It hadn't been an easy decision, getting the surgery. After all, his doctors had only given him a fifty-fifty chance of making out of the operating room alive after they dug into his chest and stuck in probes, wires, and whatever witchcraft of medicine they used these days. Alec Hardy wasn't a gambling man. He didn't take chances. He weighed out everything, and if there wasn't a near one-hundred percent probability that he was correct; he didn't jump.

There was a one-hundred percent probability that he would die sooner rather than later without the surgery.

He realized that while he was lying on the ground, while Ellie begged him not to die. Lots of things crossed his mind before he finally and mercifully passed out. His daughter being one of the prominent figures. He traced her face in his mind's eye. She looked just like him which was what everyone told him. Her big brown eyes and messy brown hair. She was his alright, not that she would admit to it.

He tried calling her before the surgery, but he couldn't. Worrying her was never an option, even if it was his last chance to say goodbye if the worst happened. He didn't like goodbyes. He didn't tell Lexi goodbye when he and his wife separated followed by a swift divorce. He hugged her awkwardly, as she stood stiffly, and he told her that he would see her soon and that he wished he didn't have to leave her but that it was for the best.

Passing along his mother's words to her, he picked up his single suitcase and walked out the door, not daring to look back. He knew what he would have seen anyway, his now-ex-wife putting an arm around his daughter's shoulder and drawing her away from the doors, as if he was diseased.

It was probably her fault that Lexi wasn't calling him back. She wouldn't have let her talk to him even if she wanted to.

God he missed her.

He solved the murder. He'd done all the right things. He convinced Ellie to stay in Broadchurch. He cleared her entirely of any suspicions. He'd tried being a fatherly figure to Tom and Fred, even if Fred was the only one who truly trusted him at the moment. He helped the community rebuild.

Why couldn't one thing go his way for once?

This was his last shot at putting things right, he thought to himself as a nurse approached him with an oxygen mask, and instructed him to count backwards from ten. Listening wasn't his strong suit, so instead he thought of Lexi. When she was younger she was a complete daddy's girl. He embraced it too. Picking her up and toting her around, accepting her sloppy wet kisses, or her overly enthusiastic hugs before bed time.

He remembered when an overzealous criminal's brother got a bit to set on seeking revenge on him and broke into his house at night. He had cleared it up rapidly, and had him in cuffs within a few minutes, but Lexi had nightmares, and she refused to sleep if he wasn't there by her side. So he curled up every night on her too small bed and told her stories until he fell asleep. He didn't sleep with his wife in their bed for six months until he was confident that Lexi was fine and not suffering from anymore nightmares. He supposed that was when his marriage started falling apart. He had been so good at balancing his love for with wife with his love for Lexi, until that night, when his wife was working late and the man broke in and threatened them both. He remembered shoving her into her room roughly and yelling at her to lock the door, and the breath of false security that left him when she did as she was told.

It wasn't all bad, naturally. He'd had fun days with her too, days that would live with him like they were made from all the happiness in the world that had fallen down onto him. Her third birthday, when he and his wife took her down to the park and she insisted that he accompany her on every piece of playground equipment was one of his favorites. He'd even let her go on the teeter-totter, a device he'd had extreme misgivings about.

He had tea parties for crying out loud, with imaginary tea, and stuffies, and biscuits. No one here would have believed him, but it was true. The edges of his thoughts were becoming hazy now, and as he listened to his own voice in an exaggerated squeak request more tea while he jigged a plush bear and grinned.

Slowly drifted into oblivion.

~/~

Ellie had insisted on being there when he got out of surgery and taking him to her house, despite him having bought his own house in Broadchurch not too far away from her. So, when he heard her voice as he came out of his daze it didn't surprise him, but the voice she was conversing with did. The feeling of dread that he had been holding back washed over him and his heart sped up. He hoped that because it didn't seem to flutter like it had been was a good sign, but to be honest he wasn't sure if he would have noticed any way.

He opened his eyes and groaned, raising his hands to his face to clear his vision. He settled for a moment on Ellie, but then he locked on his own dark, brown eyes and his breath hitched. His wife couldn't have brought her here, could she? Did she want something? What more did he have?

