purgatory. Konoe had told me that the Sakura blossoms were always in bloom here. I find it ironic that this beautiful plant was my favourite type of tree.
Legend has it that the petals from the flowers are naturally pure white, gaining their pinky colour from draining the blood of a corpse buried within the earth beneath every tree. Death seems to follow me everywhere I go, despite my attempts to stop and protect those I care about.
I look at my watch. Konoe got it for me while we were training. I use it to hide the scars on my right wrist, another constant reminder of my failures. I read the hands and was startled to discover that it was 2:53. I got up, dusting the dirt from the long black coat that I now adorned, and walked towards the Chief's office.
Tsuzuki walked through the wooden doors after knocking and being granted entry. He made it with seconds to spare. He bowed his head as he noticed another man standing next to the Chief.
The guy had platinum blond hair and light, ice-blue eyes. He was tall, taller than Tsuzuki and had a lean muscular frame. He wore a simple white golf shirt beneath a deep blue vest. Black slacks adorned his long legs while white sneakers completed the outfit.
"Raikou, this is your new partner Asato Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki-kun, this is Aoiro Raikou." The Chief introduced. "You're partner." He then waved a piece of paper. "And, you're first assignment." He grinned. "Now, off you go." He then proceeded to shoo them out of his office, claiming that he had a mountain of paperwork to climb.
Raikou seems…off. He was always glancing my way as though waiting for me to make a mistake. I to ignore his gaze, as best I can – turns out our first assignment is to take a young teenage girl back to Purgatory. She was supposed to have died three months earlier but something's keeping her alive. We are to investigate and figure out what that 'something' is and bring the girl in. Sounds easy enough.
Or… maybe not.
That 'something' turns out to be a demon. The demon had suppressed her soul and was controlling her body. We manage to get rid of the demon easily enough. Now we have to let the girl, Tsuki, die so she can go to Purgatory.
"Can't we let her live?" Tsuzuki asked, turning to his partner. They were sitting on a rooftop, watching as the girl made her way home from shopping. Waiting for her to die. "She's been given this chance! Shouldn't she be allowed to keep it?"
Raikou glared at Tsuzuki, annoyed with his partner. "No. We were ordered to bring her in and that's what we'll do."
Tsuzuki stuttered. "How is that fair though? I don't understand." He started to growl, eyes flashing in anger. "We can't just sit around and watch her die! She was-" He was interrupted as Raikou grabbed the front of his shirt and drew him closer.
"She's supposed to be dead." He said between clenched teeth. "Our job is to wait for her to die and bring her spirit in. No questions."
Tsuzuki's body trembled. He shook his head. "How is that right?"
"It's not something we can argue with. We all live on a certain amount of time. Once we use it up its time to move on." Raikou explained. He released Tsuzuki and turned back to watching the girl. "And then there's some monsters that take their own lives when others never had a choice." He was talking about people in general, never realizing that he could also be referring to Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki flinched, closing his eyes. 'I am a demon.' He thought sadly, sitting on the edge of the roof and dangling his feet over the side. 'I selfishly kill myself when others they never had a chance at life.' He watched as the girl skipped happily along the path and entered her house. The house erupted into flames moments later, the smoke suffocating the small teen before her body burned within the fire. Tsuzuki cringed, looking away. He didn't want to see this.
Raikou stood up and, grabbing Tsuzuki, easily glided to the ground. "Come on. We have work to do."
I killed her. I watched her die. I knew she was going to die and I did nothing to stop it. What they said was true: I am a monster. A cold-blooded murderer. But, why are the tears falling down my cheeks? I-I can't stop them! I shouldn't be crying, but I am. They won't stop! I try wiping them away but they keep coming.
Raikou's looking at me. I can see the disgust written all over his face as he told me to suck it up, told me that it wouldn't be my last assignment.
I can feel my body trembling as I stare at my hands. I can see the blood coating them, dripping from each finger as my tears mix with them. Not knowing what else to do, I run. I run as far and as fast as I can. I stop by the cherry blossom tree. There's a river nearby. The guilt is eating away at me. I want it to stop but I laugh at that thought.
Demons don't receive mercy. I already learned that the hard way. So why won't the tears stop?
"Tsuzuki!" Konoe called out, running from the office building. "Tsuzuki!" He had just heard from Raikou that he had run off after they had returned. He silently cursed the cold-hearted shinigami as he recalled the blond-haired man saying that Tsuzuki had run off, crying like a baby. "Tsuzuki!" He called again.
