Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Tolkien's or Rowling' song is taken from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.
AU.
Note: I'm going to attempt to Sort many characters from The Lord of the Rings in this. This is really an exercise in characterization for me, so constructive criticism and reviews are much appreciated. But remember, the four houses are not perfect. I had a lot of trouble sorting certain people. I'm struggling to find a way to put this, but this is something for fun, not to be taken too seriously. I don't think I will hold to these Sortings later on. Later I may put someone in Gryffindor, whereas I first put them into Slytherin. And I don't intend for you to absolutely 100 percent agree with this. There is a lot more greyness than the Sorting Hat allows for. So, this is not perfect and shall never be. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy my attempt!
"Hey, Frodo!"
Frodo turned and looked at the hobbit running as fast as he could towards Frodo. When he reached Frodo he was breathing heavily and plumped down on the bench next to Frodo. When he regained his breath he spoke.
"Frodo, the King wants you and everyone to come up to the White Tower. It's important. Please?"
Frodo put aside the book he had borrowed from Minas Tirith's library and stood up. As he walked alongside the younger hobbit he questioned him.
"Do you know why this sudden meeting, Pippin?"
"I don't know. They were talking and suddenly Gandalf came storming out of the hall and told me to find you and tell you that Aragorn wants you. There's something important going on."
"Oh. I wonder why."
They walked swiftly - for hobbits - up the ramp and into the Citadel. As they walked through the doors into the Tower Hall, they could see that everyone was there. Gandalf, Aragorn, Faramir and Eowyn, Denethor, Boromir, Beregond, Eomer, Theoden, Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir, Arwen, and many more friends and acquaintances, who had helped defeat Sauron. Just then Merry and Sam came running up to them.
"What's going on?" Pippin asked the two.
"Apparently Gandalf found something, and he needs to tell us about it."
They had no chance for further word before the hobbits were ushered into small, hobbit-size chairs. "Wow," whispered Merry. "Wonder when these were carved." But just then Aragorn stood up.
"Friends of Gondor, you have been summoned here today to help answer a grave question. No more than twenty minutes ago, a very curious object appeared in our midst. This object appears to have the ability to -" he paused a second "- Sort." The last word was clearly pronounced with a capital S.
There was a pause, in which whispers filled the hall. "What's he mean?" Sam asked, with a look of bewilderment.
Then Gandalf stood up. "This object's name, it appears, is the Sorting Hat."
Even more whispering filled the hall. "What is a Sorting Hat? This has got to be a joke. Does he seriously think I know about it?"
"Silence!" Gandalf thundered. "Please be quiet and take a look." He gestured to the middle of the floor. There was a small stool there, which no one seemed to have noticed before, and there seemed to be a random piece of cloth, much worn and torn. Everyone stared at it. Then suddenly, the cloth leaped up, formed itself into a hat, and began to sing.
Oh you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
There's nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can't see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.
You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;
Or perhaps in Slytherin
You'll make your real friends,
Those cunning folks use any means
To achieve their ends.
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a Thinking Cap!
The hat fell back onto the stool and was quiet. There was a dead silence, gradually being broken by whispers and mutters. Everyone was eyeing the hat uncomfortably.
"Yes, that is the Sorting Hat. We shall be trying it on, today. Yes, each and every one of you." Gandalf then launched into an explanation.
"There are Four Houses, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor. The hat shall sort you into one of these houses. Hufflepuff is the house of the loyal and those that value friendship, Slytherin, the place of the ambitious and cunning, Ravenclaw, those that desire knowledge, and Gryffindor is the house of the courageous people."
"What happens if you are none of those?"
"Then… most likely the hat will place you into Hufflepuff."
"Is it Elf-magic?" This one came from Sam.
"No indeed. It is a magic not from this world, in fact."
Gasps echoed around the hall. "Yes, there are other worlds besides this one, Arda. This hat came through a portal from another world."
"Why? What is it for?"
"Why, my young Pippin, it is for fun! The war against Sauron is ended! His evil shall no more take hold upon the earth. Why shouldn't we?"
Everyone stared at the wizard. He was… grinning?
"Well, that sounds like a good reason." said Pippin.
"A very good reason indeed. Do you want to go first?"
Pippin spluttered. "Um…"
"Very well, Peregrin Took shall be our first participant! Come up please!"
Merry pushed Pippin, who slowly walked towards Gandalf, who was standing next to the stool. Once he reached Gandalf he looked up.
"What do I do?"
Gandalf lifted the hat off the stool and gestured to it. "Sit down."
Pippin did so, nervously. And Gandalf plopped the hat on top of him.
The first thing Pippin did was blink. The hat's brim had fallen over his eyes, preventing him from seeing. And then he nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Hmmm… you don't seek knowledge, so you are most definitely not Ravenclaw, and you are loyal to your friends and the Shire, so you do have the potential for Hufflepuff, but then you're courageous, no doubt, joining Frodo on the Quest, and overcoming your fear in saving Faramir, and very reckless - perfect for GRYFFINDOR!"
The hat was suddenly taken off Pippin, who promptly fell off the stool.
"Wha.. what happened?"
Gandalf lifted Pippin onto his hat, holding the hat in one hand. "The hat just sorted you, into Gryffindor. It talked to you, inside your head, so it could see which House to put you in, and then it shouted the name of the House to us. So take this and go sit down." Gandalf held out a red and gold ribbon to Pippin, who took it with awe. He strolled back to his seat, glancing at the hat over his shoulder apprehensively. He sat down and admired the ribbon.
"What did the hat say?" asked Sam. But Pippin never got a chance, for Gandalf was calling out a name from a list.
"Meriadoc Brandybuck!"
So it begins!
More characters are going to be Sorted, of course!
Please review!