"Dad," Lexi breathed and rushed over to him, hugging him loosely around his neck, as though she was afraid she would break him. He responded immediately, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the side of her head lovingly, as she cried into his neck. "I'm so sorry. I believed her. I'm sorry. She didn't tell me. My friend emailed me the article, and I didn't think it was true, but Mom she… she…"

"Hush, Darling," he cooed, the pain in his chest and the sight of a nurse appearing in the corner of the otherwise empty ward only registered in the back of his mind, as he held her. "It's fine. I don't blame you. I never could."

Ellie stared at him with mild disbelief, and Alec shrugged it off. Of course he was being soft. This was his daughter, his flesh and blood. He held onto her for a few moments before pushing her off of him slightly after the nurse cleared her throat. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away her tears. "I take it your mother doesn't know you're here?"

She shook her head.

"We'll talk about how wrong that is later," he said, with a half-grin and kissed her forehead fondly, knowing that he wouldn't be able to truly berate her for it. He would have done the same, and after all for the majority of her life, Lexi had taken after him. "Better now?"

"Yeah," she said, glancing over her shoulder at the nurse. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Darling," he replied and she stepped back slightly. Ellie laid a hand on her shoulder and Lexi turned slightly towards her, to catch her face. Alec watched as the DS smiled in approval before the nurse blocked his view of them.

"Can I go home now?" he asked in frustration, folding his arms over his chest, but the nurse pulled them away and listened to his breathing and measured his heart rate.

"Let the doctor check you out and we'll see about it," she said sternly, giving him a hard glare with her piercing green eyes. "You aren't leaving like you did before."

Right, it was that nurse. He hated the small town life more than anything for that very reason, no privacy and everyone knew everything.

"When will he be here?"

"In a few minutes," she replied, glancing at the girls in the room and rolled her eyes. "Is he always this stubborn?"

"Yes," Ellie replied. "He is. We're trying to train him."

Alec glared at her, and watched the nurse leave. He reached his hand down to his chest and touched his bandages. There was no question that there was going to be a large scar underneath there, for some reason everything about this surgery was treated as needing something bigger and more urgent than in the flyers that rested on the doctor's desk and walls or in the pamphlets that were sent home with him. Poking his finger into the mass of bandages, he winced as pain spread from just under his clavicle. Reaching down to inspect it further, Ellie swatted his hands away and fixed him with an equally powerful glare to the one he had just given her.

"Leave it alone," she instructed.

"It hurts," Alec quipped, and Ellie smirked, trying to the hide the slightly fond glimmer that rested in corner of her eyes.

Meanwhile, Lexi shifted awkwardly advancing forwards a step but then losing her nerve and shuffling backwards again.

Alec peeked over Ellie's shoulder and smiled gently at his daughter, and held out his hand to her to beckon her to him once again.

"Mum didn't know you kept that money in the shoebox underneath your bed," she said sheepishly. "And, you left without taking it, so I took it. Just a bit." She said hurriedly, as she moved the backpack she was carrying to her front and began to extract a large shoe box. Inside the bag, Alec saw some clothes that Lexi had carefully rolled to fit into her small school bag. He placed a hand over her and made her stop removing things.

"We'll deal with that later, Darling, alright?" he asked, fingering her long brown hair and smiling. "I'm glad you're safe, and that's all that matters right now."

"And, getting you better," she replied, shifting uncomfortably. "I didn't know you were in here. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be with you. I didn't want to be a burden."

"You'll never be a burden," he said smiling and laughing slightly. "I'm breaking my promise not to be soppy aren't I? Sorry."

"Not your fault," she countered, hugging him again while she pressed her face into his shirt. Tears soaked through the thin fabric of the hospital gown they had draped over him. Sniffing, she burrowed in deeper, and caused the pain in his chest to branch out farther. He bit it down and tried now to let her notice, as he rubbed her back. "You always were soppy, weren't you?"

