Disclaimer – I don't own Criminal Minds or any of the characters.
Dealer's Choice
"Sometimes you have to choose between a bunch of wrong choices and no right ones. You just have to choose which wrong choice feels the least wrong." ― Colleen Hoover, Hopeless
She's the first one down to the SUV's in the morning and she knows either Morgan or Rossi will comment on her punctuality or fondness for sleep. She rolls her eyes in anticipation. It is rare for her to be the first one down, even rarer for her not to be the last, rarer still for anyone to beat Hotch to the vehicles. She just wants out of here, she wants to go home and curl up with a book. The two showers she took last night did nothing to appease the ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Looking around the virtually deserted parking lot, Emily sighs. She doesn't have any keys. She thinks about ringing Hotch or Morgan and then thinks better of it. No need to draw attention to her uncharacteristic behaviour to those who will notice it the second they emerge from the lobby. She sits on the bench conveniently placed on the curb in front of the SUV's.
Her mouth opens and she lifts a hand to cover her yawn. Sleep evaded her last night, an ever increasing occurrence. Why was she letting his judgment bother her so much? Viper may have been retaliating to her and Jordan but some of what he said was true and that bothered her more than she liked to admit. What was worse was he wasn't the worst man who had come on to her and she hated to admit she had accepted those advances in the past. While Viper was nowhere near her type, he did share similarities with the men she dated and their view of the world. She hated what that said about her for choosing them in the first place.
The shrill ring of her phone emanates from her pocket and Emily sighs as reaches for it and frowns at the screen before accepting the call and putting it to her ear.
"A little eager this morning Princess," Morgan tells her without waiting for her to say anything.
Her eyes slide closed and she settles against the back of the bench. He can see her and she knew it was a possibility. "I'm not the only one Morgan, you're awake too," she grumbles at him.
"Yeah, but I hide my eagerness by staying in my room till everyone else is ready," Morgan retorts with a chuckle. "We're not leaving for another hour Prentiss."
Emily groans and looks at her watch, she could have sworn Hotch said seven. Then again she could have imagined that because of her overwhelming desire to leave. She's already handed her room key to reception. Her eyes lift to look at the hotel, specifically the window above the lobby where Morgan is looking back at her. He might be teasing her but from her spot on the bench she can see the worry etched on his face, can hear it beyond the laughter in his voice. She ignores it.
"Seeing as you're awake, do you mind unlocking the van for me?" She doesn't want to beg, won't satisfy his teasing with it.
"Since I'm such a nice partner, how about I buy you breakfast too?" Morgan offered.
Her frown deepens. It's like a double edged sword. If she accepts, he'll expect her to explain her anxiety and her out of character behaviour even if he doesn't ask her directly, if she doesn't he'll know she's hiding. The only thing that appeases her is he won't betray her confidence.
"And coffee," she grumbles at him and hangs up the phone before he can react. Looking at his window she can see the quick flash of perfect teeth.
Ten minutes later, their bags are safely stowed in the van and they're sliding into a booth at the adjoining diner as Morgan asks the waitress for two extra strong coffees, only for her to swoon when he flashes his wide smile at her. Emily discreetly rolls her eyes as the waitress perks instantly and tells them she'll be right back. Morgan plucks the menu from its' stand at the end of the table, perusing the choices to fill his stomach. Emily watches him for a moment. He's biding time, knows he's making her more uncomfortable by making her wait for his inevitable questioning. It's working and she taps the table with the tips of her fingers out of agitation, determined not to volunteer any information unless he asks first.
Morgan looks around his menu at her and smirks. "It's going to be a cheap breakfast if you're not eating Prentiss," he says nodding his head in the direction of the other menus.
She takes one half-heartedly; she rarely eats this early in the morning but she knows Morgan has no problem with it. In fact it's rare for anything to affect his appetite. Emily skim reads the menu, deciding on simple toast and scrambled egg even though she knows she'll spend most of the time pushing it around her plate.
"What did Viper say to you?"
Her eyes shift sharply and meet his over the menu. She shakes her head as she notes the protectiveness in his eyes. "It was nothing," she shrugs it off.
Morgan doesn't reply, just arches an eye brow at her in silent question. She hates profilers sometimes, especially the ones who can see through her carefully sculptured mask. She rolls her eyes again; he could be as stubborn as she could. She sighs in resignation. Despite her aversion and reluctance to confide in anyone, she silently agreed to it when she accepted his offer of breakfast. He was offering her an outlet without recrimination, without reproach. He had proved himself as a trusted confident and she had to admit more often than not he made her feel better after she talked to him.
