I had never felt this broken than this past week. My feet have blisters from running around the palace, my eyes and nose are constantly chafed from crying over my mother and Ahren, and still trying to hold the country together while my world fell apart. The men of the Selection have been overall understanding, only a few still trying to push romance and dates on me, which I rebuffed. It took me a while to find someone to go to for everything, now that my mom was in the hospital and my closest friend was taken from me and married off to a French princess; that was, until Kile came to my room. It was the night of my mother's heart attack, after those praying had dispersed somewhere around midnight and my father was inconsolable. I sat on my bed, the silken comfort of the sheets completely lost on me now. Whether he knocked or just came in, I didn't know, since I was replaying the image of my mother lying motionless in bed while Ahren's note sat on my lap.
"Eadlyn" Kile began cautiously; his hand lay so cautiously on my shoulder that I began to wonder if everyone saw me as ticking time bomb like my mother, waiting for one thing to act as the switch. My body recoiled slightly, before I met his eyes. "Hey" I replied, hearing the hollow and distant sound of a voice I didn't recognize. Right now, I did not sound like the strong future queen of Illea; I sounded like a scared child.
Feeling the bed squeak, I knew Kile was behind me. His hands wrapped around my midsection and his chin rested on my shoulder, his scruff scratching slightly at my smooth skin. When I didn't respond, he shifted me on to his lap and held my trembling body against his chest, wiping away the tears that tumbled over my eyelids. After a silence that seemed to stretch on for eternity, I looked up "Thank you, for being here for me". I couldn't meet his eyes, but in that moment I didn't need to. His lips lowered themselves onto mine, so lightly and carefully I was unsure for a second whether or not he had actually kissed me.
This kiss was so unlike any other kiss we had shared; it was gentle, loving, sweet, ours. I needed to forget everything, and this was the perfect way to do so. My hands snaked behind his head, tugging slightly on the end of his hair and I entangled my fingers in it. I couldn't tell if it was me, or Kile, or both of us, but the kiss deepened. He lowered me on to the mattress, his hands placed on my hips. Placing hungry kisses down my neck, I began undoing the buttons of his button down, craving the sensation of my hands running down his chest.
Kile stopped for a minute, breathing heavily against my shoulder and making an almost growling sound in his throat as he sat up and backed away for a second. In a matter of mere seconds, he was back over me, taking my breath away in a way I was unaware anyone could do. "I really would like to continue, but I don't want you to do something you'll regret because you're trying to forget what's going on around you." It felt like a punch in the stomach as everything I had managed to forget came flooding back to me. A small wail came out of me as my face scrunched into a fit of tears. I curled up on to my side as I remembered how alone I really was; my mother could die any minute, Ahren, my other half and best friend left me like I had always feared, and dad was just as distraught as I was.
Something warm and fuzzy wrapped around me, enclosing around me as I felt myself lifted off the bed. My head rested on Kile's chest as he walked out my door, telling the guard we'd be back in a while. After everything this week, no one cared where I went or what I did, I was given all the space I needed. He quietly hummed an almost lullaby-like melody as he walked, causing me to open my eyes and watch his face. Something about its thoughtful expression gave me the curiosity to figure out every single one of the millions of ideas that went through it every day. The cold air hit me like a wall, making me suddenly glad for Kile's heat and for the cashmere blanket I pulled around myself. It was gigantic, so I reached up tentatively and wrapped it around him as well, wanting to try and make him feel as comfortable as he made me. Smiling, he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before stopping. Sitting day in the middle of the garden, Kile pulled me to lie next to him. I stared up at them, begging them to save my mother, to bring Ahren back to me, to give me strength.
Kile watched them too, his eyes flicking around and probably calculating the angle between each one. I would love to pull the black velvet of the sky down and turn it into a dress, sprinkling it with the millions of diamonds of the night sky. Maybe I could wear it to mom's funeral. I turned my attention back to Kile "What do I do now…?" I asked, not referring to just what happened, but to my life in general. How do I continue on? He thought for a minute, actually considering and analyzing my question. "I can't tell you everything will be alright. There's uprising against the monarchy spreading like wildfire, your brother eloped and will rule France, and your mother's life is still hanging by a thread". I rolled my eyes "thanks for the pep talk. I feel better already". He chuckled slightly, the smile that has been burned into my mind now gracing his lips. His eyes finally met mine "You know, it helps if you hear everything I say." His body shifted to face me. "I can't tell you it will be okay, but I know you will be strong and make it work. You're Eadyln Schreaver, next ruler of Illea. You have proven yourself time and time again. Every time something knocks you down, you come back at it with a bat." He joked, his head tilting down slightly, causing a few strands of blonde hair to fall across his forehead. I reached up and brushed them back, feeling heat spread to my cold fingers immediately. Kile reached up, holding it there on his cheek. I am always shocked by how the same eyes I had looked into all these years and wanted to ship across the world, I couldn't imagine leaving.
My eyes shifted away "I'll talk to your mother tomorrow, ask her to reconsider letting you leave. It's the least I can do after all you've done for me. Thank you." I said, kissing his cheek before turning back up to the stars. I hoped that if I looked away, combined with darkness, he wouldn't be able to see the tears in my eyes. "Eadyln" he said in a voice so sad and so torn I turned my head entirely to the side. It hurt, more than I ever thought it would. I know how close we had become, and how hard it would be for him to leave, but I also knew he had wanted to travel his whole life. I placed a gentle kiss on his lips, hoping it could convey all I felt. Getting up, I laid the blanket over him quietly, refusing to look in his eyes, despite feeling them bore into me. "I will send letters, and call every day to ask how you are" I told him, giving a sad smile. His eyes closed, looking down at the ground as if he might cry as well, before giving me a sad smile as well "Why do both though, wouldn't that just be repetitive." I turned away from him, taking a few steps before turning my head back "No, calls are to ask about your day," I began, taking a few steps to reach the door, "letters are for the more important things you can't simply say over the phone." Walking through the hallways, I knew, for just that moment, everything had been okay, even if it would never be again.