He saw a dark figure in the distance, kneeling by the water. He was surrounding by the many petals falling from the cherry tree. "Tsuzuki." Konoe breathed, rushing over to the shinigami.
"It won't come off!" Tsuzuki growled, fiercely scrubbing at his hands beneath the pale, pink water. Konoe rushed to his side, grabbing his wrists and wrenching them from the water. "K-Konoe?" Tsuzuki said, eyes wide both in shock and fear. Tears were still falling from his eyes.
Konoe nodded, smiling softly at Tsuzuki. "Yeah, it's me." He lowered his head, examining Tsuzuki's hands as he held them gently yet firmly. The hands had been rubbed raw, long red scratched marring the surfaces and occasionally breaking through the skin. They were trembling in his soft grasp. "Oh, Tsuzuki." He said softly.
"It wouldn't come off." Tsuzuki explained; his voice cracked as new tears fell from his eyes. He didn't complain when Konoe drew him into a loose embrace. Tsuzuki collapsed, leaning on Konoe as he cried into his friend's shirt.
Alone. You'd figure I'd be used to this feeling by now, but I'm not… I've lived with this pain, this heartache for as long as I can remember. It's not something you can change. My sister was my only friend. The only person I could talk to. But now…
Regret. I feel that too. The girl never had a chance, never had a choice. Konoe-san explained that he felt the same way after his first assignment: the regrets, the confusions. He told me, as we sat beneath the cherry blossom tree, that I'd have to find a way to reconcile with the fact that, despite anything I would have, could have, done, she still would have died.
Confusion. I don't understand the job of a Shinigami. The basic definition that the people of Purgatory told me is that we are the people that that help escort lost souls to either heaven or hell. However, I believe that there is more to this job that that. I'm just not sure what it is yet.
"Tomorrow, I'm assigning you a new partner,"
Even if the Chief told Tsuzuki that his afterlife had been a dream so far, he wouldn't be as surprised as he was.
Tsuzuki and Raikou had been partners for just under two weeks. They only been on a couple of assignments and yet, he was getting a new partner? It didn't make sense.
"Partner, sir?" Tsuzuki questioned.
The Chief took a moment to respond. The truth would, more than likely, break the poor boy's heart, he decided. He opted, instead, for a half-truth. "He requested a change in location," that was true enough. "He found this section – how did he say it? – boring." Another truth and, so far, no lies. The Chief was one of the few people that understood how fragile the young man's mind was. How one careless word, at this time, would break Tsuzuki's thin hold on his sanity. Not even Purgatory could do much for a Shinigami if they lost the will to live, even after they had died.
Tsuzuki shows much potential as a Guardian of Death. The Chief didn't want that talent to go to waste.
Tsuzuki nodded, having found the answer adequate. "Same time, sir?" he questioned.
"Same time Tsuzuki-kun," The Chief agreed. "Same time."
I got a new partner. And a new one. And a new one.
It seems that, no matter how hard I try to hold onto one, each partner just slips through my hands, like sand in an hourglass. The reasons for leaving varies, some claim retirement, others change location and a few, the heartless ones, openly state that they don't want to work with a crybaby like me. I can't help it.
Always the same, no matter the assignment or victim, no matter the soul or circumstance. I always end up returning to Purgatory, and go to my little cherry blossom tree, hiding there until I have enough control to face whatever lies ahead of me.
Years pass in this fashion until I learn that the reason everyone doesn't like to work with me is because of the depressing emotions that I emit. I learn to smile, despite my own heartache. I learn to act and over exaggerate, despite my need to shed tears. It helps me to live through each day. It helps me not to break down after another partner leaves me behind. It helps, for the most part. Still, after every assignment, I return to Purgatory and go to my little cherry blossom tree, to my small refuge.
The Chief relocated and assigned Konoe his position. Chief Konoe, who would have thought? Even though he grumbles and complains, he fit rather well into his new office. He's the one that told me that I'm getting a new partner today. He says his name's Tatsumi… I can't even remember his full name. Oh well, maybe I can get him, whoever he is, to buy me sweets like Konoe does.
And maybe, just maybe, he'll be different from the others.
The End: Part 1 of 3
Part 1 – Afterlife
Part 2 – Partners
Part 3 – Present
Okay, I know, same old boring author(ess) notes. Read, review, blah blah blah.I'm not going to give that to you. Nope. Just read, and enjoy it. Well...enjoy it as much as you could with an angst-ridden story. Yes, this is a three-part story but it can also be seen as a one-shot. And don't be afraid to point out any faults, either grammatical or factual,that you may have discovered. So Read and Enjoy.