Today is Mihama Junior High's Senior Dance and actually, it's my very first formal dance ever. Originally I wasn't going to come, it felt wrong to experience such an exciting milestone without the others, those hibernating in Shioshishio. But no one here still on the surface was okay with that idea. Whenever I start to think I'm alone people always pull me back; between Tsumugu and his grandfather, my friends, Akari and her family, I have a support system of sorts and they can be pushy. My surface friends in particular, they protested the idea of me missing the dance, stating that they wouldn't go without me. The ironic part is that after they would tell me the tragedy it would be if we all missed out. In the end, as you can guess, they succeeded.
Now here I am in a purple, chiffon, cocktail dress, which Akarki helped me pick out, at our school dance. They just played a slow song and that's when things started to become more, let's just leave it at that for now. When they changed the song and people began pairing off I had options for a partner but there was only one person I knew I would consider wanting to dance with, Tsumugu. We paired off and held each other as we swayed back and forth to the rhythm, just like everyone else.
It's the first time I've seen him in a formal suit, he looks handsome and grown up. I can't help but notice that I barely reach his shoulders now; I know he's grown a lot this last year, I guess I never really considered just how much until now. I've grown a bit as well though, I wonder how much more we're going to change as time continues to pass us by? It's while I was thinking about this that I rested my head on Tsumugu's chest and that's when I heard it, his heartbeat.
That's what made it click for me, just how close we are; it's not like we're just touching, no it's something more. I know that it's something significant and intimate because I know I'm the only one that can hear the beating of his heart. It sounds a little weird though, I always expected it to be steady and calm, you know the way Tsumugu always seems, but it's beating fast.
Wait, could it be? Is it because of me, because of us, together like this? Hold on. What am I thinking? When did I start... thinking this way?
"Chisaki." His heart is racing even faster now, I think hearing his voice made my heart beat faster too. The most insae part is that even though he sounds just as calm as usual, somehow I know he's nervous. Is it because I noticed the change in his heart rate?
I think he's looking down, it feels like his head tilted towards me, is that a sign that I should pull back too so we can talk. For some reason, I don't want to, not yet. "Are you okay with this," and that's what snaps me out of the fantasy. He's really serious about this, but I'm not sure what he's talking about. One thing I am sure about though is we should actually be face-to-face. I should be able to look into his intense, gray eyes, which are usually how I tell what he's thinking, at least a little.
"With what?" All that thought and yet I'm still practically whispering, I sound like I'm some shy girl that's totally awkward about this. But then again, this is a moment of firsts for me, I'm navigating in the dark with not only emotions but experiences too. The strangest thing is that as nervous as this all makes me feel, the fact that it's Tsumugu I'm with right now, makes it seem nice.
"Coming here and dancing like... like this, with me," did he just stammer. Okay, now I am positive that he's actually nervous, just like me. Yet somehow he's still Tsumugu, the boy that always looks me in the eye when he has something to say. I just felt a flutter in my heart. Wait, why is my heart... stop! Don't think about that, why do my thoughts keep going there.
Did I just giggle? Oh no, I think I'm about to, great now I'm laughing; girly, cute laughing I think, but still laughing. I can't help it though, I don't want him to get the wrong idea. This whole situation is just so foreign to me and to top that he just seems so different to me right now. I should probably just tell him, "That's a silly question."
"I don't think so," he's always so direct, it should be intimidating or a turn-off of some sort, but I have to admit I can't help but find it admiring. It's one of the many things that make Tsumugu the person he is and that's an incredibly important person to me.
"I know you don't." Now that the laughing is done with I can properly tell him, "I'm more than okay, I'm glad to be here with you Tsumugu."
If I'm being honest with myself, how could I not be? It makes me feel happy being like this, feeling connected to you. Not that I'm actually able to tell him that. Though I'm sure some of it translated in the smile I gave him because it feels like that's what his smile is saying to me.
The music is still slow, and couples are still dancing together meaning we can do the same. I feel Tsumugu's chin resting on me as my head falls to his chest. We're connected again. His heartbeat, it's slowing down, just like is mine.