"That's me," he said, and he couldn't help but catch Ellie's raised eyebrow. "You do need to call your mother though, alright? Let her know you're okay before she has the entire Glasgow Police Department after me."

Seeing the fear in her eyes, he sat up straighter in the bed and took her hand in his. "I'm not sending you back. Not, if you don't want to go, but she's still your mother, and you owe her an explanation."

"Can I wait a bit?" she asked, twisting away from him slightly and looking at the floor. "She won't miss me anyway."

"Now, Lexi," he said sternly. "She loves you. No matter what went on between the two of us, she loves you."

"Okay," she whispered, and for a moment, Alec considered letting her get off without calling her mother. He could deal with his ex-wife. He'd dealt with murders, drug dealers, and gang members. Plus, she certainly would answer her phone with Lexi missing. "I'll just go outside." She turned to Ellie, and looked at her hopefully.

"There's a payphone just across the street," she said helpfully, and the girl thanked her quietly nodding.

"Don't you have your phone?"

"It died halfway from home," she replied, turning to her father and giving him an apologetic half-smile before walking away.

"Now, I've really got to get out of here," Alec groaned pushing the thing hospital blanket off of himself and swinging his legs over the edge. Ellie moved to place her hands on his shoulders and tried to push him back, but just as she was about to she was interrupted by a booming voice.

"Mr. Hardy, you've just had endocardial implant. I suggest you stay right there, so I can at least make sure everything is functioning correctly. You're so eager to get back to your job, but I know that Broadchurch PD graciously switched you over to medical leave with full pay so you could get back to work as soon as you were up to snuff. However, I am the one who has to sign those papers, so do me a favor and lie back down so I can look at you."

Alec fixed the man with a hard scowl but said nothing. This wasn't a work thing. Ellie might have accused him of being married to his work, and that was true, but the relationship he had with his daughter was stronger than one had with a spouse. His marriage had pretty well proven that.

"What's your daughter's name?" the doctor asked.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because I saw the way you looked at her, and you seem like you care an awful lot about her, right?"

"Of course," Alec griped before pulling out an exasperated sigh. "Her name's Lexi, and don't ask anything else; because it's complicated and—"

"Everything is complicated with you, isn't it, Detective Inspector?" he asked. "Look, that little girl out there loves you, and you love her, and if you want to be there for her in the future you're going to need to listen to me right now."

Alec's breath caught in his throat and he nodded, settling back down into the hospital bed. Lexi growing up was something he would rather not think about. She was going to have a great future of course, she was brilliant, made top marks in school, played football and ran track, she was a socialite, and she was an all-around good kid. However, she was just that to him, a kid, but she wasn't to anyone else. She was going on becoming a woman, he supposed, and he would have to accept it. He'd be there to walk her down the aisle, and threaten the man who wished to meet her at the end of the aisle if he didn't treat her with the respect she deserved. He'd be there to be a Granddad, and like her they would be spoiled little darlings as well.

"Alright," he mumbled.

"Good," the doctor said, pulling out a stethoscope and brandishing it at Alec. He placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned him forwards and reached through the gap in the gown to listen to his breathing. Alec closed his eyes for a moment, while he let the doctor go about his tests, as he moved into test the electrical connections and how his heart responded to him. He did his best not to sound irritated when the doctor asked the same questions over and over again about how the different currents affected his heart and if it put him in additional pain.

"I'm fine," Alec said when the doctor beckoned a nurse to come in and change the dressing on his wound since he had removed his bandages to check for an early sign or infection, or to see if any of the stiches had broken while he was moving around.

"Alright," the doctor said, watching as the nurse placed the gauze against his chest and taped it down. "I recommend you stay overnight, but I can tell by the look on your face you're not going to?"

"No," Alec responded, already getting to his feet and grabbing his clothes. "I won't."

"Then take this," the doctor replied, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a sheet of paper. "That's instructions for how to care for your wound, keep it dry avoid stretching, no heavy lifting, no driving for at least a week, and so on and so on. I expect you back here in the next two weeks and try to get some rest."

"Doctor, I don't think that's such a good idea," the nurse protested, looking up from where she was taking notes on the chart for the doctor.

