Note: This is based on FY and Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. I do not own either one, so don't sue me. The Shakesperean dialog has been altered.
A Midsummer Nightmare
by Kimura
Cast:
Nakagus, King of Athens
Soippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, betrothed to Nakagus
Chiriko, messenger/announcer type dude
Mitsegeus, father of Hermiaka
Hermiaka, daughter of Mitsegeus, in love with Tamasander
Tamasander, loved by Hermiaka
Subetrius, suitor to Hermiaka
Yulena, in love with Subetrius
Hoteron, King of the fairies
Nuriania, Queen of fairies
Puckski, assistant to Nuriania
Fairies (nyan-nyans)
Townspeople:
Peter Kouji, the director of the townspeople
Nick Tomo, the "star"
Francis Flute (if you can't figure out who this is, you shouldn't be reading this)
Chichiri
Tom Keisuke
Robin Tetsuya
Nakagus marched majestically into the Great Hall. It's nice to finally be a king in one of these damn parodies, he thought.
(HEY, BE NICE OR ELSE YOUR STATUS WILL CHANGE REAL FAST.)
Nakagus sweatdropped, then motioned for his "captive" fiancee to be brought in.
Chiriko brought in Soippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.
Nakagus took Soippolyta into his arms. "In four tedious days, we shall be married, my darling. How slow the time seems to pass."
"Four days will pass all too quickly and the moon will rise to witness our wedding night," Soippolyta replied, attempting to look as if she wasn't looking forward to the event.
"Do I detect a note of reluctance in your voice, darling?" Nakagus asked, grinning.
"Of course not, my lord," Soippolyta answered, grinning almost as much as him.
(YOU TWO ARE MESSING EVERYTHING UP! SOI, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM YET!)
Nakagus cleared his throat and pulled away from his bride-to-be. "Chiriko, go out and stir up the people of Athens, so that they might prepare for this joyous event."
Chiriko pouted. "I didn't even get a line in this scene! I feel so unloved!"
(SORRY, KIDDO. I DO WHAT I CAN.)
Chiriko left the room before he could burst into tears.
Suddenly, four people came storming into the Great Hall.
"What is the meaning of this?" Nakagus demanded.
Mitsegeus stepped forward. "My lord, my daughter has been bewitched!" he cried, pointing to Hermiaka.
Nakagus blinked, looking at the girl. "Why would anyone bewitch her? She isn't worth the trouble!"
(AHEM!)
"I mean, how has she come to be bewitched, good Mitsegeus?"
"See before you, this man," Mitsegeus said, pushing forward a rather green-looking Subetrius. "This noble gentleman has consented to marry my daughter."
"I did WHAT?!" Subetrius cried.
(WAS SOMEONE ASKING FOR KOURI TO COME INTO THIS PARODY?)
Subetrius eeped and shut his mouth.
"And yet, my daughter refuses to obey my wishes. Another has stolen away her heart!" Mitsegeus pointed to the other man. "That man! Tamasander!"
(WOW, MITSUKAKE, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT THIS!)
Nakagus, trying his best to look as if he cared, turned to Hermiaka. "What say you, girl?"
Hermiaka became all teary-eyed. "I didn't mean to disobey daddy! I just want to stay with Tamasander!"
"Well, sounds good to me," Subetrius said, starting to walk off.
(OH, KOURI! COME HERE FOR A MINUTE!)
Subetrius hurriedly went to back to his place.
(THAT'S BETTER.)
Nakagus sighed. "Hermiaka, why do you disobey your father? Subetrius is a worthy gentleman."
"So is Tamasander."
"But your father has chosen Subetrius. You must trust his judgment."
Tamasander spoke up. "Mitsegeus, why do you deny me my love? I am just as wealthy as Subetrius."
There was an awkward silence.
(OH, SHUN-CHAN ... THAT'S YOUR LINE.)