"Apparently I'm a Queen Bee," she relents only for her admission to be greeted by a deep throaty chuckle erupting from Morgan. "I'm glad I could make you laugh."
"I'm sorry Emily," Morgan responds, his laughter dying instantly but his humour remains. "You're not the only one he pissed off."
"Says the Alpha Male," Emily clears her throat and diverts her eyes guiltily.
Morgan ducks his head as he smiles gently, confirming her answer. "You know you're proving his point if you let him get to you like this?"
"He had a point," Emily concedes and she breathes in as Morgan stays silent, willing her to explain. "His act," and she was resolute that it was an act because he never succeeded with it. "Reminded me of some of the bad choices I've made."
"Everyone makes bad choices," Morgan waves it off and Emily nods in agreement. "I've made my far share."
Emily smiles indulgently at his self-depreciation but doesn't comment. His rumoured reputation as a ladies man is just that. Rumours. Of course he flirts and he has a lot of admirers but their schedule didn't allow for a lot of time for him to explore those offers.
"Yeah and they weren't the worst ones," she says and for a second she can almost smell the lilac freesias that grew in Tuscany, and can feel the delicate stems between her fingertips. They rub together instinctively as the image of sparkling blue eyes flashes in her mind. She blinks rapidly to get rid of the mirage.
"And that's what pisses you off more," Morgan surmises.
"It's what it means about me," Emily moans. "If those bad choices I made lead me here, then is this bad too?"
It wasn't just her relationship choices she was inferring to, if she couldn't trust them could she trust any of her decisions? The line between those choices had blurred in Tuscany and it hadn't been her choice. Her time undercover came to an abrupt end before she could prepare for it.
"You're questioning what it says about your other choices? You mean your career choices?"
Morgan's question cuts through her thoughts and she lifts her eyes to his face to see the frown that has formed. He lies the menu down on the table, folds his arms over it and leans towards her. A lump forms in her throat and she nods once. She shouldn't let him see the doubt she has in herself, doesn't want him to doubt her. She blinks and looks away from him and out the window towards the parking lot.
"Emily," he says quietly, firmly but not without feeling. She keeps her face twisted away from him but can see him out of the corner of her eye. Her chin tilts downwards and slightly towards him to let him know she's paying attention that it's okay for him to continue. "The way I see it every decision you made led you here, to the FBI, to this job, to this team." She stubbornly faces away from him, affected by his words and his tone. "And I for one am glad you're here," Morgan adds.
Heat rises in her face and Emily is glad she left her long hair down as it's partly shielding her blush from him. "I'm glad too," she admits quietly looking at him bashfully and flashes him a self-conscious smile.
And she truly was. She was happier now than she had been in a long time, and that was due to the people she worked with. The BAU was different from Interpol and JTF-12. There was always the same sense of team work with a common goal but her former colleagues were more orientated towards their career goals rather than the integrity of the team as a whole. Back then she was like that too, strived to be in the best team and prove her worth. It was what she sought to do when she first arrived at the BAU but she quickly realised that while her skills were important, her honesty and ability to commit to the rest of the team was the key to success. Hotch put her through her paces when she first arrived because he correctly assumed her ambition to rise quickly through the ranks, presuming it came from her family and the need to impress them and she found herself wanting to do everything she could to dispel that notion. He didn't trust her at first but he did give her the chance to let her prove him wrong. She knew he trusted her, he demonstrated it merely days ago when he let her take Jordan into the field. The rest of them were more willing to involve her, treating her like a friend from the get go and she bonded quickly with them. She wonders what would happen if they ever found out what she was like before she met them.
"There's something else," Morgan prods quietly through her introspection.
Sometimes she hates profilers.
He looks at her, sees through the reticence. He wants her honesty, deserves it. She can't give it no matter how much she wants to. She draws on everything in her to control her features and hopes one day he'll forgive her indiscretion. "How do I know if I'll make the right choices in the future?"
Morgan's eyes dim and she knows he can see through the lie. And when she expects him to push he proves yet again to be a reliable confident and accepts the lie, giving her the time she needs to process her thoughts before she reveals them.
"I don't think you can know that until it goes wrong. You've just got to do what feels right for you Emily. It's your choice."
THE END
Author's Note – I would love to know any thoughts so please leave a review. If you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment, you can send me a PM.