"In any other patient I would agree with you," the doctor replied and looked at him, and held out a hand as Alec started remove the IV line and started to do it himself. "But, Mr. Hardy here is different. He's stubborn, and he's not going to get the rest he needs if he's here." He pressed a cotton ball into Alec's arm and reached for the tape the nurse had prepared once she saw what he was doing. Taping down the soft material he stepped back and fixed him with a hard stare. "Call me if there is any trouble, alright. Don't wait. Don't try to tough it out, come straight in."

Alec nodded, though he was only half listening. Ellie groaned in frustration at him, but he ignored her as well, and he began to pull up his trousers before reaching behind him to untie the gown. It stretched his stitches and made the muscles in his chest ache, but he dared not show it on his face as he let the gown drop onto the bed and reached for his shirt and began to button it methodically. He reached down for his tie and began to knot it loosely around his neck, while Ellie watched in silent astonishment, but kept her lips stubbornly shut.

"Thanks for everything, Doc," he said, with a wave of his hand as he collected his jacket and started out of the room, being tailed by a frustrated Ellie.

"Alec, you can't possibly think this is a good idea," she protested.

"I do," he said.

"You've just got your daughter back, though. You heard what the doctor said you need to be there for her."

"Exactly," he said, turning around, eyes burning. "I need to be there for her, and at the moment, it looks like it could mean a messy custody suit, and if I'm laid up and can't care for her… She gets Lexi. I need to show that she ran away to capable arms."

"If Lexi wants to go with you, and doesn't feel comfortable around her mother—"

"You know it's not that simple," he said. "Mothers tend to get custody, and she'll fight long and hard for it even if it is just to get back at me. I didn't fight for her last time; because, I thought it would be better for her, and I was wrong, but that may have cost me getting her this time."

Alec drew in a deep breath. "It's not as open and shut as your case, Ellie," he said, trying to sound gentle, considering how much it still hurt her to talk about Joe. "If I lose her again—"

"Okay. Okay, I understand," Ellie said. "Do you need anything? The offer for you to stay over at my place is still open. I'm sure I can find a place for Lexi too."

Shaking his head, Alec said, "No, I think it would be better if I brought her back to my place. I'll fix up the spare bedroom and she can sleep there."

"You need someone to look after you," Ellie said.

"Lexi is responsible. If she sees me lying in a heap of pain she'll call 999, if you hear sirens you'll know to come over to my place," he gave a half smile. "I'll be fine."

They walked outside of the hospital and noticed Lexi walking towards them. Her eyes were red and swollen while she drew her arms tightly around herself, as if guarding herself from the outside world.

"She didn't take it well, then?" Alec joked, opening his arm to her and letting her seek comfort. She shook her head and pushed her face into his left shoulder, and he couldn't hide the intake in breath and wince causing her to draw back.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," she said hurriedly.

"It's fine," Alec said breathily before recovering his posture. "Just tender. They say it'll be sore for a bit and there's some bruising, but you aren't going to dislodge a wire or anything just from hugging me."

Lexi didn't look convinced, so Alec looped an arm around her shoulders. "We'll straighten everything out. Ellie is going to drop us off at my house and we'll have a nice heart to pacemaker."

Giggling, Lexi went to hug him again, carefully avoiding that side of his chest. There was a new light in Alec's eye when he was around his daughter, that Ellie hadn't had the privilege of seeing yet. He opened the door to Ellie's car and slid in next to her, and out of habit glanced in the rearview mirror to see that his daughter was buckling herself in.

"Thanks for this," he said, looking over to the DS.

"I still think it's an awful idea," she said blatantly.

"But you understand."

"Yeah, I do."

~/~

Alec unlocked the door to his home. It wasn't much, especially compared to his old house, but it had become a home for him. It was drafty in the spare bedroom, so he actually planned on taking it tonight, while giving Lexi his room. The bed was bigger and more comfortable in there anyway.

