Description: About to be executed, the last thoughts and words of Tatiana's murderer
Disclaimer: I own nothing; all rights go to Richelle Mead
Author's note: Since drugs don't affect vampires for the most part in this series, lethal injection is out, so I thought the vampires might have a more traditional method of execution
Tasha's Pov
I smiled as I was being brought up to the stage, even though I was being brought there to die. I looked out at the faces in the crowd. Dhampir and Moroi. Friend and foe. Those I knew and those I didn't. I supposed it didn't matter, not really. I was concentrating on the most important faces in the crowd, at least to me. Christian and Dimitri. Christian, who had been the son I'd never had, was trying not to cry. My heart twisted. I hadn't seen him cry since his parents' memorial. Even then, he'd waited until I took him back to my apartment before he finally started to sob as I held him in a fierce hug. I'd promised him that we would have each other, that I'd never leave him. But now I was breaking that promise. And for what? I thought darkly. All the reasons I'd justified killing Tatiana with seemed unimportant.
Vasilisa, ever merciful, had wanted to put a stop to my execution, to give me life imprisonment instead. But when I asked to see her, I told her that she must move forward with the execution. She could not afford to be seen as weak this early in her rule, and that is what it would have been considered if she allowed me to live. She had argued, with her brilliant jade eyes sparkling, that it wasn't necessary, that I could live, but soon realized I would not change my mind. Ozeras had always been stubborn, and I was no different. She had hung her head in defeat, her eyes threatening tears, and told me she couldn't be responsible for my death. She would never forgive herself, and was sure that Christian wouldn't, either. I had taken her hand and assured her that Christian would come to understand that she had no choice, and reminded her that if she wanted to reassure the Moroi and Dhampir people, she would have to make this choice to show that she would uphold the law. If she did not, she would not remain queen for very long. The Moroi would tolerate many things, but never a weak leader.
I searched for Dimitri's face in the crowd, and Rose being with him, found her as well. They both wore the same grim mask I had come to recognize on Dhampirs, the expression they wore to hide their emotions from the outside world. Apparently they had both forgiven me. I regretted trying to frame Rose for my actions, wishing I could apologize to her, but I couldn't help but feel slightly bitter towards her. Even now, knowing she had done nothing wrong, and had clearly forgiven me for nearly getting her killed. As selfish as it was, there was a tiny part of me that wished I'd succeeded; if I had, I'd be with Dimitri right now. We might even be raising a son or daughter. It hurt to think about everything I'd never have, if not with him, then someone else. This was the way of lost dreams, I knew now; they go to the grave with you like children never born. I nodded to both Rose and Dimitri, and they nodded back. It was as close as I'd ever get to apologizing and saying goodbye.
Christian moved further back from the crowd, looking at me one last time. I bit my lip, hating the choices that had brought this to pass. I would do anything to go back and change them, to make this right. Not because I cared that I was about to be executed, but because I desperately wanted to erase the look of soul-deep misery on Christian's face. Instead of nodding to him, I gave him a stern glance. He knew what I meant. Don't watch. I looked away and knelt on the stage, my head on the block. As I glanced at the crowd one last time, I saw mixed emotions. Some thought I deserved this, since they believed she was a wonderful queen. Others admired me for killing her and were glad she was off the throne. They would now have another chance to seize her crown, after all. And I, a disgraced family member of two Strigoi, who had chosen to turn, would be gotten rid of as well. It saddened me to think of the renewed shame this would bring to the Ozera line, to Christian in particular. That was my deepest regret, even more than what I had done to the man I loved. I saw a shadow pass over the crowd, seeming to head toward me. As I shivered; I knew what it meant, and I was ready. I heard the whoosh of the executioner's sword, and then it was over.