Subetrius sighed. "Tamasander, renounce thy faulty claim. The right to Hermiaka's hand is mine, not yours."
"You may have her father's love, but I have Hermiaka's," Tamasander said. Then he thought for a minute. "Maybe you should marry Mitsegeus instead."
Subetrius turned red, ready to launch himself at Tamasander.
"Enough," Nakagus said. "Hermiaka, your choice is simple. Marry Subetrius or forever deny yourself the company of men."
Hermiaka looked blank. "Huh?"
"Marry psycho boy or go to a convent," Soippolyta explained.
"Oh," Hermiaka said.
"Come, Mitsegeus. We have things to discuss," Nakagus said, motioning for Mitsegeus, Soippolyta, and Subetrius to follow.
Tamasander turned to Hermiaka.
"Tamasander," she said dreamily.
"Hermiaka . . ."
"Tamasander . . ."
"Hermiaka . . ."
"Tamasander . . ."
"Hermiaka . . ."
(STOP THAAAAAAT! GET TO THE PLOT, YOU IDIOTS!)
"Hermiaka, let us escape into the woods tonight. On the morrow, we can gain assistance from a relative of mine in the next town. We can be married and free of your father and Subetrius!"
"KAY!"
Yulena walked by as the two had finished making their plans.
"YUI-CHAN!" Hermiaka cried, glomping onto her friend.
(WHAT WAS THAT, MEATBALL BRAIN?)
"Uh, fair Yulena-chan!" Hermiaka corrected, still holding onto her. "Where are you going?"
Yulena detached herself. "You call me fair? Take it back, for Subetrius loves your 'fair.' Teach me how to gain your beauty, how to sway Subetrius's heart, as you do!"
Hermiaka blinked. "I frown at him and he loves me still."
"O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!"
"I yell at him and he responds with words of love."
"O that my prayers could such affection move!"
"Um, aren't you being a little overly dramatic?" Tamasander interrupted.
(DO YOU WANT TO BE AN OBAKE-CHAN PANCAKE?)
"The more I hate him, the more he follows me!" Hermiaka cried.
"What an idiot," Tamasander muttered.
"The more I love, the more he hateth me," Yulena lamented.
"His foolishness, Yulena-chan, is no fault of mine."
"None but your beauty; I wish that fault were mine!"
Hermiaka put an arm around her friend. "Don't worry, Yulena-chan. He won't be able to follow me any more."
Tamasander stepped forward. "To you, Yulena, we reveal our plans. This night we will escape into the woods to a neighboring town where we shall be married!"
Hermiaka turned joyfully to her love. "Tamasander, how happy we will be!"
"Hermiaka . . ."
"Tamasander . . ."
"Hermiaka . . ."
"Tamasander . . ."
(GRRRRR . . . )
"Well, good luck to both of you," Yulena interrupted.
"Thanks, Yulena," Tamasander said. "My love," he added, kissing Hermiaka's hand. "Until tonight." He excitedly headed off to pack his things.
"Good-bye, my friend," Hermiaka said, hugging Yulena. "And may Subetrius dote on you, as you dote on him!" She skipped off to get ready for that evening.
Yulena threw down the basket she was carrying.
(OOOH, SOLILOQUY TIME!)
"Oh, why do some people have all the luck? Throughout all of Athens, I am thought to be as fair as Hermiaka. But what does that matter? Subetrius thinks not so."
"Yes I do! Yes I do! Marry me, Yui-sama!" a voice offstage yelled.
(SUBOSHI, DO YOU WANT ME TO ARRANGE A MARRIAGE WITH KOURI INSTEAD?)
"Erk! No!"
(THEN SHUT UP AND PLAY YOUR PART!)
"Before he looked on Hermiaka, he swore that he would be mine and mine alone! But as soon as he saw her, all of his promises melted away." Yulena thought for a minute. "I will tell him for Hermiaka's plan to escape in the hopes that I will receive some thanks from him." She picked up her basket and headed off.
~~~