He was beginning to feel exhaustion set in, and he wanted to do nothing more than curl up and fall asleep, but he had his daughter to think about at the moment and couldn't focus on his needs right now. Was it strange that he really had missed that feeling? The feeling that he wasn't the first thing that crossed his mind anymore?

Guiding her into the kitchen, he sat her down at the round wooden table,

"You still like hot chocolate?" he asked. "I was at the store and bought some without thinking. Can't drink it, you know, but I was just thinking about how we used to sit and drink it and watch movies and whatever."

She nodded. "Yeah, haven't had any in a while though,"

"That's a crime," he said, going into cupboard and pulling out instant coco mix, it wasn't the best, but it would do. He filled two cups with milk and placed them side by side in the microwave and began to nuke them. Father and daughter occupied the kitchen in silence for a few moments while Alec readied her cup of hot chocolate, leaving his cup containing only warm milk.

"Thanks," she said, cupping it in her hands and taking a sip of the warmth.

"No problem," he said, pulling up a chair and smiling gently at her. "Now, tell me what made you leave, other than the article, because I know you, and you would have called me to tell me you were leaving. Whatever happened made you nervous or uncomfortable enough that you ran away."

She shifted uncomfortably for a moment, and Alec got to thinking about interrogating witnesses for crimes, and thought that maybe she was trying to formulate a lie. Lexi, however, would never do such a thing to him, so when her eyes finally met his, he knew without a doubt, that what she was about to tell him was the complete truth.

"The night after you left, I caught Mum with one of the DS's from the station," she said, slowly, and the look of heart break in his little girl's eyes nearly drove Alec to tears, but he hid his emotions by swigging his milk.

"I assumed she must just be heartbroken from you cheating on her, and left it at that. She said it wouldn't happen again and I believed her, but then that article came out, and Mum started talking like things were getting serious between her and John, and then John started acting like he was going to be my new Dad, and asked me to call him that. That was two days before my friend showed me the article a few months after it had been published. I feel like Mum must have been trying to hide it from me, but I trusted her judgment. After all, it was you that told me never believe the tabloids.

"Things went on fine for another few months, but Mum seemed more distant, and she was spending late nights out. I never saw her. Then John came over and moved in and he acted like he was in charge of me, and in a way I suppose he had that right, but it wasn't a right, and I didn't— He— Whenever he was around Mum, it was like they were both hiding something from me. The article kept surfacing in my mind, and when she announced she and John, I ran."

Alec bit down on his lip and shook his head. "How did you get here?"

"Took the tube outside of Glasgow, then the bus here."

"Nothing happened, no one hurt you or—"

"No, I would have told you if something did," she assured him. "I just really needed to get away and there was no way that Mum was going to take me to see you."

"Okay," he said, placing his hand on her forearm. "Just promise me, you'll never ever do that again. Not under any circumstances, alright?"

"I promise," she said, looking up at him. "You're not mad at me?"

"Furious," he admitted. "I can't believe you would pull such a stunt. Lexi, you realize you could have gotten yourself killed."

"I know," she said. "I know you're mad about that, and like I said, I won't do it again. I swear. But, you're not mad that I didn't call back all those times, or that I didn't give you a proper goodbye, or anything. Are you?"

He shook his head. "No."

How could he be? It was his fault. He had lied to her instead of telling her the truth and now that decision was coming back to bite. Getting kicked while he was down was becoming his personal specialty.

"Good," she replied, visibly relieved. He wished he could have made the same claim.

"Do you have clothes to sleep in?" he asked, glancing at the clock on the wall. "If not, there's still time to run to the shops and buy a few things."

"I've got enough for tonight," she answered, and for a moment she seemed to study him. "You look awful, Dad."

"I'm fine."

"You're not. You should rest," she said.

"I will," he promised. "I'll just set up the spare bedroom and go to sleep in an hour or so, simple. Why don't you go ahead into my room, down the hall and straight ahead and put on some more comfortable clothes and get your things settled?"

"Don't you want your room?"

"Nah, I'll be fine," he assured her. "Now go on, you."

"Okay," she said, taking her backpack from the ground and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Come into the spare room when you're done," he instructed. "If you still need to talk."